This week's Time magazine cover explores how the roles of women have changed over the last generation. A woman working outside of the home (even after she has children) is now the norm. In fact, Time reports that in almost 40% of marriages, the wife is the primary wage earner.
This trend trickles down into many areas of marriage and parenting. But what I want to blog about today is that even with all of the opportunity, women are more unhappy (and far more stressed) today than they were in their parents' generation. I can relate. The balancing act of family and work takes its toll. There are many things I can ask my mom about, but not this. She was a full-time homemaker. How do I walk with integrity as a Christian woman, using my gifts in ministry, while still keeping my marriage and kids #1?
As a young married couple, you are setting patterns in your home that will constantly need to be tweaked and revisited, without the benefit of "doing it the way your parents did it." As you navigate through these decisions, here are a few tips I've learned along the way.
Although roles and opportunities have changed, a man and woman's basic needs in marriage have not. A husband still needs to feel like the protector and provider of the family and still needs to be respected as the leader of the home. If his wife is knocking the cover off the ball at work, his need for respect hasn't changed. While cheering for her, he may also feel threatened by her.
Likewise, a wife still needs to feel protected and valued in her marriage. She will not ultimately be happy with success at work if her primary relationships are failing. Although at first she might be grateful for the opportunity to pursue her career, eventually she will feel resentful if she must carry both burdens of the home and the financial health of the family.
In our marriage, we have had to constantly battle the temptation to work against God's design. Even if it would make financial sense for me to work full-time and for Mike's job to take second-fiddle, we've decided not to go that route because of the stress that would put on our relationship.
In your marriage, you might have to make some decisions that go against the grain. As you approach decisions about whose job takes priority and how to balance work/home responsibilities, begin with Biblical principles (like the husband is the head of the wife). Then be honest about your basic personal needs (like the husband needs to feel competent and respected). Finally, work out the details of how to make it happen.
Unfortunately, most young couples make decisions about work and finances based on "what makes sense" instead of looking at the facts through biblical and psychological truths. How you work out the roles in your marriage will change over time -- be flexible. But never compromise on time-tested principles.
