Focus on the Family Community : Popular Threads - Pastoral Families

husband...text messages...calls...another woman...."friendship"

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 26 Aug 2006 20:57:39 GMT

We have been in the ministry for several years and the hardest part for me is the women attaching to my man. My man is not always seeing it and doesn't set clear enough boundaries. We have been experiencing several difficulties for the last few months. It has been quite trying.
Well, I have noticed a "friendship" between my husband and a young woman about 10 years younger. She is kind, sweet and has some emotional issues. I knew he had counseled and befriended, but I had a bad feeling. I then noticed large numbers of texts and frequent phone calls going both ways. This week I noticed this "weird" attachment to his phone. I picked it up one day and she had sent a message. "I love spending time with you. I am looking forward to..." Also something about "smothering me not at all" I began reading it then he showed up and I clicked off of it. I felt like what I was doing was wrong or violating. Crazy. huh. Then I made a call and set the phone down. He picked up the phone. Looked at it and deleted the text messages. He asked if anything was wrong, and I didn't really reply as I wanted to pray and think before I spoke. He realized that I had seen something disturbing. He called her and set a boundary.   Well, I was unsettled so I started checking the occurrences of text messages. You can't get the info texted, but the last months number bothered me. Hundreds and Hundreds of messages. I have not looked as closely at phone calls but there are plenty of them.
The next day I calmly sat down and talked to him. I knew I would be honoring God if I handled this well and attempted to do so. He admitted this was out of hand. There was too much communication but nothing else.   I explained I felt this had to change and he said it would be taken care of.   He didn't say he had already spoke to her. Later I explained that their had been hundreds of messages in a month if not more. He agreed this was out of line but only a friendship. Now with more looking I have seen this was going on for atleast 3 months. It quickly increased. I didn't even realize they were "friends" or talked much when this started. Many text conversations would begin at 11:00 at night. (I think this is when she gets off work.) Sometimes these conversations would last 1 to 1/2 hours. Many many times it would be night after night after night. On our vacation, he texted and called her after I was asleep. (More than one night) She called and texted also. The more I look the more I find. I have asked "how do you define this "friendship"   What are you texting and talking about? His responses were texting about just anything and it is defined as a friendship that he should not have with another woman. I know she shared many of her struggles and he shared his.
During this time, he would occassionally complain about marriage issues. He says there is not a link.
I am so scared.
1st     I feel betrayed. I am not trusting that this didn't go farther. He says it didn't but let's get real.
2nd    I don't know what to do. He just says it is taken care of. I was wrong. I am sorry.
3rd     I am an emotional basket case. I keep a strong front for all especially our children-no clue at all.
4th     Today he said I am fishing for something not there, but everytime I look at past records I find more concerns.

What would you ask him? I can deal with an affair of sexual nature more than an emotional, love affair if that makes sense. The thought of him having a better friendship with another woman is heart wrenching. I am handling this well with him. He is complimentary on how I handled this. I have put his feelings as well as hers above mine which is so crazy. I pray and it feels so dark yet I feel my father's embrace. He has comforted me. I have no one to talk to about this except through prayer.
If anyone can take the time, I really need prayer and advice.
What would you do?        What would Christ do?

Should Pastors have a Degree?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Nov 2006 14:55:34 GMT

The reason I was asking is that I have just been licenced by my church and by the mercy of God will possibly be ordained next year. The church that I belong to is independent however they belonged to a movement which did not require a pastor to have a degree. They did offer classes tought by Elders of the diferent churches for the newly licenced preachers. However I have noticed that not having a degree narrows the positions that are available. Myself not recieving the call until I was 43 I'm finding it a hard road to travel. Messages come easly enough through prayer, fasting, and meditation on the word. Doors just don't open easily partly because of people at my age who are preaching have degrees. I'm sorry that I don't but to work in construction one just doesn't need it. I heard it over and over that whom God calls He qualifies, that just doesn't wash in the real church world. Help and advice will most greatfully be appreciated.

Dealing with husband's depression, who can I reach out to (safely) for support?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 06:01:08 GMT

My husband is struggling with depression. He doesn't see how a counselor would help them, as he views the issues as all related to the challenges he faces with the church, ie; if x,y,z would improve, then he wouldn't have the sadness and frustrations that go with them. I believe that God is working on him through these struggles and that he is teaching him something- the question is what? I struggle, because, I feel that God is leading me to reach out to others to pray for him. My question is: how do I (and should I?) ask some trustworthy women at church to pray with me without jeopardizing their view of him and/or disrespecting him? We're pretty open and honest about our lives with everyone at church, but this seems to be different somehow. I should probably tell him that I want to do it, right? Ugh.

I don't want to be a pastor's wife!!!!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:58:42 GMT

I feel very selfish and unGodly writing this. My husand became a bi-vacational pastor one year ago. He didn't make the move until I agreed (admittedly reluctantly). We had been a vital part of a church that hurt us badly and frankly, I was not all too keen on going down the path of giving up all of our personal time for church. I thought and prayed about it for about a year, and finally agreed --- but perhaps for the wrong reasons. I agreed because my husband felt a true calling, and I didn't want to stand before God someday and have to answer for why I prevented my husband from following his calling. I thought I could handle the sacrifice of time together by finding other things to do. Well....surprise!!! As you all are well aware (and I really wasn't), his calling has forced me into the role of "Pastor's wife". There are a LOT of expectations in this role. I'm an introvert by nature, and although I enjoy people, I get extraordinarily frustrated with always having to act as the "gracious host". I'm expected to attend all social events, wearing a smile on my face. I'm expected to committ to our Bible study group once a week. These are all good things, and perhaps I would feel differently if I didn't feel so resentful about being forced into this role. I work full-time, so my free time is precious. I'm vacilate between feeling like a horrible, selfish wife when I have been blessed with such a Godly husband, back to feeling SO horribly resentful that just because my husband is called, that I have to change my life so completely. I want to be active in a church and serve God, but I feel like I don't really have a choice in the matter. I'm ashamed to say that I'm getting angrier all the time, and I'm starting to skip church and skip Bible study....etc. Either I'm not ready for this, or I'm just too selfish to be in this role. I don't think God is happy with me right now, so I've been avoiding him WHICH I KNOW IS THE WORST POSSIBLE THING TO DO! But I feel like I'm in a tug-of-war with God over my husband and my life! DOES ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE FEEL THIS WAY??????? I often feel my husband would be better off without me standing in his way, or with a wife who can be a perfect little helper without having these meltdowns every couple of months.

05/01/09 -- Pastor Joel Osteen's Popularity

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 17:56:12 GMT

What is the basis for Pastor Osteen's popularity? Do you agree with his approach? Do you embrace his message as your own?

Joel Osteen filled the Yankee Stadium in New York City with 50,000 people this last week. H.B. London Jr. addressed Osteen's popularity in His "Good Morning Colleague" column of this week's The Pastor's Weekly Briefing.

A Little Help Here

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 02:05:47 GMT

I need some sage advice. My husband has pastored our church for 16 years. During this time I have worn various hats, but I have been the volunteer worship leader for all of those 16 years. I am homeschooling my two boys and teaching literature at our homeschool co-op. I am also leading a small group for the youth - plus planning various teen outtings and lock-ins etc. On top of all that I often help my husband counsel, plus help him with his sermons. I am planning on getting a part time job to help supplement our income. OK so you see this coming. I have reached critical mass. I am holding many responsibilities. I have no one in our small church to take over worship. I desire to continue with youth - because my son is a teen and there was no youth group because no one wanted to head that ministry. Every mom carries a class load for the co-op, and my husband needs my help. But I'm ready to ditch the plane. How can I just say STOP? And yet if I don't...?

Women's role in the church

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 03 Aug 2006 18:13:30 GMT

I have been seeing lately in our area women serving as pastors. This raises a question I would like to ask all of you. Is it biblical for a woman to serve as pastor? If so, then can you give me some scripture references to this fact of why a woman should serve as pastor? If you don't believe that, then can you give me some scripture to back that up?

I am doing a study on this issue and would appreciate your comments.

Thanks

help. I'm a pastor's wife and I'm tempted and feel trapped

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 16:41:44 GMT

We've only been in this charge 2 years, just starting our 3rd. The choir director is a colleague at school (I am a teacher) and church and we see each other almost every day. We started texting a lot about a year and a half a go. I'm starting to have feelings for this man, who is single and divorced.

I love my husband so much. I know there is no excuse for me to be attrracted to another man, but I'm starting to have strong feelings for him So far nothing physical has happened. I can't handle the guilt of being attacted to him. I'm sure I would have a total melt down if anything happened. I want to escape.....but feel trapped because of my job and church....everywhere I go, he is there. My husband doesn't say anything about the texting...he knows about it. This man comes over to our house a lot, (at my invitation). And my husband seems to like him. In the past, my husband has not been able to confront issues. It leaves me holding the whole thing, and I don't feel that he can even defend me as his wife or fight for me. And, I feel so alone. This man is one of only a few other friends that I have....mostly we are all teachers or music teachers.

I want to quit my job or ask my husband if we can move. That feels so extreme. I know I can quit texting and reciprocating any friendship overtures. He is my friend, too, and I feel loss at all the options. One thing I do know, I will choose my marriage over this relationship. Thanks for listening.

Need Prayer

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 22:30:44 GMT

Ok I have a failing in my life (I do not need to say what) and I would like prayer. To help me through this I would like to make a promise to the Focus on the Family online community:

I John, promise to do all in my power to resist sin and tempation in the area in which I stuggle. With the support of the Focus on the Family online community and in Jesus Holy Name. Amen.

Thank you for your support, I will try and keep you updated.

Pastor to Pastor: "Celebrating Pastor to Pastor: The 100th Edition" - Guests James C. Dobson, Jim Daly and "Best of the Best"

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 20:46:53 GMT

Who is the guest - either current or past - who really ministered to you on this edition of Pastor to Pastor?

Just a few insecurities...

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 03 May 2010 02:58:27 GMT

Hey y'all just have a quick question about something. My husband has been a pastor for several years and then we were called into chuch planting. We have planted two churches that are doing very well and we are about to step from that into an established church. We are both very ready to settle in, so to speak, and be in one place for hopefully many, many years-as the Father wills-of course. That's a brief background-here is my question-my husband has asked me NOT to work outside of the home in this new ministry. I am sooooooo okay with that BUT, I feel bad about it somehow. We have no idea what the salary will be and I have a college degree we do have children, third grade to 11th grade (EXTREMELY active in FFA, all sports, cheerleading, leadership) but all in school. I NEVER worked until all kids were in school but I have now worked appx the last four years. Our house is kinda...well...insane, since I have been working. Many things get left undone and piled up, I am exhausted most of the time and I don't even cook very often any more. I make almost half our current salary and am the insurance provider, but like I said I don't know what the new situation will be-there is no parsonage, I do know that. I feel like people will look down on me if I don't work. What if money is really tight and everyone is resentful because I could have job but am home taking care of our home and my husband and children? What will my mother say (who worked her whole life as a teacher) and thinks I should work? I love the Lord and I know He will provide for us if I am being called to just keep the home-fires burning-but is He calling me to do that? I want to stay home and nurture my husband and children and home and my husband says it will be such a relief to him to have me taking care of things but is it okay? Is it okay to have a college degree (Registered Nurse) but choose to stay home instead of work? Sisters--I need some help, advice, and wisdom. Lord please use this little blog to speak to my heart!

Thanks y'all

P.K.'s and the lasting disastrous effects on those involved.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 06:30:33 GMT

I went through my first church split when I was about 17yrs old. It came out of the blue. Someone moved to our church, where my Dad pastored for 10 years, and it wasn't long till he started causing problems, which eventually resulted in my parents losing their home and living on welfare. I'm 44 now, and still dealing with it. I suffer with deep depression with severe anxiety issues and I can't help but think this issue is a mjor player in my condition.

Am I the only PK that has to deal with these issues? Trust does not come easy to me and I always suspicious of everybody's motives. And, of course, my self-esteam is rock bottom. Suicide has been a reccuring thought proccess, as well. I've been married for over 19yrs with 2 great kids. Sometimes even that doesn't seem to be enough to keep going.

Am I the only PK out here hurting??

Who are your closest friends?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 11:05:47 GMT

Hey gals,

As summer comes to a close I'm longing for some female friendships. The church we are at is our first call and we've been here a year now. I have been invited to do different things with quite a few different groups of friends that hang out together even of different ages than me and have very much enjoyed that. Everyone that lives here seems to have found their niche and it's hard to add another person to a group that's happy the way they are. I love to connect with people on a personal level. I don't like big groups much and I was thinking of possibly starting a type of Moms group to study the Bible and have fellowship together with. Since I plan to volunteer with the kiddos during our church's Bible study time I wanted to find another Bible study, but there are no other community Bible studies to go to. After mentioning this to my dear pastor's wife friend from another state she warned me that their group was a disaster. After awhile one lady started gossipping and started to pull others into it, which happens too easily we all know, and when she confronted the other gal of that she became angry and almost split up their church with slanderous lies about my friend. That lady is now gone, but should I take that example and avoid starting a Bible study of women just from our church?

Do you gals specifically try to avoid getting too close to members of your congregation so as not to seem exclusive or have you found precious relationships from within your churches that have lasted and they have not turned and stabbed you in the back? Most all of the other pastor's wives seem so closed off. It seems like they've probably been hurt one too many times and it's just safer staying at a distance. I'm wondering if that's the way every pw is or have you found it's a blessing to make close friends?

Marriage in Trouble

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 13:25:27 GMT

I am a pastor and have been in ministry 20 years. I have been married for a little over ten of those years with two children. My wife and I have been seeing a counselor for quite some time now to try to heal some old hurts and restore our intamacy. She told me at the our last counseling session that she has spoken to an attorney and that she IS GOING to file for divorce. Let me make it clear that there are no biblical grounds for my wife divorcing me. I love my wife and I love my children and I don't know what to do. Please pray for me and my family. Pray that my wife's wounded heart would heal. Her name is Stephanie and I love her with all my heart and would do anything to save my marriage. At this point, it is going to take a miracle to save my marriage and I do believe in miracles. Thank you for your prayers.

05/21/10 -- Do Animals Go to Heaven?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 20 May 2010 16:37:24 GMT

Do you believe that your family pet will go to heaven?

A Danvers, Mass., church is starting a monthly service for dogs and prayer requests can be submitted for those pets who are ill or deceased [see the 05/21/10 edition of The Pastor's Weekly Briefing].

Women in Ministry

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 14:06:45 GMT

If you are a woman in ministry, we would love to hear from you! While many of the issues that you face are common to those called to ministry in general, some of the issues that you face are unique; your support and encouragement to other like-minded women would be a blessing.

Division

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 07 Dec 2008 23:27:56 GMT

My husband has been a Pastor for 13 years. The church just went through a divison and it is sad. I have been evaluating it all from the beginning and I find that our home has always been divided. 7 years ago, I had an affair. I have repented with all my heart and I know God has forgiven me, but that was partly why the church divided. Some of the people who left have not forgiven me and I understand them to a point. I don't know if the division is part of the consequence of my sin...or if it was going to happen for other reasons anyway...also since this happened my husband now brings up my past and we have a divison waiting to happen again...he is so discouraged and blames me a lot. I feel hurt that we are not getting along and I feel hurt the church divided, but if they can forgive me for sinning 7 years ago..it is better that they left...so they can be free...from seeing my face. I'm hated by the whole town and even by my husband when he is mad...so I'm wondering if I'm still paying...I felt I paid my consequences with the Lord during this restoration time...but maybe I still have more to pay...I believe in the blood...but this day in life...I don't think we put attention to what Jesus did at the cross....I'm not justifying what I did...believe me...I would tell anyone not to do that act...it is the most terrible sin anyone can commit...please know that my heart is clean and repented and I hate that sin so much that I can discern it when it is in my presence.

Any advice?

Why don't more people participate in this online community?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 18:06:08 GMT

Our Pastoral Ministries division is baffled. It seems that very few people submit a posting to any of these online subcommunities for pastoral families. When we compare our level of activity with the other online communities sponsored on this site by Focus on the Family, we do not understand why more pastoral family members are not participating.

For over 15 years, Pastoral Ministries has provided a message board/online community feature for pastoral families. In the past, we have had a wonderful level of participation and networking. For some reason, that seems to have changed.

Can you help us understand this situation and help us better serve you? What do you like about this online community? What do you not like? What could be different and better? What would appeal to more pastoral family members?

Thanks for any input that you are willing to give us. We really care. We want to be there for you.

Gardening - Cultivating my marriage

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 01:21:37 GMT

Somehow, people say marriage is like gardening. You need to cultivate it, or else it will be left remote, wither & die.

I have just been moving to USA for about 6 months and now renting a house with a backyard. The gardening experience is very inspiring for me.

Yesterday, the landlady came and we had a chat. We talked in the backyard and she taught me how to distinguish and pull up the bad weeds. It could be a boring job, but as a full time housewife to two teenagers and a studying pastor husband, I don't have much money for any extravagant hobbies, yet I have plenty free time. As I start pulling weeds, I fall in love in doing it. It enables me to think and to treat this de-weed action as a symbolic act to improve our deterioating marriage.

The weeds are plants that pop up suddenly and grow much faster than anything out there! They spread in a way that they covered the grass, like a net, so that they are totally hid from the sunshine. In the meantime, they take all their nutrition. When I pull them, I need to find the sterns, then pull to their roots. By doing so, I may pull with me the good grass. But that is unavoidable. I found that the some patches of soil beneath has already turn grayish black. They look dead to me. With the grass being pulled away, I wonder if new grass will appear on those patches as well. Yet I believe the other good patches will spread there too. Unexpectedly, the weeds look beautiful. They are green & spread quickly. Usually they grow fast and strong between the period when the gardeners come for the trimming. At first I don't know they are weeds, though I kind of sense that they are not good guy. But if I was not told by the landlady how bad they are, I think I won't take the trouble to pull them up. Anyway, they have been there for quite a while. My aim is to pull up as much of them as possible before the gardeners come & keep the piece of grassland free of weeds as much as possible, just as a symbol of keeping my marriage healthy. Hopefully that gives me some indication & hope to work with when I feel trapped, hopeless when facing my confusing marriage.

Advice for cultivating marriage and weed pulling is welcome!

What do we do next?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 23:33:30 GMT

My husband is a pastor of a small church, he approached the gentleman who directs the congregrational songs, first with commendending him on the things he has done well, he said I just have one things I wish you wouldn't do, and the gentleman said what is that, and my husband gently said I wish you wouldn't give little sermon in between songs, I'd like to keep the flow of the service going....at that the gentleman left went to his wife, then to a few members crying saying my husband pointed his finger in his face and said "I don't want your minnie sermons in between songs....the gentleman said he quits, and so does his father-in-law and his brother-in-law, and this gentleman is married to my husbands niece...my husband and the gentlelman have talked on the phone and my husband said...I prayed for 3 weeks about doing this, so I was consiciously aware of how I spoke, not wanting to offend you, He said I did not point my finger in your face, I put my hand on your shoulder, indicating love...but this was how it was precieved....he said he's not going to cause discord, he's leaving quitely, where do we go from here?

Did your church honor you and your family for Clergy Appreciation Month?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:43:15 GMT

Did you and your family receive some recognition during October - Clergy Appreciation Month? We know that many of you did, while some - not so much. But, either way, we would love to hear your thoughts and discussion on the topic!

Is American Christianity Lukewarm?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 29 May 2007 09:27:45 GMT

      Jesus challenged the early church at Laodicea for being "neither hot nor cold" and called them to repent (Revelation to John 3:14-22).
      Has the church in America become like Laodicea? Have orthodox biblical perspective been slipping?
      A new Barna Group survey reveals that while Americans are exercising their faith, those who hold orthodox biblical outlooks are fewer than ever.
      What are your views on the state of the church in America?

11/13/09 -- New Bible Highlights Poverty and Justice

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 18:09:18 GMT

What are your thoughts on The New Poverty and Justice Bible?

The Christian Post reports that a newly released The Poverty and Justice Bible - published by American Bible Society - highlights more than 2,000 verses that refer to poverty and social justice in Scripture [See the 11/12/09 edition of The Pastor's Weekly Briefing].

08/24/07 -- Clergy Appreciation Month

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 11:47:45 GMT

With Clergy Appreciation Month approaching in October, what form of tangible recognition (or gift) would you most like to receive?

Assimilation of New Believers - How can we better serve a New Generation

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 06:17:37 GMT

In our efforts to cultivate an enviroment and atmosphere that is attractive to new believers as well as a true retention of transformed believers, does anyone have suggestion on what is working and what is not? Please feel free to add suggestions, strategies that include and are not limited to deliverance encounters, classes and teaching formats, as well as support groups or matterial that is meeting the needs of todays techno-generation. Thank you in advance.

What has happened to this man?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 01:45:48 GMT

I am a pastor's wife. I have a brother who was born to my parents late in life, when I was 17. There is only one other sibling, a brother in the family. My mother is mentally ill, and has been for many, many years. Because of that fact, I essentially have always been "mother" to my youngest brother. I have a daughter who is only 2 years younger than he is. They are also very close. My father, who was a wonderful man and a good father, passed away 10 years ago. Since that time, my two brothers and I have been taking care of my mother as best we can, and staying close as a family. This youngest brother, I will call him, "John" has loved God since he was a very young child. He has been faithful and a very dedicated servant for the Lord his entire life. This year he turned 40. He has been married to a devoted Christian woman for 15 years. She is a very good wife and mother, and loves John deeply. They have two children, ages 11 and 6. Now my brother has decided he no longer wants to be married to his wife. He has found in his words, "the woman I was supposed to marry". This woman is also married (no children), and she works with him. He has left his family and moved about 15 miles away. He still see his children frequently, but not if it interferes with the plans he and this woman make. The "other woman" does not profess to be a Christian, and though he tells me they have not had an intimate relationship, they go places and do things he would have never done before. They intend to marry eventually. John freely admits that he knows he is out of God's will. When I ask him how he could turn his back on a God who has so completely blessed him above everything, John cries, but he doesn't answer. I know he loves his children, he was such a wonderful father to them until this time! John and his wife were not supposed to be able to have children, and yet God gave them two beautiful, healthy kids! Then one of the children had a very serious accident about 3 years ago, and God worked an incredible miracle and the child has completely recovered from an injury that would have claimed his life had God not intervened. Now my other brother and I have just discovered that John is taking money from our mother's account. His name is on the account to help her take care of her day-to-day needs. Due to her illness, she doesn't have a lot of money, and she cannot take care of it herself. We have not confronted him about this yet, all three of us live in different cities, about 200 miles apart. John lives in the same town as our mother, and much of the responsibility for her care falls on him, though the other brother and I help as much as possible. (Our mother is in assisted living.) Two months ago, I would have never, never, never thought it possible that John would take our mother's money, much less leave his wife and children and turn his back on God! I am heartbroken and confused. Please pray that John will return to God. Please pray that he would remember his love for God and for his wife. The entire family is devastated. John is the last person in the world that I ever thought would do such a thing. His life with his wife and children was stressful. His work is high-pressure. Our mother is a terrible responsibility. John's wife has recently told me that John had been depressed for the last year. I knew he was troubled, but I never thought he would leave God. John considers me his mother, and his children treat me as a grandmother. I am making every effort to stay in the children's lives and John's wife has been very kind to allow me to do so. What happened to him? Is it a satanic attack? Is it a "mid-life crisis"? Has he lost his mind? Please pray for John and his family. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this request.

West tx pw

07/23/10 -- Compensation for Pastors

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 17:25:06 GMT

How does your compensation package compare with what this new survey reveals from LifeWay Research?

Results from a new survey by LifeWay Research shows that the average full-time Southern Baptist senior pastor's compensation (salary and housing) rose 0.78 percent between 2008 and 2010 with fewer pastors receiving medical insurance from their churches.

Shorts in church...

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 08 May 2007 09:44:09 GMT

I have been preaching in a small country church and have noticed one or two people that wear shorts on Sunday. I know we are to "come just as we are" and I believe that, but I also believe once we know Jesus personally we are to give Him our best out of respect for Him and fellow Christians. Some peoples best are different that others, but I know these people could dress differently if they wanted to. My question is how do you feel on this subject?

Thanks,

Ipreach

Please pray for my family and son through divorce and beyond.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 04:54:40 GMT

I am terribly nervous and scared for my family, myself, and mostly my 3 yr old son Brody. My husband out of the blue and aggressively has filed for a divorce. He wants to fight for full custody of my son and I am terrified. My parents are in so much pain over this and we all worry so much about Brody's emotional wellbeing. I think it would be so harmful to suddenly have his mother gone?

When to cut ties with parents

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 17:30:25 GMT

I am at a point where I don’t know if I should cut off all ties with my parents. I need some guidance! Long story short: My husband and I were married 4 ½ years ago. We did everything right – We waited for each other, we did not live together, we obeyed all my parents’ rules even if they were silly, we did not go out on a date alone till after I was 18 (we met when I was 16). Everything was perfect until we got engaged and told them after we were married we were moving 2 hours away (for better jobs and a better life- my husband had a good job lined up already when we told them this). After this, threats were made about not coming to our wedding, not seeing our future kids, etc… They still comment about my husband ‘stealing’ me away from them, because he is a ‘mama’s boy’. My husband’s family lives in the same city we do, but they are non abrasive and very much give us our space, they do not bother us, we all get along great.

My youngest sister got married in June 2009, during my dad’s toast to the new couple, he humiliated my husband in front of everyone by something he said, everyone knew it because they all came up to us afterward. Since then things have greatly gotten worse and my parents think we owe them an apology for being upset about this and trying to make ‘something out of nothing’.

We had our first child in January 2009, a sweet baby girl, which is my parents’ first grandbaby. My parents have visited ONCE since she was born. My mom was in there with me when I had her. We have visited them 4 or 5 times since. Recently I asked them to come the weekend after Christmas to spend time with their granddaughter, they said they were too busy. That upset me greatly and I said something I should not have “I am thankful my daughter has one grandparent that loves to spend time with her”. (My husbands mom, who adores her granddaughter and does anything she can to see her). Christmas morning I received a nasty voicemail from my dad telling me I am evil and rude and that he has two other daughter’s that respect him, he just went on and on. He also said since they are the parents it is my responsibility to go to them, not the other way around. They have made accusations saying we don’t let them see her, which is a complete lie, we would never say that (Why would I invite them for Christmas then?). A few months ago they came up one weekend, the whole weekend, and did not stop by, or call. The time before that they came up for the day to pick up my brother who was visiting and left early stating they had to get back home, come to find out they spent the rest of the day in our town shopping and went to dinner and didn’t get home till 11. In my dad’s voicemail, he again mentioned how we live 2 hours away because my husband ‘stole me away from them’, he will not drop this. They accept the fact and are fine with one of my sister’s being a stripper, and the other living with her fiancé before they were married, but cannot and will not accept the fact I have moved to a different town than they. I am still the ‘bad daughter’ for this. My parents are very heavy drinkers, they go out every night and leave my 13 year old brother home alone. They do unspeakable things with other couples. They trash talk everyone they know, and if you are not like them, you are ‘going to hell’. They bring us down as a couple. My husband and I are Christians and are trying to be better people and to be more like God. They cause so much stress and anxiety in our lives. I honestly do not know what to do anymore. I cannot take my dad’s mental abusiveness any longer. They say very mean things to me to make me feel bad. Moving away has been the best thing for our marriage, they have already caused problems in my sister’s new marriage. They hold everything over my head, even the fact that my mom was with me when I had my daughter – like I owe her something. They tell lies about us to other people, like how we have a horrible marriage when in fact that is not the case whatsoever, and how we live away from them so my husband can be closer to his family - Again, a lie. At what point do I stop this and stop talking to them? I don’t want to do that, but it is getting so out of hand and they are acting so childish. When do I take care of my family (my husband and new daughter) and stop letting them do this to us?

Marrying couples who live together

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 09:25:16 GMT

Hey Gang,This is an offshoot of the thread regarding culture's views of cohabiting affecting our ministry.My questions are this:Do you marry couples who live together?If not, why not?If so, in what circumstances?Do you require separation in every case?Feel free to answer these or other questions in your responses.I will respond in a separate post.Brian

Illness and healing

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 15 Feb 2009 07:45:41 GMT

Hi,

We have 2 young children who have been struggling this winter with common colds, ear infections, illness. We both work full time in the ministry and are trying to grow in our faith.

We have been praying to see miracles in our family, especially in regard to our children's health.

How do you all deal with illness in your family and how do you view faith and healing?

Pastor's Day off

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 28 May 2010 02:01:44 GMT

I noticed the question for this week had to do with the pastor's day off. I often do not take one particular day off each week but I often take a few hours here and there. I hears Dr. Warren Wiersbe say he did busy work, filing, correspondance, sermon planning on Monday and he took Friday off..his reason was that he was tired from Sunday but why waste a day off being tired? We found it particularly difficult to take a particular day off because we raised 6 children and when they got into sports, etc. our schedule was too hectic. But the hours off, half days off, that kind of thing got us through. I have 4 weeks vacation and I usually use it all, and I spread it out over the year. We went to Guam last year to see our youngest USAF son so I was away 2 weeks then. I'm careful to not take more than that. 4 weeks is not 28 Sundays!

JDH

My husband is dying

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 08:36:31 GMT

My husband is dying. He has been sick a while and has not been pastoring for about two years, although we have both continued to serve in our church. This has been a gradual decline, but very rapid the past few months. I have been told he probably has a few months. He just came home from a 14 day hospital stay. He will likely not be coherent in a month or less. I am not sure. I pray the Lord keeps him thinking clearly. Right now he is doing well, but a week ago he was not making a lot of sense.

I have an eight year old daughter and a seventeen yr. old son. Tonight my youngest asked him if he had arthritis, later she asked me when Daddy was going to get better. I do not feel it is the right time to tell her that her dad is dying. Can you imagine how you would feel going to school every day, wondering if your dad was going to be alive when you came home? I do intend to tell her before he goes. I do not believe in lying to my children, if they cannot turn to me for the truth, who?

If any of you have dealt with this, please give me the benefit of your wisdom. I am trying to get him to make a video for each child; words of wisdom, encouragement, milestones, etc. If you can recommend anything regarding the videos, that would also be helpful. I am not great with specifics and not really thinking as clearly as I would like in order to take care of my children.

My boy is helping his dad when he needs to get in a wheel chair or reposition in bed, he is too weak to do either. I pray this is softening his heart. They have pretty much had a despise - despise relationship for the last year. He has been holding in and onto a lot of bitterness toward his dad, much of it well deserved, for a while. It has been very difficult for him to live with such a critical father, who was also his pastor. God is so merciful...because of an attempted suicide this past summer, he already has a relationship with a counselor. He said he would spend some time in our room with his dad, but it is just so pitiful to see him like this. I told him it would be okay if he just sat in there an played his video game, he did not have to talk, just be there. I just went into his room and I could see his cheek was wet.

I cannot hit submit without acknowledging the profound faithfulness, mercy and grace of my God. I truely stand amazed in the presence!!!

Honesty from Spouses Regarding Pornography

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 03 May 2007 12:06:51 GMT

I have a situation at home and I'm not exactly sure what to believe. Yesterday I checked the history on our computer and found a long list of porn web sites that had been viewed that morning. I confronted my husband before church last night and he swears it wasn't him. He said he'd be smart enough to clear the history ( I'm just not sure he'd remember?) We do have a teen daughter and a 12 year old son, the only problem is the time this was viewed no one else was at home. The kids and myself were in school. My dh said he wasn't home at this time...but there is noway to verify this. I'm fairly certain it wasn't the dog. He even suggested pop-ups. I don't know much about computers but I do know pop up ads aren't going to run for 30 minutes, and that is the time frame between the first site and the last.

Although he has never had a full blown problem in this area he has dabbled in it in the past...and he has previously admitted that this could be a potential problem for him. I do check the history on our computer frequently and have found this when no one else but him had access to the computer. So I'm not sure what to believe. I've thought about going to his office at church and checking the history on his computer there?

There is a slight possibility that it could have been his brother...who he was supposed to talk to. I may be completely off base, but I really have a very funny feeling about this, and I just needed to talk to someone.

Is the pre-marital counseling the pastor gives enough?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 19:32:27 GMT

Is the pre-marital counseling the pastor gives enough?

Will this grief ever leave me or destroy me?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 08:00:04 GMT

I am so depressed. Actually I'm up and down. I'm a pastor and chaplain so I am forced to "perform" my husband and I just had a miscarriage in June. This comes after 4 ectopic pregnancies and a failed adoption. Why?! The church my husband pastors what has been referred to as a toxic church. These church members have been verbally and even physical abusive with no provocation. I try and tell people we are under attack at this church and people don't really believe we did nothing. My husband had only been there 1 year when they just went bananas. I am really so tired. I have been having horrible thoughts. This is just too much pressure accompanied with our loss of our baby. I am heavy with sadness. I wish someone could help.

Haggard Flap

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 06 Nov 2006 11:06:46 GMT

I think it's high time that there was a discussion here about the impact that Pastor Haggard's admission will have. I am very disturbed about this whole affair. There is no denial as to the intent of the whistle blower in this sittuation. He is making a political statement trying to divert the attention off some stupid statements that John Kerry made and making an effort to keep the religious people at home on Tuesday. I do not think that will be accomplished but we'll find out tomorrow.
That being said I feel that the impact of this will go much further.
Pastor Haggard has done incredible dammage to a family, a local church, and the mission of the church in this nation and around the world. He had acheived what most of us will only dream about. I would love to know what happened in his mind and heart and where and when the rebelion began. Is it possible that a man could become so arrogant that he feels he is above the law that he preaches? Most evangelical churches teach that we are to be Christlike; living so close to Jesus that we emulate him in our behavior. Here's what troubles me the maybe more than anything else. I don't like being lied to or tricked, yet that is what Haggard did. If he lied and lied so effectively it begs the question who else among our most widely respected religious, evangelical, moral, leaders are also guilty of living a lie? He fooled the President, many other religious leaders and most striking of all--14,000 people, among whom are likely hundreds if not thousands that have an intimate relationship with God through the Holy Spirit who knew from the very first sinful thought that Mr. Haggard entertained in his mind, of the sin that was in his heart. Why did the Holy Spirit not communicate with some of those people who are so commited to him of the sin and raise them up so that the damage would have been curtailed? Why was there not someone like Nathan raised up to speak to him.
Another thing that has happened is that I look at my own life with a new dependance on the Holy Spirit. There is no one that is untouchable but it seems that the more influence we have the greater the fight. I have been on my face asking God for strength because my influence in my community is growing. I have a new humility and am seeking to guard my integrity more than ever before.
Not that Mr. Haggard reads or posts here but if you are I want you to know that at least one of your fellow pastors is praying for you that you will seek forgiveness from God and all those you have damaged. It is already available to you through Christ (Praise be to God) and I feel certain it will be given as soon as it is sought from the Christian community. I present forgivness to you now not in a haughty way but comming from one whom much has been forgiven.

Short version: I'm stuck in between, what should i do?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 01:26:55 GMT

I've been married to a pastor for 5 years, we have 2 children aged 1 and 3.

My mother in law has been staying with my husband since before we were married. He promised me that we will buy another house and live on our own someday, but right now we can't afford it, because we haven't finished paying the current house installments.

My mother in law is a nice woman; she helps us a lot and treats me like her own daughter. I don't have to do anything at home. But i can't stand to live under her constant care.

I had difficulties to discipline my children. My mother in law loves my children, so much that (I think) she is spoiling them. Teaching them the Bible at home is not easy too, especially when my husband is not present.

I've tried to tell this problem to my husband many times, but he asked me to be more patient instead, and be a good testimony for her, because she is not Christian yet. Sometimes i feel that is the reason why we "can't afford" to move out, he wants to bring her to salvation. He has been trying for almost 3 decades now, but she hasn’t accepted Jesus as her saviour.

I've tried my best to be a good Christian wife, mother, and daughter in law. But i failed; I'm tired of trying, so i decided to leave. I wanted to bring along my children, at least one of them, but they didn't let me do. I went alone and i feel guilty because of my children.

We are not divorced; we are still meeting each other (every other month) and love one another. I hope that someday we will be together again, but not under the same circumstances.

Now I’m worry about my husband ministry. Right now the congregation he is serving don't know about my problem. All they know that i miss my home country, and i'm staying back with my parents for a while (which is not easy either, because my mother treats me like a little girl too). I don't know how long we can stay like this. I don't want to be a stumbling block for him, but i can't go home too. What should i do?

P.S: this is the short version of my original question. So many people have viewed my question, but nobody has answered it. I think it is too long and scared people off to read it, so I deleted some details. If you want to know the details, please read my previous question or just leave your comment. I hope this version is easier to read, and somebody will give me an answer. I’ve been praying about this problem for years, but God remains silent. I can't discuss about this to anybody but my husband and our counsellor, but nothing has changed, therefore i'm asking your opinion. I don’t know what to do. Please help.

Problems with my pastor (please help)

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:45:53 GMT

Dear Someone,

I am 21 years old and i have been in the worship ministry since i was 15 years of age. Its been such a blessing in my personal life but it has also brought many negative things. Concerning my pastor whom i love very much there has been a problem that is really messing me up. I recently broke up with my boyfriend who was also in the ministry but he moved to the midwest just about two years ago. My pastor has always gotten involve in my personal life concerning my relationship with my boyfriend. Every single time there has been a break up or a fight my pastor has always put me as the victim and my boyfriend as the dominant controlling person. The roles have been the same since me and him started dating which was since i was 15 and he was 16. There was a huge problem when i was 14 just before i started in the ministry and that has triggered for my ex boyfriends family to hate me very much because i shared it with my pastor and what he did was he intervened once again supposedly to protect me. Its been a constant fighting and asking for forgiveness concerning his family. All these 5 years its been very difficult to win them over but i managed to do it finally.

Just few weeks ago my pastor once again decided to step in and well he told my ex bf's mother about the situation (the break up) and well once again it triggered for so many problems and feelings from before (this has happened about 4 times already, my pastor intervening and making a big fool of me). She completely hates me now and never ever wants to see me in her life again. I know that i am not with my ex boyfriend but we both know that it is in God's will for us to get married some day and for us that someday is approaching. I just really have so much anger which i feel so bad about. I just think its so unfair that as soon as i open my mouth to my pastor and ask him for prayer he has to intervene with something so personal. I am aware that i am in a ministry and i respect that very much. But what is too much???? My relationship with my ex boyfriend has always been of big interest to my pastor and his wife. It was always the constant calling and telling me what to do and how to feel. I am really fed up with all of it and i just cant take it anymore. My pastor doesnt know how much he has hurt me because he decided to tell his mom about all the problems that i trusted him with. How am i ever supposed to trust him?

I always listened to them because i thought it was the right thing to do but after many fail attempts into trusting my pastor i feel like he has failed me again. I trusted him with something so deep and to please dont let anyone know about it just because i know its such a big issue for my ex boyfriends family.

Here i am stuck again in this situation and i feel so hurt. I have even consider moving away to another church. My ex boyfriend family hates me very much, how am i ever supposed to get married if i cant even get along with his family. My ex boyfriend loves me and cares for me and has stood by my side all this time but he can only do so much. I feel like i am the blame for everything and i feel like i am living the worst. Why does my pastor always have to put me as the victim in every situation when the break up was mutual. By the way the break up was recommended to us a year ago by him and we didnt listened but after lots of prayer and thinking about our future we both felt that we needed time apart to grow in the Lord. I just don't understand anymore and i honestly feel let down by him and his wife. I keep thinking can this situation get any worst then what it is now? Please i need advice on this. I feel very guilty feeling anger towards my pastor but i cant help it. I just dont know what direction to take because if i decide to speak to him about it i know for a fact that he will have all of us, me and my ex boyfriend's family go councelling together (this has happened before and it was horrible) And i cant share it with anyone in church because i really dont trust anyone. I feel that maybe i should stop participating in the ministry for now because i can barely stand how hurt i am. PLEASE I NEED HELP.

-Katie

Welcome to all the military chaplains!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 19:17:00 GMT

Pray especially for those who have volunteered to put themselves in harm's way to bring love and compassion to the men and women of our armed forces. Pray that God places a hedge of protection around them and that their assistants remain safe while protecting the chaplain as he or she performs their duty. Imagine how you would feel if you were attempting to provide guidance to soldiers, many of them kids, and to give them hope, all the while praying that you yourself are not shot in the process.

God Bless!

Steve

Lost another couple-New attendees

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 07 Mar 2006 17:50:35 GMT

Hello to everyoneI would like to ask some advice from everyone. My husband is the new YP of a small church. This is something that bothers me more than my husband. Half of the service is the church members speaking aloud. This is usually organized into Praises and Prayer Requests. The Prayer Requests are very detailed, often getting into detail about another persons life whom is not present. Often you will hear church members almost complaining about their unsaved relatives, and repeat the specifics of their intimate conversations. They will complain outloud about so and so who won't get a job, or someone who went to jail. I am so uncomfortable with this. Recently I mentioned this to my husband and a church member overheard us (by accident). Since then, there have been no outloud prayer requests. The Pastor just has not been offering them, and I am glad. He himself get's into such great detail, and divulges information about members at times. He is a wonderful, godly man though.Anyways, the Praises now include...well, they are just as uncomfortable. It's like since the prayer requests are no longer outloud, they will get a jab into someone no matter what. A praise often subtly includes someone telling everyone about their sacrifices, like they wish others will tell them what a wonderful person they are for all the work they did on a mission trip for example. There are so many compliments happening around the group that it's like they are addicted to the recognition. I swear many of them help just so they can say they did. They will also include detailed information in their praises about others such as, "Joe finally got a job, yahoo! OR so and so got married so they are not living in sin any longer" Why not just praise their new marriage? It is this reason why I don't want to help with anything in the church. The Pastor will have everyone "praise" me outloud, and I don't want to be a part of the competition. At our former church, we just had an end of the year recognition for all of the volunteers. IT was great, but these people helped because they wanted to. Very few helped out for recognition since it wasn't that kind of a church. I have noticed the last few new attendees were couples. The female attended a bible study for a few weeks and asked the one who heads it about all of the put downs during prayer requests. The sharing of intimate information, and asked why it was allowed. The lady answered her, and she attended the study the following week. She thanked her for listening to her concerns, and expressed her appreciation for allowing her to study with her. THis lady then suggested she attend a different study in the church since she wasn't "Spiritually mature yet". I am sure we are loosing members because of the gossip in the praises said outloud. I am wondering if it is my place to mention it to the Senior Pastor since my husband won't. I really don't want to say anything.HE says I should be happy since the gossip was "toned down". He thinks that church member told our Pastor what I said. We also lost the new attenders prior these new attendee's due to some church members lying about them. New attenders just seem to keep quitting because of gossip or lies by church members. I feel like we are in an unsafe enviornment. I want my husband to quit this church job and go back to his former secular job but he feels called. I have been praying alot and will continue. Any advice concerning any of this? I am sorry to ramble on here....Thanks for reading my post.

Pray for me.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 03:30:23 GMT

Please pray that my marriage will survive.

A week ago, after Sunday night church, my wife told me she didn't love me anymore.

I accept totally responsiblity for this. I have not given her the respect she needs, I have put the church first many times, I have sinned against her by not doing the things I need to do to show her that, behind Jesus, she is my first priority. This week I have come face to face with my sin. I am a broken man.

I love her more than life. If she doesn't love me, I don't know if I want to go on.

We've had difficult times in the past, but nothing like this. I always just KNEW she loved me. Now, that is gone.

I took her love for granted, now I am paying for it.

I'm praying that God will turn her heart back to me.

I hate myself.... I feel totally unworthy to be a pastor.

bitterness?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 01:00:03 GMT

Hi! I am new here. Am a pastor's wife for about 15 years now. Majority of the years we had as pastor and wife in our small church have been pleasant. But the past years have been filled with heartaches and pain. We had a few (maybe 4-5) chronic grumblers, complainers, gossips and back-stabbers. They complain about the pastor, the deacons, the food, childcare, special activities. They say they do not want to hurt us and they insist that they are just there to see to it that the church is going in the right direction. To make the long story short we had a dialogue with this groupand it did not turn out well. Emotions were high and they finally left the church without admitting their faults. We have apologized for any fault that we might have done. We have searched our hearts, we have served them well but it just did not work out with this group of people. They now go to a big church and they are actively serving there. However, one or two people still contact some church members of ours and they try to undermine the pastor and the church by telling some of their "friends" at church about the issues they had about the church and they vent and vent and try to air their side of the story and of course they are the "righteous" ones and the pastor and the deacons are the "bad" ones.. I have prayed like David and have wondered why these "enemies" get allowed by God to continue destroying us by their gossip, slander and back-stabbing. I wish the Lord will deal with them and not let them get away with the hurt they have caused us. What do you think I should do? I have tried hard to move on. I feel that I can't trust people anymore since these people who have hurt us have been closed to us before all these things happened. Every now and then I get flashbacks of the incidents and the conversations and the hurt starts all over again. I think this has caused me to become depressed about church as a whole. I do believe God is in control but sometimes I feel I have been seriously burned by "church" people that there is not much joy left to serve. NOW please put some sense back into my mind. Have you been badly hurt like I was? THANKS for listening.

Separate Churches

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 02 Jul 2006 13:43:29 GMT

If your husband can't defend you and ANYONE is being threatened with physical violence, you both need to leave or call the police. Going to another church won't help. It will probably antagonize people more. You'd do well to develop the flu or something vague and manage to stay out of sight, if you have to, for at least a Sunday or two. You get a break and your husband won't have to worry about you while he deals with problems. But don't continue to put up with a situation like this. Do you have relatives who might take you in for a little while, with or without your husband. A relative you might go "take care of" while your husband works things out - if that's even possible? I'm NOT suggesting you work behind your husband's back, but if things are really this bad, talk to someone in your denomination and tell them what scares you. They need to hear it from you, too. If you can't get help, get out. Stay home. Do you have children? Keep them out of that place. You don't owe anybody an explanation - really. I don't say this unkindly, but just make sure you don't do or say anything that makes it harder for your husband. And I know that's hard to do because I've been places where I've been tempted to clean somebody's clock. I do know it can be that bad. My husband came a hair way from having to tackle a guy who was about to lay a hand on me in a church conflict. It can get to be just as bad in the church as the world. I understand. You aren't alone. But don't let this continue. Do something soon. When it's this bad it won't just "work itself out with a little time. " Do not be afraid to call the police. It won't be the first church fight that needed assistance. By that time there is nothing that will hurt the church's witness any more. You might save someone from more harm.

7/29/05 -- Harry Potter

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 12:03:05 GMT

What is your opinion of the Harry Potter series of books?

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the sixth in the Harry Potter book series, sold 6.9 million copies in the United States in its first 24 hours - averaging better than 250,000 sales per hour and smashing the record held by the previous Potter release, according to The Associated Press.

Desperate for Confirmation that I'm Not CRAZY!! (or alone in life and ministry)

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 07:47:43 GMT

Sisters--

Oh how I need to talk to you! I have been struggling with my problems alone and been scared to open up to anyone in my church...even other staff wives. My spirit does not lead me to trust that I can tell our story without someone feeling the need to share it with others. I try to explain this to my sister (who is my only sounding board and lives far away) and yet, because she is not in ministry she does not know how risky it can be to be honest about the struggles in our home. We've been in ministry 18 years...met in seminary, both called to ministry, but now I find myself isolated in an unhappy marriage with a work-aholic husband who gives his best to everyone else and brings the tired, stressed out leftovers home to us. Me and my children do not get the best of him...the church does and I resent it! I am a stay at home Mom and I do EVERYTHING around here...his focus is totally on the church and helping all those in need. We come dead last! He wouldn't agree. He does not see our marraige is in such sad shape as I do. We have allowed isolation to grow between us.

So, I ask you. How exactly am I supposed to keep ministering to my church family through all the hats I wear and hide the fact that I resent my husband giving his best to them and not to us? I feel like I have really tasted depression these past few months. There are days I feel hopeless and don't want to do anything. Does he know? Yes, I've told him, but isn't it true that in the plumber's house the sink is stopped up?? Well, in our house, the counselor doesn't know what to do. He knows I'm moody, angry and hurt. He has seen me cry plenty. We have been to a marraige conference in the past few months that I planned for and arranged, the movie "Fireproof"(that I got the babysitter for) and yet, we've basically given up on trying to have the marraige relationship we thought we'd have. I put my energy into our kids and home and my areas of ministry responsibility. He puts his into our church. I wonder if he knows how wrong it is to nurture others rather than his own family? He has No boundaries. He will go to great lengths to listen and counsel others. This is so wrong and hurtful to me. I don't feel preferred or loved.

I feel so alone in this life. I desperately want his friendship and for us to be in good communication and going in the same direction in our home. I hate what resentment is doing to me. My kids see us argue and I see how it affects them. They don't like it. I swore I'd never do that to them, but I'm sick of being taken for granted. I wonder will the church be there when we fall apart?? Where will his ministry go?? What kind of impression are our kids going to get about God when their parents fall apart?

We are 2 years into a new church plant and we are juggling every job and responsibility. God continues to multiply our church and bless every effort and it amazes me! Obviously we are under Satan's attack...on the front lines here. I just feel that Sunday's are great but the rest of the week I am isolated, overworked at home, lonely, angry and he is unavailable. I don't want to live a LIE....but I don't know who to turn to for help. Don't get me wrong my husband is talented and engaging and being used by God. He's just out of balance and I resent him! My heart is getting harder and I feel bound up. I feel burned out on ministry and marraige. Help! Please tell me I'm not crazy!!

I want to Praise God for..

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 14 May 2010 16:57:36 GMT

my husband...I got married last August after following and waiting on Jesus for 25 years!

my new job in a new city as of Jan 2010 in answer to many prayers...after driving 3-4 hours daily back and forth to my old job.

again I praise God for His Faithfulness and timing!!

someone said God is never too late. (i dont personally understand all of the process but i think there is a ring of truth to it).

Pastor to Pastor: "Keeping Your Spirits Up" - Guest, Tommy Nelson

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 20:42:41 GMT

Can you relate to Tommy Nelson?

Youth Pastor's Wife--About to Burn-Out but can't

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 07:41:08 GMT

This is my first time posting and I'm so thankful to find a safe place. My husband is the youth director of a major church in the southwest. He's been a youth pastor for the past 7 years. I always knew I'd marry a yp, and I do love it! However...I feel like I"m on the verge of a breakdown. I can't describe it in any other way than that I feel like I'm slowly drowning without anyone knowing---but I can't cut anything out of my life right now to relieve the "pressure".

Where to begin...I work full time from home and have 3 kids under 5. So many times I feel like a single parent. My husband is GREAT with our kids when he is home. He is over Jr. High, Senior High, and College ministries (which he is about to launch). I feel like he is working so hard to serve the Lord at our church, but he gets criticizm all the time. I volunteer in the HS group and we both (my husband and I) do "life" w/ our HS kids all week. We have them over for dinner, go to their games, concerts, etc. We don't have much money but spend what we can when we can w/ our HS kids. But we feel it's never enough. The church is in a wealthy area and the expectation is so high.

Last week, the mother of two of our HS girls passed away from cancer. I am sponsoring a blood drive in her mom's honor this week. It has been a lot of work and I am partly doing it to help make my husband look good. He is great with the kids, but through all the criticizm, I see his passion fading and it makes me so sad for him. I truly believe we have been called by God to this church, if nothing else for the two girls who just lost their mom. It is just so discouraging to work harder than you have ever worked before to get told you need to do better. How do you know if your time in ministry is through?

Part of me resents ministry and the toll it has taken on our marriage, family, finances, personal time, etc. I want out! But I know I can't--I don't really have the choice. I feel ashamed to even want out.

I just don't have anyone to talk to about this. Friends at the church aren't safe, and you can't truly confide in other pastor's wives at the church--or nearby churches, family doesn't understand. I don't have time for myself, let alone anytime to make friends. This is not how I envisioned my life...so sad on the inside but trying to be fun and happy w/ the church kids on the outside.

I don't want my kids to grow up resenting church either b/c dad (and sometimes mom) are gone so much. I feel stuck...

04/13/07 -- Church Hoppers

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 12 Apr 2007 12:55:30 GMT

Why do you think people switch churches?

Daughter dating a pastor

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 03:55:03 GMT

Thank you for your help and prayers. I needed to pull this off of here.

Message was edited by: troubledmom

Are you a private chauffeur?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 09:21:42 GMT

Has anyone had the experience of someone expecting you to drive them around like a private chauffeur or free taxi service? Last summer a little girl and boy who live about 2 blocks from us came to VBS and ever since their mother seems to think I offer a free taxi service. I have taken her to a job interview and to get her food stamps, which were probably legitimate reasons. And I've taken her places when it was convenient and I was already planning to run errands. I also pick up the children for midweek church activities. (The parents have never come to a church service.) I have also refused when it was not convenient - like last Saturday afternoon when I was trying to finish laundry and get ready for a family outing and she wanted me to pick up some carry-out fried chicken she had ordered. A neighbor could have picked it up with their order but she thought she could get someone else (me!) to get it instead. No, I'm sorry, I'm busy.

Yesterday was the one that broke the camel's back. In the morning I took her to the video store so she could buy a new video that was coming out. We "had" to be there at 10 when the store opened so she could be at the head of the line. Since I needed to go to a nearby hardware store I just dropped her off, but in a few minutes when I got back to the video store, she was not there. After waiting about 10 minutes she finally came back from the store next door. Just as I got back home at 11:45 from finishing my errands, the phone rang and she wanted to know if I was busy. Well, yes, my husband and son were due home for lunch in a few minutes. Then at 1:30 I was in the bathroom taking care of business when the doorbell rang - twice. Followed by loud knocking. Guess who? I almost didn't answer because it was very inconvenient, but I have been expecting a repairman and thought it could be him. She wanted me to take her up the street (no more than 4 blocks) to a restaurant to pick up something. That's when I lost it and told her I could not be her private chauffeur.

We live in a small town and the only public transportation requires 24-hour advance notice, which of course won't work for her when she wants to order carry-out! Also, she has never offered to pay gas money but that's a minor issue to me. I feel that it is a positive Christian witness to take her when I can but I also feel that she is taking advantage of me. My husband reminded me yesterday that Jesus rebuked the crowd when they were only following him for free bread so I don't need to feel guilty for refusing her at times.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of situation or have any suggestions?

01/29/10 -- Effectiveness of Sermons

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 17:52:51 GMT

How effective do you think your sermons are at inspiring change?

According to a recent study by the CODEC Research Center at St. Johns College in Durham, U.K., "nearly 100% of churchgoers look forward to sermons, but only 17% think preaching changes the way they live." What do you think?

Pain in search for the cure

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 21 May 2010 20:01:01 GMT

I've been a cutter for 8 years. I've recently gone to counseling and gotten on an anti-depressant to help me think more clearly. These have helped tremendously. It's been a month and a half since the last time. The longer it's been, the harder it is not to go back. I really need more health. I am back home from my first year of college and away from my counselor that was helping me. My parents don't feel it is worth it to drive an hour to go see her. If any of you have conquered this, can you let me in on your secrets. I want to hope again but I am so lost that I feel I never will.

Wondering what is God's purpose for me and my family right now

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 20:55:59 GMT

I was in a bad car wreck 6 weeks ago and it crushed my right ankle and broke my leg. Not to mention being really banged up and bruised up!I had to have a serious surgery to try and fix my ankle and leg and will probably never have full use of my ankle again. Thank the Lord though my 6 month old granddaughter was with me and she didn't get a scratch on her! God had his arms wrapped around her. The wreck wasn't my fault, a guy pulled out in front of me. However I had just had surgery 4 weeks before this wreck. And about 3 months ago suffered a nervous breakdown. All this has really floored me and my family. I'm now in a wheelchair until around Christmas not being to walk at all on my leg. I would just love to talk to others who have/are been through such trials and what helped them when they get really down. I'm so thankful that God spared my life( Paramedics said it was a miracle I lived) and my grandbabies life. I know God's not ready to take me home but there are some days when I'm just so down and just question , WHY? I know God has a purpose for us all and for everything and I'm really trying to keep up my faith. I would love to hear how you coped, scriptures, books, websites, etc. I have lots of time on my hands since I can't walk so I do lots of reading. Thank you and God Bless!

Angie

07/20/07 -- Talking Jesus Doll

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 13:22:13 GMT

What do you think about the inclusion of a "talking Jesus" doll in the faith-based toy line that is now available in stores?

Is there place past "burned out"?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 02 Jan 2006 13:34:08 GMT

I feel like I've failed. Once again I feel like falling asleep for days even though that never helps. When I get up, my problems seem to still be there. Even in my dreams I envision something so well defined by scripture and full of joy, only to open my eyes and stand before a crowd of people only concerned with the next song to sing, or the reason why we should embrace the "bathed" people and let the others to someone else. I am worn out, over boiled and longingly search for energy I used to have. I have even called myself the "failing preacher" much to the chagrin of my lovely wife. I feel as if I have failed, and I must admit, am starting to believe every ounce of it. I know that I am not a "pilgrim" treading on new ground. There are others before me that have run this very familiar race, and as Paul said, "have been successful." I am probably just a small voice in a storm. I can't live up to the expectation of the ex-ceo's that have infected our church with the "business" attitude. Church has never been a business to me. I'm just the mail guy in Gods company (and very thankful to be one too). I'm finding it hard to even muster a smile to those who expect it from me.

I love my Lord. I love my wife. I love my kids. I can't subject them to this pain anymore. I love You Lord God and You saved me. I am FOREVER grateful for that. But how can I pastor in such a place that doesn't even WANT Your vision? Back to my basics. I love You God, my wife, my kids and THEN the ministry. I will not ever again reject that order. I am sorry Lord.

Licking my small (compared to Yours) wounds,
Matt

I have been out of the ministry for 5 years now because the last pastort i had ended in a bad way........but now i feel God calling me back to the pulpit.......can some one help me

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 20:46:37 GMT

I need help in getting over the past in my ministry. I was done very bad and have not preached for 4 years but know God is calling me back.

Online Groups/Blogs For Those Renewing Declining Churches?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 14:08:46 GMT

Do any of you know of any online groups or blogs that are aimed toward those who are working to renew declining churches? I know there certainly must be one or more groups like this online. But so far I have not succeeded in finding a group where I can connect with others in this situation although there must be such a group given the number of plateaued churches in America.

Moderator's Note: Please be careful NOT to include live links in your response to this question, as they will be taken out of the posts. Thank you for your understanding.

Help for a Wounded Ex-Pastor's wife

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 11:14:46 GMT

!i/expressions/brokenheart.gif|src=i/expressions/brokenheart.gif|border=0!In the last year my husband was fired from our church where he was the founding pastor. We grew from 60 to 1000 in six years. My husbands strengths are preaching and teaching but his weaknesses are administration and conflict management. We were blind sided by the whole process. He was put on Administrative leave last Fall and was publicly slandered. They publicly shared that he doesn't listen well, has blind sides, doesn't submit to the authority of the elders and he should examine to see if he has anger issues. They removed him from the elder board and was not allowed to preach. He whole heartedly embraced the process and walked through it humbly and learned much. They cut the process short and fired him due to irreconcilable differences. The elders made charges with out two or three witnesses, they never brought anyone to him to reconcile if he hurt them. My husband tried to work through the issues Biblically but they did not want to do that. They told the congregation there was no moral sin or fiduciary. Yet we have been treated as if we sinners that need to ostracized from the body for which we loved and cared for. During the process we would still go to church and love the people and we would sit in the congregation as spectators. We truly trusted the elders that we would be back to the pulpit preaching to the body of Christ. That is a quick summary. He was fired on October 15, 2007. It has been a long 10 months and the Lord has met us in many ways and I feel very loved by Him. My struggle is I am very isolated, I have lost my body of Christ, friends, family, our kids have struggled spiritually but are doing better, my husband has new projects he is working on... he has said he will not go back into the pastorate, he is doing interim preaching for a church, my friends are struggling to enter back into my pain. As of now the Lord has not led us out of the city where we ministered so I live in the loss and see people from our congregation and they are loving but it hurts because I miss being in the same body. I do see a counselor periodically and she says I will be wounded for a long time and I have two older women that I meet with for which I am thankful. I feel alone and I need someone who understands what I am going through. I feel I have nothing to offer as far as ministry. Oh, our oldest child left for college last year and is gone all summer and my daughter leaves for college this fall and she is on a missions trip this summer. So two of our kids are gone and we have a fourteen year old at home who is lost too. Loss of church body, friends and identity. I know this is a lot of mess. I know God can do a redemptive work in the midst of the mess but it has been a long and dark struggle and I need some encouragement.Thank you,Robin

Kevin Benjamin

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 15:12:03 GMT

My son just got out of prison. He is born again. He is suffering from Hep C and is very ill. I live in Arizona and he has to stay in California. Please pray for Christians to be put in his path to come along side of him. Thank you and God Bless.

Secret Vote--We got the "Boot"

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 20 Oct 2005 19:07:33 GMT

Monday, at the elder's meeting, my husband was told that a vote was taken and he was voted "out". The next Sunday, he wrote a letter to the entire board saying that he will abide by their decision and start moving his stuff out. Discussion ensued and for some reason they took another vote to see if they would accept his "resignation". Since he DID NOT resign, my husband said that it was not necessary to vote to accept it. Everyone looked kinda blank and went ahead with the vote. Now they think that he "owes" them 60 days of preaching while they look for a new preacher--someone better, I'd have to guess! Anyone else think that's funny?Now for the really weird part. I am thrilled. I feel so free. I haven't felt this free in YEARS. Free to minister and love and serve without having to validate his paycheck. I have wondered what I do because I love and what I do to please the people with the $$. Now I get to find out. It is kinda weird staying and preaching for awhile where they have voted you out. What's with that? Any suggestions to handle a very awkward situation?Oh yes, the elders said that he was voted out because the numbers are down and the offerings aren't what they want them to be. They "like" us, they just don't think that we're producing the outcomes that they want to see. Some encouragement for my dear hard-working husband would be great. I'm really looking forward to the next few weeks of sermons!Tat

Family relationships: What has worked in your home?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 20:10:42 GMT

Share your experience and wisdom with other pastors. Let us know what has worked in your home with regard to improved family relationships. Ask questions, provide suggestions or warn others of what hasn't worked.

Too Close?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 04:03:14 GMT

I started writing this post 2 weeks ago, and then dropped it because I thought I was behaving jealously. But my deliberate observations have now led me to ask for help.
My husband & I have a friend whose husband is out of town on business, and won't return for almost a year. She is a precious person, with many admirable qualities and I like her very much. She is kind of a go-to girl for several ministries in our church. I have noticed in her husband's absence that she is craving male attention. Over the last 2 months I have noticed a progressive closeness she has sought with my husband.
My husband, myself, and our child all have been through a health-crisis year. He & I are now okay, but our child is touch-and-go. This has caused me to miss a church service here and there and a number of events. I began noticing that whenever he would come home he would talk about her and the conversations they shared after services/events. It has become this way every single time they are in the same room: every single time without exception. She deliberately seeks him out for any number of reasons. Even when I am there, she seeks him out, sometimes just the two of them in a private conversation. Other times, the three of us can be talking but no eyes are on me; it's as if it's just the two of them. I don't know how to feel.

I am becoming annoyed at their relationship. I believe my husband is only trying to be a good friend in her husband's absence. I feel if I say anything about their friendship I will draw them closer together. I've thought about just warning him of her need for male attention, innocent though she may be, rather than express how annoyed I am. I'm sure I'm not the only one who has dealt with this. I'd like some advice.

Pastor not leading, considering resigning from church

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 02:49:58 GMT

I am a member of a very small church and lead the nursery, women's group, and serve where ever I am needed. We have a praise and worship leader who also leads the youth that I feel tried to seduce me into an affair over the past winter. I came very close to an emotional affair with him but through the grace of God, confessed everything to my husband and immediately stopped contact with this man, who also happened to be married at the time. His marriage was bad and his wife had nothing to do with the church. They had two daughters one of which I am very close too.

Since I stopped communicating with him, he found another married woman to latch onto. He asked his wife to move out and she left with the daughter that I was close to and the other daughter stayed with him. He and the other married woman are now living together, and according to the daughter that I am close with are sleeping together in the same bed and are physical with each other, kissing, hugging etc. The other woman's son, who is 4, told my husband that he calls the man daddy and other inappropriate things. He is still leading praise and worship and we have postponed the youth group until Jan. I have spoken with the pastor regarding this and it seems to me that he is more interested in preserving the friendship than stepping up and repremending this man for his behavior. He and his lover sit together at church after he is done leading the praise and worship. I am no longer comfortable in praise and worship which used to be my favorite part because the spirit of adultery is present. I love my church and my pastors dearly, I just don't feel that he feels as strongly about the situation as I do. I am really considering resigning. I hate it for his daughter, he has basically shut her out. I feel anger and disrespect flowing from this man and I don't know what to do. Any advise would be appreciated.

06/13/08 -- The Pastor's Appearance

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 16:39:51 GMT

How do you feel a pastor should dress in the pulpit?

Children

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 05 Apr 2006 12:56:21 GMT

Just out of curiosity, If you have kids how old are they?...we have five all in differnt stages of like (keeps us busy)
Our oldest daughter is 18 and graduates in May, our next daughter is 16, a son who is 11, and twins girls who are 9...plus and 19 month old grandaughter.

02/06/09 -- Valentine's Day

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 09:25:20 GMT

What could a pastor do for his/her spouse on Valentine's Day (February 14)?

Organizing Sermon Notes

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 18:47:14 GMT

I would like some ideas on organizing my sermon notes. I seem to wind up with several composition books of notes and then can't find what I want when I want it. Does anybody have a better way of organizing them? I would like to know.

What do you think?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 04 Apr 2006 21:10:00 GMT

I have a question for you gals... I have heard so many ladies (especially young ladies) talk about feeling called to be a pastor's wife. I myself am a pastors wife but have never felt such a "calling". I feel that I was called to marry my husband and he is a pastor so that is what I am. What do you think? Did you feel a calling before you met your husband or before you were married?

A Blessing For You

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 10:26:19 GMT

Dear beloved sisters,

I felt led to speak a blessing to you today...

While your ears, eyes & hearts may have been overwhelmed by the hurtful, inappropriate, and negative things going on around you...

I want to bless you today in the name of Jesus of Nazareth...with an abiding sense of His presence...an overwhelming revelation of His great love for you...and with the assurance that the bible promises that the struggles we are going through WILL NOT LAST FOREVER...

I pray for you this day that the power of the resurrected Christ, who is in you, will shine through you to such a degree that you will indeed shine like stars in this crooked and depraved generation...

And that as you let YOUR light shine before all men...that you will have an impact of kingdom proportion WITH OR WITHOUT saying a word...

That the atmosphere of the glory of God will be flowing in and through you to such a degree that even creation itself will marvel at the glory of God that is being revealed through you...

I bless you with the ability to intimately know the Father, to know YOUR unique calling, and to walk in the assurance, validation and legitimacy of WHO YOU ARE in Him, regardless of what people may say, or think or how they may behave toward you...

I bless you with good boundaries and the ability to step into the wisdom and counsel of the most High God...for the Lord confides in those who fear Him...

I bless you with the fear of the Lord to replace the fear of man...that you may follow Him without reservation and without shame...

I bless you with every blessing in the name of the resurrected Christ Jesus,

May His resurrection power flow through you today!

love,
Sunny-D

need prayer for a job

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 21:39:44 GMT

I am needing all the prayers i can get , i do know that when one prays it sends a thousand and if one or more it sends 10,000. So i am asking for anyone to pray for my family situation. This morning my husband got laid off of work due to the company not having enough for all the employees to work .My husbands name is russell. And with out help from God moving in our situation, we will lose our home, (which we have no where else to go or no one to stay with) , and we have three children , i need a miracle and fast , i know times like these i just want to give up but i believe God has something in store, also pray no matter the situation that i hold strong and dont let the enemy come in and steal or destroy anything. For all the ones out there that are praying for our family. I do want to thankyou and i pray that God blesses each and everyone of you all. Take care and thank you for all your support.

06/19/09 -- Summer Vacations

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 16:45:07 GMT

Have you made plans for a fun-filled summer vacation?

Check out H.B. London's blog, "The Heart of a Pastor," where he encourages a scheduled time to reconnect with your family and even your Lord.

Soon to be pastors wife and scared!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 20:00:45 GMT

I am so happy that they have this site for families in the ministry!! I am a stay at home mom to my two wonderful boys 4 and 11 months. Let me start by saying I adore my husband and we have a wonderful marriage. That being said I am a soon to be pastor's wife and I am scared! My husband is on internship and while it has gone well for him, and is affirming his call. My kids and I are kind of left in the dust. I don't feel like I am being called to be a pastor's wife. In fact I have never felt so far away from God before! The seminary process has been stressful, unpredictable, hard on my 4 year old, and very hard on me. Since we have been on internship I have made NO friends here and no one has taken an interest in welcoming our family. My husband is gone... a lot, and I sometimes feel like a single parent. He is normally a very attentive father and husband. Things feel like they are slipping away. I am many friends who are also away on internship with their husbands and none of them seem happy. Is this what ministry life is suppose to be like? Why would I want this life for my children? Is there any hope of my family being happy in the ministry or should we get out while we still can?

02/03/06 -- Black History Month

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Feb 2006 15:17:33 GMT

Does your church celebrate Black History Month in February? If so, how?

DAYS OFF

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 09 Oct 2006 14:08:59 GMT

You know after 18 years in the ministry, we still haven't really figured out when exactly would be the best day to take off of 'work' (pastoral mininstry). Mondays, ya know we got the Sunday Ministry 'Hangover'...so wiped out in different ways. Tuesdays..normal days with school, schedules etc..Wed. church night, Thurs. same as Tues. and then there is Friday. But, if you sleep in on Mondays and some Mondays you wind up vegin all day then you can't take Fridays. HELLLLLLLLLPPPP! What's even harder, is when your husband has to work on the side and people expect him there all the time (of course he needs the money)..then in my particular case I homeschool.
So, what do you all do? When do you take off? Where do you go? What all do you do?

Is it okay to allow a person to teach VBS that is living with someone?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 27 May 2009 21:26:59 GMT

I am wondering what your opinion is on me allowing a woman in my church (non-member who is saved but is cohabitating with an unsaved man) teach the 2 & 3yr old class. They have been together for 10 yrs and although the woman has been saved the man is still holding out even though he has been at church almost every Sunday for 2 years. He is very close, but committment shy (which is also why he doesn't want to marry). If I do not allow the woman to teach this most suredly will push the man away from church. What are your opinions on this?

Specific ministry

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 19:28:33 GMT

I am 'The Disabled Chaplain'. I am also a U.S. Army Veteran who, having been disabled in the line of duty, sought to fulfill an unmet need in my community. My ministry addresses those with disabilities, their families, caregivers and friends. We have specific wants and needs. We have unique questions and sometimes unique answers.

Are there any other chaplains, pastors, ministers or missionaries who deal specifically with the disabled community?

God Bless you in your mission!

Steve

Thanks, Ladies!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 08:01:20 GMT

Dear all,For awhile the message boards were so negative about EVERYTHING that frankly I got more depressed just reading them. Somewhere in the past few months there has been a drastic change. We have started being more upbeat and encouraging and I enjoy reading the messages very much. I know we all need somewhere to vent--and this is a great place for that, but the change in how we vent is very welcome to me. Thanks to all of you for your encouragement because often we don't get much from other people. God bless you all.

Wounded Pastor's Family

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 21:46:33 GMT

It has been over a year since my husband was fired. God has been our personal God and has met our needs and hurts in a huge way. But it seems we are always sifting through more layers.

Since we lost our family, friends, church our Christmas holidays are not normal. If we don't have family for a holiday we will have friends. But since some of our friends betrayed us at the church we don't have them anymore. We do have people that we could of invited but they have other plans.

My kids are going through another loss. It is so sad to me. The two oldest are home from college and they will experience the loss again.

Pray that we can have a meanful holiday where Christ is the center.

Robin

Left Ministry

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 13:28:20 GMT

I have been reading the pw forum for a couple of years, but now I'm not sure if I fit. Due to many reasons, my husband and I chose to leave church ministry. We were both tired of our family being hurt, and the benefits didn't outweigh the negatives. My husband was second career when he went to seminary, and has gone back to his first career. I know he's not happy. We've had to move in with his father, (not the best situation, but no choice with little income and no savings), an angry middle schooler who was just starting to make friends after another recent move, and the hurt of not being involved in a church. Was our reading on God's calling wrong? I'm confused and hurt and know from friends left behind many things are falling apart at the church we left. We have great friends in this area, but after God dragging me with him to help me grow and serve him in church ministry, I feel lost as a "normal" person again. What now?What to do?

On the Brink of Divorce

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 10:33:54 GMT

I have been married for 21 years. We have a 15-year-old son. My husband is the pastor of our church. On September 1, he told me that he doesn’t love me anymore and he wants to end our marriage. There has been no unfaithfulness on either side.

He told me that he would go to counseling, but it wouldn’t change anything. He could say all the right things, but he thought it was a waste of time. We went 4 times.

It became unbearable to be in the same house. We were polite to each other, but still not resolving our problems. He was leaving the house each night from 11:00 p.m. – 4:30 a.m. because he couldn’t sleep at home. It made him restless. He said he would just drive somewhere and sleep in his truck. This went on for about a month. I would wake up and notice him gone and it just hurt even more. So, on this past Friday, I took some advice from Love Must Be Tough and rattled his cage door. I told him that I was tired of him making a mockery of our marriage by leaving each night. We both needed a good night’s sleep and I suggested he stay in a hotel. He went right away. He called on Saturday and said he would stay away for a few more nights.

After Sunday morning’s worship, we discussed our situation. We agreed to separate and he resigned from the church that night. Now, he is looking at apartments and looking for another job. It seems so final that we will divorce. I don’t want this at all. I have tried to back off and give him space. I told him that we could wait a few weeks and see how things are going but he doesn’t seem interested.

On Sunday, the deacons will explain to the church that we have separated and he has resigned. I spoke with our associate pastor today and he says they will have a time or corporate prayer during both services for our marriage. I know that God can work miracles in hopeless situations. I am praying that the power of the prayer from the saints of our church will be the beginning of change in our situation.

Is there something else that I should try to do? He is pretty determined to end it and is talking about our finances and how to divide assets. He has even dismissed the negative impact this will have on our son. He won’t read any book about divorce or reconciliation. He doesn’t confide in anyone for support. It seems so final.

Education

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 14:19:13 GMT

Who accredits Christian colleges and seminaries? So many seminaries say they are accerdited however I am finding out that they aren't and so many churches won't talk to you unless you have a masters or a phd. I am also looking for an online seminary or christian college to complete my education that I started so many years ago. Any and all help needed.

07/11/09 -- Marriage Linked to Obesity

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 15:04:34 GMT

Does marriage make you fat?

New research, according to CBS News, says that within a few short years of getting hitched, married individuals are twice as likely to become obese than single people who are dating (see the 7/11/09 edition of The Pastor's Weekly Briefing).

01/15/10 -- Prayers for Haiti

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 18:01:39 GMT

Would you share your personal prayer for Haiti with us?

03/07/08 -- Pagan Roots?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 14:23:29 GMT

What are your thoughts on Barna's claims that our current Christian practices originated from pagan roots rather than a biblical foundation?

George Barna's new book, Pagan Christianity? Exploring the Roots of Our Christian Practices (co-authored with Frank Viola), contends that many of the practices of the conventional church do not have a biblical foundation, but are based on pagan practices adopted by Christians in the second century or later (see 03/07/06 edition of The Pastor's Weekly Briefing).

10 Lies theChurch Tells Women

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 15:24:34 GMT

This book came highly recommended to me by another woman pastor... Has anyone read it? Thoughts???

Ministry Frustration Taking Me Over the Cliff

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 16:35:33 GMT

I have been a pastor for almost 16 years. I started pastoring at the age of 24, and am the son of a pastor. The first church I pastored was a traditional church and I had many issues there such as the power struggle of deacons, lack of commitment of the people, salary increases, etc. I left the church 3 years ago and I am in another traditional church which is much larger but there is no commitment from them, no desire to improve, trustee chairman has allowed the church facilities to go wasted and he does clean the sanctuary and restrooms as need be. The chairman of the deacon board is someone that is power hungry and does nothing but sit and point. This church has been in decline for years and knows greatness but many are advanced in years and will not give, commit, or help in needed areas except to complain. To top matters off, I came to this church into full time ministry. This is one of the incentives for me leaving my first church because they did not have the funds to support a full time pastor. I had an exceptional government job paying me well and taking care of my needs. I came here in good faith with a signed contract that promises to give me a cost of living raise every year and I have yet to see one. I am contemplating leaving or going back to the government job and maintaining this congregation. I need some answers. To add this, the church wanted me to come in and clean up some of the fiscal, operational, and spiritual messes. In which, I have fulfilled everything written in the contract and yet they do not support me based on their covenant agreement they gave to me. Help me out, give me some insight and words of wisdom.

Dealing with "Joy Suckers"

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 21:26:47 GMT

H.B. London Jr. often refers to what he calls a "joy sucker," a member of your church who, with every encounter, sucks the heart out of you. How do you deal with the "joy suckers" in your congregation?

intervention

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 20 Apr 2006 12:44:01 GMT

Hello sisters,

For the record, my name is Sunny-D. I didn't have a clue what I was doing when I created my account and I didn't realize the username would show up on every single post. Sorry for the confusion. At least I figured out how to change my face to a girl!

I am preparing for an intervention with my husband. There are a couple people willing to do it. We have exhausted every possible angle including marriage counseling (he refuses) and the Matthew 18 process. There are things that happened this week that brought me great discouragement in our marriage, and with our kids.

I could use prayer cover as I am making some really difficult decisions. I want to stay married - and yet I want to give up. I am so tired. Please pray for wisdom in the process - and that those who are willing to help with an intervention will know what to say - how to say it - and that my husband won't turn around and quit the pastorate out of anger - but that he will get some real help - and be willing to deal with brokenness in his own life.

Thanks!
><>
Dawn

I need help in africa

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 09 Nov 2008 09:18:52 GMT

I am married to an African Nigerian Pastor and a few months ago I moved here to help him in our ministry from the Us, I left all.my home,job,transportation,family to come here and do a work in ministry along with my husband. We have had to contunually struggle finacially,spiritually,but most importantly eotionally and physically. I am t a totoal lost . I do not no what to do but I am believing God for His help. I came here against the wishes of my spirutal Father who now does not speak with me and has sternly advised me on coming here with my husband and my differnt cultural backgrounds as well as spirtual levels and growth. Nevertheless against his Godly advice and wisdom , I left and now have had to suffer nothing but constant physical and emotional abuse from my husband, even now i worry that he will find out that I am writng this and signed up for this forum and beat me. I feel that it is best for me to go back to the Us but he will not allow it and has taken my passport,money,credit cards and all of my clothing,shoes,and everthing possible to keep me from leaving. I went to the police here and in this country they do nothing, they allow woman to recieve beatings from thier husbands so I feel there is nothing I can do. My husband tells me that all i want to do is divorce him because I want to go back home , which is not true I just want to go where I feel safe. He has beat me several times and i now feel he may one day injure or kill me and I am way past scared. the only thing keeping me is my love for God and Him keeping me alive even when I am beaten. I do not know what to do but i am asking forprayer and helpful advice to this drastic situation. Thank you helpinafrica

02/05/10 -- The Most Influential Preacher

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 18:09:13 GMT

Who has been the most influential preacher in your life?

According to abpnews.com, Protestant pastors ranked Billy Graham the most inflential living preacher in a survey by LifeWay Reasearch [see the 02/05/10 edition of The Pastor's Weekly Briefing].

Help Me, my 10 y/o daughter just found porn on my husband's computer. What should I Do?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 02:07:46 GMT

I actually thought today was going to be a good day until my daughter told me that she was trying to upload some pictures to her e-mail account and came across some pictures of naked ladies on daddy's computer. I did not react. She seemed kind of confused. I went to check his computer. She came in the computer room and asked me if I wanted her to show me where the pictures were. I acted nonchalant and indicated that that wasn't necessary. His computer would not boot up. He came in and I indicated that the computer was not working properly. I didn't know that he was aware of what the kids had told me. While he was trying to figure out what was wrong, my daughters came up and told us that their 6 y/o brother was making inappropriate comments about naked ladies on dad's computer. My 10 y/o said stop saying that, you are talking about adultery. I was on my own computer in the computer room. I did not react. He sent the kids back downstairs and proceeded to work on the computer while sneaking furtive glances at me trying to gauge my reaction. After a few minutes he said, "I'm sorry."

He later tried to explain by sprouting all the correct words like, 'it's totally my fault, I haven't been in my work alot, I know I shouldn't use the computer alone,etc."

He left the room and later returned to ask if I would be okay while he went out for a while.

I heard him talking to my 10 y/old about how daddy had messed up and how he needed to say sorry but sorry did not seem sincere since he was only saying it since he had gotten caught.

I am numb, I want this to not have happened. I feel like I need to concentrate on increasing my income in I have to divorce him. My biggest problem is that I don't think he has the strenght to be delivered from this and I know I will have to leave him.

Preacher's Wife and Responsibilities

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 13:46:18 GMT

We started a church in the middle of 05. God has blessed and taken us from a small number to running over 100 in two years. My wife has been involved in a lot of the work (children's church, Sunday School, piano, singing specials, ladies meetings, even clerical at the beginning). Over the last year we have discussed the reality that I have really leaned on her too much to get things done. We now have a secretary for the clerical, have taken her out of Sunday School teaching, she teaches children's church 1 to 2 times a month. She still plays the piano, which she enjoys, and sings. She still guides our Ladies meeting, and now leads a ladies video study on Wednesday nights. We have three kids that are Junior High down to Pre K in ages.

She tells me today again that it is too much, and that she feels we stay so busy we are neglecting the 3 most important people. She said it would be easier if I could define what her role in the church really is supposed to be. She doesn't want to run everything, but would rather just be a part, but feels the pressure of what others seem to expect from her. How do you define the role your wife plays in ministry?

In my heart I want her to do what she really wants to do, and don't want her to serve out of simple duty to others expectations. Do any of you have these same conversations?

Pastor Buddy

02/26/10 -- Focus Ad Pulled by NCAA

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 22:24:37 GMT

What is your reaction to the NCAA pulling the latest Focus on the Family ad from it's website?

The Associated Press reports that a new banner ad from Focus on the Family has been removed from the sports organization's Web site. The ad shows a father holding his son, the title, "Celebrate Family. Celebrate Life," with a caption that reads "All I want for my son is for him to grow up knowing how to do the right thing," When hostile gay and lesbian groups began to complain, it was removed because of the perceived identity of Focus as portrayed in the liberal media, not the ad's message. Read the entire story in the 02/26/10 edition of The Pastor's Weekly Briefing.

Bankruptcy

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 09:45:29 GMT

What is you opinion of a pastor needing to file bankruptcy? Do you feel if a pastor has to pursue that path he loses his credibility to the point he should resign?

Do you ever...

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 19 May 2006 16:09:49 GMT

Those of you that have had issues within the church i.e. being fired, treated badly etc... Do you ever feel like you have post traumatic stress disorder?? We are in a lovely church and they really love us (ex: some found out that our car was in the shop and when we went to pick up the car the bill was paid!) and are good to us, but I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for a group to form against us. I know it is sin on my part because I am not trusting the Lord. Anyone else feel the same?

Lonely

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 25 May 2006 16:06:12 GMT

Hi,

I am new here. I have been a pastor's wife for almost seven years - this is our second pastorate. I was a PK, pastored myself for a couple of years and now am married to a pastor - who I love, although things are sure not problem free. We have four young children. And I am so lonely I wish I could just die. I have been lonely for so long and I don't know why. Well, I know why in one sense. I can't make friends. Not in this church and not in the other church but this church is worse. I think there are people who love me - know there are - but time and time again I sit there as they talk about this party they all went to or this coffee hour they all were at. Their kids get together and they do too. I sit there smiling and aching inside. My parents came from the thought that pastors shouldn't have friends in thier congregations. But now they sit, with no friends from the church they pastored for thirteen years. I can't live like that.

To add to it, I don't know if I believe in the concept of church anymore. I believe in God - love Him - but I sit there and watching my husband pouring his life into these people and they are just content to do the same old thing. It seems so far from what Jesus was doing. But am I doing what He was doing? No.

This is a downer. I am really having a rough time. I will introduce myself better in the introduction category.

CAM Comments from Pastors on Their Families

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 05 Oct 2005 10:11:15 GMT

As a pastor, how has Clergy Appreciation Month impacted you and your family?

Best Advice!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 17 Oct 2005 19:10:14 GMT

As a pastor's wife...

...what is the best advice you've ever been given in relation to the church?

...what is the best advice you can offer others through your experiences as a pastor's wife?

Sharing tidbit phrases or full fledged stories would be welcomed.

11/17/06 -- Popular Culture

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 16 Nov 2006 11:07:30 GMT

How informed are you about popular culture? Do you believe that you are able to significantly impact your congregation without some degree of knowledge concerning popular culture?

Ellison Research has just released results of studies that show Protestant ministers are less informed about popular culture than are the people to whom they are ministering.

Job Search

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 02 Nov 2006 18:47:55 GMT

I resigned from my church last spring without a call. I've looked at some job boards, eg Interchristo, etc, and am working with my association on possible calls. Is anyone away of sources for connecting with churches looking for pastors, particularly conservative Lutheran pastors who love God's word and are concerned with evanglism?

PRAYER PARTNERS

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 12 May 2006 20:40:51 GMT

Just wandered, if anyone had a prayer partner they could call or meet with that you can pray with. (other than your husband...though that should be the first person to pray with; if you can.)
Is that person local or long distance?
Mine is long distance...but God is placing a burden on my heart for someone to partner with me. I do pray with my soul-mate...but I would love to have a friend...a 'Jonathon-David' soul-prayer partner. My long distant prayer partner was my local one until we moved.
Just wandered.

Am I A Failure?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 14 Jan 2006 10:34:52 GMT

     I have been a wife and mother the last 27 years of my marraige. I did not finish highschool out of boredom and wanted to get married. I felt I was ready and had found the mate that the Lord wanted me to have.
     A few years ago I felt the Lord telling me to get my GED and I did it by just taking the test. I passed with no problems. I did not even have to study.

    Am I failing as a pastor's wife by not getting more education? I help my husband with a lot of his papers for seminary, but I just can not get myself motivated to try myself. I know that I would be more affective in ministry if I did.

    Both of my children are through school so I have nothing that would prevent me from doing something. I just do not know where the Lord is leading me. Please keep me in prayer and give me some good advice.

    Should we be a educated as our husbands? Let me know how much education most of you have aquired and was it worth it?

last update for a while

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 18 Oct 2006 19:18:16 GMT

this will be my last update for a while. My DH still does not have any leads on any churches, we have about 10 looking at us but they are also looking at others along with us and our money has run out so on the 30th of Oct. we will be moving home to georgia to mother-in-laws home, putting everything in storage and trying to survive an already crowded home. Please pray for me, it seems as though my faith and patience is still going to be tested to the fullest. Please also pray for our home to sell fast.I would also request that you pray for my girls, they are taking this move very hard. They don't want to let go of the very good friends that they have here and it is ripping my heart out seeing what they are going through.We will not have internet for a while and i will miss all of your advice and just the email fellowship. thank you so much for taking my family before his throne and lifting us up.!i/expressions/face-icon-small-confused.gif|src=i/expressions/face-icon-small-confused.gif|border=0!

Desperate

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 22:17:23 GMT

I must first admit that I find this incredibly difficult to even put to words, but I would very much appreciate the input of other ministers.

I was ordained in June and am now at my first ministry appointment. Going into seminary my passion was exuberant and full of life. I was drawn to the downtrodden and weary, and felt my call was to bring Christ to them. I felt God called me to ministry as a pastor, as a shepherd, though I too am one of His sheep, had you asked me 2 years ago of my assurance of my calling...I would tell you not a shred of doubt existed. However, since even two weeks into being in my ministry appointment I have felt as if every ounce of passion and assurance of my call has dissolved. I don't feel as if the ministry I'm pursuing is effective or purposeful. I fear that my lack of passion and compassion will cause spiritual harm to my people. The people of my congregation are loving, yet extremely needy (many suffering mental illness). I feel I have nothing of me to give them any more, nor is there any passion to even look for the resources. I fear I may have misunderstood the calling God has given me. I am seeking His face through prayer and scripture.

I fear leaving because I do not want to discourage my fellow seminarians, nor those who are pursuing their calling. In someways my church made me the poster child for pursuing the calling to full-time ministry and I do not want those who have supported me to take on blame. I have had much support from family and friends, yet I feel I have failed..even in the short 6 months I have been ordained.

I suppose this could be considered pastoral burnout...but in only 6 months?

If someone were to ask if I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, I would have to say yes, but not at the end of the tunnel I'm currently in. Perhaps in the tunnel of being a member of a congregation again, but not as the pastor.

Prayers and input would be much appreciated.

07/17/09 -- Church Camps Closing Due to Lack of Funds

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 17:16:30 GMT

How could the closing of so many camps affect the youth of your church?

Bob Kobielush, president of the Christian Camp and Conference Association, said that - due to the poor economy - dozens of camps nationwide ceased operating in the last three years and as many as 10-15 percent of the 3,000 church-affiliated camps may decide they no longer can continue to operate in the future (Google.com). [See the 07/17/09 edition of The Pastor's Weekly Briefing].

New pastors wife

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 23:43:05 GMT

Hello ladies, My husband and I are only less than a year into being pastor and p-wife. Our church is very small and we are losing a much loved family due to our lack of ministries and their lack of faith in this work. My husband wrote to our old pastor for advice and recieved it. Then my pastor husband asked if I agreed with two statements made by our old pastor: 1- His preaching is more self than spirit led. & 2- He is not very humble. I was honest and agreed with our friend. I did not elaborate b/c of my lack of good explanation. I can see my husband is very hurt. He doesn't agree with us but is prayerful about it. He has tried his best over the months and loves his calling. I know I can't lie or sugar coat the truth, but I hurt to see my Love hurting. How can I encourage him? PLEASE pray for him, us. Please write me back with your wisdom. TY & Love, picaflower

09/11/09 -- Church Marketing

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 17:32:32 GMT

What kinds of creative marketing techniques have you used to promote your church?

According to ChristianPost.com, Metro South Church in Trenton, Mich., has grabbed the attention of the local community and media outlets through a marketing campaign that includes signs signed by Satan [See the 09/11/09 edition of The Pastor's Weekly Briefing].

03/14/08 -- The Concept of Sin

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 11:08:01 GMT

How does your concept of sin compare with the latest study by Ellison Research?

Results from a new study released from Ellison Research finds that 13% of Americans do not believe at all in the concept of sin. But, a majority do (87%) and they have a long list. (See the 3/14/08 edition of The Pastor's Weekly Briefing.)

Need your prayer for continued guidance

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 19:00:36 GMT

!i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif|src=i/expressions/face-icon-small-smile.gif|border=0! Hi all gals.
It's been a while since I've been here and the forums look great.. I like the new changes.. awesome..
   I'm writing to ask prayer for my book which is being published.. pray please for continued guidance wisdom and direction.    I will be doing almost all of my media contact, publicity and marketing.. so it's a lot to do .. but again.. with Him.. all is possible, right??
   I ask that not only do you pray for that but for my continued health as I do this huge undertaking..

I'm no stranger to the site.. but have been to the forum... Again.. I'm so glad for the wonderful update and changes.. I will return.
I appreciate all your prayers too.. Lord bless..

05/19/06 -- Pastoral Stress

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 18 May 2006 11:04:35 GMT

What do you do to relieve stress?

Desperate need of Godly advise

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 22:25:43 GMT

Sorry this is long, and im rambling on, I just don't have anyone to talk to......
I've been a pastors wife for over 8yrs now, and at first it was fun and exciting, doing things for the congregation. But lately its just all getting to me. I work full time well paid job as a manager, which means that during my day, I have to focus on my very busy high demanding job and not on church issues, (which by the way does not stop the people in our congregation from calling me at my job with their issues, don't get me wrong, I love helping and encouraging them in their walk with the Lord, but its more pressure on me). Along with working 5 full days a week, I'm also busy with the ministry, Im the praise and worship leader, the person who is first at Wednesday night bible study to make sure coffee and cake is ready for everyone, I do the Sunday bulletins, plan church bbq, and lunches... to name a few, we also own a large ranch which keeps me busy. My husband does not have a job outside the ministry, (and any money he gets from the ministry goes back into the ministry) he gets to spend time with the Lord all day, during the day he goes and ministers to people, he has a very laid back day, he will even take other pastors or friends out on our boat, and call me at work to tell me what a beautiful day it is out on the lake and how much fun they are having. I love my husband and respect him, but this is all just getting to me. I only get one week vacation a year, (which I usually take one day at a time), but this year I had to take the week because we had to go to a ministers conference, that's great but, I would like to go somewhere to get some rest and restoration from the ministry. My husband does not understand why I feel the way I do. This is all driving a wedge between us, we are not close as we used to be, I think its because I feel resentment. He just told me today, that he has to fly to Minn, for a few day someone donated a RV to our ministry and he and a friend are going to fly up and drive it home. I feel this pain of resentment and jealousy of "why cant I get away and do fun stuff"...how come he gets to and all I do is work. My husband tells me that God blesses him because he is obeisant to God and im not..... I don't under stand that, what am I doing wrong, I think maybe its because lately im not doing things with a grateful heart, and God's not happy with me. There are times where I could just walk away from all of this and never look back, im just tired. Im sorry if im rambling on, I have no body to tell how I feel to. But im also very willing to listen to any advise you wise women have to offer. I said to my husband tonight, wouldn't you just love to get away and maybe go see the grand canyon?.. he said yes, someday I will take you there, when you learn to be obedient to me and God, (don't get me wrong, he really is a very nice man, and very laid back nothing bothers him)..... and Im willing to be obeisant, but im not sure how, please someone tell me what im doing wrong, I know if this continues my marriage will not last.....
Thank you all for letting me vent, this message board is so important for so many "hurting hearts behind the smiles"

It's why we hang in there

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 12 Oct 2005 20:06:53 GMT

It's 10:00 at night. My husband just received an e-mail from an 18 yr old girl in our church. She lived with her grandma, they're on welfare. The grandma died late last night and we just found out. The girl said in her e-mail she would try to find an apartment with a friend. The girl has latched onto my husband as a father and seeks his advice on just about everything. She's not one of the "pretty ones" - but she's the reason we stay in. She'll never advance my husband's career, give him a huge gift and may not even think to thank him, but she needs someone right now and because my husband is the pastor he has the wonderful privilege of reaching out to her.

pray for my husband

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 15:07:00 GMT

my husband has been gambling he makes sure that bills are paid and we have what we need but he dosnt see how this could break us apart. He is gone all day on saturdays and half days during the week and sundays. it is a strong hold that i can understand is very hard to let go of i also know that God can move mountains and restore a man to becoming whole. iam in love with him and i know that he is seeing God work wounders in his life he has even seen how God has blessed our family and helped him to regain so much yet he strugles to over come this part and give it all to God. I feel that with every strugle i have seen myself become closer to God. i dont want to lose faith and i know that where there are two parying GOd hears 4 so please pray for him and we may become closer to each other through this and even closer to god. thanku so much

03/13/09 -- Liberal Clergy

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 11:34:16 GMT

What's your reaction to the results of a survey identifying mainline Protestant clergy as more liberal than conservative?

Almost half (48%) of all surveyed clergy from the seven largest mainline denominations say they are liberal while 34 percent identify as conservative, says the Mainline Protestant Clergy Voices Survey by Public Religion Research [see the 3/13/09 edition of The Pastor's Weekly Briefing].

Three years and no friends yet

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 18:17:02 GMT

We moved to another state, far from our families, three years ago for my husband to take a youth pastor position. We were excited about this church for many reasons, including the fact that it has a large group of people our age (mid-to-late 30s), as opposed to our old church, which was mostly older people.

Three years later, my husband's ministry is going great and he's always getting compliments on how well he's doing. Our kids have friends and seem happy. But my husband and I have no friends. We feel like we have made efforts to make relationships, but out of all those people our age, no one has extended their hand to us. It seems like everyone already has their relationships and they want to keep them the way they are.

People are definitely friendly, but it's as though an invisible barrier has been put in place. People will be friendly and chat with us, but, in an unspoken way, it's been made clear that they don't want our relationship to advance past that.

I've been troubled by this for about a year, and I guess I let it go on too long because I've now been diagnosed with major depressive disorder (with no previous history of depression) and have started taking anti-depressants. This has made me bitter and resentful, and these are feelings I don't want to have toward my church family. I have recently tried to start making friendships outside church, which I should have tried earlier, because my depression leaves me too emotionally exhausted to start on relationships from scratch at this point. I have pulled out of most of my husband's youth group activities and programs because I've realized I cannot continue to minister to others without having my own relationships to be fed by. And I worry about my husband burning out eventually for the same reason.

I'm just angry that these people expect us to invest in their children but refuse to invest in us. And now I'm reading that lack of relationships is common with ministry families. I've been either a minister's kid or minister's wife all my life and I've never experienced this before. I've certainly never lived anywhere this long without relationships. I just want to stop hurting and being so resentful toward my church family.

I did share my feelings with someone at church who I trust, and she said that I'm the 4th minister's wife at our church (over a span of about 20 years) that has shared similar feelings with her.

Does this happen to anyone else? And what is the reasoning behind it? We hear from the pulpit regularly that we should welcome people in, but we can't welcome our own pastors and their families?

Beginning new church with negativity

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 15 May 2008 10:44:15 GMT

Hello.
I will soon be the new pastor of a small church. I already pastor one church of 30 attendees with service at 11am.

The other church of 15-20 attendees is losing their pastor and so I have been appointed to lead this church, but the service time will change from 11a.m to 9:30 to allow me to travel to the larger church ten miles away. I will be leading two churches.

There has been a report that 3-4 members have stated they will not come to a 9:30 am service. The negativity has already started before I even arive in July. What recommended steps would you take to curtail this negative feeling so the chruch has a decent chance at being a strong church even with the change?

One thought I have already thought of was to go a introductory letter to all members of the church before I arrive.

What is your recommendation?

+Moderator's Note: This post was edited to eliminate identifying information, which we strongly discourage. Please visit our "Welcome to the Parsonage Message Boards" page for further review of our guidelines on creating and posting anonymous messages to this forum. Thanks!+

How do you handle disrespect from a child in your church?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 02:23:25 GMT

My husband has pastored a small church for almost 12 years now and I have always enjoyed working with the small children there. I have had wonderful relationships with all of the kids that have grown up in the church and even the ones that visit. There is one child who is very disrespectful to me no matter what I do. His parents see this and so do all of the others in the church. Being the pastor's wife it is very humiliating for him to scream at me for no reason or when I smile at him he will stick out his tongue or give me a look like he could kill me. I am at my wits end with this child and I don't know what to do. Do I just ignore these actions or what? He can be so sweet at times but if he is in a bad mood (which seems to becoming more frequent) look out! If anyone has any suggestions please let me know!!

Friends in Ministry

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 11 Oct 2005 10:40:04 GMT

I am wondering how other minister's wives find friends in a new community. I am struggling with not having other women my age to be friends with. Our church is comprised of mainly people over 50 and I am 30 with 4 young children. I am a social person and really desire a close friend to go out to the movie or dinner with but haven't found anyone yet. Any ideas out there?

MsYouthMinistersWife

Broken Heart

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 15:38:09 GMT

Hello,

I have been a pastor's wife for about 10 years. I just don't know what to do. We are in a new ministry that God seems to be blessing by leaps and bounds~~people who are completely unchurched are being reached and that has been exciting~~we are almost the biggest church in town. We left an established (but complacent) church to come into a new area and begin this workI left family, friends, a great job and a very beautiful home. We now live in a place that you can see the ground through places in the floor, no bedrooms for our children, no indoor cooking, with NO modern aminities, not even a phone, (yes, we are still in the United States). I used to be head over heels in love with my husbandnow I just wish he would leave me alone. There are times when I look at him and think about how beautiful he is~~other women have made it a point to tell me they think that too~~but I don't think he likes me very much. I think he loves me~~I know that he does~~but he thinks that because he takes children to school, occasionally does the dishes and occasionally takes the clothes in to be washed that is all he has to do to prove to me that he loves me. However, he has humiliated me in front of other people when he thought I was not listening to his point of view in a crisis situation by raising his voice and saying "You just know everything don't you!" I played it off because I did not want to make anyone else feel uncomfortable but it absolutely wrecked me. This the second time he has done something like this in the last couple of months. I have a degree and could care for myself and my children comfortably if I was working, I don't because our church has absolutely exploded with growth and I am doing all of the secretary type work, he needs me to do that. I don't know how to help him. If I remind him of appointments and meetings he gets irritated~~if he forgets~~he gets irritated and he is VERY forgetful. He thinks he tells me things all of the time but does not and then gets irritated because I tell him he never told me and he says he did and then we end up in a big argument. Since he went into the pastorate ten years ago I have suffered awful depression (am back on an antidepressant now as of six weeks) and my whole view of church and even the Lord has changed. I used to feel so in love with Jesus now I just wonder why He has forgotton me. I feel disillusioned with "church" and "organized religion" it seems to be just all about politics and and strong wills. Lately I have found myself daydreaming about divorcing my husband, buying a cute little house and filling it with flowers and great booksso much pressure would be let off. He will not take any time off for us, he has not taken me out or spent any time away with me since about 2003. He says he is too busy and that we don't have the money but if someone at our church needs him he is there. I don't know what to do...I wish I could just run away from the whole worldkeep a dog, a cat, and raise my children. People would be shocked if they knew how I really felt. When I try to talk to my husband he just becomes very angry with me and tells me that I don't realize that his whole world revolves around me. I have to hear from other women ALL THE TIME about how "blessed" I am to have such a good looking and caring husband. He is a man that is beyond handsome, he really is beautiful, it dosen't bother me that other women notice, only once have I been bothered about that and that was when a women who did not know who I was, at a church function, went on and on about how well she knew my husband and how funny and caring he was...and on and on... it was her first time at chuch and my husband did not know her at all~~why do people do that? My husband won't even be alone with a woman in his office or at the church~~or in an elevator for that matter. I don't know what to do, maybe it's all me, maybe I am bossy, maybe the Lord is irritated with me as well. I truely don't know what to do but my heart feels so broken and I feel so lost and alone, can anybody out there hear me? Does anybody understand...

I'm stuck in between, what should i do?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 10:54:14 GMT

I've been married to a pastor for 5 years, we have 2 children aged 1 and 3.

Even before we got married, my mother in law is staying with my husband.

My husband promised me that we will buy another house and live on our own someday,

but right now we can't afford it, because we haven't finished paying the current house instalments.

Actually my mother in law is a nice woman, she helps us a lot.

But i can't stand to live under her constant care. It is like living under magnifying glass.

Almost everything i do is wrong. I am not allowed to cook, run the house, do the groceries, or make my own decision.

She does it all. She even buys my under-wears and decides what food i can eat or not.

In short, she treats me like her own daughter. I have a very "relaxed" lifestyle at home, just like a child

Many people say that I am very fortunate to be her daughter in law, but i want to be a real wife and mother.

I've tried to tell this to my husband many times, but he can only asks me to be strong, more patient, more understanding, etc.

He asks me to be a good testimony for her, because she is not Christian yet.

Sometimes i feel that is the reason why we "can't afford" to move out, he wants to bring her to salvation.

He has been trying for almost 3 decades now, but she is still refuse to accept Jesus as her saviour.

Things are getting worse when i tried to discipline my children.

Just like most grandmas in the world, she dotted her grandchildren, so much that (i think) she is spoiling them.

And they know that she is ready to fight for them.

I also had difficulties to teach them the Bible at home, especially when my husband is not present.

Anyway, i've done my part; at least i'v tried my best to be a good Christian wife, mother, and daughter in law.

But i failed, very badly. It is hard to do, and I can't stand it any more, so i decided to leave.

It wasn't easy though, my mother in law hid my passport and refused to let me go. But i did it anyway.

Actually i wanted to bring along my children, at least one of them, but i couldn't. They didn't let me do.

I'm not divorcing my husband, just can't stand to live together under this circumstances.

We still meeting each other, we love one another, and I'm still hoping that someday we will be together again.

I miss my children like crazy, and feel lonely to be away from my husband, but i can't go home now.

(i don't have a place called "home" now, it's my parents in law's or my parents' house).

Now i'm worry about my husband ministry. Right now the congregation he is pastoring don't know about my problem.

All they know that i miss my home country, and i'm staying back with my parents for a while.

I don't know how long can we maintain this status quo.

I don't want to be a stumbling block for him. What should i do?

P.S: We (my husband & i) went for counselling after my first attempt to leave.

After reconciliation, everything returns to "normal", nothing has changed.

I ignored my feelings (because feelings are deceiving), but after reaching my limit i couldn't stand it any more and tried to leave again.

It happened several times before i finally really go.

11/20/09 -- Family Dinners

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:52:05 GMT

What kind of difference do you think it makes for a family to have their dinners together on a regular basis?

Secularism in the Church

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 14:33:32 GMT

My expectations of the church are high ones as I think they should be. I feel that every time that you enter into God's house that it should be (notice that I said "should be") a "WOW" experience. Two years ago my wife and I moved back to our home town after my retirement from the military. Finding a church was difficult that provided spiritual food and a place were we felt loved. We found a thriving church in our area, we visited and it appeared to be close to what we needed. However appearances were deceiving. What we found was a "vegetarian church" (no meat). All the great programs and opportunities were in place both to worship and to serve, great womens program, Youth program, College ministry. However here is the rub, I visited the "Sportsman's club" which I was told was a bibilical perspective to sports enthusiists. What I found was just the opposite. It's name was exactly as it suggests "sportsman's club". No bibles (except for mine), no scripture read. I had thought after visiting the first time that this was an exception, a fluke, but it proved to be the norm. THis was a program that was (is) man centered and not God centered. I had asked the Education Director for the church if I could start a Mens Fraternity of which I felt God's called me to do so, and was shot down because she thought that the "Club was adequate. Disapointed I accepted this, and went onto to sign up for Wednesday evening Bible study. The first two Wednesday nights was good untill the last one, when the teacher of the Bible study started bragging how his wife loves her Margaritas and he loved his Pina Colada's. He also condoned the Secular activities in the church stating that we (the church ) needed them for growth. Am I asking, Am I off base?

First International Chocolate Fest

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 28 May 2006 22:16:35 GMT

My husband is certain I have lost my ever lovin' mind, but . . . . . . . . when it comes to chocolate!!! . . . . . Just couldn't wait till 8pm, Sunday night in my own time zone, Chloe, so I started with the -ish part of 8-ish you suggested -- in somebody else's time zone -- and nibbled right through three of them!!! Choco-covered M&Ms and York peppermint patties. Hot chocolate. (The devil's food cookies, well, got those Friday night. ) . . . . Thought of you all! . . . . . . One word of CAUTION: Do not let Hallmark get wind of this. They'll declare a new holiday, the price of chocolate will go sky high, and MWs will not be able to afford this comfort food. This will have to be a secret society of chocolate lovers. My kids liked the idea, though, and participated fully. . . . . . . . Bless you all!

moving related depression

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 09:33:16 GMT

Hi girls,

We just moved on July 20. It was a somewhat local move, but kids did have to change schools and most of my friends were connected to their previous school. So I am, like my kids, adjusting to all new people. I've shared before that I, like many of you, have moved way too much.

It's like I've snapped with this move. I am suspicious of everyone. My kids are struggling big-time in a new, very competetive parochial school. I feel so inadequate in that I don't even understand their homework. I am not sure this was the best decision on our part. Our kids are staying up so late working on homework and it's wearing out the whole family. My daughter went to bed with a fever last night, and still woke up early to study.

I think it would be traumatic for them to suddenly switch schools again after making a few friends, but I really don't think they can handle this school.

I am tired of meeting people who ask what degree level you have in opening conversation. And I don't like how this is turning my children into perfectionists.

My son has gotten a headache every single day since he started this new school. We're managing them OK with homeopathy, but it is very clear he is way to stressed.

We're calling conferences daily with some staff member at the school to problem solve when review material is rushed through that our children have never learned before.

Plus, my son has a learning disability.

the one major glitch is the school is in the same building as our church. If we left the school, it would be awkward. We have no desire to leave the church.

I am crying daily and becoming very depressed and withdrawn. I made an appointment to take care of my mental health needs on Monday. But somehow I have to make it through this weekend.

Also - since we've moved closer to the church, two weeks in a row now, each time I have gone to the grocery store, I have been confronted by something negative from a church member. The first one was gossipping about someone and telling me who I should associate with outside of our congregation. The second one was yesterday - a person who examined my shopping cart and began to tell me which stores I should go to for such items instead of where I was shopping - while that may very well be helpful advice - it felt like an invasion of privacy. I wish I could shop without the risk of running into people from church. My husband said last night that I might want to shop the next town over. I haven't had to do that in 5 years, but it just might be necessary to do it again since we now live closer to the church. How annoying.

Also - while I've been feeling depressed and withdrawn, one of my new neighbors (not a church member) has 3 times come to the front door when I was in the shower. All different times. I gave him my business card and asked that he call first in case I am working, but he insists on ringing the doorbell and glancing in the window to see if I am there.

I am a musician, a songwriter, arranger, worship director, and soon to be an editor for a magazine (training appointment next week Thursday.) I love to do creative work after the kids are off to school - after breakfast - before I take my shower and get ready for the day - in fact - once I shower - I get into "go" mode and seldom do creative work after that point. So I wait until my creative work is over to take my shower.

this nosy neighbor is interrupting the flow!

Thanks for letting me vent!

Sunny-D

Church Money Problems

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 06:08:30 GMT

As I stated in another post, "Things are rough at church". We are now having to consider the possiblity of going bi-vocational or leaving altogether, because the church cannot afford to pay the salaries of the staff any longer.

My delimma is this.....

Are we committed to this church for better for worse?
If we leave, is it lack of faith?

I feel like we would be abandoning the church if we left. I feel like we would be just "looking out for ouselves".

!i/expressions/brokenheart.gif|src=i/expressions/brokenheart.gif|border=0!

02/28/08 -- Your Physical Health

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 11:13:30 GMT

What kind of disciplines do you find helpful for achieving your own physical well-being?

Need help and prayers for depression and insecurities

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 12:02:31 GMT

Dear "Annabelle,"

Thank you for considering our forum community as you seek prayer for the difficulties you face. It's important to have a support system of friends who care.

I would strongly urge you, however, to call us and ask to speak with one of our counselors. We're here to help.

God bless.

searching for what God wants us to do next?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 15:36:27 GMT

Hi, I am asking for prayer for my husband and myself. We have been in ministry starting out my husband as a lay youth pastor and then becoming a fulltime youth pastor. I was a partime worship director. Then we were in the midst of spiritual battle something like Saul and David situation and to make a long story short that chapter in our life was over. We then decided to start a service/church plant geared toward the college age students in our community. That lasted for 2 years. Now we are doing nothing as far as church ministry. We have been advised from some to take a rest. I know for me personally I'm ready to be back in ministry with music. My husband is not ready and unsure about being back in ministry and I believe still hurt from all that happend with the previous minsitry positions. We are the type of people that serve from our hearts with all we have can give. Could God just not want us in ministry anymore? We need wisdom to go forward from our bad experiences and to put them in God's persective so we can minister again. We need help doing that though. . Please pray for clear answers for us as to what we should do next.

Thanks!

10/16/09 -- Volunteer Church Activities for Sex Offenders

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 18:00:59 GMT

What volunteer church activities do you believe should be offered to a convicted sex offender?

Are You Dealing With Cowards?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 10:25:28 GMT

Are you dealing with cowards? It seems that we are. I have lost a lot of people this past year in our church. Many people have left with no reasons given. I have visited, called, emailed, sent letters etc. all to no avail.It is getting very distressing and I am ready to leave this church. If there is something wrong with me... or something I am doing wrong that is causing people to leave, it is extremely difficult to deal with because I just don't know what to change or fix.I am in a small town, and most of our people drive from 8 -45 miles to come to church... which makes everything difficult. Services, Fellowship, Visitations... etc. The decline in our church has made it so that we no longer live from paycheck to paycheck and we are going backwards financially. No retirement, my kids have been on state health insurance plans because the church couldn't afford to give us insurance. I feel that my time here in this church is coming to an end. I truly love the people, but no one wants to get involved. My wife leads the worship and does children's church during the service times because no one else will make the commitments to do so. We have had great times of teaching, discipleship, mentoring, etc. yet people still will not commit.I am tired, and frustrated... Not even sure if I am asking a question or not... My wife and I feel like we are wasting or burying our talents and the best years of our lives... and may no longer be the right DNA match to this church. We have been here 5 1/2 years.

PRAISE GOD!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 23:39:12 GMT

Dear ladies,

I know this isn't the usual swapping of war-stories or comiserating that happens on this message board, but I'm going to take a stab at it anyway...
I've tried a number of times to stimulate discussion on praise reports and/or the things God is doing in our midst with very few responses. I am personally weary of giving the devil so much credit and really seek to DEmagnify his destroying work and his awful name at the expense of offending a few folks with...PRAISE REPORTS...So at the risk of ruffling some feathers (which can be a good thing) I am going to post ANOTHER ONE!

Two weeks ago our elders miraculously (believe me we go through hassles with them like all of you do too) voted to send us to a revival for 5 days in another state. Just prior to this trip I had rapidly progressing hearing loss. It was progressing so fast that my doctor wanted to do an MRI to look for a brain tumor.

The first nite we arrived at the revival, my ears literally POPPED OPEN! I first felt tingling, and then I HEARD everything suddenly get louder, including side conversations of people near me. Nobody touched me, nobody prayed for me. This happened during the worship.

The third nite we were there we volunteered to be on the pastoral ministry team. We prayed for healing for many people over a 4 hour period, but two in particular really surprised me. Both my husband and I prayed for people with deaf ears and TWO DEAF PEOPLE WERE HEALED THAT NITE!

Then this morning, I was a speaker at a women's meeting and EVERY WOMAN WHO CAME TO ME with deafness or ear infections was INSTANTLY HEALED.

Wow. What is God saying through this? I believe He is saying to the church that to him who has ears to hear what the Holy Spirit is saying...there will be an opening up of those who were resistant to God...a softening of hearts...a receptivity to hearing and receiving the gospel of Jesus like never before...

I am just blown away at these miracles and haven't even fully had a chance to process all of it yet...

But I wanted to share it with all of you because just like you we have church politics and money struggles and for the past 2 weeks our shower has been broken and I've had to take showers at neighbor's houses INCLUDING this morning when I had an early speaking engagement...and I am still recovering from oral surgery 1 1/2 weeks ago...

But God is good and greatly to be praised and whatever we confess with our mouths is what we pay attention to...and that which we pay attention to is what we invite...and what we invite is what INHABITS our praises...

I want to have GOD ENTHRONED on my lips!!!

So...

I speak mega, mucho, overflowing, saturating, abundatly radiating BLESSINGS over you in Christ Jesus this day and this summer!

Love,
Sunny-D

To Post or Not to Post

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 15:40:14 GMT

Since I am very new to these boards I am wondering why there are so many views on posts and very little in the way of replies?

I signed up here thinking that this would be a place to meet other pastors and be able to talk about things related to the position and simply be part of a community like this one.

Yet, what I have seen is very little to no response to posts placed on the boards. Maybe I just do not get it, but why come and look at all the posts and then leave without responding by in large?

Just a question that is all. Thanks for any answers that may come.

To pastor again or not to pastor again?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 06:02:14 GMT

I have been out of the minsitry for four years. Our church was going through a multi-million dollar law suit, and with pastoring a growing church and the law suit, I shut down mentally. I feel like God is calling me back into the ministry, but everytime I talk with a church I really don't care if I pastor it our not. I did pastor a church bi-vocational for about a year and a half and the church grew from 23 to 63 with a number of baptism's, but during the whole time I was there I didn't care if I was pastoring our not. I am leading worship in a church now, and I enjoy it, but I am not very committed to the church.