Focus on the Family Community : Unanswered Threads - Parenting

20 month old a late napper

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 19:53:07 GMT

My 20 month old girl doesn't take a nap more than half the time until late afternoon even when she gets up around 7:00 AM. This causes her to not want to go to sleep at night. The other night it was 11:30 PM! She gets tired by 4:00 or 5:00Pm and falls asleep very easily. Sometimes when she falls asleep earlier at 12:30 or so in the carseat or when I nurse she wakes up when I put her down and won't go back to sleep even if I lay down with her. She only takes one nap and her bedtime is 8:30, 8:45. I don't think she's grown out her nap because by 4:30 or so I can't keep her from sleeping. If she does stay up until an earlier bedtime she's very cranky and clingy.HELP

My husband is going to prison.... what now?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 14:32:02 GMT

My husband started having an affair about three years ago, and from that sin stemmed many other life changing decisions. He was arrested and charged with several non violent felonies about 6 months ago. I have been praying for him through this whole nightmarish situation and although it has been extremely painful, decided to committ my marriage to God and wait for Him to bring my husband back to the fold. He has repented and is trying very hard to make up for all the pain that he has caused. He has taken full responsibility for his actions and is prepared for the consequenses. My problem is that we have four small children ages 6, 5, 3, and 2. I am in nursing school and recently got a job working nights. But I only make about $300 per week. I don't know how I am supposed to support my children and pay the bills while he is gone. He could be looking at 5 years or more in prison. They have never set foot in a daycare. I was a stay at home mom until about 2 months ago. Even without the dangers of daycare I don't see how I could afford it at $70 per week per child. My parents live four hours away and can't help and my church thinks I should leave him. I just don't know what to do....

Help with bisexuality-demasculation

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 00:12:16 GMT

My 14 year old son and I are born again christians. He never had his father in his life. He was raised by me and my parents. We still live with my parents. He has been teased since petty young about being girly. I always tried to get him involved in sporty activities so he could develop some guy friends. He said the boys teased him too much, so he always had friends that were girls. He did and still does have some guy friends that would come over and visit and a couple that lived close by, so not all of his friendships were female. He's always liked wearing bright bold colors. The last couple years he has been teased badly about being a f*g or gay. I always defended him because at times, he would make comments about a girl being "hot". So I knew he was not gay. He just started highschool a month ago, and as a typical teenager, he talks on the phone a lot and likes to go to the mall. He told me two days ago that he doesn't see why he couldn't date a guy. I asked him why and he said straight guys are mean to him and "bi" guys are nice. He said he thinks he is "bi". He has no sexual tendencies toward either guys or girls. He said that's gross. I did a lot of crying, hyperventillating, searching on the internet and praying. I found that the more he bonds with girls, the more demasculated he will become, therefore making the opposite sex for him, male. I also found that him not having a bond with his father while growing and very limited bonding with boys also demasculated him. I know with God this can be reversed and christian websites and testimonials say this can be reversed. The problem is I don't know what to do. We have talked much, he is very open and said he has told me EVERYTHING. He wants this fixed, but yet he said it feels natural. I have found that he has a lot of "bi" friends that I either didn't know he had or didn't know were "bi". I believe he has let too much of this sin in his life and it has taken over. I belive with God we can correct this identity mix-up, he is only 14 so we have caught it early. We have decided together that he needs to cut ties with any "bi" or gay friends, he needs to quit dressing in unisex clothing, and stop wearing items that straight kids associate with gays. He is going to rededicate his life to Christ, and we are going to memorize scripture together. He is going to limit his time with friends that are girls and bond with his male friends instead. We are also going to look into a youth group at a local church. He doesn't care for the youth leader at our church. Does anyone have any information I may need in dealing with this? I am sickened by this and feel I may need counseling myself. I can't shake the feeling that I would rather die than deal with this. Please help.

Help with a biting 2 year old

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 19:29:17 GMT

Help....I am the mother of a four year old and 2 year old (girls) Just recently my 2 year old has started biting other children and sometimes myself when I'm carrying her. I have tried spanking, biting back, and time outs but nothing seems to work! Her 4 yr old sister used to do this as well at this age. It's a terribly hopeless feeling and also very humiliating! We pray over her asking in the name of Jesus for any kind of hold that Satan might have on her to flee! We have some family that feels it could be part of a generational sin, but we are not so sure about how we feel on that issue! You can't blame all your problems on generational sin. Any advice would be appreciated. I don't like being the mother of a child that bites!

18 year old son in rebellion

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 00:58:11 GMT

My son just turned 18 and he talks to me badly. He asked me how I felt about him getting his ears pierced and I said for lack of something nice I said I did not approve. The next thing I know he comes home with both pierced. His Dad said for him to stay at home he must take them out so after telling me he would see me in hell he left to go live with a relative. I don't know if this was something we should have held our ground on because now he is gone. I have asked God for widsom, and for God to soften his heart. Are we just being to tough. I admit when I first saw them I did say words I should not have out of anger. I asked God to forgive me and I asked my son to forgive for saying what I did. He just continued to spew hateful things at me. I also feel guilty because I feel like our relative is now bearing our responsibility.

Picked On, Teased and Bullied Webcast: Sports

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:23:34 GMT

On the playground, during what was supposed to be P.E. (but was actually a glorified recess) my son (9, he is 10 now) was bullied. When the boys picked teams, my son was not only picked last, but some of the other boys would groan and make remarks such as "We don't want him on our team; you take him." or "Nobody wants you here why don't you play somewhere else." Now he's not interested in sports or physical activity of any kind believing that, since his peers told him he wasn't any good at the games they were playing, he must not be so why even try. I'm frustrated he has a good arm for baseball, which previously he had always enjoyed, but now refuses to even pick up the ball and mitt and play catch. How do I help him heal and get past what happened to him? We did not re-enroll him in the school he was in and opted to homeschool him and his sister instead. It's still an uphill struggle as this was not the only area he was bullied (one kid accused him of being gay, because we would not allow him to take a girl on a date to the movies. It was 4th grade!)

A biting 2 year old....

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 03:01:44 GMT

My just turning 2 year old has recently begun biting other children as well as myself. (the mother!) Her older sister who is 4 yrs. old now also went through a horrible biting stage. It's the most horrible feeling being the mother of a child who bites. I have received a lot of judgment from others and have been made to feel like I'm a bad mother or that I'm doing something wrong. I have tried biting her back, spanking, time out, etc. and can't seem to help her see it's wrong. She is a very active child. Most of the time the victim has done something to upset her or I also think she feels threatened. Some of my family seems to link everything to generational sin and feel this biting is part of that. We have prayed over her and pleaded the blood of Jesus on her life and asked any evil thing in her life to flee.....help, I feel so lost! I'm to the point that when we are at a family gathering I always have her in my sight so I can see what's going on...I feel so sad about it.

Blended families and too many extracurricular activities

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 22:13:46 GMT

Hi,

I am newly married (3 months) with a blended family. My new husband is a professional counselor, which is a plus! We both read books on blended families before marriage and have continued to read both parenting and marriage books with a spiritual perspective. We are doing the work and consider ourselves to be a work in progress!

My main problem is we disagree with how many activities his kids should be involved in. He has two daughters, both are in band (practice Mon-Thur from 3:30-6:30, Fridays are ball games that are mandatory, which usually last from 11pm-1am) One daughter is in dance and the other is in volleyball. ( this semester) All of our children are in UIL later in the year that requires after school preparation. His children tend to choose the UIL activities that take more practice though, like One Act plays, etc. This puts us all eating separately all thru the week. When we were engaged, we talked extensively about limiting activities, but now that we are married, he has back-tracked and sees them as "healthy".

His girls do not like our family Bible study very much, or going to church. They don't seem to show much interest in family at all here unless we are watching movies. My husband is reluctant to tell his girls "No" to further activities out of a fear that they will choose to live full time with their mother. ( Currently they have equal rights, one week here, one week there).

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated....this situation is putting a wedge between us. Everything I have read says to just let it go and not say anything...so am I suppose to just "suck it up " and let the distance between us grow?

Any advice or suggestions?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 17:50:33 GMT

Background:

My 2 daughters, grandson and I live together. I am currently unemployed so I have to rely on my youngest one who is working and in her final year of college. She also depends on me for her taxi & babysitting services as she doesn't drive. As soon as I find full time work making enough to support myself I will be able to walk away and get myself a 1 bed. apt.

That said, my youngest adult daughter, who also has a son that is 28 months old, has always been very hard gal to deal with. What she learned from other kids growing up, and young adults, she tries at home. Today for instance, she was siting on the floor and kept repeating to her son, "come here so I can change your diaper." After hearing this for about at least a dozen times, I sternly told him to get over there so his mother could change his diaper, but he told me, "No." Finally, I told her to get up, quit talking and get him; your the mother and you need to take control of the situation because you're teaching him right now that he's in control.

She told me to "s*** up" and to but out when it comes to discipline." She tells me to "s*** up" frequently right in front of my grandson which is teaching him that it's ok to be disrespectful. I don't know how to handle her, and never have really because she is a very strong willed person.

Everything has always been a real struggle with her...such as cleaning up after herself and her son. She believes she shouldn't have to do anything because she works and goes to college. She's been out of college for the summer though and it's still the same ole song and dance. I have cleaned/organized her bedroom I don't know how many times...she simply refuses to take a few minutes to just do even the simple things like hanging up/putting away her clean clothes, picking up dirty ones and throwing them down the clothes shoot...I just get so frustrated with her that I'm to the point where I'm about to just not pick up anything after her or her son anymore.

Any advice or suggestions?

Suggestions for mother/son talk

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 15:52:46 GMT

Hi, I am the mother of an 11 year old, 6th grade boy and just looking for suggestions on how to have the talk with my son. Where to begin, what points should be made, how much for now and what to save for later when he is older? Are there any books that I can use as a resource? We started last year talking about physical changes that will happen with boys but that's it so far. I feel we need to move forward with the talk because he most certainly will learn things in school that I don't want him to learn. Thank you!