Focus on the Family Community : Popular Threads - October 22, 2009: Communication in Marriage (Bill Farrel; Pam Farrel)

Biblically confronting alcoholism in marriage

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 21:19:17 GMT

How do you as a wife submissively, respectfully, Biblically confront severe alcoholism in your spouse in a marriage where alcoholism is taking a huge toll on the wife and young teenage children?

Spiritual Communication

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 19:51:40 GMT

Hello!

I am a happily married newlywed, and I am blessed to be married to a man that loves the Lord. My question is: Where do you get started bringing your spiritual lives together? More specifically, what would you recommend in terms of devotions daily? How do I let him lead that? Any good suggestions? We prayed and read scripture together as an engaged couple, but find it to be very different to intentionally merge our daily lives together in this area now that we live together. Not sure if this makes sense, but we are drawing on other couple's experiences and opinions.

Thanks!

on different pages

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:23:23 GMT

What advice would you give to those who are raising children in a spiritually divided marriage?

When is it time to give up and let go?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 19:11:22 GMT

I recently confirmed for the fifth time over the past six months a continuos affair my husband has been involved in with a co-worker. Evreytime I confirm the affair with concrete evidence, he pleads with me to stay and work things out becuase what he wants more then anything is for us to stay together, forever. He can not give explanation on why he continous to relapse into this adulterous affair, is not willing to quit his job (it would bring a huge financial hardship to us), tries very hard to be accountable, seeks Christian couples councelling, attends church with me, but seems to have an addiction for this other woman. We seem to fall ten steps backwards everytime we take two steps forward. I have continued to stay with him and continue to fight for my marriage because I believe with out any doubt that God wants our marriage to last forever. My love for Christ allows me to love my husband in a way that is so deep I am able to forgive, but this does not prevent scars and emotional damage. We have two sons whom are young adults so neither of us is staying in the relationship for the children. I tried to break away once, but I knew in my heart it wasn't the right choice so it was short lived (hours). I feel like if I give up on my marriage I am giving up on God.

How can I get my husband to LISTEN when I tell him something?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:03:04 GMT

How can I get my husband to LISTEN when I tell him something? He acts like he hears me, but later says I never told him.

Our relationship has suffered with my wife's having fibromyalgia.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:54:39 GMT

Our relationship has suffered with my wife's having fibromyalgia. I am having a hard time dealing with it as well as she. My wife takes meds for pain and depression for it. Communication and sex life have suffered. How can we address? We love each other.

How do I communicate when I feel so exasperated?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:35:54 GMT

How do I talk to my husband about sensitive subjects that really hurt and bother me when I feel as if I am on some type of "performance". If we are arguing about the kids (which he says I never take his "side", and I didn't think there were supposed to be sides in a family between your husband and your children) or if we aren't have sex three times a week I am suddenly considered to be mean and hateful, being ask by him "Where is my wife and would you please tell her to come back"...even when things are tough and lots of "life" is just happening, finances, loss of jobs, kids, sickness, and sometimes it just all gets to me and I have quiet moments or grouchy moments...I need to communicate with him that I need to feel like I'm allowed to be human sometimes and being a referee in your own home with your children and husband is so hurtful.

ongoing financial stress - what should I do?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:45:55 GMT

My husband and I have been married 16 years. When we met we both worked full time. During my first pregnancy both the baby and I had complications resulting in my giving up my full time job. Eventually we were blessed with 2 more sons and I never worked full time again. We have no family nearby so I worked part time jobs around my husband's schedule. My husband's had always been a Type A workaholic. We are thankful that he is employed but his job has become increasingly consuming thru the years. He gets calls/pages during church, on vacations, at 2 a.m. . . . . He is so exhausted.

I've worked various jobs during the years, including becoming an entrepreneur. Recently I started another business with my husband's blessing . . . he believes that this is the answer to our prayers - a family business. It has been tough going and frankly I struggle with all that's involved, I have discussed with him the possibly of getting a job but he doesn't agree. The Lord has been faithful during the years and certainly has and is blessing us.

I mentioned to and believe that my husband is disappointed that I never had a "career". I am disapointed myself.(I am 47 years old with a college degree.) Our boys are 15, 11 and 10 - they are wonderful young men, according to others (and of course I believe this too.)

The financial tension has always been an undercurrent in our marriage. We are regular tithers and givers. My husband is a wonderful, godly, husband & father. What should I do?

Thank you & God bless!!

Any good resources to help encourage communication?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 14:39:00 GMT

Bill and Pam...thanks for being with us today. My wife and have been married 14 years and have 3 beautiful kids. Communication has been something we have had to work hard at in our marriage. We have learned over the years to "extend grace" to each other and this has had a huge impact on our communication. Sometimes when we have finally gotten the kids to sleep and we are alone and exhausted I struggle with what to talk about other than work and bills and lots of the other "stuff" that are slippery slopes that could lead to conflict. Could you suggest any resources to help with communication? Thank you

his kids, how to have a healthy relationship with everybody?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:31:09 GMT

I'm dating somebody with 3 kids of his previous marriage, 2 are in their teens and one soon will be. We are talking about marriage, i have a son on my own. So far things are ok, i'm not to close to his kids because they are shy or just don't want me to get to close. Don't know.

What suggestions you will have for me? I'm willing to work with this situations, we both go to same church and had a lot good things in commun.

Thanks a lot!

talking to spouse about in-laws

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 19:44:39 GMT

I love my husband and I pray every day for the grace to love my in-laws as much. But they drive me nuts! Every time they do something that irritates or hurts me, I find myself jabbering about how awful it is in front of my husband. But I know that's awful! As ridiculous and hurtful as their behavior and choices can be at times, they're still his parents. Is there any way I can express how I feel about what they do, and how it impacts my heart and my life, or should I just keep my mouth shut and grin and bear it?

Focus Marriage Dept. Director online answering questions

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:04:47 GMT

Hello from Snowy Colorado! It is great to have you online for this web cast. Bill and Pam Farrell's new book on communication, The Marriage Code, is fantastic. They will be discussing new ideas that will help make communication between you and your spouse better than ever. You will not only hear great advice but you will be encouraged and motivated by this fun loving couple to take your marriage to the next level. Let me encourage you to send out emails, texts or make some calls to get everyone you know online during this event. They will be blessed! I will be online answering questions from a therapist standpoint as well as just plain old life experience. So if questions pop up during the discussion we would love to see them posted. I look forward to seeing you online!

Mitch Temple

Dir. Marriage Dept.

Focus on the Family

how do i rebuild my marriage after almost two years

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 19:21:16 GMT

how do i rebuild my marriage after almost two years of my husband decieded to end the relationship. my husband had an affair and i am trying to mend the things back i love him and i know we can work it out, if god forgave us all for our sins i am willing to work and forgive him to start fresh

my exhusband said he stop loving me but i know deep down he loves me as much as i love him

we were married for 11 years.

please advise.

thank you

How do I reach out to an untouchable husband?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 19:50:38 GMT

I have been married for 23 years, and am married to a small town family practice physician. I had a twinge when we were dating that he would have to be gone a lot for work, but I had no idea! He is married to his work, and I hear the experts say that it takes communication to make a marriage stronger, but how can you do that when there is literally always a constant distraction. If patients aren't calling the house , the hospital is, or if he is home...he is a million miles away thinking about the patients he has at the hospital. He is also in the military and is a high ranking medical person in his air guard unit. He is responsible for taking care of all the medical issues of the soldiers in his unit, so that takes him away at least on weekend a month, but usually on his days off he needs to be at guard (2 hours away) to take care of his medical responsibilities there. There is no code, because there is no communication. I want to be happy in out marriage, and I want him to be happy, but we are very much two ships passing in the night. I can't even affirm to him that he is working hard and doing a good job, because I, in all honesty, do not see or hear from him from 6:30 a.m. to 8-9 p.m. at night, and when he is on call, he doesn't come home at all. He is so tired when he gets home he just wants to sleep or go out into the garage and watch movies by himself. I am very lonely, and my kids need him too.

No respect for my husband's parenting

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:13:30 GMT

Hi There.

A question about Respect.....for my husband.

We are a blended family-three years married. I don't respect my husband's fathering his teen daughter. (Inconsistancies in discipline, permissive of disrespect and selfishness, and little monitoring of persistant lies). I have a teen daughter as well and other kids and all of our kids are with us full time and we have gotten to the point of having different rules and consequences for daughter and my kids. I am also to the point of not wanting to hear any details about the decisions he makes for her.

Please give me some gems of advice.

Thank you.

How do I Ask the Farrels a Question?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 16:30:22 GMT

To ask either Bill or Pam a question, click on the word 'New' found on the nav bar at the top of this page. Or, you may click on 'Start a Discussion' found in the actions section of this page. Type out your question, and then click on 'Post Message' found at the bottom of your post. Our moderators will review your post and approve it as quickly as possible.

Please note that Bill and Pam will both answer questions live on the air, and Pam will be responding to additional posts on this event page for an hour after the Webcast is over. If you'd like to call-in to ask your question, you may do so by dialing (888) 465-6595.

It wasn't suppose to be this way.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 14:27:27 GMT

Feeling I don't have a place in my home is not where I thought I would be at this stage of my life.

My husband and I have two wonderful blessings, our daughter and our son. They are young adults.

We are having challenges with our son. My husband does not like confrontation so..................

he does and says almost nothing with or to our son that would hold him accountable. It is as though he has quit.

The odd time he will blow up with alot of anger over something our son has done. We have always parented together and it has always been effective.

Now I feel that I am going it alone. Considering we are now experiencing a son who treats home like a hotel and does not

contribute a thing, is selfish, etc., I do not know how to proceed with things. Do I continue with the seeking out of resources

and counsel for wise advice on what to do with our son and the situation? How do I respectfully include my husband?

What do I do if he wants nothing to do with the decisions of parenting this adult son? And in all honesty, how do I deal with the resentment

I know I am feeling towards my husband in this area? We are such a wonderful team I never thought something like this would happen.