Focus on the Family Community : Popular Threads - Parenting

My daughter's dark secret...

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 02:59:52 GMT

It's been almost a year now since I uncovered a secret that forever changed my life. It is by God's grace that I am still of a sound mind. It was a Saturday morning, I was cleaning my daughter's room as I usually do. She was not home. As I worked throught the room I uncovered folded notes stuffed inside and in between books and notebooks. She has been acting so unlike herself for months and I felt I needed to read these notes if I were to ever understand why the odd change in her. The notes were from another girl. The writings were sexual in nature and every word that I read broke my heart. I felt like I was in the middle of some horrible nightmare, a bad joke. My kids spent their lives going to church and youth group. My kids were brought up with a Christian faith and love for Christ. How could this be happening? When she came home we questioned her and she finally admitted to her desire and attraction for other girls. She fell apart, she cried, she looked lost but she was not willing to let go of this lifestyle. We immediately went to our Pastor in desparation. He got us connected with a Christian counselor. We took our daughter for more than 6 months and still there was no change, no hope that she was finally seeing her sin for what is. She was not willing to let it go. We made a hard decision to discontinue the counseling as we came to realize that she was manipulating those sessions all too well, taking the focus off her sin and on to others. The public school system has not helped at all. They are busy providing an environment of acceptance for all lifestyles with their GSA (Gay/Straight Alliance) clubs. Teachers are afraid to stand up for their faith, afraid to rock the boat. Satan is after this generation like no other. He sees the endless opportunities and weeknesses of this generation. Now more than ever we must find ways to reconnect our youth with Christ. We need the parents to rise up for Christ and for their teens. I am still a Lost Mom...I don't have any magic answers, all I have is Christ. I pray for her, for her salvation, for God to reach into her life and separate her from this lifestyle. I just want her back. I miss her terribly, she is not the same kid anymore. So, to anyone else out there who is going through something similar...just know you aren't alone. Pray a lot. Pray for your kid, pray for their friends, pray for God's intervention. It may take months or years...no one knows. Continue to love your teen even though they are seemingly running from you and all that is good. Someday they will come home and you will want to be there. God Bless.

What is Bakugan?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 17:58:15 GMT

Does anyone know about Bakugan games? My 8 year old is begging for it. I haven't been able to find out much about it on the internet. I try to be careful with magical/fantasy things. What is everyone's thought?

18 Year Old Daughter in a Bad Relationship

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 17:41:11 GMT

This past year has been a nightmare for our family. Late last summer, our daughter began a relationship in secret with one of our employees. She is a Senior in high school and he is 9 years older. They were able to keep the relationship a secret until we found out in September. In the meantime, this "employee" had an injury (a questionable injury) on his last day of work and has been able to collect lost wages and disability from our business's workmen's compensation insurance. Because of this, he is able to be available at any time, hanging out in our town and basically staulking her. He comes from a broken home with no father figure, history of abuse, has a drug charge. She has always been a good student, involved in youth group, etc. with goals and dreams for college and beyond. He "became a Christian" this fall, which if true, hooray, but only God knows and his actions do not match his talk. The problem is he uses his newfound Christianity against us, taking scripture out of context and she believes everything he says. We have seen such changes in her and have had so many incidents of bad behavior, we are just lost and hurting. He has tried to take her from our home in the middle of the night, and then called the police when he did not suceed and said we were holding our daughter here against her will and were abusing her. That brought in more police questioning. Thankfully, our daughter said that none of that was true. We have had so many reports of her saying she was somewhere and then find out she was with him. Once she turned 18 she started telling us that she could do whatever she likes, because after all she is 18 and we have no legal rights. We have taken her to a Christian counselor, but unfortunately our daughter only told her what she wanted to hear and lied to her. Once the counselor started to figure out the truth and tried to help her face some of these things, our daughter wanted nothing more to do with counseling. It doesn't help that this guy gave her a cell phone (we took hers away) and she hides it from us, but she is in constant contact with him. I've also taken her to her doctor and started her on a mild anti-depressant as I know she has struggled with self-esteem. She says she wants to live at home until she graduates, but will not commit to her summer plans or college plans. He has told us he will be taking her after graduation. We try so hard to love her unconditionally, but her actions are so hurtful and you wonder what to do. We have told her if she leaves in the night again, she needs to find somewhere else to stay. We also have a 14 year old daughter and have tried hard to protect (and love) her from the situation, but it has been very hard on her too. We have always been a close family, as well as grandparents. She has done some hurtful things to her grandparents too. My husband and I have some great Christian friends and church family who have been praying non-stop for her (as we do) and we know God is in control. It is just so devastating. Please, please pray that she will see the truth and turn her life around before she makes more bad decisions that will impact the rest of her life. Any advise would be wonderful, we're at our wit's end!

needing proper punishment for a direspectful 14yr old

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 02:01:36 GMT

We have a 14 yr old daughter that everytime she is around her friends she becomes disrespectful and hurtful to her family. Now I know that I can stop her from hanging out with her friends as much as possible which might fix some of the problem but I am looking for a solution to really make her stop and think about what she's doing to the ones who love her most. I want her to think twice about being that ugly person and want to change. Is this possible?

The Very Best Homeschool Curriculum, in your opinion?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 04 May 2010 02:16:20 GMT

I am starting to homeschool for the first time this year with my daughter in 1st grade. I have looked at Lifepac by Alpha Omega and My Fathers World. I like Sonlights approach to education but it is to expensive. I was wondering if there are any homeschooling moms who could give me there opinion on the VERY best curriculum that is not time consuming, (I have 2 other small children), not boring, and at the same time will keep my daughter up to par. I hope my question makes sense. I greatly appreciate all responses. Thank you!

My 6 year old is throwing temper tantrums.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 05:24:05 GMT

My 6 1/2 year old son has started throwing major temper tantrums and fits when he doesn't get his way. He screams, kicks, throws himself to the ground/floor, and cries. We have tried ignoring him, putting him in his room with the door shut until he calms down, taking privileges away, rewarding positive behavior and days....not much seems to be working. It doesn't help that grandparents and aunts/uncles tell me that I am being too hard when we discipline the negative behavior and that by removing privileges we are punishing others and not just him. I feel like I am at a loss. My husband and I are stressed and can't figure this kid out. We are sure that he will grow out of this eventually but how do you teach him that it's okay to be upset, and cry even, when things don't happen the way you'd like but you can't throw a fit and try to get your way? How do you tell grandparents to step back and let you raise your child? How do you deal? It's bad enough that my 4 year old, when asked by his pre-k teacher "What do you do the night before Christmas", answered her with "I water the tree and ** is throwing a fit and crying. He's not getting any presents." While that's funny it shows me that my youngest realizes that this behavior is not good. Why can't my 6 year old?

How can you be the strict parent in a split household without losing your kids?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 22:18:01 GMT

My husband and I have only been married about 2 months. I know that our family is not going to blend immediately and this will not be an easy process. His 8-year-old son seems to really be having a tough time adjusting. Sunday we were greeted by an officer as we left church. The son had texted his mom prior to church saying he was being beaten with a mop. This did NOT happen. My husband had bumped him on the foot with the mop (he was mopping the floors at the time) to get his attention because he was too busy watching TV and was not listening to instructions from his father. We are not sure how to handle things, the kids went home with their mom after talking with the officer even though we should have had them 6 more hours before going with their mom. We are stricter with discipline in our home than their mother is. We don't buy them everything they want, and our impression is they are quite spoiled at their mom's house. We don't want to back down on our standards, but fear what the consequences may be if we don't. Since he got to go to the house where he has more fun and fewer rules as a result of this, will he try it again? What happens the next time, will the officer believe him? If anyone can offer advice on finding balance for our children as they go back and forth between homes it would be very appreciated!!

Need reassurance just kicked out 21 & 20 yr old sons

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 00:00:52 GMT

I just cant stop thinking if we did the right thing. Ive been asking the Lord to care for them, but I am feeling quilty that I am eating, warm and going about my life.They left hurt and mad and did not even say good bye.l Love them and they need to grow up. But with todays economy was this the right time.I am so confused.

Help with bisexuality-demasculation

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 00:12:16 GMT

My 14 year old son and I are born again christians. He never had his father in his life. He was raised by me and my parents. We still live with my parents. He has been teased since petty young about being girly. I always tried to get him involved in sporty activities so he could develop some guy friends. He said the boys teased him too much, so he always had friends that were girls. He did and still does have some guy friends that would come over and visit and a couple that lived close by, so not all of his friendships were female. He's always liked wearing bright bold colors. The last couple years he has been teased badly about being a f*g or gay. I always defended him because at times, he would make comments about a girl being "hot". So I knew he was not gay. He just started highschool a month ago, and as a typical teenager, he talks on the phone a lot and likes to go to the mall. He told me two days ago that he doesn't see why he couldn't date a guy. I asked him why and he said straight guys are mean to him and "bi" guys are nice. He said he thinks he is "bi". He has no sexual tendencies toward either guys or girls. He said that's gross. I did a lot of crying, hyperventillating, searching on the internet and praying. I found that the more he bonds with girls, the more demasculated he will become, therefore making the opposite sex for him, male. I also found that him not having a bond with his father while growing and very limited bonding with boys also demasculated him. I know with God this can be reversed and christian websites and testimonials say this can be reversed. The problem is I don't know what to do. We have talked much, he is very open and said he has told me EVERYTHING. He wants this fixed, but yet he said it feels natural. I have found that he has a lot of "bi" friends that I either didn't know he had or didn't know were "bi". I believe he has let too much of this sin in his life and it has taken over. I belive with God we can correct this identity mix-up, he is only 14 so we have caught it early. We have decided together that he needs to cut ties with any "bi" or gay friends, he needs to quit dressing in unisex clothing, and stop wearing items that straight kids associate with gays. He is going to rededicate his life to Christ, and we are going to memorize scripture together. He is going to limit his time with friends that are girls and bond with his male friends instead. We are also going to look into a youth group at a local church. He doesn't care for the youth leader at our church. Does anyone have any information I may need in dealing with this? I am sickened by this and feel I may need counseling myself. I can't shake the feeling that I would rather die than deal with this. Please help.

how to respond?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 18:51:05 GMT

My boys are 12 and 9 and they have some friends that are not Christian and attend a Unitarian Church.

They met them at school several years ago, but they live like an hour away so we don't see them very often.

The boys hadn't seen them in almost a year so my son called and invited them over. I talked to their mom and

before we hung up she said that she thought she should mention that my younger son told her son of the same age

that he needed to believe in Jesus or he would go to hell. She said that her son got scared and she wanted me

to talk to my son so he wouldn't say that anymore. I wasn't really sure how to respond. I just told her that I would

talk to him. I don't want to make my son think it's bad to share about Jesus, but just not sure how to handle this?

wwyd?

Thanks!!!

My 18 year old son, struggling with lust for men....

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 17:58:25 GMT

Please help me. My world fell apart today, I think.

My son left for college and forgot his calculator. I went through his room to look for it, and I didn't find it, but I did find his journal. (To set the stage here, my 18 year old son is a strong, committed Christian and a virgin. At his Baptist high school dating was not encouraged; the kids were taught to date later in life, when they were closer to marriagable age. My son hasn't started dating yet. Unfortunately, my son was sexually molested in 7th grade 3 times by a peer). In my son's journal he admitted to feeling attracted "with lust" for men and is praying to God for help. In a men's prayer group they had a session on sexual sin, and he apparently confessed this problem to the group.

My husband and I called my son today to tell him that we loved him and that we found the journal. We told him that the teenage years are a confusing time, tried to be supportive, and gently reminded him of God's plan for men and women. My son said he WAS also attracted to women, thank God, and that he never followed up on these urges. He said it's been a problem for much of this year, 2010, but he felt he was dealing with it ok.

We plan to pray like mad and stay in close contact with my son and keep lines of communication open. He said he didn't tell us because he doesn't think it is that big of a deal, that he was handling it.

What can we do??????????????????? How can we "make straight his paths?" Are there any resources we can give to him? He reads the Bible daily and was working on Bible studies.....

Am I being overprotective?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 17:50:25 GMT

This is my first post.

I am recently divorced. I divorced my husband due to reoccuring problems with Rx drugs and alcohol and because he was driving the children without questioning whether he was impaired or not. In 16 years we have been to countless counselors, gone through marriage studies, he's been thru rehab and detox facilities, we've tried separation. I stayed until I just couldn't anymore. He's been convicted of a DWI and has been in at least 4-5 wrecks, fender benders in the last few years. I was able to get a TRO in place to block him from driving but now that has been lifted even though there is proof he is not sober (my children found alcohol bottles in his trash can.) It's been a tough, ugly year. He thinks all I want is to control him and keep him from his kids. He is still against the divorce even though he treats me horribly. He sees the kids at least every 3 days and I have never deprived them from him, nor do I bad mouth him to them. We have 4 kids, ages 16 to 9. We both have been active in our church for over 10 years but I feel like there is no support or place for me there now. I've reached out to the pastor's for support/help but I am getting a judgmental attitude (because I filed for divorce) and no contact for weeks unless I call him. We have a very good Celebrate Recovery group at our church so he is getting a lot of support for himself and still feels welcome. I can't help but wonder how many other women are stuck in relationships like this with no encouragement from the church to get out. Since it doesn't involve physical abuse or infidility, the church just throws up their hands with nothing to offer. I have to say the Boundaries book and a book titled, Redemptive Divorce really helped me make my decision to leave. I was to believe a good Christian woman just always turns the other cheek...

Here's my question:

Recently, my ex allowed a very respected man from our church who struggles with a porn addiction to stay at his apt for 2 1/2 weeks. His wife had kicked him out of their home (he has children.) I told my ex that our children will not be over there at the same time he was there, even during the day. My ex was appalled at me and told me that his accountability circle agreed that I was being judgmental and self-righteous and was sending a bad message to my kids about the God's grace. He even told me one of our pastors agreed with him. I was assasinating this man's character without even knowing him. I just saw it as drawing a healthy boundary for this situation and for any future "live ins" that might crash on his couch. His friends are almost exclusively recovering addicts of some kind.

Does anyone have an opinion on this?

Message was edited by: Moderator

Any advice when a 17 almost 18 yr old wants to leave home?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 17:40:00 GMT

peAny advicpene when a 17 nearly 18 yr old wants to leave home? Due to financial reasons our family is moving up north. We have lived here nearly 3 yrs. oldest graduating this yr. She has been struggling recently. Doesn't come to church with us, sneeking out etc. I don't know whether to let her stay with uncle or insist she comes with us. I'd love to be involved in her senior yr. but don't want to fight with her anymore what can we do???

Four Year Old and eating battle

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 02:01:57 GMT

I have a four and a half year old son who has recently stopped eating all of his usual favorites. I have been guilty of preparing him alternate meals (extra) from what meal I normally prepare simply because I gave up trying to get him to eat what we eat. I have done this for a long time. He went through a stage this summer where he was eating anything that was not nailed down (green beans-differnt meats-lima beans; just a lot of different foods) In the past month he has stopped eating all of these and everything he would normally eat (pizza, chicken, cold sandwitch meat, fruit, beans, bacon) there is not much he will eat right now. He will ask for snacks (such as granola bars, pudding, cookies, cheesesticks; but not meals) I have been refusing to give him anything, but what I deem to be a normal meal for him (pizza, chicken, green beans, sandwitch, etc.) He is not eating. Tonight he cried and cried for at least 30 min. because I would not let him have a cookie. I had told him he had to finish all the turkey and cheese on his plate. He refused. It has been a real battle, he has tantrumed, cried, stomped, and relented to just not eating. I feel horrible, because I feel as if I created this problem. I am wondering if it is too late to fix it. The doctors tell me he will eat before he starves, but I am not sure. He is a VERY strong willed child. I am guilty of going for convenience foods due to a very busy life style. I am a teacher and work long hours. Right now I am so frustrated, because I don't know how to fix this without worrying all the time about his starving:( His baby sitter is an 80 year old woman who also gives into his battles. Today she told me he would not eat his lunch, but she gave him popcorn. She said that is all he would eat. No wonder we haven't been getting anywhere the past few weeks. I asked her not to give him anything, but the lunches I send. I don't know if she will follow through. I think we are both scared he is going to dry up and blow away:\ Does anyone have any suggestions or similar experiences?

Homeschooling in Georgia

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 02:51:16 GMT

Greetings to all, We are new to Focus on the Family forums, however, would like to know if there is someone reading this post that can help us with information about who to contact in Georgia in order to start homeschooling for our two children. We will be moving from Newport, RI to Athens, GA within the next three months, but would like to start homeschooling while still here in Rhode Island. We have been doing our "homework" before making our decision, and have read a lot of information about the Georgia laws on homeschooling, etc.

The dilemma we have is--which program should we use, since we are not familiar with any as of yet, and although we read these forums, we still have not get the insight we are looking for about an affordable and effective program out there. Our reason for homeschooling is to keep our children in a safe Christian oriented environment, and ensure they are learning good Christian values along with the right subject matters they need to succeed in college. We are tired of the insistence the public schools shows in influencing them with a lot of nonsense that goes against Bible teaching. Remember, we do not want to continue reading about homeschooling; we already understand the concept and would like to find a valued program to make a decision. One child will be a junior this year, and the other a second grader. God bless you all!

Jorge and Tirsa

Message was edited by: Moderator

Lesbian daughter what next?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 17:28:15 GMT

While I have not been communicating for several months on here, I have been reading and continue to be encouraged. My daughter who has hidden this side of herself to most everyone but us. has posted pictures of herself online at a lesbian party and gay parade. I am sick!!! For the past several months she had been calling home several times a week as well as speaking to her older brother. However, she has not been home in 8 months and does not seem to be coming home anytime soon. I thought we were reconnecting, I feel like a fool! she told us she had to work for 7days straight another lie!

How can a child be so loving and kind on the phone and then behave this way?

Do I stop calling her?

She has been accepted to a 10 week abroad class starting in August and we have agreed to help financially as this is for college. I have been praying that God would use these 10 weeks to touch and change her heart. As she would be seperated from this relationship. (the other women is several years older as well) and has done a great job of isolating my daughter from friends that do not believe in this lifestyle. But after seeing the disgusting pictures online I am finding it very difficult to support her. By not supporting her, am I not seeing the sin separate from my daughter?

You could tell she was drunk in the pictures as well! Even though she screams that she no longer drinks.(a couple of years back she had a severe problem with drinking to the point she went over a week without being sober!) She told us she also tried to kill herself using pills and alcohol. But said she got help for this. I am now scared as I do not think this was the truth either.

I want to be there for here but how do you know what to support or how? Please pray for us!

My son is getting married August 13 and she is in the wedding. I am afraid of what she is going to say or do in front of the brides family and ours all who know nothing about this. How do I make sure she does not RUIN their special day by doing something stupid and selfish? She has not given any indication that she will but, she is a loose cannon.

I feel like she makes contact with us and is herself for awhile to give a false sense that things are changing so she can get what she wants. I do not know much about this lifestyle and do not want to. But she seems to have become a master manipulator. Which is difficult as a parent who is praying for healing when she reaches out to me I see this as a positive. Now I am not sure what to believe. Please prayer for discernment and clarity. Boy was I blind sided by this!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks Everyone,

Prayerful

My 13 year old daughter has no friends

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 04:40:54 GMT

I'm literally begging someone to help me. I feel that I've tried everything except, perhaps. to do nothing (which I admit may be the answer). Forgive me if this is very long, but I beg someone with a heart for this topic to help me.

My 13-year-old daughter is sweet, kindhearted, and smart. She's average height and is thin and beautiful. I only mention the latter because I know body image can affect social confidence. She makes straight As. We go to church every Sunday, Sunday School included. She's involved in the youth group at our church. She attends a small Christian school ( about 40 people in her class this year). I make an effort to always have a fun birthday party for her, and I encourage her to have friends over to our house, etc. I've told my children that I'll never force them to do anything but that they have to do something. From the time she was a little girl until now, she's taken ballet, been on a bowling league, played softball, participated in cheer camp, been on a volleyball team, has taken drum lessons, and is currently taking guitar lessons. She participates in Christian sports leagues that are low-key -- she's not an exceptional athlete, although she tries very hard and is an average player. Out of those activities, she's only consistently participating in guitar and softball. She's only shy around large groups of people she doesn't know, but she warms up to people easily.

And, yet, if it wasn't for me pushing and/or encouraging her, she wouldn't have done anything I mentioned above. I believe we all have a besetting sin, and for my daughter that sin in laziness. She would literally sit in her pajamas all day watching tv or playing video games if I let her. She has the motivation of a gnat. She's likable although she can sometimes be too serious for her age. She's helpful and forgiving and so very sweet. And, yet, my daughter has no real friends. There are a couple of girls at school who will do things with her when she asks them, but she is very rarely asked to do anything by anyone.

She said she needed a phone because everyone at school had a phone to text each other, and she didn't so she was cut out socially. I talked it over with my husband and we decided to allow her to have a phone. She was on it a lot (texting) for the first month or two, but now she's never on it. Rarely does anyone text her, and she rarely texts anyone. She said she needed Facebook to interact with the kids in her class, and so we allowed her to get a Facebook account. She uses it to play games and it has since become a source of contention because she never checks it. She plays a lot of video games and watches tv, although my husband and I have limited both, even over the summer. She knows there is an open invitation to have friends over -- she NEVER initiates this. I'm always the one to ask "Do you want to have so-and-so" over. If I don't encourage her to invite someone over, no one comes over. And, what's worse in my opinion, is that she doesn't care. It doesn't bother her that no one is calling until there is no one to sit with on the bus on a field trip or until she's not invited to birthday parties or summer pool parties or what have you. I've told her that relationships need to be built -- that she can't wait until she's on the bus to try and make a friend, or expect to be invited to someone's party without making the effort to get to know them.

I've encouraged her. I've left her alone. I've, to my great shame, been frustrated and yelled at her. I've explained to her that relationships are what life is about -- both humanly and spiritually. Nothing. She has such a great time when we get together with her acquaintance-friends, but there's no follow-up, not until I suggest another outing or get-together. For me, it's definitely about quality not quantity -- I don't care if she's popular or not. I don't "need" her to have 20 friends, but I think it's important for people to have friends, and I don't understand why it doesn't matter to her. I swear it's a laziness thing -- it's just easier to sit around and play games, watch tv, or read a book, but then, ultimately, she's not happy being so solitary.

I could go on but this is so long already...

Please help me! I'm open to any and all Godly advice!

9 yr old son looking at naked pictures

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 21:55:55 GMT

My wife was cleaning my 9yr old sons room and found tucked away in the corner one of her old Artist Magazines. She had a subscription when the kids were too young to worry about it. The Artist magazine she found has pictures of nude paintings. How do i address this or should we be worried?

Step Parenting Woes - What do I do?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 15:33:10 GMT

I am new in the community but have heard Focus on the Family on the radio for years. I have been married for 3 years and have 2 step sons 8 and 5. They live with my husband and I full time with little interaction with their real mom. They see her every other weekend with no phone calls during the week.

I dont have children of my own and I love these two like my own boys. I always said God had it planned for me not to have kids so that I could take care of these two. The oldest and I are having troubles right now and sometimes its hard to love him.... I feel guilty and not worthy of my husbands love because of the feelings I have toward my oldest. My husband and I have had several arguments in the past about my oldest. My husand never saw his acts of disrespect (for lack of other wording) he did see him one day disrespect me and now understands my frustration.

Its not that he is a bad child. He is WONDERFUL and a good kid, but SOMETIMES its like he totally changes. He ignores me, argues with me, always back talks, and never did what I asked him to do. When he isnt doing those things, he is laying all over me, drawing pictures for me or picking flowers for me. I am clueless and have no clue what to do. I was raised that if you love someone you honor them by doing as they ask and not back talking etc. Flowers, pictures and "saying" I love you mean nothing if you dont treat them with respect.

I need help. I need to know how to deal with him. Counseling would be wonderful, but my husband will not do that.. its out of the question.. and honestly money is very tight right now..

The mother and I have an open relationship and talk regularly if we need too. We have told the oldest that we both love him and that we talk to each other and there is ntohing to feel threatened about.

Is there anyone out there that could give me advice or help me?

Thanks

Almost 41... and pregnant

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 04 May 2010 12:31:30 GMT

Yesterday was Monday. Rainy, I am about to turn 41 this month, celebrate my dad's Homegoing, and I feel terrible... so of all things, I take a pregnancy test. There is a +. Now what????

I will be sending my daughter off to college in the fall, and I am so looking forward to it being just me and my husband., He has 2 girls, but we only have them part time. I can't wait for us to be able to do stuff together. I am training my young horse so that I can begin competitive showing this winter.. too. SO, now with this news.... I am at a loss. I feel like every dream God gave me has just been squashed.

I certainly do not mean to be selfish... this is NOT planned. My husband and I really thought that I could not bear any more children due to my past poor choices and lifestyle before Christ changed my life. And we were both very ok with that. We don't want anymore children.

I really don't know what to do. I feel so sad by this. God knows that I don't want more children. I never really wanted kids to begin with. My first husband and I had our daughter.. and I love my daughter more than anything in this world.. I did my best to raise her... now I wanted to move on with my life and watch her grow into womanhood.... not have another baby!! I did NOT want to ever do this again.

Is it right to give it up for adoption? I know there are THOUSANDS of families wanting babies...But how do I explain that to our kids and family? My husband doesnt think my body can handle it physically and worries that it may cost my life. THEN what is the answer? I won't abort it because I just don't want it... that is wrong. I want to scream and run away... that wouldn't change the "+" sign, either.

Any one have any advice... words on how to cope with this. Gosh, I hated being pregnant before........ and to think I have to do it again now makes me feel lost.

I apologize to all women out there for my attitude.. I am sure I am wrong. I have asked God to forgive me.. but unfortunately, again... that doesn't change the "+" sign.

Thank you for any words you can give me.

5 year old daughter frequent handwashing OCD or just seeking attention

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 01:51:25 GMT

My wife and I have a wonderful five and a half year old daughter. She has always been an attention seeker however over the last few weeks she has taken it to new levels. She is tattling on herself and confessing everything even thoughts and often it feels likes this is just grand standing for attention. Today she has started doing something that has my wife a "little worried". She washed her hands six times in about three hours, once was for dinner so I guess that doesn't count. My wife is concerned she may have OCD. Has anyone encountered anything like this? She started kindergarten this week and seems to love it and is doing great. It seems like if we ignore the bad behavior is goes away but then it is substituted by something even more shocking. Any ideas would be appreciated

12 year old daughter and attitude

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 19:31:41 GMT

My 12 year old daughter has been extremely moody lately. Rude, disrespectful and it seems that nothing I do or say is right. Is this due to her age or could it be something else. I really didn't expect to deal with this until she was a little older. My 16 year old son didn't start his "teenage" stuff until he was 15.

Learning to Live With Grief Webcast: Thank you!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 18:32:35 GMT

I just want to thank Mary Beth for speaking so candidly about their grief process. We lost our 7-year-old daughter 10 years ago and people shyed away from us and it's been hard to relate to our family and friends, but because of the Chapmans being so open and vulnerable has opened up new discussions that they were not able to have before, so thank you! The song Steven wrote for the family you spoke about "With Hope" was so helpful in our grief process.

14 Year Old Daughter and Crush......

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 03:38:23 GMT

Hi, I have been confused for a while. My daughter goes to a Christian Private School that is from our church. She goes to school with most of the same kids that she goes to church with. For about a year now, her and this other teenager have had a crush on each other (he is a year and a half younger than her). When I first found out I was upset and made her stop talking to him on Facebook and didn't like her hanging around him, even with other people around, at church. The kid is a very good kid and his parents are leaders in the church. After a while I started realizing maybe I was being too harsh and my daughter has never done anything to make me not trust her, so my husband and I agreed to let her talk to him on Facebook and told her it was o.k. if she hung out with him at church as long as they weren't alone. I made it clear if she was ever found crossing any boundaries she would lose those privileges. Well, now she is back in school and he is too. The other day at lunch one of the teachers came up to their lunch table where my daughter and her friends were. The boy happened to be sitting in the seat next to her too. The teacher said he had to move and he was never allowed to sit by her again because she knows exactly what was going on. Well, when I heard this, I asked the teacher why she did all of that. She said it was obvious that they liked each other and they should abstain from even the appearance of evil. From there the boys mom and I (we have touched bases through all of this) met with the principal and he brought up fleeing from sexual immorality and he also said he had never seen them in school or out of school having innapropriate behavior. So, my question is, telling my daughter they could hang out with other people around and even sit next to each other, am I being too easy on her or is the school being too harsh? I don't want to be legalistic and make my daughter feel like having a crush is bad or liking a Christian boy is wrong. I want to guide her through the crush in a Godly way and help her to make wise decisions based on God's word. I also don't want her to feel the church is doing nothing but judging her and make her want to pull away from the church when she is older. What do I do? I know she and him are not doing anything bad, well they wouldn't have a chance because they are never alone. They also know that they are not boyfriend and girlfriend because their parents will not approve of that. Advice and prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Learning to Live With Grief Webcast: Help for those dealing with ongoing, life-threatening diseases

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 17:45:25 GMT

My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Hodgkin's lymphoma about 3 years ago. He was 32, and I was 26, and expecting our third baby girl, Hope. He had a rare case of a Hodgkin's tumor being under his brain. He has had a craniotomy, many biopsies, chemo regimens, radiation, and two stem cell transplants since then. When we first were married, we had anticipations of going into foreign missions work or some type of full-time ministry. When his cancer was diagnosed and things looked so grim, our dreams seemed so shattered. I became afraid to really LOVE him the way I ought to. I was afraid he would die, and you know the more you love someone, the more intense the pain, so I sort-of got numb. Now, it has been nearly a year since that last transplant, and there is hope that he is in remission. Yet, I still fear that cancer will raise its ugly head again. It is frightening to dream big! Now, in the past couple of weeks, my dad has been diagnosed with cancer, and I have met soooo many people, young and old, with cancer. I feel paranoid. So afraid I or my children will be next. How do you move past this? It seems like constant grief because my husband is still "not out of the woods." Our 3 children are ages 6 and under. I am a stay-at-home, home-schooling mama, who already has a predisposition to depression and anxiety. God has been very good to us, and has taken good care of us. We have a good church that we are very active in, and we have lots of people who love us... but, I still struggle with the grief and uncertainties. Do you have tips for those dealing with ongoing grief, such as life-threating diseases?

Sarah from Ohio

Boy/girl parties at the age of 14

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 15:30:10 GMT

I am rather "old fashioned" to some folks because I have a hard time with allowing my son to go to boy/girl parties at the age of 14. He is in a group of boys from church that hang out together. There are also a few girls that like to hang out with them. It seems like they are too young to start hanging out in groups and "pairing up" which one of the girls has done. At this tender/vulnerable age, I like to encourage him to hang out with other kids that will influence him toward the LORD. I am not convinced early on dating is a good idea.

I would like to hear other parents' thoughts on how they handle boy/girl get togethers...to make sure they don't lead into pairing off and premature sexual activity.

It's difficult not to worry.

Thanks!

Disrespectful 6 year old

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 21:17:25 GMT

Our six year old daughter has become very disrespectful when she talks to anyone! We've gone through a great deal of changes and stress in the past two years and I'll admit that I have snapped at her. We've tried talking to her and reminding her when she's being disrespectful and we've tried spanking. One of her new friends just knocked on the door and she opened it and said "what"! I couldn't believe it! She's starting a new school in a few weeks and is nervous about that - but we've told her you can't treat people that way and have told her what she should have said. I don't know how to discipline her and get through to her. Should we continue to spank (we do it how "Shepherding a Child's Heart" suggests), or should we send her to bed early (I don't want to seperate her from us though because I feel like she may be crying out for love and attention)? I'm not sure what to do! Any suggestions?

18 year old son in rebellion

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 00:58:11 GMT

My son just turned 18 and he talks to me badly. He asked me how I felt about him getting his ears pierced and I said for lack of something nice I said I did not approve. The next thing I know he comes home with both pierced. His Dad said for him to stay at home he must take them out so after telling me he would see me in hell he left to go live with a relative. I don't know if this was something we should have held our ground on because now he is gone. I have asked God for widsom, and for God to soften his heart. Are we just being to tough. I admit when I first saw them I did say words I should not have out of anger. I asked God to forgive me and I asked my son to forgive for saying what I did. He just continued to spew hateful things at me. I also feel guilty because I feel like our relative is now bearing our responsibility.

Struggling with issues of disrespect & constant complaining in our 7 year-old.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 05:58:33 GMT

We have 4 daughters. Our oldest is 7, and we are battling issues with her daily. One issue is that she does not seem to respect us. This is manifested in a variety of ways -- talking back, constantly disobeying, interrupting us when we are talking with other adults, etc. She also struggles with an incredibly negative attitude -- she can find a reason to complain about just about anything. She also struggles with self-control. For example, at Girls Scouts she often gets very silly at inappropriate times (even when none of the other girls at the meeting are doing so). At mealtimes, she is very influenced by our 3-year-old and gets silly to the point that we often have to remove her from the table. We tend to exercise discipline fairly regularly, but time-outs, taking away privileges, etc. don't seem to have much impact. These problems aside, she is a wonderful girl. She seems to do very well at school w/o the behavioral issues that we see at home. Her younger sisters don't seem to struggle with these things the our oldest does. If anyone has any input, we are all ears. We love our daughter dearly and want to do whatever we can to help her overcome these struggles. We are wondering if the issues could be chemical or dietary, for example.

Thanks!

Single Mom

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 10:41:33 GMT

I jioined this community last night. I have been single for two years. I am looking to establish friendships and a support system with other single parents.

Picked On, Teased and Bullied Webcast: Sports

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:23:34 GMT

On the playground, during what was supposed to be P.E. (but was actually a glorified recess) my son (9, he is 10 now) was bullied. When the boys picked teams, my son was not only picked last, but some of the other boys would groan and make remarks such as "We don't want him on our team; you take him." or "Nobody wants you here why don't you play somewhere else." Now he's not interested in sports or physical activity of any kind believing that, since his peers told him he wasn't any good at the games they were playing, he must not be so why even try. I'm frustrated he has a good arm for baseball, which previously he had always enjoyed, but now refuses to even pick up the ball and mitt and play catch. How do I help him heal and get past what happened to him? We did not re-enroll him in the school he was in and opted to homeschool him and his sister instead. It's still an uphill struggle as this was not the only area he was bullied (one kid accused him of being gay, because we would not allow him to take a girl on a date to the movies. It was 4th grade!)

Seek Book Report on, "The Hunger Games" by Suzanne Collins

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 18 May 2009 05:25:38 GMT

If have thoughts about modern- day books Not to be read by 16- 18 year- old Christian girls, please chime in. I am a 52 year old born- again dad, raising a traditional family focused on following after Christ, with my wife of 25 years, and our daughters aged 16 and 5. Both our daughters have received Christ as their savior.

I have read "The Hunger Games" flyleaf about an era of punishment set in the future where a failed coup against a wicked government results in that wicked government then forcing that 12 country districts each send teenagers representing their district to an annual game of death in a large outdoor arena, where the teenagers are pitted against each other.

The struggles between the teenagers are televised for all the country to see. The one teen who survives may return to his or her district. I also read chapter 11 of this book and found its theme so depressing and its plot so dark, that my emotions do not allow me to read it further.

My 16 year- old daughter says I have it all wrong, it's a "great book". I find her confidence in this book unsettling.

My daughter is mature for her age. I am pleased with her very high grades at the Christian high schools she attends. She appears genuinely committed to Christ, and her friends seem likewise devoted. No moral problems, no drugs, no chemical problems. She truly is a Christian Dad's pride and joy in nearly all mannerisms and life habits. Our few disagreements appear minor. However, some of her interests in rather dark plots among recent popular book titles has me concerned at times. This one in particular unsettles me.

Though I never was much of a reader as a teen, I believe I read some popular books then that were not so dark in nature. Perhaps I avoided some of the darkest books then available. While a teen (and then unsaved) I walked out on the then- new movie "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" as my emotions would not let me continue to watch that at the theatre.

My wife also reviewed the subject book flyleaf, and some plot descriptions by our daughter. My wife's reaction: She said she wanted to hear nothing more about it, it was so depressing.

Am I confused? Is this a "Great Book"? Or is my daughter not discerning on this particular title? Or am I just too much an idealist and too soft- hearted?

Many thanks for any thoughts!!

Taking on "parent" role as an older sibling.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 20:26:37 GMT

It is a little strange to be posting on a parenting forum about a teenager when I was just a teen 4 years ago....and no where near being a parent.

My husband's younger brother is 19. Through the past several years, we've watched him go from one extreme to another. He was, in younger teen years, devoted to God. He went to a private school, wanted to remain in the church, etc. Through many issues, including his parents falling away from church and getting involved with poor friends and role models, he turned to rebellious activities. He started doing drugs and drinking alcohol. This got him into trouble several times. At this point, he has been in jail at least 2 or 3 times. He has been charged with two MIP's (Minor in Possession) and one DUI (Driving Under the Influence). And of course, you can imagine that he has actually been in possession and driven drunk on MANY more occassions than he has been caught for.

His parents didn't really know how to react. He was initially kicked out when it just became too hard to handle. After the first time of getting kicked out and coming back home, there was no reason for him to comply with the rules because the "real world" was a little more fun in his perspective. Besides, he was just running to his girlfriend's house to stay.

Over the past several years, my husband and I have witnessed numerous occassions of his leaving and returning. His mother's reaction was to buy things for him. His father's was a reaction of disownment or hands-off relationship.

Recently, he was spending more time drunk and we would see him in this state. One particular night, he showed up at his parents' house while we were there and had a conversation with us about how miserable he was and how he wanted to kill his girlfriend and himself, because that would be easier. He continued to say that he loved his family and girlfriend and would go to hell if it meant all of us would make it to heaven. We realized that a lot of his words were induced by alcohol, but the ones that were accurate were the ones that started being repeated time after time that we saw him. He kept doing reckless things and crying and talking about suicide and killing his girlfriend.

Nobody was doing anything, so we finally decided to make the move. My husband went and picked him up at his girlfriend's house and told him that he needed to shape up and stop relying on someone that was dragging him down. He broke up with his girlfriend the next day (hasn't talked to her since...that was a month ago) and started acting more respectful of us.

He has been living with us since, and has come to church with us once (fell asleep). We see progress in a lot of areas. He stopped drinking during the week, and has been spending a majority of the time with us at home. He has been more respectful and has listened to us when we have conversations about responsibility in dishes or cleaning. He hasn't driven drunk one time. He still goes to parties on the weekends, but has even toned that down a bit.

We did not prohibit him from going to parties, because we knew that he would simply leave and stay with his ex-girlfriend or friends, because he believes alcohol is his lifeline. We are hoping to help him see that it is a destructive behavior instead of just a rule of our household. We want to help him learn to make good decisions on his own instead of telling him what to do.

So, while we are seeing some changes in those areas, he still has an attitude that God is making him suffer. He doesn't want anything to do with chuch. We have tried to encourage him and compliment him on how intelligent he is on biblical matters, but he seems to brush it off.

We are seeing that his biggest hurdle is his relationship with his dad, who still views him as scum. I believe that if his father reached out and treated him like a person, there would be a huge change, but we don't know how to handle that, either.

So basically, we are at a point where we want to know what to do about these two things:

1. How do we help him see that God loves Him and that the nature of his behavior is the problem?

2. How do we help bridge the gap between him and his father?

Thank you for your time!

Jewels

10 YEAR OLD SON NEED YOUR ADVICE

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 14:21:59 GMT

HELLO PARENTS,

I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH MY SON, HE IS 10 AND HAS ADHD. HAS ONLY BEEN IN SCHOOL FOR 3 DAYS

AND I'VE ALREADY GOT MY FIRST CALL FROM HIS TEACHER. EVER SINCE DALTON WAS 3 , HE HAS

HAD A PROBLEM WITH TALKING TO MUCH. HE HAD PROBLEMS IN SCHOOL WITH FOUCUSING, SETTING STILL

AND TALKING, HE IS ON MEDICINE, MOST OF IT HAS GOTTEN BETTER BUT THE TALKING WILL NOT STOP.

WE HAVE TRYED EVERYTHING WITH HIM. THIS YEAR I TOLD HIM WOULD BE DIFFERENT, NO MORE MOM DOING

HIS HOMEWORK, NO TV DURING THE WEEK, AND MORNINGS, AND BED AT 9:00PM. HE THINKS I AM SO BAD, THIS

IS A CHILD WITH EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD, I KNOW WHERE I MADE MY MISTAKES WITH HIM, (ONLY CHILD) AND

NOW I PRAY I HAVE THE STRENGTH TO DO WHAT I SAY I WILL DO WITH HIM, I TOLD HIM YESTERDAY THAT IF

HE COMES HOME TODAY WITH A BAD REPORT, YELLING OUT IN CLASS, HE WOULD LOOSE HIS CELL PHONE, IPOD TOUCH

AND ALL HIS OTHER GOODIES FOR THE YEAR. HE SAIDS HE CAN'T HELP HIS TALKING OUT, I THINK HE CAN. MY QUESTION

IS DOES THIS SOUND LIKE A BEHAVIORAL PROBLEM, OR CAN HE TRULY NOT HELP IT. ANY PARENT HAVE ANY SUGGETSIONS

I WILL BE GLAD TO LISTEN, I PRAY SO HARD FOR MY SON, HE IS IN A PRIVATE CHRISTIAN SCHOOL AND I KNOW THIS IS

WHERE HE BELONGS BUT SOMETIMES I WONDER IF HE WOULD DO BETTER IN A PUBLIC SCHOOL WHERE HE COULD GET

THE HELP HE NEEDS, HE SEEMS TO STRUGGLE WITH SCHOOL AND LEARNING SOMETIMES. MY HEART IS SO SAD CAN

SOMEONE HELP ME.

Guidlines for spanking

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 22:06:19 GMT

(This is for those who are believers in spanking.)

My mom's primary method of discipline was spanking until my siblings and I reached 12 or 13 years of age. My father did not dicipline us. My mom always used an object to spank us, and that was usually a wooden spoon or a plastic spatula. She sometimes used a belt, but that was rare. Spankings were always painful and they always left red welts, bruises, or (more rarely) cuts. The cuts usually happened when she used a thin plastic spatula that had torn, jagged edges. I also got cuts on my shoulder when she turned the spatula sideways and spanked me with the thin edge. ouch!

Given the above description, my husband calls these "beatings," not "spankings." I never thought twice about them until my husband pointed out that some of my mom's "spankings" may have been over-the-top... abusive, maybe. DH and I are both believers in spankings as one method of discipline to choose from, but now I am REALLY confused about how to spank appropriately. To me, an effective spanking = pain. Not a LOT of pain, and of course no cuts or bruises... but there has to be a little pain. I KNOW that I do not want to spank my children the way my mom spanked me. But to me, a bare-handed swat on the clothed or diapered bottom does not seem at all effective.

What is the middle ground? I've already thought about a few ground rules:

1. Parents must not spank while angry

2. No bruises or cuts (or welts?)

3. If using an implement (not sure if I ever will), only use on top of clothing, otherwise use a barehand?

I don't know! Do any of you have some guidlines you follow?

Learning to Live With Grief Webcast: friend is grieving the loss of a child

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 18:23:55 GMT

What is the best way to support a friend who is going through a loss of a child?

Learning to Live With Grief Webcast: Grieving the loss of a dream

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 18:05:04 GMT

My husband owes money for a business that failed. He wanted to quit his job, file bankruptcy, and go to nursing school...a career nothing like what he does for a job now. We would be taking a major pay cut. I got clear confirmation from scripture that God wouldn't want us to file bankruptcy and now he is greiving not being able to follow his dream. Is there any suggestion to help him through this and for him not to resent his family?

Consequences

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 17:06:19 GMT

My 14 yearl old son has been careless about the choices he has been making. His grades are below average and he has chose to hang around some kids that are disrespectful towards me and he is the type that wants to be the class clown and he does dangerous things to make his friends laugh. Recently he took money out of my checking account. I never dreamed he would take money from me. I recently got my income tax money and for the past week he has been getting into my purse and taking my debit card and putting my card back without me knowing. I cannot believe I have been so blind. I plan on making him work to pay the money back but the fact that he took so much money out of my account is devastating. Any suggestions?

Lisamee

Older child left home, how to deal practically with the absence to 14 yr old that is left?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 19:59:02 GMT

Hello, I have posted some over the years about my oldest daughter. I hope I make sense. A very small part of the back story: My oldest left home in May (when she was still 17) under not-great circumstances. She has spoken to me only once since that time, and none of us have seen her. We know where she is, where she is living, she is okay, out of state. I don't like it, but it is what it is. She is 18 now. She had been carrying on a VERY BAD relationship behind our backs for several months that we had no inkling of. All we knew was that her behavior had changed dramatically, she had become super-rebellious, had left home a couple of times, had hacked into my computer, stolen money, lots of other things, she decided not to go to college...anyway, super-long story that is very detailed. She had to leave. We could not continue as it was without even more harm to the family.

Here's where I need advice. I pretty much have to just live like the older one is dead and gone, for lack of a better description..to go on. (Any of you who have lost a child, I am sorry if that sounds insensitive, I hope you understand where I am coming from). Her 14 year old sister is still home, a completely different child (as they all are). She is doing well, we have a good relationship (she and my husband and myself) . She and her sister communicate with each other. I do not ask her about these interactions. I let her just tell me what she wants to, since I don't want her to think I am "pumping her for information" or anything. She knows what happened, she knows what was going on when Amanda left. She is naive, but she is not blind. Question: Is it best to just never mention Amanda (the older one) unless the younger one brings it up? I have pretty much just had to do this so I can make it through the days. If I think about it, I get very depressed and it's not good. I'm not hurting my younger one this way, am I (by not really mentioning the older one)? I don't want her to ever think we don't love Amanda. she knows that we do. But I don't want her to think we just threw Amanda away or anything.

Need advice on how to stop toddler from beating his head during tantrums.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 01:29:32 GMT

My son is 2 1/2 years old and has been beating his forehead on the floor when he is in the middle of a temper tantrum. He doesn't descriminate what kind of flooring it may be and if he doesn't see the floor to be fit enough for the job he will look for something firm to bang his head against. Tonight he rammed his forehead into the medal frame of his toddler bed in anger of having to to go bed. My son has started this aprox a year ago. I was hoping that he would outgrow this and so far i'm afraid of what he will be like when he is a teen. I have prayed for his anger and I continue to do so, but if there is something that I am doing wrong I would like to correct my behavior toward this action. He doesn't do this every time he has a tantrum just when he is highly angered. There are times he becomes so enraged that he can't control himself and holding him is the only thing that calms him down.

I would appreciate any help in this matter. Thank you for your time.

My husband is going to prison.... what now?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 14:32:02 GMT

My husband started having an affair about three years ago, and from that sin stemmed many other life changing decisions. He was arrested and charged with several non violent felonies about 6 months ago. I have been praying for him through this whole nightmarish situation and although it has been extremely painful, decided to committ my marriage to God and wait for Him to bring my husband back to the fold. He has repented and is trying very hard to make up for all the pain that he has caused. He has taken full responsibility for his actions and is prepared for the consequenses. My problem is that we have four small children ages 6, 5, 3, and 2. I am in nursing school and recently got a job working nights. But I only make about $300 per week. I don't know how I am supposed to support my children and pay the bills while he is gone. He could be looking at 5 years or more in prison. They have never set foot in a daycare. I was a stay at home mom until about 2 months ago. Even without the dangers of daycare I don't see how I could afford it at $70 per week per child. My parents live four hours away and can't help and my church thinks I should leave him. I just don't know what to do....

How do I get over this?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 29 Aug 2010 04:56:36 GMT

I am a christian and do believe that everything happens for a reason... I have a five year old whom is a boy and I recently found out about a month ago that Im having another boy.... how do I get over this? I really thought the first time i was pregnant that i was having a girl but found out it was a boy. I was very happy cause it was my first. my son has had alot of problems within the last five years... he has had five surgeries in four years and more. so im very close to him until here recently. because the doctors thought my son possibly had cancer when he was two my husband and i decided that we didnt want anymore children. well back in feb. i found out i was pregnant. we were both happy. i ofcourse was hoping for a girl. i have wanted a girl since before my son was born. my husband and i just knew it was going to be a girl. my whole pregnancy was totally different from my first one. well at 20 weeks we found out it was another boy. i have no clue how to get over this. my husband and i decided that we didnt want anymore than two children so im getting fixed after this baby. but for the moms out there who have two boys did yall feel like this? part of me feels like my family will never be complete bec we dont have a girl. i know that everything happens for a reason but i cant wrap my head around this and im trying really hard to get excited about it. i need some advice on how to get over this. i was just wondering what other moms did in this same situation? the only thing i can keep telling myself is this is Gods doing not mine and this is what God wants. but it just doesnt seem to be helping!! please help? i need some advice!!

5-year-old not liking Grandma

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 14:09:00 GMT

My daughter just turned 5. She has always been a strong-willed little girl and we have had several challenges with her over the years. My current problem is that my neighbor (who is Grandma---both of my children's natural grandma's have passed away) and my daughter have had a strained relationship the past several months. It started when I had to go to California for a week to move my dad into an assisted living facility. My daughter was at the end of her preschool year and so I had her stay home with her dad (and Grandma took care of her during the day while he was at work). This is the very first time she and I had ever been apart. I guess she did great (with a little saddness and missing me....I missed her too!). Anyway, when I came back home, she wanted nothing to do with Grandma even though they had gotten along great while I was gone. I talked to her and asked her if she was scared that I would leave again and she said yes. So I talked to her and told her that if I went to CA again, I would take her with me. Well, something came up last month and I had to go again and I did take her with me.

The problem is that she STILL won't have anything to do with Grandma. She won't talk to her, she won't even acknowledge her. She hides behind my leg when she's around. I've asked her what's wrong and she just says she doesn't like Grandma, but I can't get out of her why. Grandma has talked to her and told her how much she loves her and even asked her what she did wrong. It's breaking her heart! Her birthday party is this weekend and my neighbor just told me that she was thinking she might not come because it would upset my daughter. This makes me so sad. Like I said, both my mom and my husband's mom have passed away (as well as his dad). My children only have one living grandparent (my dad) and he's far away. I want so desperately for them to have grandparents and to have that special relationship. I just don't know what to do!

Pray for my son

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 15:50:11 GMT

I am seeking prayer and encouragement for my soon-to-be 18 year old son. He has expressed a desire to end his life to some of his youth group friends online. He refuses to talk to me about it and even denies those feelings when I ask. I know he is very far from God right now. His music and reading choices testify to that. He is very secretive and insists on having his privacy. He is currently seeing a counselor at my insistence. I am trying to reconnect with him and would appreciate any input on how to effectively reach out to him. I am trying to be loving, but not judgemental. I know I have been too harsh in the past and have asked his forgiveness. He has always been difficult to connect with as he is very reserved and does not reveal his emotions easily.(For example, he may not talk with kids at youth group but will come home and talk to them online.)

I know it takes time and patience to bridge the gap and I am willing to do whatever it takes. My prayer is that God will preserve his life and soften his heart to spiritual things. I have the ability to track his online movements, but I am just not sure how far I should go. My husband is not particularly supportive of this. He thinks it is all a 'phase' and that I worry too much. I have taken the stance that I would rather err on the side of caution than be completely wrong about the danger.

Thank you for your support and prayers.

MominPa

Learning to Live With Grief Webcast: Thank you to Mary Beth

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 19:56:55 GMT

I just was listening to the Chapman's story and it really touched my heart. Today would be my son Isaiah's 6th birthday he went to be with Jesus when he was 6 mo. old. He was born with problems with his intestines and stayed in the hospital his whole life. My son has brought my husband and I together we were just 19 yrs old when we went through this rough time. We are who we are today with the Lord because of Isaiah. He led us right where we needed to be. We have not yet had any other children but have finally decided that it is time. The pain has definitely got better over time but the loss I think will always be there. I just think that Jesus is there to carry us during the hard times. Today was definitely a Hard time day. I normally am at work during the focus on the family broadcast but today i left work early because i broke down. I know without a doubt where my baby is and that he isn't sick anymore but I just miss him. I know that we will be together again but in order to see him again this life would have to be over. Thats pretty hard to take in but I live everyday knowing he is in the best of hands. I listened to your story and it really touched me. I know that God purposely allowed me to hear your story to let me know that there is others who have lost and it's okay to have sad days. I thank you so much for your testimony.

how do I get my daughter to come home

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 12:39:03 GMT

my youngest daughter is almost 14 and while having a relationship with her has never been easy until recently we've been able to work through the ups and downs but about a week ago we got into one our our power struggles and she hasn't calmed down since. During the fight she said she was done with her dad and I and our *#*#* rules and going to live with a friend - we compromised and said if she didn't want to be at home she could go to her grandparents. She spent five days there and with her aunt/uncle before asking to come home and live with her friend. Have been in constant communication with friend's mom and living with them is not an options (for us or them) BUT we didn't argue with her and let her go to her friends for the night to hear it from them that she couldn't stay long term (she also asked her uncle and grandparents if she could live with them and they said no).... She's so angry that she is exaggerating everything, got in a physical fight with a classmate while at a community event, tells us to just go ahead and send her to the girls home we keep threating her with (?) .... I have no idea what to do. She was at home for a few hours yesterday and neither her dad or I tried discussing anything with her but she would go from making saracastic remarks, telling the dogs how much she'd miss them to coming up and giving me hugs and saying love you mommy..... please help!

Has anyone read Flowers For Algernon?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 04:53:39 GMT

Hi, my 13 year old son has been assigned Flowers For Algernon for required reading over the summer for his gate/honors class in middle school. I read through the book and thought the sexual content to be highly mature, loose and unGodly. I feel like I am the only one as a few of my christian mom-friends don't have any problem with the book. I know that I am conservative, but am surprised to feel alone even among christians... I would love another viewpoint even if it doesn't agree with me. He is my oldest and I am just trying to figure out what in the world I am doing!!!!

Thanks!

How can I control my temper?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 03:25:55 GMT

HI - I joined this forum tonight because I don't know where else to turn. I have a 3 year old and a 5 year old and they are fabulous kids. I stay at home with them. My problem is not with the kids, it's with me. I can't seem to handle (1) the constant complaining and neediness of my kids (I know, I feel like a horrible mom that I can't handle that), (2) when my strong-willed 5 year old daughter and I get into power struggles and (3) when my husband and I argue over how to deal with the kids. When my patience is gone (and it runs out quickly) I get quite angry and yell at whoever is around to hear it. I also throw things and slam doors. Imagine ME, a grown woman, throwing a temper tantrum! And my very observant children are watching and absorbing all of it. Yikes! I am very ashamed of my immature actions and have tried many things to change my behavior. I've seen a counselor and been on medication, but I don't want drugs, and can't afford to see a counselor every week for the rest of my life. I have tried hitting a pillow with a tennis racket, counting to ten before reacting, etc. etc. etc.

Tonight I yelled at the whole family when Dad let them come downstairs to listen to a CD for 5 minutes when they should have been getting ready for bed. I am very rigid and my husband is very much the opposite. I am trying so hard to control my temper when things set me off, but it's like this monster just takes over my body. I tend to take things very seriously, and my husband tells me I'm a good mom, but when I have episodes like tonight, I just can't believe that I'm a good mom. My daughter knows that Dad is the "easy" one and so when he's around and I ask her to do something, she'll go running to him instead of doing what I ask. Usually he'll defend her and tell me I'm being too harsh. I know our not having a united front in front of the kids is not good, but he says he keeps forgetting about that "rule". (My one of many). You probably guessed it already, after he does that I end up getting upset with him too, and the whole thing just becomes a big mess, like tonight. I dread waking up each morning because what if I throw a tempter tantrum in front of my kids again?!

I exercise regularly, eat well, get breaks from the kids (maybe not enough, but more than some others get), and try to do all I can to help myself. I have started pursuing a few hobbies to try and "escape" from parenting, but that seems to backfire since I spend much of my day trying to find time to do those hobbies and get frustrated when diapers and meal prep get in the way. I would read the Bible for support, but don't know where to start, and have found little help in random verses that I run across. I try to take something away from our pastor's sermons each week, but it seems like nothing can change my temper. Even knowing that the devil loves it when I yell isn't keeping me from doing it.

I pray constantly that God put me on auto-pilot each day and just take over so I don't run out of patience and explode. I am very strong-willed (just like my daughter) and I know I can change if I can just find the right combination of answers. I am sure prayer is a part of that combination, but what else? Spending time with my kids is a burden to me because I feel so burnt out and like they're preventing me from pursuing my hobbies and doing "adult" things. It is just horrible that I feel this way. God gave me these beautiful children to take care of and I just don't think I am doing a good enough job. Why did God bless me with kids if all I do is yell, yell, yell at them? I could really use some advice, please. I told my husband I was just going to leave, and then I wouldn't be around to yell. But I can't leave. The kids would be even worse off if I left, and I can't completely shirk my responsibilities. God has me in this situation for a reason, but what good can come out of it?

Can someone please take the time to share some advice or wisdom with me? Just knowing there are moms out there who struggle with this same thing might really help. Thank you for reading my long post. I really appreciate it!

What really goes on in public schools?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 08 Aug 2005 23:16:39 GMT

I just finished writing a long post about whether or not I should homeschool. Something else that would really help me in my decision is for people to share in detail the reasons they took their children out of public school in the first place. I'm always hearing people say, "oh you wouldn't believe what kids in second grade are doing with each other these days or you wouldn't believe what that kid said to my kid on the playground, but nobody will go into detail about what happened - everything is said on the surface so I'm always left guessing what might have happened. My child has only finished 1st grade - we have a long ways to go yet in the elementary school setting. What kinds of things really do happen on the playground, in the bathroom, in the hallways, etc. What really goes on between the kids and their peers in 2nd grade, 3rd grade, 5th grade, etc? What are kids really talking about or doing with each other these days? Are they boy/girl crazy, are they cursing at each other too much, are they talking to each other about the "facts of life", are they bringing obscene pictures to school, are they exposing themselves to each other in the bathroom, are they kissing each other behind the buildings, are the teachers saying inappropriate things to the children? I can only imagine what might be going on, but don't want to wait until my child gets through 6th grade to find out what they learned during those elementary years. I believe your detailed stories would open up many parents eyes who are trying to make a decision about homeschooling. Would appreciate your replies - thank you!

strong-willed? 2yr old

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 15:42:48 GMT

We are having an extremely hard time with our 2 yr old. We can't tell if he's strong-willed or just being a normal 2 yr old. He is our first and only child at this point and we are strict disciplinarians. I think that I am so afraid of losing control of his will that I may be too hard on him at times but on the same note I see a strong will and want to make it clear that mommy will always win. Our biggest battle right now is nap time and bed time. He is in a big boy bed and our rule is he must stay in bed the whole time. He cannot get out of bed and come out or play in his room with his toys. He must use that time to rest whether it is with a book or sleeping. He will not stay in bed for anything. He has a consequence every time he gets out but that doesn't seem to stop him. He's not angry or throwing fits he's just up putting shoes on or looking out the window or playing with his toys, etc. I'm at my wits end. Is it unreasonable to expect him to stay in bed? Should he be allowed to play in his room? Are we doing whats best? None of my friends have strong-willed children and those that do let their kids run them. So we are at a loss. Any help, suggestions, encouragement would be greatly appreciated. Thanks and God bless.

Need help with 3 year old.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 02:09:06 GMT

I am at my wits end. My 3 year old is just downright defiant. We spank, use time out, take away favorite toys and nothing seems to be having an effect. Tonight in the store she made me look like a fool. She would do something, I would tell her to stop and she would look at me and smile and do it again. She even got to where she was poking me and raising her hand like she was going to hit me. I don't know what to do anymore. Please help!!!

spanking for lying

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 28 May 2010 08:08:48 GMT

My daughter is 9 years old. Her behavior is bad and she is lying.

I think a spanking is necessary. What is your opinion?

My 6 year old was recently diagnosed with ADHD combined type. Am I a bad parent to allow him to be put on medication?TheW

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 23:59:30 GMT

Our doctor wants to put our son on Strattera for ADHD. This is one of the most difficult decisions I have ever had to make. The thought of my son on medication for possibly a very long time kills me. Am I doing the right thing?

5 y.o. with "bad thoughts"

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 04:38:17 GMT

I really need some sound biblical advice. I have a 5 year old (middle child) who has been crying lately, but won't say what's wrong. He is getting ready to start kindergarten, so I don't know if this could have triggered something or not. (He has worried about going to school since he turned 4. In fact, on his 4th birthday, he told me he didn't want to turn 5 because he didn't want to go to school.) Tonight, while we were getting ready for bed, he told me he needed to tell me something and then he started crying. After trying to figure out the problems for a long time, he finally asked me if he would "go to the devil" and was VERY upset. I assured him that he would not 'go to the devil', that Jesus loved him very much, and no matter what he told me--I would love him and that he was a good boy. After much lengthy conversation, he told me he has been praying a lot lately (which I felt was a good sign). I asked him what he was praying for, etc. and he told me that he has thoughts about Jesus. Then he said to me, he 'says good things, but thinks bad things'. I finally got out of him that he is having bad thoughts about Jesus--but that he doesn't want to. He is a very shy child, extremely sweet and often upset easily.

He also comes from a long line of anxiety ridden people (myself included). So, long story short--I too had "bad thoughts about Jesus" as a child which gripped me with fear for years. I questioned my salvation, etc. for the better part of my entire childhood/young adulthood and was certain I was going to hell. The good thing is that I understand where he's coming from (even though I don't remember these things starting for me until closer to 12) and I went on to have a very solid relationship with God. I don't want this to burden him until he turns 25 and finally realizes the truth. I explained to him that the devil lies to us and that Jesus loves us--no matter what we think. I also told him that he was a very good boy and that this didn't mean he was bad. He asked how we could make it stop and I told him we would just pray together anytime he has a bad thought and that Jesus will help him.

I am really worried that this has happened when he is only 5 years old and I have no idea what else I need to do. I thought about going to our pastor (which I probably will do too), but wanted some advice from you as well.

Very young children in full time school

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 13:45:50 GMT

I'm looking for research on the negative effects of sending a 3 year old to school (pre-kindergarden) on a full time basis. Does anyone know where i can look?

Dealing with grief

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 16:01:12 GMT

My daughter got involved with a 22 year when she was 18. She moved out Jan. 30th in with him and within 5 miles of our home , I have not seen her since. She turned 19 in April. She moved out because I could no longer allow him in our home, she was not forbidden to see him. He was controlling, manipulative, deceitful and driving a wedge between herself and her friends, church and family. She has sent a few hateful txt and or emails. In July my sister passed away suddenly and unexpectly and although daughter was notified by her father she did not communicate. Now she has sent an email stating her dad never called her back (he did not know he needed to-she never even told him she had moved out) so she assumed I did not want to hear from her. If I do not respond she will never contact me again. I am still grieving the loss of my sister and had been grieving the loss of my daughter. I am not inclined to respond at this time would appreciate another thought.

Age-Appropriate Chores Question

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 23:09:09 GMT

Hello -

We have a 9 year old son (whom we homeschool, BTW). I read the "Age-Appropriate Chores" series, but I didn't see anything about allowance or compensation for work. I get the perspective that he needs to work and do chores as a member of the family. However, we are also trying to teach him about how to handle money and not let money handle you. We all went through Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University and my wife and I have agreed that he will not get an allowance of any type. Instead he will be on a commission schedule, just like the real world; if he works, he gets paid. If he doesn't, he doesn't. So my question is this: which chores should he earn money for and which ones shouldn't he? If we add additional chores to the list in the article - which I think is a very good list - I think we'll be placing far too big a burden on him. That would be a lot to do. I've considered having him suggest extra things to do to earn money and will implement that. But that's not entirely inline with the real world lesson of being paid for the work you do; if I were paid on commission, it wouldn't be incumbent on me to go to my boss with things I can do to get paid. Maybe for some beyond-my-job-description or out-of-the-box stuff, but not everything.

OK, that's way too much 411 - sorry! The question is: what chores should a 9 year old boy be paid for?

Thanks.

We made our daughter break up with her boyfriend. Was this the right decision?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 23 May 2010 03:10:08 GMT

All along, my wife and I decided that it was the best thing for our daughter to wait untl she was 16 before she could start dating. Well, she came to us near the beginning of the school year to ask if she could date this one boy. Her reasoning was that she didn't want to go behind our backs so she was being up front with us in telling us so she wouldn't have to. Well, stupid us fell for it. The boy is also not a believer, which doubled the problem. The worst part of all this is that the church we went to wasn't good and the people in her homeschool group were condescending and snobby. Now she went into public school and the kids in public school were more accepting of her than the darn church was!

Time passed. My biggest fear as the girl's father was that she would be drawn into the sex trap. I always told her, "If a boy tells you he loves you before he's 25, he's lying. He has no idea what love is and only wants sex." I know because I was not saved when I was younger.

Now we found out that she has gone too far with the boy. I'll leave it at that. We had never felt good about this relationship from the beginning and now our worst fears have come true. She is only fourteen and when I found out what was going on, I knew it was my duty as a parent to end the relationship. This has been extremely difficult because the boy has been good to her, but the sexual freight train has started to roll and it is a matter of time before the train crashes in full.

Obviously we can't ask the uncaring people from our church because they will just find another reason to look down on someone. So, hopefully, we can pose this question to a group that will provide us with some wisdom on the subject. I'm sorry to be so mad at this point. There just doesn't seem like there are many places to turn right now for wise counsel. I appreciate your feedback.

A biting 2 year old....

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 04 Sep 2010 03:01:44 GMT

My just turning 2 year old has recently begun biting other children as well as myself. (the mother!) Her older sister who is 4 yrs. old now also went through a horrible biting stage. It's the most horrible feeling being the mother of a child who bites. I have received a lot of judgment from others and have been made to feel like I'm a bad mother or that I'm doing something wrong. I have tried biting her back, spanking, time out, etc. and can't seem to help her see it's wrong. She is a very active child. Most of the time the victim has done something to upset her or I also think she feels threatened. Some of my family seems to link everything to generational sin and feel this biting is part of that. We have prayed over her and pleaded the blood of Jesus on her life and asked any evil thing in her life to flee.....help, I feel so lost! I'm to the point that when we are at a family gathering I always have her in my sight so I can see what's going on...I feel so sad about it.

Help, my 15 year old son told us he is gay and i don't know what to do now.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 21:16:30 GMT

My 15 year old told us he is gay about 10 months ago. We went to a christian counselor for 6 months at the suggestion of our pastor. We are no longer going, my husband is completely freaking out and is pulling away from our church. We went to our elders and pastor for guidance, and basically were told to see a counselor. the elders set up a mentor for my son to talk to, which was great at first or so i thought. My son has since told me he did not open up to the guy because he felt that everything he said was being reported back to the elders, which is was. The mentor just stopped calling my son, which is fostering his feeling of the church not wanting anything to do with him. He was asked to leave the youth group until he would sign a contract saying he wouldn't talk to anyone at youth group about his gender confusion, which he would not do. He is going to a bible study facilitated by an older gentleman (who is very Godly) and is enjoying it. He has not turned his back on God, but thinks he can be both gay and a christian. We have biblical conversations about that, but he is adament. I don't want to leave my church and look for a new one, because i am very involved with the womens minisitries and i am getting lots of support. Unfortunately my husband has never been one to seek out male friendships and works long hours (usually 6am to 7pm) so he is just getting angrier and angrier and i don't know what to do. Please help.

Heart broken over 17yr old son's behavior and disrespect

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 15:13:53 GMT

I am not sure where to begin, I am new to all of this, but looking for some answers and comfort. I have a 17yr old son who will be 18 in two weeks, my husband (his step father) and I have kicked him out of our home and made him live with his dad, he has great disrespect for me and for my husband, he was put on probabtion for marijuana use back in November and is still on probation until he turns 18, he was on house arrest about a month ago and so he called in sick to work so we disabled his car so he couldn't be driving around while we were at work (the car is in our name), he got very angry and proceeded to punch holes in 2 doors and kicked a hole through our pantry door, that was the last straw. Up until this point he had no contact with his biological father for the past 6 months and he has never been a big part of his life, his step mom does not like him and she has made that very clear over the years. I am struggling with this terribly, he continually texts me saying he has no place to go and hasn't eaten, which I know is not true, but he refuses to lose the attitude and apologize for what he has done, he puts a huge guilt trip on me. He is my only child and I don't want anything to happen to him, I cry, I am depressed over the whole situation, and my husband who I know is right, it is driving a wedge between us. We have given him everything he needed and wanted, but he just continues to take, he feels he shouldn't have to do anything around our home or help out in anyway. What do I do let him hit rock bottom and live in his car or on the street? It tears me up to see him be like this, he had so much potential, he was an allstar baseball player who now has no interest in anything unless it is in favor of him. Any help or if anyone has been in the same shoes would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks

My friend's little girl - she asked me to put it out there for some advice!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 13:02:52 GMT

Hi,

Yes i just put a post out, but this is a totally separate issue!

My cousin, is a single mum of 2 children. About 1 1/2 years ago she split up from her partner, who is the dad of the youngest daughter. (3 1/2 year old). This was a good thing as the father was quite abusive towards the mum.

Anyways, there has constantly been battles between the mum and the dad regarding custody of the daughter, him always wanting more etc...

About 4 months ago an agreement was worked out in court, and it seemed like a reasonable compromise, However, the dad, has recently been not spending much time with Rhani (the daughter) at all. E.G. She would be going to stay with him for 3 days whilst he was back in town on his shift off. (He works in a mining place, and would come back every fortnight for 3 - 4 days. But they would meet at the designated time and place, and he would not show up, or pick her up and say it was only for 1 day instead of the 3 days. Obviously this has been hurting Rhani and it's showing obvious side effects.

E.G. Not going to the toilet on the toilet, being very clingy with mum, not playing with her brother or other kids, etc...

Jasmine has been trying to reassure her, make her feel safe, praying especially for this etc... But just doesn't know what to do. She doesn't have internet, so she asked me to put something to you guys incase someone had some ideas.

Thanks everyone

Claire

Homework battle!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 23:29:54 GMT

My 4th grader and I seem to have the same fight everyday over homework. I do not want this to continue for the rest of the school year. I don't know how to get her to do her homework without it take two hours and me losing my cool. Any tips on creating a better homework time for us both?

Advice on Adult Stepchild?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 07 Sep 2010 15:08:19 GMT

My husband has a 22 year old son. When he was 16 and living with us we purchased several large items, including a vehicle, at about $15,000 for him on credit with the understanding that he would pay us back - no formal agreement - we just trusted him. He got into trouble with the law and ended up spending time in jail. We had to sell the things we had bought for him at a loss in order to pay his legal fees and still had to put in more money. We paid all of the legal fees, bond, etc. The whole time he was gone he kept telling us that he was going to pay us back for the original loan when he got out. We told him that was all we expected - that we would not ask him to pay back his legal expenses. He came home and we tried to give him time to get back on his feet. He never paid us back anything, in fact he borrowed more money. Then he got mad at us for the house rules we expected him to abide by. He moved out of our home in a rage a year and a half ago. We have only seen him a few times since then. He paid back a few hundred dollars but that was right after he left. My question is - what should we do? Should we continue to let him know that we expect the money to be paid back? We could really use it and I guess that makes it harder for me. I know we will probably never see it again but I just don't see the relationship being restored with this issue still hanging out there. And he doesn't seem to care - he called his dad on Fathers Day but we never hear from him on birthdays or other days. He does show up at Thanksgiving and Christmas. I don't want to be bitter but I just can't seem to let this go. I need an outsider's perspective.

Difficult 11 y/o son

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 26 Jun 2010 04:16:05 GMT

Hello,

I am new here and I am really struggling with what is right to do with my 11 y/o son. I am a single parent and I gave birth to seven children. Four are still at home and their father is deceased. He died in a car accident 6 years ago. All seven lived at home at the time. To say the last six years have been difficult is an understatement. I have made mistakes but I have done the best I could. My 11 y/o pitches fits, throws things, breaks things, has stole from a friend, gotten in trouble at school and calls me mean. I have come to the end of my rope. I have not been able to afford counseling. I asked for help from the pastor at the church I attend but he declined twice and it was only when my son got in trouble at the school the church runs that he decided to see my son. It was too late if you ask me. I am being pressed to send him to live with my oldest daughter in our hometown in Georgia but I don't feel that is right but have no other choices. Has anyone had a good experience doing something like this? My daughter's home is not a strong Christian home.

Thanks,

Lisa

Home School

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 21:14:29 GMT

I'm looking into home schooling my two kids. I need a program that can be tought from anywhere. Any suggestions?

Need advice on my 12 year old son about sex?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 17:46:27 GMT

My son is head over heals with a young girl that is coaching him into having sex and I feel he is only doing whatever she wants him to do instead of taken control. I feel in my heart that he has a low self esteem and will doing just about anything for this yound girl. She has expressed many things to him that I can't even understand at such a young age. How do I get through to him and help him make right choices before it is too late. He doesn't talk to me about hardly anything and he doesn't want to get involve with any activities to get his mind off of her. Now, he does text other yound girls but there are pictures and texts that I do not approve of and I am very confused because he does not know that I look at his texts. Open for any advice, please help!

My child has major fears with particular things...please help!!!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 21 Aug 2010 12:53:31 GMT

Hi everyone,

I have a 3 year old boy, and he is a charming, active, social boy! His language development is good and he interacts well with other kids as well as people older than himself. However, we have one problem, and are unsure what to do.

For whatever reason, he is incredibly scared of some things.

E.G.

1. Shoes - he has one pair of shoes that he can wear, but anything else, he will go into hysterics over it and is literally terrified. We seemed to overcome a little bit with it for a while, and he was successfully wearing 2 different types, but has since reverted back to his old behaviour.

2. Belts - doesn't cope with belts at all. I sometimes have to make him wear them so that the pants fit, but it's the same thing, hysterics every time for at least 1/2 hour.

3. New clothes - If it's anything that is different, or new he is scared of it. This especially becomes a trouble when he grows and he has to wear new clothes! I have tried giving him choices etc... but it doesn't seem to help

4. Going to people's houses - for the most part he is fine, but lately, we'll be on our way to someone's house and it's someone he knows, who he loves, and he's been to their house b4, but as soon as we get there he'll get into hysterics and I have to carry him into the house. He is fine after about 5 minutes, but it's not fun!

5. Daycare - he used to love going to his daycare, but now, every time we go, I have to carry him in, kicking and screaming. He is fine after about 5 - 10 minutes of me leaving, but at first he's terrified. This one puzzles me, because when he was about 1 year old, he went through the clingy stage and cried when we went there, but he got over that after about 3 months. He only goes 1 day a week, so it's not like he's not spending time with mummy and daddy much.

6. Undies - as yet, Caleb is still not toilet trained, which i'm not too fussed about, cause I know he will when he is ready, and he sits on the toilet, and says he wants to do wees etc... but hasn't actually done it on the toilet. But he is terrified of undies, nappy pants etc...

We are going to see a Paediatrition, and some people have suggested he may have autistic tendencies, but it doesn't seem like that to me, because he is highly social and vocabulary is good!

So I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has had issues like this, and how they dealt with it or what they would suggest! I don't want to make things worse, but i also don't want to allow him to get into learnt behaviour that is going to be difficult to adjust in the future.

Thanks guys,

Claire

adolescent is unforgiving and grudge holder

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 16:45:08 GMT

Help our 10 year old son is very unforgiving. A teacher, coach or friend can make a comment that insults him and he immediately puts the wall up. If we are not made aware of the situation in time to talk it over with him he writes them off, starts to give up on the friendship, sport or school work. Today he told me his teacher "hated" him and when we talked about approaching her with his concerns while still being respectful his response was "that woman does not deserve respect". I was speechless. At this point he shuts down and anything or anybody we talk about there is something wrong with. So far, we have discovered it best when he is in one of those moods not to continue a long drawn out conversation. I am so afraid that if we don't find a way to deal with this while he is still impressionable and loves being with mom and dad that we will loose him as a teen. His overall personality is kind and loving until someone gets his goat, which doesn't take much at times. As my husband says, he is a tough egg to crack for his teachers and coaches. Keeping a balance between standing up for him while supporting the authority figure can be difficult, generally we tend to think he reaps what he sews, and we want him to be accountable for his actions.

Please help! 18 years old son, in rehab.. In denial...choices.. last chance!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 01:56:39 GMT

Please help me and my husband, we have 4 children, the oldest is 18(male) . We know he's using marijuana but caught in dealing too. We give him choices, go to rehab or leave the house. He left, but came back after 2 days, We took him to in patient rehab, but he is still in denial Big time even for a week at Rehab... He thinks what he is doing/ did is okay... Please help us, we will give him choices, Stay in the house with a lots of rules and no priviledges, including communication with all the people where he's getting the stuff... He will attend out-patient, AA, go to the gym, no car, lots of chore.. Attend community college for two days, bec. we cancelled his college at University that we already paid. And another choice is leave the house with just few clothes, no car a veryy little cash that he put down for the car, minus all his traffic tickets and wrecks... but he will not allowed in the house or around his siblings while under the influence or until sober and been to rehab...

I want to know if we are doing the right thing.. He is very smart child, but it looks like he is already make up his mind to leave... please advice us as soon as possible.. We need to make decision....I pray that one will give me the right answer...

Thank you

Cruise

11 year old asked about premarital sex and I was honest now she says she doesn't look up to me any more.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 03:57:51 GMT

I have always tried to be as honest and age appropriate as possible when my child has asked me any questions about any subject. She is an only child and spends tons of time with me. When she asked about subjects that are tabu, I keep the conversations upbeat and matter of fact so as to send factual information to her without drama. Yesterday, we were talking about sex and the fact that you save any and all sex for your marriage - not just your intended husband. In other words, don't have sex with your fiancee' but your husband.

She has a cousin who is a young, single adult to whom she looks up to. She asked me if this cousin was still a virgin to which I reply that I believe she was a virgin. She then tells me she looks up to this cousin as a role model. She then asked me if I was a virgin when I married her father - which was a question I was expecting to get at some time and had offered the potential question to God for his guidance and had read many Christian based material on the subject but was not totaly prepared that it would come so soon. I took a deep breath and offered the prayer, "Your words, God, not mine". I told her no, I was not a virgin and it was something I regreted. I explained all the reasons why you have a better marriage if you are virgin and all the reprecussions of premarital sex on several other occassions in the past so I reiterated those again.

She teared up and told me she couldn't trust me and that she felt like someone had died and that she couldn't look up to me any longer. Since then, she and I have had numerous conversations about this certain subject. I have stayed calm and matter of fact and even told her how I wanted her to learn from my mistakes and what God expects from us and why. However, the thing that keeps coming out of her mouth is that she's just 11 years old and doesn't understand why I would tell her this information because she's just a kid. She's very hurt and bewildered by all this new information she's processing. My heart is broken because I'm afraid she's been damaged by my honesty. She has told me on after three conversations that she forgives me for telling her and she forgives me for my indescrections as a stupid young woman but was very devestated by it all to my complete and utter surprise.

However, she told me tonight, that she will always trust me to be completely honest with her and that she really liked that. That she still considers me her role model but I'm so afraid I've given her too much to process.

Have I completely messed up everything? How do I repair this?

I'm in need of what the appropriate punishment/restriction should be for a 17-year-old who drove home after drinking.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 15 Aug 2010 14:43:46 GMT

I'm in need of what the appropriate punishment/restriction should be for a 17-year-old who drove home after drinking. This is his first with this that we know of, but I have a list of other things a mile long that he has done or been in trouble for. We thought he was cleaning up his act and things were going better; guess it was just another calm before the storm.

Daughter thinks she's gay...

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 03:15:02 GMT

Just the other night, my 20 year-ld daughter called me from her Christian University dorm room, and proceeded to tell me that she was gay...that she had had these "feelings" ever since she was 10 years old. I saw her grow up in a Christian home, yet in her later years in high school, her father divorced me because of infidelity. She took it very hard. He had been in the ministry before, when she was a little girl, and taught her how to read her Bible, spent time with her sharing devotionals at bedtime...but all of that took a double-back reverse when she was a junior in high school. Through a very difficult transition into college, she came to want to be in ministry herself as a musician and into worship arts, and so we decided on a Christian school that fit her style. I felt good about it, yet it was out of our state.

Anyway, she is now convinced that she doesn't have any feelings for any men, and that she never will and she is very interested in women, and apparently has had some gay relationships that I didn't know about.

At this point, I have resolved to be silent, yet praying, on this issue, yet I have the mind not to fund her college years any more, especially where she intends to go on into the ministry, in spite of her "open sin" now. I don't want to enable her behavior, nor do I want her to pursue the ministry, if she intends to stay in this mindset. I am shocked to say the least, yet at the same time, I have let go of my own prodigal husband and his behavior. God has prepared me for this kind of thing, I suppose.

My question? Is it radical parenting in choosing not to fund her college career now, especially if she intends to go into the ministry? She feels as though other people will be ministered to, if they know that she too is having "these struggles" She's just not willing to call it "sin" when she is not actively involved with someone, but she has indeed admitted to me that she is gay, and that it has made her very happy that she can now talk about it, and she knows that God loves her very much, and that she hopes that I will continue to love her as in the past. I just can't see me enabling this type of behavior, and I don't want her coming back home to influence her teeange brothers. I'm a single mom, I consider myself a fairly strong Christian and mother, but I need help and wisdom to know what to do in this kind of situation.

Is it wrong to read your teen's texts?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 23:10:45 GMT

My daughter is 15 and she has never given me a reason not to trust her, but recently she has fallen head over heels over a boy at her school. He is a senior and she is a freshman. This does concern me even though I know his parents and he is going to be leaving on scholarship to college after this year. I have recently found myself reading her texts on her phone when she is unaware, mostly to find out if I am getting the whole scoop about this young man. What I found to my dismay is that she is using language (or at least on one text replying to similar language) that broke my heart. I feel like she is trying to be "cool". Now, any suggestions on how to bring this up to her without revealing that I have "gotten into her business" by looking on her phone. Maybe she should know that her phone is not a private space and she should consider that when using it. I don't know. I am confused. My daughter and I have always been very close and I want her to be able to trust me. She has always been a child that when she realizes she's done wrong is ready to repent. Any suggestions?

20 month old a late napper

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 06 Sep 2010 19:53:07 GMT

My 20 month old girl doesn't take a nap more than half the time until late afternoon even when she gets up around 7:00 AM. This causes her to not want to go to sleep at night. The other night it was 11:30 PM! She gets tired by 4:00 or 5:00Pm and falls asleep very easily. Sometimes when she falls asleep earlier at 12:30 or so in the carseat or when I nurse she wakes up when I put her down and won't go back to sleep even if I lay down with her. She only takes one nap and her bedtime is 8:30, 8:45. I don't think she's grown out her nap because by 4:30 or so I can't keep her from sleeping. If she does stay up until an earlier bedtime she's very cranky and clingy.HELP

3 1/2 year old over-reacts to everything....I feel exasperated.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 18:28:00 GMT

My 3 1/2 year old daughter is very intense. Please know I love her more than words can express.....but sometimes as a stay-at-home mom I feel like I am going to lose my mind . She is very insistent, demanding, and very very talkative. She freaks out and gets emotional over things that seem irrational to me (though I do realize they are very real to her). I don't mean to sound unloving....it's just that she can be this way all day long, and I get so frustrated with her. I find myself losing it and just saying "Would you please calm down? It is not that big of a deal!" or "Stop it! Stop it right now!" Here are some examples of conflicts between us: Sometimes I put chocolate syrup in her milk (sippy cup) then shake it up. She then goes bezerk and starts wailing (with tears) "I wanted to shake it up myself!". The only way to get her to stop is to fix another cup for her. At times I have done this, but at other times I say to her "You know what, you cannot always have it your way. You need to settle down and take this milk, or you will have NO milk at all". Other times I hand it to her unshaken and say "Look, mommy didn't shake it, so you can shake it yourself". Then she gets very emotional and angry (tears) saying "No!!! I can't do it!!!!!" I could name a hundred other scenarios just like this.....She is a very picky eater. She might say "Mommy, I want grilled cheese". So I make it for her. Then I hand it to her and she freaks out and says "I don't want it! I don't want it!". Then I say "Well, then you won't eat". If I put on a DVD and don't let her watch the previews, she goes into a total meltdown. It seems that everything has to be "just so" for her.

Another example would be when she says out of the blue "Mommy, I don't like this shirt I have on. I want a different shirt". I look at her shirt and there is nothing wrong with it, so I say "Honey, your shirt is fine. Just where the shirt you have on". Then the freak out tantrum comes.....tears, whining, lots of overreaction. There are days I wonder if I can hang onto my sanity because I am not exxagerating when I say that she is like this all day long. What do I do???? I feel so irritated by her behavior as well as confused, stressed out, and overwhelmed. Do you correct or punish a child for being demanding, loud and nitpicky, and if so....how??? HELP!

Curfew for 18 years olds?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 14:52:27 GMT

My daughter has proven that she is trustworthy. We really have never had any issues. She has always been mature and has alot of wisdom for her years. This has created an 18 year old that feels she should be able to come home at any hour ! She says she should be able to come home at 4 a.m. and we should not wait up and suffer the same lack of sleep. Should a 18 year old have a curfew? We would appreciate it if she did come in late that it would be 2a.m. the latest. Is this unreasonable?

Help with 16 year old daughter - no friends

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 14:31:17 GMT

Where do I start? My daughter is 16 and a wonderful Christian girl. She was homeschooled up until this past school year, her junior year, in which we enrolled her in public school. She has wanted to go to public school for sometime but we didn't feel the time was right until now. She has gotten along fine there but in a school of 1300 kids still has made no close friends. She is active in church, Sunday School, and youth group. She had a couple close friends in youth group as she was growing up but as they got older, those friends "went with the crowd", started smoking, doing drugs, and one is pregnant. She drifted away from them because of this, which I am very glad of, but she can't connect with any one close friend. She says the girls at school will be nice to her but they don't get close enough to build a relationship. It breaks my heart. She was crying the other day and asked me why people didn't like her. She is stuck in the middle. She doesn't want to hang with the rowdy crowd, which sadly is where her previous friends ended up. But she says the "good" kids turn their nose up at her. She's just a good little country girl. She is well liked by everyone in our church. The adults brag on her so much because she tries so hard to live the right way. But this gets her nowhere with her peers. I'm so proud that God has granted her the strength to remain strong but it is so hard for her. I definitely don't want her to turn the other way. Every time I mention one of her aquaintances that I think she may have something in common with, she tells me that I don't know them. They're filthy mouthed and backstabbers. I have found this to be true about most of them because I see their comments on facebook.

To throw another kink into this, she had a good Christian boyfriend, but they have broken up. Long story. He has very good morals, but we started seeing signs that weren't very good. He started being very controlling, not wanting her to take dance lessons (which is the one passion that she has enjoyed for 4 years now). He won't compromise on anything, will not visit our church, says she has to come to his, and so forth. He is from a family that has a history of being emotionally and physically abusive to their wives. I know I shouldn't judge him by what others have done but it's hard to not be afraid when you know about these things. When you start seeing these small signs at his early age, it seems like a warning. Anyway, they have broken up twice in 10 months, and it's been the same reason both times. He tells her they're just too different, which I agree with. But then he calls her back a day or two later, crying telling her he will change. We let her go back the first time but have told her if she went back this time, the rules would change on our side. He will have to compromise more or we won't allow them to be together. They have agreed that it's better that they stay apart, but it's because they feel that we will make it to hard for them. She is such a good girl, she actually is trying so hard not to be mad at us and tries to understand. She knows we want what's best for her. But she is hurting so much. He was her one friend and now that's gone too. I don't want them back together because I'm afraid he will get worse in his controlling issues.

We're trying to keep her busy with an online summer class and other things, but there's only so much parents can do. She needs a good friend her own age. Any advise or if anyone else has been through this please post. I put this in God's hands every night because I know I'm so helpless and He's in control and loves her even more than I do. But it would just be nice to hear some ideas or encouragement.

Homeschooling mom at wits end...

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 10 May 2010 22:18:38 GMT

Hi,

My 9y/o makes homeschooling difficult everyday to the point of I just want to scream and run out of my house! My K5'er is always having to wait til older sister calms down and we can continue with the work. It's not fair to her because she LOVES school and begs for more. For instance, today my 9 y/o screamed and cried because I asked her to look up some homonyms in the dictionary. She took an hour to do the project which should of taken 10 minutes. I offered to help her ... she just wanted me to give her the answer! To say she is strong willed is an understatement. She craves the drama is seems like. She would rather cry her eyes out than just do a simple task! I am not asking her to do anything she is not capable of doing. I have been homeschooling because of the things she was exposed to in public school. We cannot afford to do private school at this time. I really want to send my 9 y/o back and homeschool the K5'er but feel like that will cause a jealousy problem. I also feel like not giving my younger daughter the same attention the 9y/o has had all these years is not fair especially since she likes to be at home for school. My husband and I both agree that the relationship between my 9y/o is not getting better in this situation and neither is her drive with her academics. I am getting to where I am not enjoying being around my 9y/o because everything is wrought with a big crying session. How bad of a mom and I? I am aware she can pick up on this. I am just at my wits end. Her emotions are all over the place... I told my husband I was worried she may hit puberty soon. She gets angry, embarrassed easily. She does not exert effort for anything... sports, home, etc.. unless she thinks she can get something out of it. I do not want to bribe her to do things she should do just because she is a part of the family and things she needs to do to succeed in life. I am scared to send her back to school but cannot take another year of this! I just need prayer right now. I am so scared she is going to end up being more defiant as we reach teenage years. I feel like I am failing her! Thanks for your help!

Need support, struggling with a son who is homosexual

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 31 Jul 2009 15:43:52 GMT

Hi..I was wondering if there are other moms out there in similar situations as myself who can offer help/hope/support. My son recently told me he is gay (21) and does not want to be. He has hidden this his entire life..I believe because of fear of the church's response, fear of his father's response who is clearly against homosexuality, and fear of how he will be treated in general. I feel tremendous guilt because I suspected this but I did nothing. Everything he said led me to believe otherwise. I am in counseling, he is not. He says he knows what his issues are and he would like to start a support group at college. He currently lives in California and is home visiting for a few weeks. He is a dedicated Christian, attends a christian college has gone to Exodus International, but doesn't believe he can change because he has been that way for his entire life. I have been trying to find a support group but can't find anything in my area. How do you deal with family asking about girlfriends and keeping this quiet ...while inwardly your heart is aching because of the past mistakes that you made and then you suddenly say to yourself aha! that is why he said that to me or no wonder he avoided this situation etc.....Where do I go from here. I can't control my husbands neglect and response and I am also finding this very difficult to deal with.

taking out frustration on kids

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 28 Sep 2003 16:03:12 GMT

Hello, I was wondering if someone out there could help me. I am dealing with a lot of anger, loneliness and frustration due to my military husband's extended overseas deployment. It looks like he will be away from home a total of 14 months, with only a 2 week leave, and even that is not guaranteed. The concern I have is that I am taking out my frustration on my young daughters, ages 5 and 3. I find myself yelling at them, squeezing their shoulder, spanking, etc., when they do things irritating to me. Or I will tell them 20 times to not do something and then blow up by the 20th time! Last night my older little girl said she wanted to go live with someone else because I was being mean. I was devastated and apologized to her, explaining that I am really missing Daddy alot lately. I just miss the help I used to get from him, not to mention missing our married life in general. Every Sunday I drag my kids to church in a lousy mood. Anyone out there (single moms, other military spouses, etc) who have dealt with this?

breaking bad language in a 2 year old

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 02:30:42 GMT

Help! My soon to be 2 year old has picked up a curse word from somewhere and has been saying it at random. I am completely mortified and even afraid to take her to church because I am afraid she will blurt it out. So far I have just been trying to ignore her when she says it and even trying to get her to use a silly word instead. What do I do to make this stop? How long does she need to go without saying it before I can be sure she has ommited it from her vocabulary?

My sons' secret

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 22:49:57 GMT

To start, my 15 year old son is a very quiet kid, not the kind of kid to have any dark, dirty secrets. He likes being outdoors and talking to some of his (very few) friends. So, when I caught my son pleasuring himself in his bedroom 2 weeks ago, I was shocked. He did not see me in his beroom doorway, and I promptly left, feeling naeseated. Later in the week, I confronted him in his bedroom one night about it. I asked him how long he had been mastrabuting, and he avoided the question. So I asked him again, and he broke down, and told me he had been struggling hard not to do it, but hadn't been able to stop himself from doing it about once every 3-5 for the past 12 months. When I asked why, he said that he didn't know, because it didn't give him any pleasure at all. By now, I didn't know what to do, so I went and got my husband, and explained the situtation to him. My husband went and talked to him, and came back a 1/2 hour later looking depressed. My husband confirmed every thing he had told me, and added some other things my son told him. Most disturbing was the fact that my son said he could'nt control his urge to mastrubate, and had tried everything short of mutliation to stop himself form doing it, by had never succeeded. My son wants to stop, urgently so becuase it is making him miserable, but he cannot seem to do it. Me and my husband really need to know how to help him stop! Any help is appreciated!

Worried_Mom

9 year old boys exploring

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 19:21:34 GMT

My wife was watching a friend's 9 year old boy and caught him in a closet with our 9 year old son touching each other in an inappropriate place. Needless to say, we're both alarmed about it, but wanted to know if there was anyone out there that has had a similar experience, and if so, how we should go about handling it. I came home early from work and so far, we've sat down with both boys explaining that what they've done is unacceptable behavior and that there will be consequences for their actions. Most of all, we're looking for any kind of reassurance that what's happened isn't a sign of future homosexual urges.

Need help asap....I need advice on school

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 08:02:59 GMT

I'm in a dilemma. My kids have been homeschooled on and off....my son began in public school in Pre-K and Kindergarten, I homeschooled him half of 1st grade and he went to public school for the second half. I remembered why I started homeschooilng. I do not like the elementary school where we live (not the same as his PK and K school/we moved). Their school report card is bad every year with some grade levels passing percentage at 39%. None are above 60%. There's not PTO/PTA. He came home in first grade talking about sex (specifically saying Omar said, "It's 12 o'clock, let's go have sex." ) ???? At this point my husband had been half-hearted and critical in my homeschooling efforts, which is part of the reason I gave up. So, I decided I would give it a shot again for 2nd grade. This time my daughter would be in Kindergarten. So, 2nd grade went fine. However, my husband decided to move TN to be with his brother and work with him. I just put them in school over there for 3rd grade. BUT! things did not work out there (we quickly realized). We moved back home. They began school near my parents home. (We had rented our original home out when we moved and it was only 3 months past signing the contract.) We hoped to move away from the area we were in during the year, but that didn't happen. We move back and I homeschool for my son's 4th grade year and my daughter's 2nd grade.

We have NO money this year for homeschooling. I tried to tell my husband to set out some from tax refunds, but he wanted to pay other things off. He, now, is one of the biggest supporters of homeschooling. He wants me to, but we don't have the money for it. We wanted to put our kids in a program called Classical Conversations which is a challenging homeschool co-op that meets once a week. But all together it will be 2000 for the year. It's not a bad price, considering, but we don't have it. They said they would take payments of 200 a month. I'm scared to commit. My husband can work extra, but he gets soooo stressed about money, that I'm afraid to put that on his shoulders.

He literally told me tonight that he was putting his head in the sand because he can't do anything about it. Well, public school starts today (in a couple of hours). I absolutely don't know what to do. I've cried and cried, because he tells me to go with the homeschool group, then he backs out. I have to pay $150 today in registration fees if I put them in there, and I will not get that back, if we drop out.

The bad thing is I've already told my kids we were doing Classical Conversations and they are so excited. They really want to "go" to school with other kids.

Part of me says, believe God and have faith. The other says, do what's best for your husband, put them in school.

I can't keep going back and forth with homeschooling. I'm not doing that to my kids. I they go back, that's it for homeschooling.

Lonely mom

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 12:15:10 GMT

When I was young the one thing I swore to my self that I would never do was to raise a child on my own.

My Mother did it on her own with my four older half siblings, I guess when she met my father she was hoping it would be different. Well it wasn't. My Mom finally got married seven years after I was born to My step-father and they were blessed with a little girl and the buck stopped there. My Step-father turned out to be a cheater and Mom was heartbroken for the third time They argued all the time but never got divorce. Well I swore I would never go down this path, but boy did the Lord have other plans for me.

I went through a series of relationships One for two years, a Year and then four years. I last one, well I thought he was the one and I was willing to wait forever but God kept convicting me ( I didn't know it was him at the time) but it turned out He loved me but he wasn't in love with me, His word exactly. Well that shook me to the core but I'm a trooper and I moved on. I met someone six months later He was divorced and a broken man. We became friends and I helped him though his pain and helped him to see the sun again. Our friendship grew into more and soon I moved across the pond to be with him. We were on the same page... or so I thought. I found myself pregnant he was 'happy', So happy that he wanted to go and work in another state for a year to prepare for the baby I agreed but first I wanted to get married... It never happened and he soon became distant and involved with work and partying as you do when you work in resorts.

I went through my whole pregnancy alone in a country that I didn't speak the language alone, scared and feeling rejected. About this time I started to read my bible I couldn't put it down, I couldn't get enough. I wanted to find an English speaking church but couldn't at the time. The baby came and His father returned for a month. He was home with our son for ten days, and then left to return to his fun. I begged him to come home I told him that we should, be together poor or rich, I didn't care just as long as we were together. he never budged. Although I went through my sons first month in a daze, I soon found a church that summer, and not only did I grow in faith, I learned to cast my burdens on the Lord and you know what he took care of us. My son's father continued to float in and out of our lives but finally I had enough after two years of living alone and raising our son alone, told him no more.

I know God has a plan for me and I know he loves me more than any man could, but I am human and just so lonely and lost. I fear that no one will want me because I am "damaged' and I'm a 'court one get one free' kinda deal. Trust me I have been praying for direction in my life, a friend who understands what I am going through and for a man strong in faith who will love not only me but my son as his own.

I would appreciate if ther is anyone who's been where I am and has come out 'alive' so to speak. Please join me in my prayer for direction the others I know will come in time.

Thanks

Blumango

Any advice or suggestions?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 17:50:33 GMT

Background:

My 2 daughters, grandson and I live together. I am currently unemployed so I have to rely on my youngest one who is working and in her final year of college. She also depends on me for her taxi & babysitting services as she doesn't drive. As soon as I find full time work making enough to support myself I will be able to walk away and get myself a 1 bed. apt.

That said, my youngest adult daughter, who also has a son that is 28 months old, has always been very hard gal to deal with. What she learned from other kids growing up, and young adults, she tries at home. Today for instance, she was siting on the floor and kept repeating to her son, "come here so I can change your diaper." After hearing this for about at least a dozen times, I sternly told him to get over there so his mother could change his diaper, but he told me, "No." Finally, I told her to get up, quit talking and get him; your the mother and you need to take control of the situation because you're teaching him right now that he's in control.

She told me to "s*** up" and to but out when it comes to discipline." She tells me to "s*** up" frequently right in front of my grandson which is teaching him that it's ok to be disrespectful. I don't know how to handle her, and never have really because she is a very strong willed person.

Everything has always been a real struggle with her...such as cleaning up after herself and her son. She believes she shouldn't have to do anything because she works and goes to college. She's been out of college for the summer though and it's still the same ole song and dance. I have cleaned/organized her bedroom I don't know how many times...she simply refuses to take a few minutes to just do even the simple things like hanging up/putting away her clean clothes, picking up dirty ones and throwing them down the clothes shoot...I just get so frustrated with her that I'm to the point where I'm about to just not pick up anything after her or her son anymore.

Any advice or suggestions?

taking 14yr old daughter's boyfriend on family trips, should I?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 00:21:30 GMT

My wife and 14 yr. old daughter invited (without consulting me) my daughter's 14 yr. old boyfriend to go along with us to a college football game that we always attend as a family. We would be spending 2 nights 8 hrs from home. I don't think that we should extend familial priviledges of this nature to an opposite sex boyfriend or girlfriend until it has been determined via official engagement that they will be joining our family. My wife does not feel the way I do and sees no harm in the situation. Just to mention, I don't get along with the boy very well and this could be affecting my feelings but I think that I would feel the same way anyway. I would certainly feel uneasy and be mad the whole trip. Am I wrong to feel this way. Thoughts anybody? Anyone have experience with a similar situation?

Help with a biting 2 year old

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 19:29:17 GMT

Help....I am the mother of a four year old and 2 year old (girls) Just recently my 2 year old has started biting other children and sometimes myself when I'm carrying her. I have tried spanking, biting back, and time outs but nothing seems to work! Her 4 yr old sister used to do this as well at this age. It's a terribly hopeless feeling and also very humiliating! We pray over her asking in the name of Jesus for any kind of hold that Satan might have on her to flee! We have some family that feels it could be part of a generational sin, but we are not so sure about how we feel on that issue! You can't blame all your problems on generational sin. Any advice would be appreciated. I don't like being the mother of a child that bites!

I'm 33 and need help with my parents

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 17:16:34 GMT

I know the bible says to honor your parents and to me, that means love them. So, I love them simply because they are my parents. But my sister and I havne't gotten along with them for years. Ever since I can remember, mom has always blamed her physical ailments (real or imagined) on us. It was always our fault. So that part of this email she sent me this last weekend, I'm used to. The part that hurts the most is when she tells my sister in a seperate email that I murdered her grandbabies, yet tells me I made it all up and have been making things up for years. The last several months, my sister and I have tried to confront my parents about issues, including abuse, from when we lived under their roof. They've denied it or always had an excuse. In Mom's mind, if she doesn't remember it, it never happened. The ironic thing is that Mom has never told my sister that she is making things up, yet we've confronted them on the exact same issues.

I told them about my abortions several years ago, but they've never accepted it. Mom has been very hurtful about it and has asked stupid questions like "Did I see my baby's blood on the floor?" So in regards to my abortions and my parents, I've built a wall between us. I've delt with my abortions and more of my past that my parents don't know about and at this point, will never know.

I've tried to set boundries, but when I do, they say I'm pushing them away. Like last year, I posted a clean joke on my facebook page that just happened to take place in a bar. Like "A man walked into a bar...." My parents went all crazy and posted bible verses why it was wrong to go into a bar. Even my grandmother got involved and said she doesn't think God would want a woman to go into a bar. I told them and I still believe that if Jesus was physically living in todays world, that He would go into the bars, He would spend time with the prostitutes, He would seek out those who have had abortions and have been hurt and abused, He would seek out the rejected and those who are considered lowly and scum by the world. They of course, didn't like that.

Anyway, I'm thinking about just not responding to Mom's email even though I would really like to stand up for myself and straighten out her mixed up facts. But anything I say will only strengthen in her mind what she already believes about me. So I don't know what to do.

This isn't the typical young adult saying "Oh I hate my parents, they are so dumb". Just saying that because thats what people generally automatically assume....and then they read the emails from my parents. Then they are speechless. It won't let me copy and paste so I can't post the email from this weekend or I would. Just looking for advice and help.

Son's Sexual Identity

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 27 Mar 2010 13:30:09 GMT

My 16yrd son believes he is gay. He admits to being loney and feeling alienated at school. He has grown up with 3 sisters and this may be a factor. I have tried to tell him how much he is loved and we understand the feelings of lonliness and confusion, but not to let that dictate making a lifetime choice. He is a Christian, but confused. Please pray the God will reveal His love to him and fill the voids in his life. That God will renew his mind and transform his spirit to align with God's Word. Thank You.

Does it get easier?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 04 Nov 2004 14:30:38 GMT

I'm a new mom of a beautiful 3-month old little boy, and I'm just wondering if this new job of being a mom gets any easier as my son gets bigger? Right now, we struggle with sleeping...not during the night (he's great at that), but during the day. The boy refuses to nap unless I'm holding him or he's riding in the car. When he does finally go to sleep because he's exhausted, he's only down for 15-30 minutes. Right now, it just seems like everything about my life as a new mom is a struggle. Is there light at the end of the tunnel??

My 11 year old girl wants to have a boyfriend! what age is appropriate?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 05:31:21 GMT

My yougest daughter says she want to have permission to have a boyfriend and that her friend sparents have let their daughters have them. I don't think any child should be having boyfrieds at 11. She says that a boy has asked her to be his girlfriend and she is pressing us for an answer in letting her have one. She is concerned what he and others might think if she does not give an answer right away. I told her she should concentrate more on her school work, family and church activities. I also said that I needed time to talk with others about this and that I couldn't give her an answer right now. She knows that I don't really aprove of this but I am trying to listen to her and understand what she and why she is asking. Please tell me your thoughts of an 11 y/o girl having a boyfriend.

Teenage responsibility when there is illness in the family

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 01:27:41 GMT

Hi,

I'm the mom of eight children, five grown, three at home. I have been sick over the last 7 months with GI issues and have finally been diagnosed with a bad gallbladder and am scheduled for surgery next week. I have two 16 year olds and a five year old at home. This illness and not knowing what it was has taken it's toll on our family, I've had to expect more out of the older children but have still tried very hard to let them have time away from the house. My husband has had to work over 80 hours a week to purchase good health insurance so I can get this taken care of. We have always been moderately strict about chores and such. I'm hoping my recuperation isn't going to take that long and that it is the answer I'm praying for. I'm just wondering if I expect to much from my kids to try and be there for me before and after surgery. My husband will be off for two days, but we need their help also, especially when he goes back to work. Even though their good kids, they still have a tendency to make me feel like helping me during this time is the last thing they want to do. It seems like their peers can do anything they want, I have a really hard time being the disciplinarian, especially when I'm sick. Thankfully my husband does back me up when he is home. How much am I supposed to expect out of my teenagers? I really have a hard time with this, because so much was expected out of me and I was an only child. Would love to hear others take on this because I feel very alone in my standards, and am wondering if I'm to stringent.

Marsha

Where do I start?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 30 Jul 2005 20:34:07 GMT

I am prayfully considering home schooling my children and I was wondering where to start as far as resources (I would like to check out how things are done before I decide anyting). I also fear that I will start home schooling and will not do a good job and then my kids will be further behind. Any advice or encouragement?

MODERATOR'S NOTE:
You may find the following article, "Getting Started Home Schooling" to be helpful.

Suggestions for mother/son talk

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 15:52:46 GMT

Hi, I am the mother of an 11 year old, 6th grade boy and just looking for suggestions on how to have the talk with my son. Where to begin, what points should be made, how much for now and what to save for later when he is older? Are there any books that I can use as a resource? We started last year talking about physical changes that will happen with boys but that's it so far. I feel we need to move forward with the talk because he most certainly will learn things in school that I don't want him to learn. Thank you!

Single mom, 2yr old son wants to know where "daddy" is.....

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 02:18:08 GMT

Hi,

I'm a single mom of a beautiful 2 yr old boy. Soon to be 3 in August. Just recently he has been going to the computer after supper. I ask him what he is doing and he says looking for his daddy. He has dont this for 2wks in a row. Today his day care teacher pulled me aside and asked what to say when the other children get picke up by their "daddy", what to say to my son. I dont know what to say. My son "daddy" left me as soon as I found out I was pregnant and has wanted nothing to do with us since. I really dont know what to do here. I feel I will loose either way. For no matter what I tell him he will end of hurt in the end. Does any one know what to say or do in this situation?

Please help! I only want the best for him!!

Unique family challenge 20 yr old

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 21:03:09 GMT

Glad to find a family to share my prayers. Long story but 3 years ago I rescued myself & 3 kids from a very scarey abusive husband. We had been married fo 20years. I was the A typical believer/ healer, smooth things over, do everything mom. Now I am forced into being a single mega warrior destroying the marriage in divorce, battling raising twin 16yr old boys a one very spoiled 20 yr old girl. I poured myself into every moment & opportunity to be with them all their lives. The damage their father did is slowly fading. I got the boys in therapy and they are improving. The girl is another story. When we escaped with nothing we landed living with my mom. My girl chose her father over living with me. He gave her every freedom teens want. I pushed her to come with me but her friends were near my ex house. I arranged for her to attend college and she is now a junior doing well. I found a man in my life 1.5 ago. I did not share this with the kids until I was certain it would benefit them. I spend time with this new man when the boys are at visitation. My girl has rejected me. She tells my family I changed. That she doesn't know me. I try so hard to visit at school once a week to go out to dinner, or take her shopping. When we are together it is awkward. She critics my parenting of her brothers. She is home for summer and won't share her schedule and shows up home at all hours. I still pay all her bills and fund her food while at school. I make very little money with no savings. She just takes what she can get from me. The man in my life would be a great influence on my boys but their dad forbids them to speak to him or else he will disown them. He has not yet been to one family event for this reason. I put my kids first and still it is not working. I pray all the time to heal this family. But I am so broken down. I listen to worship music in the car and that helps but if anyone has insight on this topic I would love to hear what works.

5 year old that want listen to us or to the teacher

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 17:42:55 GMT

My stepson is 5 years old and just started Kindergarten 3 weeks ago. For the last 3 weeks he has gotten a sad face at school for not listening to the teacher, talking when asked not to, interrupting the teacher when asked not to, and playing around when asked not to. We talked to the teacher about this and she said that she gives him warnings when he acts up and still he continues. He was in a Pre-Kindergarten Class last year so I know that he knows the rules of the class room and of school. This behavior problem is nothing new to us though, he doesn’t listen to us a home either. We have tried everything we can think of to correct this problem. We started out taking thing away from him like his Game Boy (Nintendo DS) certain toys that he loves, and then we started taking away TV and started making him stay in timeout. None of this works. To me, I think he doesn’t care what happens to him. So now every time he gets a sad face at school, when he gets home we spank him and he gets to do nothing the rest of the night. We try to talk to him about this issue, but he just tells us that he just wants to play when he is at school and he saids he cant help it. We started that last week and still he gets a sad face everyday. So this week we will continue to spank him but we are adding something different, a Treasure Box. We told him if he gets a smiley face he gets to go to the Treasure Box and pick out something. If this doesn’t work what will. What else can we try? We are out of ideas.

Helpful Information for those struggling

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 18:03:54 GMT

Hi,

I am new to the forums, and a single mom of a 4 year old and 9 month old. I have a long story, and will share that another time. But, I would like to share a website with you all that has greatly helped me in my parenting styles.

I am a good mom, but struggle with guilt and worry.

The website (link below) opened my eyes to true relationship with the my kids through the Lord. It has assisted me in tearing down the images I held, and allowing the light of the Lord to permeate my relationships with my children. I hope it may help some of you single moms as well.

Please note that this site is not specifically for single moms, but the content is very much applicable when you relate it to your particular circumstances. Even the homeschooling section opened my eyes to the Lord in my and my children's eyes!! I am so thankful to God for leading me to this site. Please feel free to share it and post on here your thoughts.

http://www.revived-christian-woman.com/index.html

Blended families and too many extracurricular activities

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 22:13:46 GMT

Hi,

I am newly married (3 months) with a blended family. My new husband is a professional counselor, which is a plus! We both read books on blended families before marriage and have continued to read both parenting and marriage books with a spiritual perspective. We are doing the work and consider ourselves to be a work in progress!

My main problem is we disagree with how many activities his kids should be involved in. He has two daughters, both are in band (practice Mon-Thur from 3:30-6:30, Fridays are ball games that are mandatory, which usually last from 11pm-1am) One daughter is in dance and the other is in volleyball. ( this semester) All of our children are in UIL later in the year that requires after school preparation. His children tend to choose the UIL activities that take more practice though, like One Act plays, etc. This puts us all eating separately all thru the week. When we were engaged, we talked extensively about limiting activities, but now that we are married, he has back-tracked and sees them as "healthy".

His girls do not like our family Bible study very much, or going to church. They don't seem to show much interest in family at all here unless we are watching movies. My husband is reluctant to tell his girls "No" to further activities out of a fear that they will choose to live full time with their mother. ( Currently they have equal rights, one week here, one week there).

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated....this situation is putting a wedge between us. Everything I have read says to just let it go and not say anything...so am I suppose to just "suck it up " and let the distance between us grow?

depressed college student

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 21:03:00 GMT

My 21 year old son is a junior at a Christian college, and suffering from depression. We just discovered that he hasn't been going to classes and has just been sleeping a lot and not much else. He has been taking medication for his depression since the beginning of the school year, but it obviously wasn't helping. We got him in to the doctor and had his meds changed, but I'm not sure what else to do to help him. He has a counselor at the college, but he says they just talk about the same stuff, which is the issues he has been dealing with for the past couple of years concerning self esteem and loneliness. He has had some relationship problems with several girls over the last two years that caused him a lot of inner turmoil, but says he is okay about all that now. I feel so helpless and wish he were living at home instead of on campus, where we could encourage him. Has anyone else dealt with a depressed college student, and could give me some advice on what my husband and I can do to help him?

Preschool boy likes everything girlie

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 16 Apr 2007 23:07:38 GMT

I have a little boy who is almost 5. My husband and I have been married for 11 years and have a wonderful marriage, he has a wonderful relationship with our 2 sons. Our oldest, (almost 5) likes anything that is "pretty". Examples, he enjoys playing with dolls, polly pockets, princess items, anything with the Disney princesses on it, the color pink etc. Hands down he will pick anything that is pink before other colors, because it is pretty. He will choose to play with dolls, barbies, "girl toys" over anything else in the room. He realizes that these toys are not for little boys and so we don't purchase them, but he does play with them when we go to others homes. Other examples: If we see a pasture of horses, he specifically asks which one is the girl because he only wants to name that one, he chooses the girl stuffed animals that he plays with are always girls etc. Is this something that we should be concerned about? We try to not make a huge deal out of it, we just remind him when something is inappropriate. We have read the Bringing up Boys book and his dad tries to bring him into the "man" world. He does enjoy these times and activities. It just seems that his natural gravitation is towards the other.

My 8yr old daughter is having trouble controlling her emotions, mainly anger. Help!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 18:37:51 GMT

Hello, my 8 yr old daughter is having real trouble controlling her anger. When she is disciplined or corrected, she stomps off or yells, "you're mean!" to me or her daddy. She just recently did this at school to a teacher, as well as doing things to 'pick on' other kids her age. She is much taller than everyone else her age - she looks like a 4th grader rather than a 2nd grader. Not sure if that plays a part. She also did something over the weekend that she has never, ever done, and that is take something that did not belong to her. She took some money out of her daddy's drawer and denied taking it when asked. She finally came clean, and we took several things away from her but she still somehow doesn't seem totally sorry. We are at a loss. Can someone please offer any suggestions? Help!

public school? homeschool? private? university model?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 02:19:09 GMT

Some christian leaders advise parents to take their children out of the public school system. Others warn parents that if they shelter their children from the realities of life too much, they will rebel once they are teens (or go off to college). I realize there is no educational choice that can guarantee the outcome of a child. And furthermore, even the greatest parents in the world have no guarantees that their children will not rebel. But I am still very curious to know what other families experiences have been like. In regards to the educational choices you've made for your children.....do you feel like it has enriched their relationship with Christ, or pushed them into rebellion? I have had people warn me about sending my kids to a christian private school (or even homeschooling) because they claim that these kids tend to rebel once they are old enough to.

Sensitive Child/Hitting/School/Behavior

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 00:31:54 GMT

My son is finishing up his first year of school (kindergarten). He turned 6 this past March.

Before school, he did not have a lot of social interaction. My husband and I have been jumping around churches since we've been married, and just recently settled on one, so there wasn't a lot of social exposure in that aspect for our son. We have family close by and he has 2 cousins close to his age that we see a few times a month...and that sums up his interaction with other kids.

Starting school was a BIG step. He went from being an only child, to spending his days/space with other children. For the most part he is friendly, outgoing, funny, and happy at home. He plays well with his cousins and at church, other than the average sharing issues. But, at school, he has struggled. He has been in trouble for yelling, hitting, and just not being nice. He snaps at other children, and has major issues with personal space when he is not in a good mood. These issues seem to be a mood thing. Because, when he is in a good mood he does not have these same issues.

We have been working with him at home at changing his behavior at school. We have been having consenquences when his behavior is not appropripriate, and talking to him at about communicating his feelings in a good way instead of yelling or hitting.

I spoke to his teacher today to ask her how he was doing. I asked her if she had seen kids with similar behaviors and she said that she had not encountered such a senstive child. Of course this makes me feel like there is something wrong, or that we as parents are doing something wrong.

I am contemplating whether we should see a counselor with him, or just continue being consistent with him at home. Or if this is just a stage and he's adjusting to the whole school thing...

Any suggestions?

Symptoms of depression or normal teen behavior?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 22:59:26 GMT

Can someone tell me what is normal for 13 year old boys? Are mood swings normal? How frequent should they be? I will give you a quick synopsis of what has been ocurring:

I can't get him to buy any clothes for school, we went to the mall to get him new shoes (which he badly needs) and new jeans and shirts. He didn't find anything, says he doesn't want anything. You must understand that he usually always bugs me for new shoes or a new top or new jeans or whatever it is he thinks he needs. I take him to the mall, tell him to pick out something and hours later we come home with.....nothing. He also likes to spend a LOT of time on the computer (of which he has had too much access to in the past, but now I have it blocked when I'm not home). When I ask him if he wants something he'll say "I'm not hungry", but then he will eventually eat. His mood swings are SO extreme, he seems angry and many times very unhappy. He will go play with his friends, but sometimes I have to push him, he will just lay around and do nothing and say he doesn't want to go anywhere. He also tells these really grandiose stories to friends, completely fabricated stories about things that are just ridiculous! (He said he is going pro and he is sponsored by Volcom, for example.)

And then he comes to lifegroup with me or church or that circle of people and says the most insightful things about scripture and whatever the discussion is about from the Sunday message. He changes girlfriends like he changes underwear and tells them he "loves" them when he hasn't even met them!

Am I a crazy overprotective parent or is this "normal" teen behavior? Please help, anyone who can give me tips or suggestions on this, it is appreciated.

I want to go to counseling, but it hasn't worked in the past. And, he was diagnosed with ADD. So now this brings me to my next question: do I find a family counselor, one for ADD, one for depression/anxiety......or....what? I am in over my head and I need help with a lot of things.

Thanks so much!

Runaway Daughter - Heartbroken Mom Needs Encouragement

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 17 Aug 2010 15:37:20 GMT

It's been 2 1/2 months! The days are long, the nights are longer. My daughter is 17 and ran away to be near her boyfriend. Today is the first day of school. This is her senior year. She isn't here. She is there instead, some two hours away. A friend helped her run away. She had also run away for a time. Her mother was heartbroken at some time, but will not assist us in bringing our daughter back home. She is with this so-called friend and her family now. She is residing in a tiny, dirty dwelling with 12 people living there in this 3 bedroom, 1 bath house. The friend's brothers live there with their girlfriends and babies. I do not know if my daughter is sleeping on a mattress or not. In our state, a 17 can run away and not be forced back home. It's the Missouri 17 Law. She is a runaway now, living on the edge in her search for freedom and independence. She has a part-time job where she works with another runaway as well as other teens who had also been there, done that. They give her survival tips. They tell agree with her that parents are controlling, too restrictive. She relies on others for rides. She has little money and is upset we won't give her any. She enrolled in school there today. That school district claims they have to enroll her under a hardship case - if she sleeps in the district they have to enroll her. Despite her best interests, others are enabling her. She has a family who loves her unconditionally, she had been an honor student, recognized poet and star athlete. No senior year activities to be recognized for this year. No walking out with her parents on various senior nights that she would have been recognized for her skills, talents and achievements. Broken dreams - hers and ours for her. She wants nothing to do with her family - immediate or extended. She wants nothing to do with previous friends, adored coaches and teachers, people from church. It's all about her and the boy now. She says she is happy. But, her dark circles under her eyes and blank expressions tell another story. She wants no one to visit. The boyfriend's dad is regularly out-of-state on business and claims he doesn't support the relationship. The boy's mother takes her places and occassionally lets her use her car. She has her over to their house and talks negatively about our family and our faith. She discourages counseling. My daughter refers to me by my first name only. She adores her boyfriend's mom. I am a "pathetic", my daughter says, "too restrictive'. Yes, my husband and I restricted her phone after we discovered sexting and talking throughout the night. Yes, we went to church as a family. Yes, we prayed together and wanted all the kids at home to pray with us. Yes, we encouraged wholesome activities. Yes, we had curfews. Yes, we talked and asked questions. Yes, we loved her then and loved her now. Too restrictive? Now she lives in a house where sex outside of the bounds of marriage is allowed. Where drinking and chain smoking is allowed. Where there are no curfews. Heartbroken mom and dad, siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, grandpa . . . Holding onto the promise found in Proverbs 22:6. But, missing her so! Feeling as though our daughter has become a stranger. Heartbroken and needing encouragement.

Help! 14 yr old son saying he hates me when I discipline him?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 07:26:05 GMT

My husband and I are separated. My son is very angry. He is 14. When I discipline him for defiant behavior he will mumble under his breath that he hates me. I know that means it is in his heart. I have been disciplining him for this for years to no avail. How do I get him to stop saying that and take personal responsibility for his defiant behavior that caused him to need consequences in the first place?

17 Month Old Not Talking

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 29 Jul 2003 05:58:37 GMT

My daughter was speaking around ten words at 15 months and has gradually stopped. She will occasionally say mama, dada or bye-bye. She hears fine and can point to an object we request but just smiles when I point to my mouth and slowly speak a word for her to repeat. I've read some on Autism but do not see any other symptoms. The development literature I've read indicate she should be speaking anywhere from 20 - 80 words right now. I would appreciate any advice or direction. Thanking you very much!

Iron Man 2 - AC/DC?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 31 May 2010 12:00:12 GMT

Dear Friends,

I am interested in taking my son to see Iron Man 2. However I am very concerned about the exrtent of AC/DC songs in the film. Having been an ardent AC/DC fan in the past, before my conversion many years ago, I know very well the corruption in this music and while willling to endure one or two instrumental versions as part of the sound track, I would be very unhappy with sitting through many of their songs especially if the lyrics are included during the film itself (music on the credits is less worrying as we can leave!)

Could you let me know how many AC/DC songs are going to be used during the film?

I guess I am not the only parent in the world that doesnt want to have ot listen to songs like:

Highway to Hell

Rock and Roll Damnation

Hell aint a Bad Place to be

If You Want Blood (You've Got It!)

Shoot to thrill

Hells Bells

etc etc etc.

AC/DC have a new album out of 15 of their songs call Iron Man 2 but it is unclear whether all these songs are actually inthe film or not.

If you can help us this would be most appreciated! (As we are hoping to go in the next few days)

11 YO son - masturbation/nude pictures HELP!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 06 Dec 2004 13:50:57 GMT

My son is 11 years of age but has, almost overnight, fully matured physically. A friend recently related to me that one night when he spent night with her son he talked about masturbating. I have recently found nude pictures of women in his 'stuff'. He is a Christian, has been raised in the church since he was born, does not see any of this type material in our home. My husband is a wonderful deacon, SS teacher (adults), but is very quiet and not inclined to talk with our son about this. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I don't like where this is heading!

How do you stop being an angry mother?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 29 Jan 2005 13:57:41 GMT

My oldest child is 6 and very strong-willed, VERY hyper, and every single thing is a battle with her and has been since she could walk. I STAY angry and cannot seem to get control of myself to be able to get any control over her. She constantly disobeys me and I get SO angry I say things to hurt her feelings on purpose yet even that seems to just be ignored though I know deep inside it is not. I have read to just make yourself "positive". I dont believe that is possible to just change how you feel if it were so there would be no depression. How do you control the anger? Has anyone here gone from a screaming, angry mother to a laughing, loving mother? Tell me how please.

Special needs looking for others...

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 17:37:14 GMT

Hi! I'm a mom with a son with special needs. I can't beleive there is not one thing on here about children with special needs. I've been looking and looking. This is a site for parents, right? Anyway, thought I'd start a discussion; I can't be the only one. My son has albinism (albino), sensory processing disorder, ADD, autism, and developmental delays. He's amazing. He just turned 3, and he lights up my life. I have ups and downs, good days and bad. My son almost didn't come into this world. I was told that I would NEVER have children due to my health. I have 2! My oldest, who I just described, and a 4 month old, who was a preemie. I got pregnant with him a month before a scheduled hystorectomy. Why children are born in certain situations, who knows, I'm not God. I accept my kids and I know God has this amazing plan and purpose for them. Why do people have to fot our HUMAN definition of normal and smart and typical, for them to be perfect in God's eyes. I know people who pray everyday for their special needs child to be healed. If God wants to give my son a more "typical" understanding of the world etc... then that's fine. If God wants to keep him the way he is, that's fine. My son isn't sick so why should I beg for him to be different, does that mean he's not good enough? I want to embrace and love him. By being this way, he may be able to accomplish things in life that you or I could never do because we aren't wired that way. Praying for healing, in my opinion, for something like this is like me praying to have a different personality, or mad that God didn't put me in a genius category. I accept who I am. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Anyway, that's my rant. I would love to find other familes who want vent, laugh, and share about our lives in this "unique" situation of raising very SPECIAL children. My husband and I are leaders of and involved in some local special needs groups, but we are looking for those of like minded faith... OTHER CHRISTIANS. Please feel free to post anything!

Help, scared my 2 yr boy is not normal

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 03:51:19 GMT

I have only mentioned my sons behavior to his pediatrician twice. Both times she quickly dismissed him as just being strong willed and active. She has also said to me, "Maybe you and your husband are just so laid back, it just makes it seem like he is hyperactive and a behavior." I am afraid it is more than that. I think the pediatrician is looking at the fact that he is meeting milestones. He is slower in his talking than my others but he is very smart. He can be very challenging as far as opening things and climbing. There is no safe place you can put him or keep him from climbing on something and that has been going on before he was a yr old. I have 5 children ranging from 19-2 yrs. Two children were very good as babies and normally active toddlers and two where quite a bit more difficult. This one has been different from the start. From about a month old he would scream so high pitched, when changing his diaper, it felt like my eardrums would burst. I now think all this time he didn't like the cold wipes or me holding his feet up to clean him. He was a very cranky baby that I was not able to sooth. We went through medications for reflux, nothing helped. I breastfed for a yr but had problems with milk supply since I am on synthroid for my thyroid. He was small and under weight. I thought after we added food and he gained maybe his personality would improve. It seemed to improve a little but then we entered the toddler yrs. He also seems to have some allergy problems and suffered from 5 ear infections in a yr but has not had one since last fall. It seems, although he is very attached to me, I wonder about our bond sometimes. He is a very moody child and the whole family has struggled to deal with him to try to keep peace in the house. He screams and throws trantrums on a dime. He is also growing increasingly stronger and more violent with his actions. He has left marks on me and my 5 yr old. He pinches, bites, pulls hair and throws things. I have tried every form of punishment but it only seems to escalate his reaction. I have grown very frustrated and don't know what to do. We usually have about 3 good days a wk and he can be so funny. He has such a great laugh and smile when he uses it he can melt your heart. A habit he has developed is playing with mine or my husbands ear lobe as a form of comfort. Sometimes he moves his fingers back and forth over my elbow or knuckles when he is tired or nervous. If he has something in mind the way he wants it or wants to do something and it doesn't happen it becomes a major melt down. Half the time it takes two people to get him into his car seat. He screams and becomes very strong and refuses to sit and be buckled in other times he will go in no problem. I am afraid when he is screaming and going nuts that someone will think I am harming him. The only ones that have seen this really bad outbursts are my parents, my husbands mom and my sister. They are puzzled and not sure what to think. The really puzzling thing to me is sometimes around others he can seem quite good and people don't believe he can be the child I have described. He is usually very shy of new people and doesn't display this behavior. I am really worried about his behavior though. It is hard to believe a child this young could have this much anxiety and anger. I have always felt in the past you can love them out of this. This has been an ongoing daily trial that is wearing me down and causing me anxiety and depression, I fear, not to mention the toll it has taken on our marriage and other children. I pray for my son but don't know what to do to help him. Has anyone dealt with a child like this? Should I seek a specialist or am I just overly concerned?

3year old hitting parent

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 09 Sep 2003 13:26:26 GMT

Occasionally, i tell my daughter I want her to do something she responds by swatting at me. I know this is disrespectful and I deal with it. I am wondering however, if disciplining her by spanking, smacking her hand, etc. is causing this? Could it be that she does not understand the difference between her hitting me and my disciplining her? Even if I have explained to her why I am disciplining her? When she swats at me, is it a good idea to discipline her by smacking her hand or bottom? Sometimes I feel like a hypocrite telling her not to hit at me yet turning around and doing it to her. Any thoughts?

18 yr old girl has lost her mind

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 02:21:02 GMT

Greetings,

I am writing for advice on an issue I have w/my daughter. She just turned 18 (5 months ago), still lives at home, works a full time job, and is in her last year of high school. She has been raised in church all her life and used to love to sing songs to the Lord, starred in many Christmas plays, etc. She was always someone looked up to as a role model for their children. Here lately, she has done a complete 180. She has been sleeping around with a boy who is a new Christian and was not raised in church, she has been listening to secular music, which she know is strongly forbidden in our family, and is totally defiant. She had been staying with this boy overnight (2or 3 times) and recently decided to come back home after speaking with a minister at our church. However, her boyfriend (the new Christian) is the one who told her she needs to listen to wise counsel and he is the one who said he doesn't want to live in sin any longer and that they should no longer have sexual relations. Yet, they are still going out. He is almost 18 himself and is learning and trying to live right. I really am embarrassed having, raised her in church, to know she is really being the "bad light" in her relationship with this boy. Her mother and I recently had a meeting with her to set some boundaries and she rolled her eyes at us and argued with almost everything we tried to tell her. During this conversation she told us that she enjoys listening to secular music now and that it is her decision to do so and we cannot do anything about that. We gave her a curfew of midnight on a school night and 2:30AM on the weekends or otherwise. She thought that those times were too strict. She also lives at home rent free, does not help with anything around the house; cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. She uses her full time job, part time job, and school as an excuse that she is too tired to help out. And she says she is entitled to some free time. She does not pay anything to live here. I pay for her cell phone. She pays her car pmt and insurance and buys her clothes, shampoo, etc. We are at our wits end.
We do not want to push her away for fear that she may move in with this boy or someone else. However, I feel that as long as she lives in my house, she needs to show us respect as her parents and adhere to our rules and boundaries that we set for her. We told her we will continue to pray for her and believe that God will change her heart. She said "Oh that's nice." She really seems to have stopped caring at all.

What should we do?????

8 year old son questioning EVERYTHING

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 10:27:13 GMT

I have an 8 year old son that I have been home schooling for 4 years. He began reading when he was 2 years old and at age 4 he tested into 2nd grade. This is why I chose to home school him... so he wouldn't be bored in school.

He accepted Jesus as his Savior at age 3. This year, just after he turned 8 he came to my husband and I crying saying that he didn't feel like Jesus is in his heart. We shared a lot of scripture with him trying to reason with him and reassure him that accepting Christ is a decision, not a feeling.

His questions and anxiety have only increased over these last 3 months and now range over all areas, not just spiritual. He seems to be tormented by his own thoughts ALL DAY LONG! He says, "I don't believe the Bible is really the word of God", "How do I really know you guys are my parents?", "What should I do if I'm thinking in my mind that Jesus is not God?", "Is it bad if I got water on the counter and didn't clean it up?", "I wasn't really paying attention when you were talking to me but I know what you said," "I keep thinking I don't believe in Jesus, how do I get rid of that thought?" "What if I'm not really thankful for what you just gave me?"

He says stuff like this over and over and over all day long, minute after minute and seems plagued by guilt and anxiety over all of it. He'll literally be trying to play a video game or do some school work, and stop what he's doing 5 times in 10 minutes to come to us and ask these questions.

So far we've been reasoning with him regarding all of it, teaching how to take thoughts captive, acknowledge why they are wrong, replace them with the truth, and reasonably answer his questions.

But now it's gotten so constant and so out of control that reasoning with him worries me that we are just giving him even more to try and comprehend and reason with and think about at such a young age. What I really want him to do is RELAX and be a KID. I don't understand why he is so consumed with all of these constant doubts, and fears, and questions. I'm worried that maybe he shouldn't be home schooled anymore and needs to be around more kids to get him to relax and be a kid. Although... I'm also worried that putting him in public school could escalate his fears and questions as he would be surrounded by so many different perspectives, ideas, thoughts, etc. If they produce more questions and confusion it will be bad. If they can produce a distraction from all of this constant anxious questioning... it seems it would help.

He is not totally secluded by any means. He has a 4 year old sister, 2 year old brother. He plays little league 3 days a week, attends Awanas once a week, has a latin class with peers once a week, and attends a half day of classes for 4 hours with his peers once a week including science, art, drama, and P.E.

I feel so alone in this. I haven't found any Christian parents, Home School Parents, or Parents of Gifted children who have gone through this and I can't quite figure out what is causing all of this or what to do about it. Please help.

new with 3 questions

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 13 Jan 2006 09:25:12 GMT

My husband and I are debating homeschooling. We will have 4 kids 4 1/2 and under by summer. I'm worried about having time for me with the responsibility of homeschooling. 1) Do you moms ever get a break? 2) I also wonder your opinion of regular homeschooling verses the online homeschooling? 3) How do you know what your kid should know by when and what they should be learning? Thanks.

Single mom...just struggling.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 01:39:11 GMT

I'm not sure exactly how to do this...I'm a single mom of a beautiful 5 yr. old boy and I'm feeling completely alone. I am supported by a wonderful family, but I am still really struggling with a terrible loneliness. Since my divorce 2 yrs. ago I have concentrated on my son and on healing, forgiveness for my ex-spouse, and making a living. I just started graduate school in hopes of becoming a teacher. All that said, I feel like I can't dig myself out of this rut. I want friends. I eventually, Lord-willing, would like to date and re-marry. However, where is the time? How do I find contentment in where I am right now? I am starting to doubt God's perfect plan and that scares me because that promise is what has gotten me through the darkest times. I don't feel like I can share my struggle with anyone because they won't understand.

Talking to my 5 year old boy about masturbation----HELP!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 20:25:37 GMT

My 5 year old boy has been placing his stuffed animal between his legs and making a "humping" motion. Sometimes he even takes off his underwear to do this. We have tried to just act casual about it and not freak out, saying things like, "that's not what your stuffed animal is for" and "hey, let's find something else to do!"... We ask him about why he does it and he tells us that it just feels really good and he doesn't want to stop the feeling because he's tried, but it comes back. He wants to "keep" the feeling. He is a very sheltered child (yay!) and couldn't have seen this anywhere. I know part of it is natural, but how do we get him to stop without making him feel dirty. We're afraid that doing that will cause it to be a rebellious act later on in life leading to all kinds of junk. Do we let him do it in the privacy of his own room? Do we just say stop it's wrong because.... and then go into a little more of the nature of sexual organs? HELP! Thanks...... would REALLY REALLY like to have a Biblical perspective on this.

Problems with public school assigned books

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 20:04:02 GMT

I am having a problem with a book assigned to my freshman. It is book full of vulgar language. The school is arguing it is engaging for kids who don't like to read. Others are arguing against book banning. I am just asking for standards for our schools. It is along the guidelines of "R" rated language for a movie. Why is it allowed for our incoming freshman? What is wrong with asking for our books assigned by the schools to not be full of vulgar language? Do I have any leg to stand on to ask the schools not to assign this book?

Satan has a grip on my 18 yo son.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 01 May 2010 11:26:36 GMT

Hello. I am new to this site. I am searching for help for my 18 year old son. This is difficult for me. I am sure you have heard the phrase, "only a mother's love." Is it possible to love too much? Let me explain. I also have a 14 year old daughter and a 5 year old son. When my oldest was 12 we thought our family was complete. My husband and son did all the father-son things and my daughter and myself the mother-daughter things. At that time, unexpectedly, we found out we were going to have an addition to our family. My oldest did not accept this easily. He said our family was perfect and we did not need anyone else. I am not sure why he reacted this way, but it has always stuck with me. By the time his brother was born, he seemed to have accepted things and was eager for his arrival. My husband was always involved with our oldest, coaching sports, fishing and hunting trips together. Not long after this, my husband took a new position where he worked. This took him away from our family ALOT. We did not have as much family time together. I was working too and our lives seemed sooooo busy. We missed church frequently. Then my husband lost his job. For one year, he could not find work. During that year our lives spiraled down quickly and we were allowing things into our lives that we shouldn't. My son was 16 then. With our busy lives up to that point, I worried about him feeling neglected since our lives had changed so much. I dealt with this by trying to give him almost anything he wanted (wrong solution I know). He was a late maturing male and was at the beginning of a rapid spike in maturity. We had dealt with anger issues and minor teenage things with him but nothing major. We bought him a truck. Our family seemed to be crumbling during this time. We had almost quit attending church and we argued constantly. My son started experimenting with alcohol. His anger escalated. He missed curfews. My husband and I would talk about how we were going to handle situations, but then when addressing it with him he became so angry we would back down. I know this is all wrong, but I kept thinking, "I don't want him to feel unloved." I don't know for sure why. For the past 2 years we have seen things go from bad to worse with him. He is a good, tender hearted, loving person. I know that, but Satan has taken such a hold on him that I can't see that part of him. This is so hard. I feel like I am talking bad about by son. He lies, drinks, gets violent, is disrespectful and has no sense of responsibility. I try to talk to him and he says he understands and he agrees and promises he will change. I want to believe him. I have tried telling him I can't and that I don't trust him, but he makes me feel so bad when I say those things to him. I continue to give him money anytime he needs it and he still has his truck(wrong again). We are enabling him to continue and this has to stop. He is 12 days from graduating high school and I am honestly afraid he won't make it. My husband and I agree we need to take his truck, stop the hand outs and lay down strict rules with consequences that will follow if he disobeys, but now that he is 18 I am afraid he will leave home (I'm sure he will threaten to) and then he will not graduate. Sometimes, I look in his eyes and I can't find him anymore. I have prayed all night for God to show me what I need to do and help me to have the strength to do it. My husband found work recently and we are getting our lives back together. We know we allowed things to get worse by not trusting in God. But what now about our son. He listens when we tell him we have made some bad choices and decisions as parents and that we believe our lives turned upside down, not because dad lost his job or anything else, but because we turned our backs on God. We had a bad night last night (happening more frequently now) and plan to deal with this today. Please pray that we will be firm and strong, but most of all pray for my son. The one I feel is buried inside that body and blinded by Satan. As my father-in-law would say, "Satan get your hands off of God's property."

4 Yr. Old Refusing to Go to Bed

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 24 Aug 2010 02:23:03 GMT

We are at our wits end. Our oldest child a 4 year old boy is a model child. He listen's perfectly, when he is told not to do something he listens, he get's along with everyone & he is very caring & loving towards everyone. However, after bath, stories & prayer time at night he turns into a different person. For the past two weeks he has been refusing to sleep. At first he said he was scared that we (mom & dad) would leave him. To us it seems irrational, as we have never had any incidents that would lead him to belive that we would do such a thing. We have never teased him about it or even mentioned it for that matter. Thinking that this was just a little phase we allowed him to come sleep on our floor for a few nights. Now we go through this every single night & we don't know how to stop it. We put him in his room after our normal bed time routine & within 10 minutes he is downstairs asking us questions. We send him back up to his room about three times. Usually by the fourth time he comes down he is a different person. We tell him to go back upstairs & he throws himself on the floor screaming about this that & the other. At this point my wife & I ignore him, but he never quites. Last night he was up until 2:30a screaming at our bed side about how nobody loves & this is the worst night of his life. As I write this he is sleeping on the hardwood floor because we have stopped paying attention to his fits. We have taken away every single toy & privledge he has, but it doesn't seem to be working.

We do not know how this started, as we don't let him watch much TV at all & the little he does watch we closely monitor. He only spends time with kids we know to be well behaved obedient children. He lives in a stable environment where he is shown a tremendous amount of love & compassion.

Worst of all we don't know how to make it stop. We don't give into his fits by allowing him to do what he wants, but it seems like even by ignoring him or taking away toys & privlidges he ends up getting what he wants. At some point he just falls asleep on our floor.

This has to stop. We have two younger children to take care of as well & this lack of sleep is wearing on everyone especially our son.

What are we doing wrong? Please help.

Helping Your Child Thrive in School Webcast: A Message from Cheri

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 20:29:34 GMT

Hi! I'm looking forward to this Wednesday's live webcast I'll be on--and I hope you'll join us for our discussion of how to help your kids thrive in school (meaning whatever type of schooling they're in) and lots more that relates to children and learning. I'll be answering questions once the event has started and also be available afterward for questions. I hope you'll post your concerns and comments and we'll talk about them! --Cheri Fuller

I have a problem with Blockbuster

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 05 Jun 2003 22:18:22 GMT

If you don't use Blockbuster, please disregard this post. 
 
I have had my fill of the way blockbuster categorizes movies in such a way that erotic movies are next to rated PG, or G movies. I've complained to the employees there, but they tell me that this issue is to be dealt with at a corporate level. The lady I spoke to this evening, at my local b.b., told me that "to the innocent, these images are innocent." UGH! That only spurred me on to write a letter to Blockbuster and, depending on their response, possibly boycott them. I already forbid my kids to look at any videos other than those in the children's section, and most of the time I leave them at home. But I'M sick of seeing homos__uals kissing, or lying in bed next to each other. And I'm tired of seeing vulgar women, too. I am not asking them to quit renting such distasteful things, although that would be wonderful. All I am asking is that they put these things in their own sleazy section, labeled "adult". 
 
Would you be interested in trying to change this? If so, you can go to www.blockbuster.com and click "contact us". Leave them a message expressing your concerns and asking them to change the way they categorize their movies. I told them that I would cancel my membership if they didn't. I am also considering getting a petition going locally. 
 
What do you think?

5yr boy, obsessed with fighting / violent cartoons

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 08 Aug 2003 13:34:12 GMT

My 5 yr old had an obsession with physical fighting (karate, toy guns)and violent cartoons. We do not allow him to watch inappropriate cartoons and try to lead him with a loving example. When he visits his father and grandmother they let him watch whatever he wants. He gets upset when we do not let him watch them at home. Is it normal for him to be so interested in these things? How can I channel his "likes " into more appropriate behavior?

17 year old son dabbling in new drug-spice

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 16:24:04 GMT

About 4 months ago I found a small amt of pot in my son's car. He admitted that yes, it was his, and that he wanted to try it. After some freedoms taken away, and continuous talks about drugs (which we have done for the last couple of years), like resumed to normal. He is at a christian high school and very involved in sports; so quite busy. Summer came, and he found a job and is working 30 hours a week. He is very responsible with work, at home; completely respectable to us, always makes his curfew, lets us know where he is at. With that being said, another drug incident has happened. Totally the Lord prompting me to investigate. Since he is making his own money, I have been watching that carefully via his checking account online, etc. The other day he left for the movies with a close friend and had 20.00 on him. Again, because of the Lord, I went to computer and saw that he took out 20.00 on the way, which led me to be immediately suspicious. I was thinking that maybe they didnt go to movies, so drove to theatre and his car was there. I almost drove away with a tiny bit of relief, but the Lord wasnt done yet. I decided to search his car, as I have a set of keys. Lo and behold, I found a new drug that is out on the market. It is called K2 and is legal in my state. Please parents, look into this new thing that is sweeping thru our teenagers life. They call it spice. It is basically herbs that you smoke to give you a high similar to marijuana. I went home, talked with my husband and called the mother of the friend who was with them. We waited until they got home and confronted them with the drug. They both admitted that yes they have used it. They also both admitted that they think it is fun, but not a big deal. So what now? I have obviously taken freedoms away, but where do you go from here? I could lock him up on restriction, but how do I deal with his heart and desire to do it?

Who decides what school the child goes to?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 12:34:02 GMT

I have a 5 year old daughter who is the love of my life. She started Kindergarten this year at a local Christian school. Her mother and I are seperated but both agreed on the school. Within a couple of weeks her Mother decided that she didn't like the school and want's to take her out. My daughter and I love the school and niether want her to go.

I have spoken with her mother about the situation but have not been able to come to an agreement. The 3 reasons she gave me for wanting to take our daughter out of the school all sounded absurd to me. I obviously did not say this and did my best to listen and try to work through the issues but her mind is made up.

She wants to take her out of this school and send her to a non Christian school next year.

* My question is what can I do? If neither of us can come to an agreement is their a legal alternative that we should be looking at like a mediator?

Any suggestions or thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Along with your prayers!

Message was edited by: Moderator

Christian Magazines

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 06 Aug 2004 14:30:13 GMT

I have a 11 year old girl who loves to look at magazines. She has a friend that is allowed to buy any of them on the market that expose lots of body parts on many of the young actress'/singers. We don't allow her to look at them. Does anyone have any suggestions on one that we could get for her. She is a little young for Brio at this point. Help!

Are we too protective of our children?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 02 Jun 2003 15:16:02 GMT

I have been told time and time again of how protective of my children I am. I feel like I can't let them go anywhere though, because everywhere I turn, there is nothing but un-Christlike attitudes. The nieghborhood children think I am "stupid" for not letting my children watch certain movies or t.v. shows, not going to far off in the neighborhood, not letting them spend nights at a friends house and homeschooling them. Even my neices have started in. Any suggestions???

I don't know what else to do...

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 20:31:09 GMT

My 3 year old daughter has honestly gotten me to the point of tears. I am a stay at home mom of a 3 year old daughter and an 18 month old daughter. My husband is a Sgt in the US Army and is currently 3 months into his second tour to Iraq. I expected her to go through a transition phase in her life from him leaving at first, and I have always made sure to explain things to her as much as possible. The longer he's been gone, the worse she has gotten. She gets to talk to him on Skype every once in awhile, but that doesn't even seem to help. She has gotten disrespectful, talks back, is destroying things, throwing temper tantrums, refuses to do anything I tell her to. She is very smart for her age, and I have tried everything with her..from time out to taking privelages away. I got her involved in activities to help her socialize with other kids her own age, and she starts school in August, but still it seems nothing is working. I give her and her sister both tons of attention during the day, and involve them in day to day activities, such as cleaning and cooking. I praise her when she is well behaved and am stern when she misbehaves, but still, nothing. I honestly can not even go into the bathroom (even with the door open) without her either hurting her sister or doing something she's not suppose to. Today I had her cleaning her room while I cleaned she and her sister's bathroom. I usually have her blinds open, and I noticed hers were down and it was very warm, so I went to go open the window and come to find she has completely destroyed her blinds. We live in government housing, so it is stressful enough to keep things in "acceptable" conditions without getting into trouble. I am 1500 miles away from closest family, and I can't even leave her with a close friend for 15 minutes without her acting out. What more is there that I can do? I am honestly at a loss and am starting to resent the fact that my husband had to leave me here alone with our children, even though he had no control over that. Please, if anyone has any advice, I could sure use it.

Distressed Army Wife

Christian school/public school choices?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 26 Jan 2005 18:46:41 GMT

My daughters go to Christian school right now. They are kinder and 2nd grade. My husband and I are wondering how long we will keep them in Christian school. Should we put them in public school once they get to junior high/high school? I'm aware of all the evils of public school. But I'm wondering if letting them venture out of their Christian world will help them exercise their faith in a less accepting environment and prepare them for the real world. Any thoughts?

Concerned about my daughters' relationships with Jesus

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 01:59:23 GMT

I am a father of two daughters, one is nine and the other is six. I came to Christ after my second daughter was born and have been committed to taking them to church and teaching them at home about Christ by trying family devotions (that usually don't go well) and explaining to them the importance of reading the Bible and praying daily in order to have a relationship with Jesus. I've explained to them the importance of having a relationship with Christ. They, especially my older daughter, gets frustrated and acts uninterested when I ask her to turn off the TV so we can have family devotions or read the Bible together or I ask about what she learned in Sunday School. My younger daughter has her moments where she will come to me to talk about Jesus, but at other times acts out like her older sister. Typically, my older daughter is very quiet and doesn't cause a lot of waves, but learning about God really seems to bother her. My younger daughter is typically strong willed, (which is another matter I need to ask for wisdom about at another time) but she is usually, not always, willing to learn about Jesus. Their behavior when learning about Christ seems to be the opposite of their normal behavioral patterns. Recently, I asked the family to pray and think about supporting a child from another country. My children, when I asked them twice after two to three weeks about what they thought and were hearing from God, responded with blank stares telling me that they had not thought or prayed about it at all. Then my older daughter immediately tried to change the subject.

I don't want to blame my wife, but to some degree, not entirely, but to some degree I think she is to blame. I don't believe that she has a real relationship with Jesus either. She comes to church with us, usually reluctantly it seems. She doesn't model prayer or reading the Scriptures or encourage Biblical teaching and family devotions. I don't think that she really sees the importance of salvation for the lost or even for our children. I am becoming more and more concerned about their relationships with Christ as each day passes and I see them conforming to the ways of the world. I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I'm frustrated. I have a vision for my wife and my two daughters to be Godly women who love and fear the Lord and who want to live to serve the Lord. What can I do to make this vision a reality? Any Godly wisdom would be very much appreciated.

Stepehnie Meyers

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 10:28:45 GMT

I am wondering what your thoughts are pertaining to the books by Stephenie Meyers that are so popular right now. Do you think their safe for teens? Would you allow your teenage daughter to read them and if so why? If I have to I will read one to be sure my self, I certainly will. However, if I can get some opinions that would be most helpful. Thanks in advance! ?

My 13 yr old daughter wants dreadlocks?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 15:48:23 GMT

My daughter has beautiful long blonde hair, she will be entering high school in the fall and for some reason she wants dreadlocks. She has googled and looked up dreadlocks and how to get them and is very interested. I believe she thinks this is going to give her some identity. She is some what shy and is more of a follower around her friends. I am against it and have voiced my concerns. I need advice please.

homeschool, public school, or private?????

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 22:06:21 GMT

I have a 4 year old daughter who I am not sending to preschool. I currently homeschool her for preschool and she knows how to write her ABC's, write about 10 words, read about 20 words or more and do many other things too some really basic math, and some ASL sign language. I also am the preschool teacher for my church on Sundays, my daughter goes there and also to Mom's group with many chidlren and mom's 1-2 tiems a week. She is very social and my prediatrician said she's abotu a year ahead most kids her age that she sees. My problem is most of my friends are set and sending there 3 year olds to preshool and I feel like I am looked down at becasue I do not want to do that. I feel the more my child learns form me the better. Most of them just want to get rid of there kids for a few hours a day. then this brings me to kindergarten....she will start next year and she has 3 or so options....a traditional school here that has good test scores, but she would go all day form 9-4...which I think is ridicules for a 5 year old to be goen that long 5 days a week. The other option is the public school that is also full day and has HORRIBLE test scores and most the people are just learning english. Then there is Private school 1 hour away (that is the closet one) However it has half day kindergarten. by then I will also have a 2 year old, and hopefully another baby or at least one on the way......

What would you do???????

Tweens and Teens

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 May 2008 10:08:47 GMT

Dear Tweens and Teens Parenting Participants,

Focus on the Family staff counselors are able to offer residential placement alternatives for teens and pre-teens who need more than outpatient counseling.

Books for 12 year old girl

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 20 Jul 2004 06:52:57 GMT

I am needing some help. My 12 year old daughter is looking for books to read. She spends A LOT of time reading. She is an advanced reader. She is a bit of a "tom boy". She likes fantasy and historical books. The most recent book she has read was "Ella Enchanted". I am just trying to find a book or a series of books for her to read. If anyone has some suggestions, I would appreciate it.

Thank You!!!
Jen D.
Indiana

17 month old touching herself

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 21 Sep 2004 12:29:36 GMT

What do I do about my 17 month old touching herself? I have been told it's normal then I have to teach her when she is old enough about masturbation then sex. My mother taught me about sex but not the other. What do I do?

Anger Mother of 4

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 15 May 2006 20:47:42 GMT

I total lose my temper - mainly with my to older children 10 and 9 - I just feel like I will lose control - I love my children and would do anything for them - Please someone please let me know of anything I can do - I don't want my children growing up hurt and hating me

thank you

Introduction and pleading for answers and guidance

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 22:01:30 GMT

Hi there,

My name is Lisa and I am the mom of two wonderful boys, one 13 the other almost 7. I am so thankful for this stie! We are members of a wonderful church and very involved, I am also in a lifegroup that meets weekly for accountability. My 13 year old has been very difficult lately and I've had to really get tough and grow a backbone. My husband is gone a lot, his job takes him to different places for many days and sometimes weeks at a time and we are praying that this will change as the economy starts to improve. I made a decision last year that I think was the worst one yet, I let my mother in law homeschool my 13 year old son. She told me in June that for the month of May she got so tired of fighting with him that she just didn't make him do his work. Now, here it is about 3 weeks until the next school year starts and I have to sign him up for school and can't because he is just not motivated to finish. I have taken away the tv (had it taken out of the house), the phone and his ipod of which I doubt he will get returned to him. The phone I will be putting internet block on if he does earn it back. I am trying to being consistent, show respect, not yell, trying to change how I respond based on Dr. Leman's book "Have a New Kid by Friday" but boy, is it TOUGH! Any advice to help me with his lack of motivation would be greatly appreciated!!! Thank you!

Making school administrators aware of sexual bulling

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 13:57:05 GMT

Two years ago my daughter was being bullied at school not the kind of bulling you usually hear about, but sexual bulling. Most schools only teach their staff and students about physical, verbal or racial bulling, but not sexual bulling. The school administration tried to deny that sexual bulling existed and at the time my daughter was only 10 years old and in elementary school. Parents I urge you to discuss what sexual bulling is and what is inappropriate behavior. My daughters bulling started with vulgar name calling, to inappropriately touching. The school administration thought it was minor since the boy's had only popped her once on the butt that they knew of and an occasional bra being popped. My daughter said it had happenned more than one time. I urge you if you are a teacher or school administrator that once is one time to many. We have to teach our sons and our daughters what is right and wrong behavior. My daughter suffered depression and anxiety from this situtation, but she is doing great now. We must protect our children and that is why I am posting this so that I may make a help one child or family not to have to experience this kind of bulling. Please make your school adminitrators, teachers and students aware of what sexual bulling is.

Cabbage Patch Kids

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 10 Dec 2004 15:19:12 GMT

I remember hearing something years ago about Cabbage Patch Kids being connected to demon possession. Does anyone else remember those stories and if so is there any truth to them? I can't seem to find any information on them. I have not allowed my kids to get into the dolls because of these stories, and I want to find out if they are true or not. My niece is starting to show interest in the dolls and I want to make sure my information is accurate.

5 yr old grandson diagnosed with ADHD

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 18:46:40 GMT

Again I love the Focus on the Family. My little grandson is 5 and he was diagnosed with ADHD/with ODD )Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I am to the point I do not know what to do . He lives with me and he also stays with the great grandmother, however the great g mother is 65 yrs old and she loses patience with him really quick. His mother chose a man over him. He was abused. THe law called it harrassment. ANyway he does not get to see mama because the husband won't let her and she will not stand up to him, I posted a forum my daughter Abusive marriage, no family contact.

This little boy loves his mama and he was her world until this man appeared, but anyway getting back to where I was with the ADHD. I am not sure if I am handling the situation correctly or not, but he has severe tantrums at times if he cannot get his way. I try to remain calm with him and not raise my voice, but he wants things done his way and when he is in the process of the tantrum, I just let him get over it, there is no need for the fighting and the arguing. He is on Adderall XR and Ritalin. We see a counselor, but they never see him in real action, At school he is wonderful, when I go to pick him up he is always at his desk. But when he comes home it is a different story. It is a fight until we go to bed.

Can anyone please give me some insight to help my little man that I love so much.

Thanks

Help with my 4 yr old

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 18:52:17 GMT

I have a 4 year old boy who is a challenge. He is intellingent,ACTIVE,strong willed,internalizes,and manipulates. He is not a bad kid, but is challenging. I have read Strong Willed Child,Bringing up Boys, and Shepherding A Childs Heart and still don't know what I am doing. Here is a story that will give you idea of what I am dealing with. Spanking and Time Out was not working. I started putting him in Time Out in his bed. The frist time I did that he had an accident in in his bed. He said Mommy you didn't know I had to go you put me upstairs and you were downstairs it was an accident. I didn't believe him but didn't know what to do. The third time he did it I put him in a diaper and told him it wasn't an accident and he was going to wear a diaper like a baby. Then I took him outside to play with the neighbor kids. He was upset and uncomfortable and never did it again.

Yesterday he threw a fit with my Husband in the grocery. My Husband took him out to the car and couldn't get him in his car seat. He was hitting my husband and throwing a huge fit. We can't seem to get it across to him that hitting Mommy and Daddy is unacceptable. He had a bloody nose at Church and told his teacher he had a bloody nose because I spank him in the dark(which is not true). He told his grandparents we give him sores on his rear end when we spank him. I don't know where he comes up with it. We have never left a mark on him. Does he really believe that?

You would think we don't disciplin him but we do...it just doesn't matter. He will have a week here and there when he behaves, but if something is bothering him or if he wants to try and gain control watch out. He knows what buttons to push and when to do it. Everywhere we go we here he is a hand full. Which hurts my feelings because no matter how he behaves I love him very much. He is very good at munipulating grandparents and teachers and gets what he wants...then when it doesn't work with us and has a fit.

He is very intelligent and never stops talking and moving. He has very hard questions on life that aren't easy to answer. It is hard for me to stay a step ahead of him at age four. I don't know how to help him. I am afraid he is going to make life very hard on himself. We have another 2 year old boy and a baby boy on the way. Our #1 goal is to raise them as God would have us. I am afraid we are not doing a good job with our 4 year old. Don't know where to go for help.

HELP! lovebeingamom

Looking for a good 'book' to study with my teenager

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 14:37:09 GMT

Hola,

I have a 12 year old I have just completed the 'Passport2Purity' kit with. It seemed to work great, but I have 2 older (14 & 16) who I would like to go over something like this but with an older twist. Is anyone aware of a good tool to use?
I have seen 'Every Young Man's Battle: Strategies for Victory in the Real World of Sexual Temptation' & 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye'.

My 14 year old is girl and dating crazy. Both are strong Christians, but would like something we can do together.

FYI, I did find that Passport2Purity to be right on with my wife and my views. It also hit with my 12 year old sons. I would recommend this book.

Let me know if you have suggestions.

God Bless

BGFamily!

No TV

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 12 Jul 2004 11:57:00 GMT

Our family doesn't "do TV" - my husband and I may watch a DVD after our daughter is in bed, but that's about it. We have literally had people stop talking to us when they found out that our daughter didn't watch TV. Has anyone else had experience in this area? Our objections to TV are not content based, but rather, focused on the activity itself. We don't preach if asked about this, simply smile when asked about a particular show and say ,"Oh, we don't do TV. Our daughter is really into dogs (or whatever) instead." Thoughts?

What does dating look like in a Christian family setting-rules, guidelines, boundaries?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 01 Jan 2010 21:24:21 GMT

Our daughter will be 16 on April 1st. She will soon be driving. We started a little late in our relationship w/God and in teaching our kids about the same. Our daughter is the oldest of our 3 kids. She has been on retreats and loves her youth group. She is a type A strong willed young lady. Being that she is our first, we often flounder on how to deal w/certain issues. Our daughter has had a couple boyfriends in the past, one was left w/a severe broken heart & the 2nd was a misunderstanding. Both boys were a year older. We have had several discussions regarding the issue, however, she thinks what she wants to think & of course mom and dad are wrong. Our rule is that she is not allowed to date and that she can have a guy friend over if we are home and they can watch movies, play games, have dinner w/us whatever. If we personally know the parents, their rules and if there will be supervision, we have allowed her to go to the guy friend's house. Recently, I said how relieved I was that she does not have a particular boy of interest and this whole topic has been allieviated. I had to say those words & jinx myself right?! So now, out of no where there's this kid who seems like a great kid (we've done some investigating) and the whole conversation has been brought back up again. Why can't I date, my friend's think it's stupid that I can't date, blah blah blah blah etc etc etc. My question is "What does dating look like" within a Christian family setting? What kind of foundation or thinking processes do we cover/discuss/lay out for our children?

Another poster asked about her 15yr old daughter dating and the moderators suggested several good books-however, my daughter knows it all so Im not too sure she read these books.... She may be interested in the magazine Teenvirtue possiblly though.

Moderators or other Christian mother's who are on a serious walk w/Jesus comments much appreciated.

Step Parenting

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 18:16:52 GMT

I remarried 4 years ago. My 17 year old son lives with us. My husband feels my son is being disrespectful because his room is not clean enough, after my son has been told his room was to be always straighten. My husband wants to kick my son out after he graduates this June because of this. My son Joe will not be 18 until October. As his mother I have full coustody of him and refuse to let this happen. This is the first time I stood my ground. Am I wrong??

Parenting the Firstborn

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 13:12:54 GMT

How has parenting your firstborn child differed from parenting your other children?

SANTA, HALLOWEEN, EASTER BUNNY, TOOTH FAIRY

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 17 Sep 2005 21:34:44 GMT

(i also posted this in the entertainment thread, as i wasn't sure exactly where it fit. please forgive me if you read this twice and thank you for your understanding.)

my husband and i are at a crossroads that even with prayer, we don't seem to be getting a clear signal on. (we know God answers our prayers, we just aren't hearing a clear answer. - grin)

anyway, part of us feels we shouldn't teach santa, easter bunny, etc. and/or allow our 4-year-old to take part in trick or treat at halloween and should only concentrate on teaching the 'real' reasons for the seasons and at things like halloween and the loss of a tooth, find other tradition that do not go against God to give her something to look toward/remember, while other kids have the mystical things.

and then, there is the part of us that says, "we both grew up with those things and we turned out to be good people and Christians. why shouldn't we do it with her?"

and trying to find biblically based and/or Christian info is just as confusing. one thing says this ... one thing says that.

i have had a few Christian friends, some of whom have grown children that they did those 'worldly' traditions with and now have a different viewpoint, ask me how i could expect my child to believe in God and trust what i say, when they find out that i've lied to them for years about santa, the tooth fairy, etc. and in regard to halloween, they refer to the Bible saying not to take part in sinful things and things that go against God (relating to the beginnings of the halloween holiday).

and with yet another halloween and Christmas fast approaching, the ones that my daughter will begin to question things and remember things, we still aren't sure what to do, and most of all, what we should do to be biblically correct with God's word and desires.

so ... PLEASE HELP!!!

feel free to offer your opinions and suggestions, but also any resources you could point us to would be greatly appreciated as well.

God bless you all!

How do you love a mosquito?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 17:58:40 GMT

One sunny day, I was sitting out reading in our screened in porch. Our four year old son approached me with a sad moan "ohhhhhh." "What's wrong?" I asked him as he stared at the window. "There's a squished bug on the window." "Don't worry, I said, it's a bug!" Being the sensitive boy that he was he was unconsoled. His head turned downward in a "sad face". "God loves all His creatures," was His response. At this point my irritation at being interrupted was beginning to show. "It's just a mosquito!!!" I said loudly.

Please help...12 year old cutting herself

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 14:43:21 GMT

My good friends 12 year old daughter is cutting herself along with her friends. I dont know what to tell him. He is new christian and if anyone has or knows any resoursces I would love to know about them so that I can try and help him.

Thanks,

Babysitting Ideas, anyone?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 08 Sep 2007 20:49:45 GMT

My husband is in Iraq and I have a 23 month old and 3 month old. I stay at home full time with them. I love staying at him with them, but I just really feel like I need a break sometimes! My parents live about an hour away and they both work full time. So, I am in need of someone to babysit every once in a while! Does anyone know of any help out there to Military moms for babysitting needs?

How can I be Super Woman?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 04:38:56 GMT

I am a stay home mom of a 3 year old and a 10 month old. I am expected to have the house in immaculate shape, do the yard work, take care of the two kids, dishes, laundry, cook and work a part-time job from home every day. I have a hard time trying to juggle all these tasks. Almost everyday I am under a lot of stress, pressure, and on the edge because I am so overwhelmed by everything I am expected to do. I end up taking anger out on my children (no, I do not hit or abuse them). Maybe I am just not cut out for this job of being a stay home mom.

Single Mom like to Homeschool

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 21:45:45 GMT

I am a widowed mom of two daughters 4 1/2 and 3 years old. My husband and I had both desired to homeschool our children and were both excited about it. I still feel God is calling me to do it. I must move soon to a new home and am in the process of moving a little at a time. I would defintely have the summer to get settled and have curriculum and schedule together. I will be blessed with the opportunity to still be a stay at home mom with my girls and not need to work. Are there any thoughts? encouragements? other single parents who homeschool?

19 year old announced his engagement against our wishes

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 13:53:00 GMT

My 19 year old moved to college housing this summer. His financial needs are provided for by a scholarship, minimum wage job, and child support from his father. We help him with some food needs, pay for his cell phone plan and are keeping him on our car insurance, which saves him about $500 per year.

He starts his sophomore year of college this fall and and recently announced his engagement. This decision was against our counsel. He has no way to provide for her on his own for at least 3-4 years. We advised him to wait until he could financially provide for her.

Her parents are thrilled because he is 'a catch.' He is motivated academically and is a great guy, but not ready to get married.

So far we have worked through some pretty rough waters and have come out the other side still having a good relationship with our son. We show him that we love him and are trying to accept the fact that he is now making his own decisions.

Since he does not live at home anymore and says he never plans to again, how do we handle this decision? He went against our advice and since he feels he is man enought to make his own decisions, should we cut off our financial support? We do not want to lose the good relationship we have tried to keep.

Has anyone else gone through this scenario? Thanks for the help.

Infants and Toddlers

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 May 2008 10:11:11 GMT

Hi Jacquie,

I have a 13 month old daughter named Aubrie. Starting at around 11months, she has started to throw MAJOR tantrems. She will throw herself onto the floor, kick, scream, cry, arch her back, and shake her head. These tandrems are caused by anything from me just telling her "no", to someone taking something away from her, but basically just anything that isn't in her "plans" causes these outbursts.
Right now I am just ignoring them, which is becoming very draining. Not only is it frustrating to listen to and see, but in public it's just not okay. I feel like by ignoring it, I am telling her that it's ok to throw them.
How do you discipline a 13 month old and have them understand WHY they are getting disciplined? I don't want this behavior to continue and get progressively worse as she gets older.
I would greatly appreciate any advice or help at all!

Lauren

Autism

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 03:12:33 GMT

Does anyone have a teenager with autism?

Helping Your Child Thrive in School Webcast: fair treatment for child with brain injury

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 21:12:04 GMT

This is my 1st time posting, so sorry in advance if I mess up! My question: my 6th grade son has a brain injury that is manifested in severe memory impairmemt. Every year his teachers (he is in inclusion) think he is ADD/lazy, in spite of his IEP. It is devestating for him as well as his dad and I. How can we ensure that he is treated fairly without antagoning his teachers?

Christmas Traditions/Activities

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 03:53:58 GMT

Hello! This is my first post, been looking for somewhere that may be able to help me to start some Christmas activities with my daughter, who is 2 1/2.We don't have family nearby and are new to a church. I want to start activities this year that will be fun and teach her about Christmas and what it means, and for it to be something we can enjoy doing throughout the years. I need to start early with ideas so I will be prepared.At the moment, we haven't too much going. I have an advent calendar where the little sheep moves along making his way to the manger scene, and last year we started a birthday cake for Jesus. I've got some other activities but they don't relate to anything specific or teach anything (like making edible decorations to put on the tree outside for the birds).I'd love some help coming up with fun teaching ideas.

having problems with blending a step-family

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 05:51:17 GMT

My new husband and I have been together 2 years. My 2 kids, then aged 18 and 9, welcomed my husband with open arms. And he seemed to get along very well with them. Problems arose when my step-daughter, then 10, came to visit on weekends. It was constant chaos. She is a huge drama queen an has apparantly never heard of the word "no" or "discipline" In short, she is spoiled rotten, always insisting on having her way and throwig a royal fit when she doesn't get what she wantsl. She was badly in need of clothes so I took her out and let her pick out clothes and bought them for her, but hen she would never wear ANY of them. I think it was just because I bought them. We all tried to lavish her with love and attention, but nothing was ever good enough. Then last year she moved in with us because her mother abandoned her and moved to another state to marry a convicted prisoner. Go figure. We gave her a home and continued to show her love, but she doesn't want anything much to do with us. She is very jealous of the time her dad and I spend together, and very jealous of me and my kids, even though I feel like we bend over backwords for her constantly. She is now 12, and she throws tantrums and rants and raves constantly. Her father rarely ever disciplines her, an lets her do pretty much whatever she pleases.....spend the night with friends on school nights, spend weekends with friends and then lets her skip school on Monday morning so that she can spend one more night with them. Now her grades have dropped, from an A-B studend to barely passing (if that) a couple of her subjects. I asked her dad what he had plans to do in the way of discipline if she fails those two classes, and aparrantly he has no plans of punishing her for this. He wants to wait and see if she does better next semester. My kids are expected to live by a fairly strict set of rules. I don't know how much more of this I can take, and the kids are really starting to resent the situation. What can I do to make it better?

Hating the child's father

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 13 Jan 2005 16:17:00 GMT

I have an almost 3 yr old whose father has a substance abuse problem. He is 20 yrs older than I am and he is not paying child support. He recently allegedly completed a substance abuse treatment program, but he still show signs of drug use. I have cut off all communication from him and he can no longer see his son for fear that in his drug indulgences someone may harm the baby or keep him for ransom due to his father's possible drug debt. He doesn't not buy him anything. He has excuses about why he can't do it and he calls my home back to back on the hour and sometimes peaks through my windows. I am tired of him and sometimes I regret even having the baby by such a loser. I didn't want my son to go without a father but I could see that he was not serious about making any healthy changes and I don't think he will be a good example of manhood for my son. Do you think I made the right decision? How can I get over my anger and bitterness toward him? I am not even in the place yet where I can pray for him. To be honest, I really hate him and wish he would give up his rights.

I need help - my 23 year old son just told us he is a homosexual. What do I do now?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 02:32:36 GMT

This week, my 23 year old son told us that he is "not attracted to women." This young man grew up in church, was saved in AWANA, president of the youth group, and has an actual genius IQ. He has been taught the Bible, and I have tried to see me live a Christian life. We are in a wonderful fundamental Baptist chuch, where he has been loved and encouraged from day one.

He received a full scholarship to one of the top state schools in the nation, and went there. I wanted him to attend a Christian college, but I didn't fight him and & dad. His dad left when he was 12 years old, but has always been a very involved dad - more so after he left than before. While at this university, he was one of the core leaders in Inervarsity. He supposedly helped other young men struggling with homosexuality while he was at college. He enrolled at a semenary this year - again on a scholarship. He has done massive amounts of research, and has deluded himself that God is ok with this. He still wants to be a pastor. Evidently, some of the professors say it's acceptable. Some very much disagree.

He says that he has not acted on this. I have asked him not to and let me do some "research". He agreed to this request. I believe my son is a Christian. I believe he loves God and wants to serve him. However, he has deluded himself on this matter.

I have cried for the last two days - unable to talk to anyone. I need help with well-written intelectual something. I am at a loss.

2 year old dicipline

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 17 Feb 2005 15:20:02 GMT

My 2 year old is constantly hitting, pulling hair, throwing toys etc at his 4 1/2 year old sister. I feel like I spend all my time yelling at him to behave. Time out hasn't had much effect on him either. He is very strong willed!

Anyone have any ideas?

Question about a sassy 4 year old and a 3 year old who likes to hit

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 24 May 2010 23:25:23 GMT

I have 4 kids ages 6,5,4, and 3. The older three are girls and the youngest is a boy. I was wondering if any one could give me some advice on what to read or what to do about my 4 year old she talks back all the time and is very sassy and sometimes mean to her dad and me (and her siblings) her sisters have gotten to the point they don't want to play with her much since she is so bossy and rude to them as well. I have tried talking to her and it doesn't seem to have an affect on her, we have tried time outs but those don't work either. I know she has some image issues already as she is bigger than her sisters and people are always pointing this out, she is almost 65 lbs and her sisters are about 43 and 45 lbs her little brother is small too. I don't want to yell at her and I don't like telling her sisters to ignore her when she is rude but I am not sure what else to do. Any insight would be great. The other issue I am having is my son loves to hit, I have talked to him about it as well we have tried giving him things to hit (bat and ball) but he still hits when he doesn't get his way or just gets mad, he is 110% boy which is a big difference for me compared to the girls but I want him to be a respectful boy. I have tried the talks of not hitting girls at all but he does not care which at 3 I can kind of understand. The 4 year old use to hit him all the time when he was younger (she hit a lot as well but I was able to nip that habit rite a way) When we are at church he will play fight with one of the boys there and they get rough but I know that is play, he had only hit one kid at church because that kids kept hitting him in the head because he wanted the toy my son had, the major problem is at home. Any insight to this would also be greatly appreciated. As for the 4 year old she starts kindergarten in August so I am hoping that will help with her talking back and rudeness a bit. Again thank you for taking the time to read this.

Curfew for a 18 yr old

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 15:08:19 GMT

I have a 18 year old son and he has not abused his time of when he comes home but I am trying to set a standard and consistency of when he needs to come home.

Help any suggestions.

Leaving my children

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 03 Aug 2003 19:54:21 GMT

I have a 3 yr old and a 19 month old and am expecting my third. Everyone tells me I need to spend time by myself sometimes. I know they're right but I don't know how to make myself. Its easier for me to leave my 3 yr old because he just adores my mom. And sometimes he will spend a few hours with her. But my 19 month old is VERY attached to me right now. He cries if I leave the room or even act like I'm gonna leave the room. If I go to the bathroom he stands outside the door and knocks and hollers Mooommmaaa! That also worries me because when this new baby gets here he can't have all my time. I try to spend equal amounts of time with each child and with my husband and after all of that all I want to do is go to sleep and get ready for tomorrow. He tells me I need to trust him with the kids more and I know I do, and I want to, I just don't know how to let go. I know how hard it is to watch them both at the same time. They are both very strong willed little boys and can be quite the handfull. I don't know if I don't trust people to watch them or I don't trust them not to completely destroy everything wherever they are while i'm gone. Any Suggestions?

You Can Do More Than You Think Webcast: MOPS for working moms?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 18:36:31 GMT

I have heard about MOPS for quite a while. However, I just assume, like many Mommy groups, that MOPS is geared more towards stay-at-home Moms. Where do working Moms fit in with MOPS?

My 18 year old

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 23 May 2010 21:15:06 GMT

Please help me regarding my 18 year old son.

Until the age of 12, he was an excellent student; well-behaved at church, school, and home. As puberty hit, we began to deal with one crisis after another. Then, at the age of 17, he met a family that we did not approve of. The mother is in jail for drug use, the father allows his teenage son to have friends over constantly. The kids stay up at all hours playing video games, smoking, listening to horrible music, going out in the middle of the night, etc. I have never found any evidence of drug use, but the father and son both smoke heavily, and now my son does too. This especially breaks our hearts because both of my son's grandfathers have absolutely ruined their health with cigarettes. In the past we would have several conversations about the dangers of cigarettes. I really thought he had a better understanding about this than any of his peers. His Sr year of high school was horrible. At a time I thought we would begin to visit colleges, and fill out applications......was actually a year of constant pain, tears, violence, and calling the authorities. My son attempted suicide, and spent a week in a psychiatric hospital. When he was discharged, he was given a prescription, and orders to continue counseling with psychiatrist. After a few visits, he refused to do either. Soon after he returned home, he said he couldn't live in our house anymore because of our rules and all the fighting. His friend's father allowed him to move in with them. He did eventually return home, and somehow through the grace of God, and some very patient teachers, he actually graduated from high school. Five days after graduation he went right back to the friend's apt. The family lives in a low-income apt complex, and qualify for food stamps. I don't have any prejudice about the living conditions....but I do feel horrible that my child is taking advantage of government assistance, which is actually considered fraud. My son sees this environment as a playground......he can do whatever he wants, when he wants, and has no responsibilities. I have absolutely noone to talk to. I cry constantly, and barely sleep at night. I realize the depression I'm in, and I know I should seek counseling. But because of my son's poor choices, we absolutely canNOT afford the additional cost. I do believe in God, and I am a Christian. We raised our son in church, and tried to instill in him our beliefs. But I feel so lost, and unloved. My son has turned his back on God, and I am simply heartbroken. I would deeply appreciately anyone's words of wisdom. I apologize for the length; yet I could have written volumes more!

11 yr old who threatens suicide

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 02:02:39 GMT

my son is adopted and he has recently started saying things about hurting himself. we are in counseling and it seems like one week it works and the next it doesn't

he is a sweet kid but sometimes its like he is a different person. usually school or homework trigger it.

i don't know how to help him

im worried i'm running out of time as he will be 12 soon and is already a pre-teen.

i don't think he can control his attitude. i dont' think he'd really hurt himself but i worry that if i don't stop this soon it will become a bigger problem.

i feel like its his way of reaching out for help but he won't take the help

he is the only child

we've had him for almost 2 years

anyone experience something similar?

Bringing up Girls??

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 24 May 2007 07:56:50 GMT

Does anyone know of a good Chritian book on raising girls? I have a 2yo daughter that I just dont know what to do with. She is so incredibly different from my 4yo son. Bringing up boys helped tremendously with him, I just feel at a loss with her and her insane drama. Being a girl myself....I still dont know what to do with her LOL.-Do you punish for the drama?-do you just ignore it even though its directed at opposing you?-Do you sell them on the black market?Option 3 is the one I am weighing right now....any suggestions for alternative avenues?

10 year old daughter is challenging

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 15:37:56 GMT

We have three children: a son 13, a daughter almost 11 and another son 5. Currently, we are struggling with our daughter. She has always been somewhat strong-willed, but the past couple of years we are seeing other things that concern us too: lack of responsibility; she doesn't seem to understand or choose to understand the relationship between money and chores- for example she doesn't have any interest in earning money to spend on things she wants or likes, she doesn't take care of her things(school clothes, shoes, etc) and we are reminding her constantly to take care of her things, put them away do her chores, etc. etc. We have tried grounding her from things (television, computer, etc), taking away priviledges (volleyball camp, overnights at friend's houses), spanking,etc. We have offered incentives: earning fun priviledges for not having to be be reminded, completing tasks well and thoroughly, etc. She can be very loving and apologetic at times and then other times get very angry and negative when she is disciplined. We are feeling frustrated and that the different techniques/strategies we have been trying are not working. We want so badly to find something that will "reach" her- motivate her and help her understand more clearly about responsibility, taking care of things, etc. Any help, suggestions, etc is greatly appreciated.

Our 3 year old princess - dethroning her (removing her clothes)

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 13:44:34 GMT

We have a 4 year old boy, 3 year old girl and almost 2 year old boy. Our little girl is the princess - we try to give her as much attention as possible. She however, seems to be the most defiant. I can write a book about all the different ways we've tried to discipline her when she is disobedient. She whines a lot and throws fits if you so happen to look at her the "wrong" way.

So here's a way that my husband has been disciplining her. He removes her clothes and leaves her in just underwear. He tells her that she is not acting like a princess, so she doesn't get to wear any princess clothes. I don't feel like this is right, but I don't want to offend him because he is not harming her physically and we tend to get in a lot of arguments.

Please advise. Thank you.

4 yr old developing a lisp

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 18 May 2006 06:48:28 GMT

In the past 2 months our family of 4 moved into a new neighborhood, everything is great, but we noticed that the neighboor's 5 year little girl speaks with a lisp and that our 4 year little girl has recently started speaking with a lisp as well.

Our 4 year never spoke with a lisp until just recently and I imagine it's because she plays so much with the neighboor's little girl and just "picked it up" from her.I don't want to cut our little girl off from playing with her new friend, but at the same time I obviously don't want her to develop speaking with a lisp either. Whenever my wife or I notice her talking with the lisp, we ask our 4 year old how mommy and daddy say that word and she repeats back to us the correct pronunciation, but we still notice the lisp if we don't bring it to her attention. Does anyone have any ideas what we can do to curve her from picking this up from the neighboor?

Thanks!!

single dad and problems with children's mother

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 07:34:58 GMT

I am a single dad of 3 and have been divorced for 4 years. Visitation with their mom used to not be a problem until a couple of months ago. I had an odd work schedule so they used to stay with me every other weekend intil July of 2009. At that time the children came and stayed with me full time, no it was not in the court ordered divorce, but they did. They stayed a couple of weekends here and there with their mom after September 2009 through March 2010. They were mostly in my care for that 9 month period. April 2010 all h*** broke loose with her, I was at work at the school system where my kids attend and the principal comes and tells me that I have to leave the school...I am thinking what??? He tells me to get in contact with the sheriff's dept. as to why...I am still like what??? Come to find out my ex filed a complaint with CPS against me. It was a week before I could ever find out what all this was about. A week goes by freaking me out about what could be happening. She made an accusation that I was sexually abusing my 8 year old son. I finally got to meet with the CPS investigator and asked about what was stated...She said it was my son that stated it to her. I asked what his actual statement was, his statement used words that he does not even use or know...there was my first clue that he was coached on the subject and the fact that I KNEW that I had never done ANYTHING to him. She takes my statement and then another 4-5 days go by and I finally get in contact with my local police dept. and get interviewed by them also...I ask if there was anything I could do to get rid of this horrible accusation against me. I know that I did not do anything. The police officer asked if I would consent to a polygraph and I asked if that would endall of this and he said yes if I passed it...Of course I knew I would pass it and I did, With flying colors as the officer put it, there was no doubt that I did not do anything to my son. The officer stated in the light of this new evidence thaey would call in my ex and question her about the validity of the accusation. Since all this has happened she has not allowed me to see my kids as of the date of this thread. I could enforce my visitation rights I know, but I dont know what else she has said or done to them. She will not return my phone calls, text messages or emails...I really don't know what to do. I don't want my kids to be forcefully removed by police from her residence (she is 35 years old now but moved back in with her parents since our divorce, I on the otherhand moved to another town 30 miles away and have my own house which I am buying and going back to school but unemployed at the moment because this little incident got me fired from my job). After the divorce I dove head first into church and rededicated my life to Christ and am an active member and attender of my church. My kids love going to church, but she won't take them when they are with her. She says "she does not need God in her life right now, she likes her life just the way it is and its not convenient for her to take the kids to church". To me that is a very scary thing and what does the leave her life open to?

I don't really want to hurt or scar my kids anymore than they already are or have been. I am in turmoil about htis and can't really seem to get a Word from God about it. Any suggestions or comments or ideas? Please help!!

Message was edited by: singingdad I tried to call and talk to my daughter today since today is her birthday (11 years old) and my ex refused to let me talk to her or to come and get her and take her for the day or any other day this week. I am sorry , that to me just seems mean. This is starting the fourth month I have not been able to them. Should I just go for it and enforce my visitation rights?

Good Bible Study Curriculum (or un-curriculum) for pre-teen boy?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 12:48:44 GMT

We homeschool and my 12-yr-old son ASKED for a Bible Study booklet of some type where he can read his Bible and fill in answers in some type of book. I would want it to be something where it wasn't just fill-in-the-blank, but also thought-provoking questions.

I looked in our local Christian store and they did not have anything along the lines of what I'm looking for. Anything good and solid, but geared to his level?

16yr old wants to fail? or God preparing me to let go?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 01:09:56 GMT

please pray for us. i have custody of my 16yr old granddaughter. she's been with me since she was 10months old.

these last two years of high school are making me weary. she has always done well at school.

now it's almost as if she is deliberately trying to fail. not turning in homework. tardies. absences.

i do not believe she is taking drugs, or in gang, or drinking, or any of the "obvious" character changers.

it's almost as if it's a power play for her. we're talking about 10 points to pass grades. ive tried screaming. doing nothing.

listening. the more i press the more she backs away. nothing i've tried seems to help much. yes i've taken away things

like tv, pc, and some activites with friends.all with little or no change in behavior.

i do know that a very close friend moved away to go to college last year andthat was very a emotional heartbreak for her.

she worries about her parents & brothers alot. her dad is disabled.she sees them often. her friends havent changed alot.

some new acquaintances come and go,but her best friends have been with her since she was in elementary.

she's always talked about college.now she says she wants to take off the 1st year after high school to move with her parents.

what started out as 1 or two failed grades last year has multiplied. i don't want to discourage her but if she doesnt

make the changes necessary to "make the grade" she may not graduate with her class. i tried to enlist help from the school counselor.

& the vice principal. (sometimes kids will confide in another adult that is more knowledgable or removed from a situation.)

the counselor's reply was that she was too busy & she gave me information about going to a class on communication!!

the vice principal never responded. i may not be the best communicator in the world but we've always been able to talk

until now. i understand some of the separation is normal but it simply feels like something is wrong. it doesn't feel right.

i want her to be successful in whatever she chooses to do in her life, i know this is not about "me" but i cant help but feel

like i'm losing the battle. her failures are not mine but they sure feel like it. i have hired someone to help with her physics & algebra.

she recently made it onto a sports team at school. i'm thrilled because they have a homework class to help the student maintain

their grades. thank you for your prayers. this situation is in God's hands. i welcome any ideas that will help me be a better gmom.

God bless Focus on the Family for this website!

No One wants that pet!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 04 Jun 2008 10:47:09 GMT

I recently took my seven year old to PETCO to pick out a pet for his birthday. He wanted to see everything, so we were looking at all the animals in the store. First the birds, then the reptiles, then the hamsters and such. After walking around the fish tanks, he sees a tank filled with plants for aquariums. He looks at it and then at me, and in disgust yells, "who in the world would want pet grass!" I thought I might fall in the floor with laughter!

How much T.V. , computer and video game time?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 27 Jul 2004 12:45:47 GMT

Hello, I just wanted to hear some opinions on how much time children should be allowed to watch T.V., play on the computer or play a video game. I try to limit this time and count all 3 of these things in the same category. My daughter just traded a couple of items for a gameboy yesterday so I am faced with this new intrusion. The little girl she traded with is only allowed to play with her other one when they are on a roadtrip. I have some frineds that allow little or no T.V.. I have others that have DVD players in their cars. It's so easy to let the T.V. do the entertaining. I find that if I turn it off then the kids usually find something else to do. What's your opinion on amount of time?

Two year old jealousy issues with new baby

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 14:56:31 GMT

I just have the one child right now and I am due in March 2009 with the second. My daughter will be 2 1/2 years old when the new baby comes in March and I am afraid of jealousy issues.

My daugher gets really jealous and has a temper when my husband or I are holding or giving another child/baby attention. I think she will do the same with the new baby.

I plan to get her involved with the new baby as much as possable so she does not feel left out. I also plan to have mommy or daddy time out of the house with her alone and without the new baby (not all the time, but every now and then) so she know that she is still important to us also that we will make time for her.

What can I do prepare her and myself for any jealousy issues and how to I handle the temper when I am holding the baby, feeding the baby, etc. If I ask her to help me hold and feed the baby and she doesn't want to help and desides she wants to have a temper instead.

Do you feel supported by your local church?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 09:11:24 GMT

Many parents of special needs children don't feel supported by their local church. Do you feel this way? What can the church do to better support your family?

**Want to help your church get started with a disability ministry? Check out McLean Bible Church's website: http://www.mcleanbible.org.

Our 19 yr old daughter, her boyfriend and parenting

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 03:23:31 GMT

Our firstborn, 19 year old daughter, is home from her freshman year of college for the summer. We believe she made a commitment to Christ as a child and have seen evidence over the years. My husband has been in church ministry for 25 years in the music/worship area and she has grown up, for all intents and purposes, as a PK. She has, during her teen years, made mistakes; followed worldly trends/pressure yet seemed to understand what would be and would not be pleasing to God. I think the bottom line for us is fear of her making life-altering mistakes and even more so, witnessing her increasing distance from her commitment to God and what she has claimed to be her beliefs.....AND, then...how do we "parent" her now? Shortly after beginning her first year of college, she seemed to desire and did seek out Christian groups (Navigators, CCC, ) and discovered a fantastic church near campus. A few months into college she met a guy who she became immediately very involved with. There are many issues with this relationship and we are very concerned about it. The point is, we are feeling overwhelmed, powerless as parents and becoming discouraged with the path we see her choosing. (I known many of us share this!!!) As the mom, I've been very pleased with the close and open relationship I've had with her over the years. Now she is pulling back. She's "home" (ha! sometimes) but never available. I don't feel her presence when she is around. I understand that part. I don't understand how to parent this or know at times what to do with my feelings! At the risk of sounding stupid...What's our role at this point as parents and how do we deal with our feelings about it??? We continue to gently let her know how we see things and ask her to consider our thoughts and her actions, but we sense her not wanting us to do this. We continue to pray for her. We need some pratical advice on our role as parents, what to do with the feelings that go along with this transition in our lives and how to address problems with her. I've read a few of the other posts and gathered some resource information, but wanted to see if anyone out there has anything they would like to suggest. Thanks.

How can I have some control over the music my teens download?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 00:14:29 GMT

My teens like to download music from windows media player. Some of it is bad stuff, I know. I can't find any way to even view parental ratings or advisories, much less put some control on what they can get. Any advise?

Strong willed 4 year old

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 12:49:04 GMT

My four and a half year old daughter has started serious tantrums. She screams, kicks, yells "no" at me and becomes generally out of control. She doesn't care if I spank her and will not stay in her room. I'm hoping someone has gone through this and has some Godly advice.

Depression in families

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 13:47:51 GMT

I have recently joined the forum and have found little discussion on depression issues within families. I have battled with depression all my life and work at staying lined out enough to be off medication. My son and daughter have also been diagnosed with depression and have been on and off medications. There is much more to the story, but needless to say, I am once again pursuing medication and counseling due to watching my children suffer with this same disease and it is just too much for me. My son will be coming home from college next week due to dropping out this semester. He has basically been dysfunctional at college now for four years but we can't seem to get him the help he needs. My daughter (16) who has been on meds now for about 6 months is starting to deteriorate again. I continually pray about this but I feel this a difficult thing to ask for prayers for. There is a stigma attached to depression, and in the Christian community, there are many who believe that Christians shouldn't or can't be depressed. If anyone has encouraging words or would pray for us, I would appreciate it.

13 y/o Stepdaughter sexually active

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 16:31:24 GMT

Hello-

I have a 13 y/o stepdaughter who we just found out she's been sexually active. Well, we found out last night she's no longer a virgin. We are not sure if it was just that one time or if there were other times after that. My husband is devastated. I'm asking for help. How do we teach her abstinence? How can we teach her to respect her body? She's been so lost. We do not live at a close distance which doens't help matters. Her mother is also concerned and disappointed. I try not to get involved in anything if I am not required too. All I've been doing for the child is pray. The time that she's here with us, I tried speaking to her to focus in school and not boys or friends who do her no good. My husband did the same. But she basically lied to us and her mother. Please help. I have a 7 y/o son and a 6 month old daughter of my own that I worry sick about this subject.

Your prayers are also appreciated. Thank you so much.

Am I too strict if I confiscate and shred or burn fashion magazines from my students that I teach

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 04:19:55 GMT

Hello I am high school teacher and I have a couple of girls in my class that will bring and read fashion magazines(Latina, Glamour, Cosmo, Seventeen, and various other trash) while I am teaching my class. I immediately take up this trash and either shred or Burn them and call their mother and in the begining of the school year I add in my class rules that I will take fashion magazines and destroy them if seen during my class, just so they can't say " Well I didn't know" and I have the rules signed by the parent.

As a matter of fact I had to take away a Latina,Glamour and Cosmo today and the magazines are now in my fireplace keep ing me warm while I grade papers, I have to say fashion magazines make GREAT kindling.

The reason why I am so against this trash is because it brings about more complications in young ladies' lifes that they do not need(I don't need to go into detail because most everyone on this site probably agrees) These magazines are vulgar as a matter of fact the Cosmo has a heading on the cover, something along the lines of Nasty Girls Only, Sexy(word rhymes with itch) and the other two are no better and these are magazines that even some middle schoolers like to read. If there are any teachers on this board, do You have the same problem and if so How do You deal with it and for those that don't any suggestions.

Please feel free to comment, Sincerely

Leticia

With Jesus everything is possible

Message was edited by: Moderator

How to deal with willful disobedience and defiance in 14 year old?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 14:01:54 GMT

I am at my wits end. My son was never a bad child; we homeschool, were careful with associations, and have always tried to instill good values in our son. He is now 14, and it is as though he is a different person - he went from being motivated with his schooling to letting anything slide by, and it is a chore to get him to complete his assignements (and forget about learning, he gets the work done when hounded and prodded, but he retains little if any of it), he was thoughtful and kind, and now he will stare me right in the eye and tell me he will not do what I am telling him to do. This "change" started taking place a couple of months ago when my husband and I decided we were sheltering him too much, and he needed to be able to choose his own friends outside of the homeschool and church group. He befriended a boy in the neighborhood whose values do not necessarily coincide with ours - my husband and I figured this would happen eventually, whether at work or college some day, so we could use this as a learning experience. However, it has backfired on us majorly.

For example, yesterday evening, the neighbor was with other neighbors that we draw the line with our son being around (these are adults, and more so, they are adults who have had issues with the police, the boyfriend beats the girlfriend, and a myriad of other issues we'd rather not have our 14 year old around). Of course, we told our son he was not to be outside with them, and he stayed in. Afterwards, I sat down and explained to him that if his teen neighbor friend was having those sorts of associations, and acts the way he does around them, then we are going to limit his coming over here, and our son going to the neighbor teen's home - I said until further notice, he is not to go to the teen's house, and the teen is not to come here. This caused an explosive response from our son. He stood there, and repeated over and over, right in my face, how he WILL go where he wants to go, his friend isn't bad, how I am the bad one for being so judgemental and how I am the one being mean and how I have problems, and I need to stop lying about people (he insists my saying the influences are not being the best is a "lie" and that my saying it makes me a rotten person). This morning, bright and early, it started all over again, with him standing in the doorway of our home, yelling that he will go where he wants, how can I be such a rotten person. He then proceeded to yell when he saw one of the adults we don't want him being around outside, "so mom, tell me right now what is so wrong with the neighbors and why you insist on saying bad things about them" and smirked at me when he was done, almost like a challenge to engage the male adult I don't want him around. I was shocked he would pull something like that! I told him (as calmly as I could) that I will not tolerate the disrespect and defiance from him, and he kept getting angrier, telling me what a rotten mother I am and asking how I can live with myself being this way. He stomped to his room yelling that if he is defiant it is "rightful" defiance and he is not sorry for anything (I told him he needs to reflect on his behavior and what sort of person he wants to be) and insisted I was the one with a problem, shouting down the steps "even if" he was defiant it was "justified" and that I am far worse than him for my "lies" about his friend, and being so judgemental.

I simply do not know what to do. I have tried talking to him calmly, explaining why my husband and I feel this way, my husband has talked to him, we have both shared how we understand how it's hard to be a teen and how he may not understand why we make the decisions we do but it's always for his own good and so he can have a good life. He will throw it back in our faces saying how we are only trying to ruin his life and keep him from having fun and friends, and how our decisions have no impact on his having a good life at all.

I just do not know what to do. Right now, yes, he is in his room and not at the friend's house like he wants to be, but that does not address the issue of his attitude. Even if we can control his behavior (restricting him to his room) there is still the bigger issue of his attitude, it breaks my heart seeing him act like this, and getting a glimpse in to his character changing like this. I am also afraid of what will happen when he is older, if he acts like this, and he is closely supervised (when the friend is here playing video games, my husband and I check on them, and my husband will even sit there and watch or play the game with them), and when he is at the friend's house, he has to check in often, and we know who is there while he is. If, with that supervision and being 14, he does this, what will he do when he is older and with a lot more freedom. I am so afraid that this is the "real" him coming out, and I worry for him, we wanted him to have a good life, that is why we homeschooled, raised him in a loving, Christian home, provided him with the things my husband and I never had (we are far from wealthy, but do the best we can to ensure he has what he needs, and to a degree wants).

How can I reach his heart and make him understand that how he is acting is so wrong. Every time we address something, he turns it on us, defending his and his friend's behavior and saying my husband and I are the "bad" ones for being so mean and judgmental.

Any insight would be greatly appreciated, I do not know what else to do. I've read Dr. Lehman's New Kid by Friday book, and applied what I could, but it has not been helping. We've prayed, we've pleaded, we are at our wits end.

Need advice on 5 year old with sudden and extreme separation anxiety

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 23:11:26 GMT

Where to start? I am in desperate need of some insight! My five year old son, Trevor has suddenly begun to have separation anxiety. This has never been an issue for him in the past. Last month I took him and his seven year old sister to VBS. They both went last summer and loved it so much that they talked about it all year long and couldn't wait to go again. We took sis to her class and went downstairs to Trevor's class and when we got to the classroom door he dug his heels in and refused to enter the room. I could not convince him to stay and try it out and nothing I did or said would calm him down. He said he didn't know anyone and just needed to have more time with his family. Valid concerns, yes, but usually he can be reasoned with and convinced to give it a try. I ended up taking him home with me, (VBS is supposed to be a fun experience), where his teacher said he should be placed in time out with no toys, games, snacks or movies. Of course I did not punish him for being afraid, but my husband thought I should have made him stay. I just couldn't do it.

If this were an isolated incident, it would be no big deal, but it keeps happening, even at home. I can't even leave him with his grandparents without him having to be restrained so that I can walk out the door. There are two things which I believe are contributing to this behavior and they are thet Trevor is starting kindergarten in the fall and that his daddy is hardly ever home. I pray for my son and with him about this, but if anyone out there has gone through something similar, your thought and ideas would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

7 mo. old still refuses a bottle

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 15 Jan 2004 14:55:47 GMT

Hi Everyone, I am a SAHM of my first child, a healthy and very social little boy. He is a breastfed little guy who has refused a bottle for 3 months now. (This is with the help of the pediatrician and the lactation consultant.) He won't take a sippy cup, but will take a little ( very little - 2 oz. or so) from a regular cup. Our problem is that my husband and I have the opportunity to go away together over night in 2 more months and we don't know how gramma and grampa can feed him since he won't take a bottle. I cannot pump, (nor have I ever really been able to very successfully), so I can't even leave breastmilk for them. Any ideas or similar experiences and successes?? Thanks!

Missy

Managing 7 yr old twins and new baby

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 02:43:57 GMT

How can we engage our twin identical boys with new baby without fear or them being too rough or overwheming? When we attempt to encourage gentle and calm behavior, it becomes a competition between brothers on who can make her laugh or smile most and gets out of hand. They seem to miss out on "enjoying" their baby sister.... They are always in competition about sports they play, school, friends...what can we do to ease that edge? Are we not spending enough time individually?

Thanks so much!

What should I do at this point in time?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 16:58:49 GMT

I am a mother of a 45 year old son who began to use drugs / alcohol young in life. He has served 7 years in prison, and been in jail for the past 6 months. He is being released Aug 4th of this year. During his years while he was incarcerated, he developed a severe breathing problem, was treated for Hep C, and has significant physical difficulties coping with all of this. His letters to me have been extremely heart rendering. When he was released from his 7 year stint I supported him and helped him financially, while he went to various doctors and hospitals for a diagnosis for his health related difficulties. I even brought him home in order to assist him. At that time he was on multiple prescription drugs prescribed from the doctors.No diagnosis has been determined as to his physical ailments. He wasn't with me for long before his chemically abused mind chose to do something stupid and back to jail he went. My brain tells me to let him suffer, but my heart wants to help him. What should I do at this point?

Respectfully,

A very sad mother.

Almost three and not talking

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 09 Dec 2003 01:55:55 GMT

Should I be worried that my almost three year old son isn't speaking? He started saying words earlier on however, he's pretty much stopped. His brother is a little over 10 months younger however, he's really starting to chatter. His hearing is fine and he's very bright, he just doesn't talk. He's a very physical boy, pretty much getting what he needs by doing it himself. He'd rather climb onto the counter and get into the cubboard rather than ask for someone to help him get a snack. I think he's capable, but I'm not sure why he won't speak. Any similar stories out there? Thoughts/suggestions?

Preschool Devotions

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 12:07:38 GMT

I was wondering if anyone has a book recommendation for preschool devotions. I have a 4 and 2 year old, and I would like to find something age-appropriate. Any ideas?Thanks so much!Angie

Natural Consequences

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 13:13:18 GMT

In an attempt to be more intentional with our discipline, we are trying to come up with a list of consequences that we can post somewhere in the house for those moments when we can't think straight enough to come up with a meaningful consequence. We have two boys, ages 4.5 and 2.5. We're hoping that other parents will have some ideas for consequences for disobedience, disrespect, and sibling "issues". Last night we had an instance of disrespect with our oldest and really struggled to come up with a meaningful consequence. Please....we need ideas!!

Thank you!!

Where do our pets go when they die?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 30 Jun 2004 12:24:06 GMT

We just had our dog put to sleep that had been our best friend for 10 years. My son is 8 and is terribly concerned about where pets go when they die. He understands that animals do not have the same kind of soul as people and that they do not take Jesus into their hearts as we do. I have told him that God cares for all his creatures and would most certainly take care of such a good dog but he is not satisfied and I am stumped as how to explain better. Any ideas?

When and how to help my 15mo old boy to brush his teeth

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 17:03:29 GMT

Hello,

I am a first time mom and have a 15mo old boy. He now has 8 teeth. I started to use wet cloth to brush his teeth since he is 12mo old. He doesn't like me to brush his teeth lately. I tried to give him a toddler toothbrush and see if that would catch his interest. But he didn't like that either. It is quite difficult to get his cooperation. Any suggestion would be much appreciated.

Thank you,

Elaine

Online gaming addiction

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 22 Aug 2005 11:43:41 GMT

I am seeking advice and help for dealing with my husband's online gaming addiction. He is 30 years old and he spends more time playing online role playing games than he does with me and our 10 month old son. This has been an issue with us since we were dating. We almost broke up over it in college when he failed some classes, missed work and dates with me because of a game called Everquest. He cut back for a while, but has gotten back into it again. Once our son is in bed, he comes downstairs and stays on the computer into the early hours of the morning. If I bug him about it, he just goes to his online gaming friend's house and doesn't come home until the wee hours of the morning. It is hurting our marriage and I am afraid of what it will do to his relationship to our son.
My husband is a Christian. We try to live a Christian lifestyle and are active church members, but I feel like this is his dirty little secret. He knows that these games are based on the occult and are hurting our family, but he says it is just a hobby and I need to leave him alone about it. He doesn't even see that he has a problem. Help! How do I make him understand that this addiciton is wrong and he needs help?

The Giver by Lois Lowry

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 05 Jan 2006 13:54:40 GMT

My 11 yr old daughter brought this book home to read and it seems really strange to me. Can anybody offer me some insight and advice on whether to let her continue reading this book?

music learning

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 15:22:42 GMT

I found this website created by an OSU college student. It puts together some interesting research about music and how it helps your child learn, whether they are mainstream, disabled, at-risk, or not in school. I found it particularly helpful because I have a little boy who shows signs of autism. I'm trying to think of creative ways to stimulate him. Anyway, some of the stuff suggested on this website really seemed to help. www.freewebs.com/fey57

Military mom going crazy

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:11:10 GMT

My husband is a submariner and is out 6 months out of the year...3 gone, 3 home, etc....We have been married 9 years and I was adjusted to his routine prior to marriage. We have a 6 year old, strong-willed, extremely gifted child...(we actually joked that she was swapped at birth except she looks identical to me, because she is out of our league). I am afraid I am a horrible mother because I can't keep up with her. She absolutely can manipulate a situation to her advantage, she can out smart me and she corrects ME and 9 times out of 10 she is right. I find that I can remember half of what I hear, maybe on a good day, but she was diagnosed as having a phonographic memory....she remembers everything. She can hear a song and repeat it word for word...if she is interested. I am out of my league and am afraid I will hinder her instead of helping her. I get so frustrated and lately, I find myself raising my voice and lashing out at her when she corrects me. When my husband is home, we can break things up and help each other and things are rather normal....well, what we consider normal, but I am overwhelmed and feeling so horrible and I don't want to ever make her feel bad for being herself. I have talked to the school, but because she even corrects the teacher at times, she ends up in trouble even if she is correct. She is in gifted, but they meet one day a week and so she is frustrated in class and frustrated at home and now only wants to sit in front of the television and I am at my wits end completely. Please somebody help me before we fall so far we can't get out!

13 yr old boy Consistently gets bad grades.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 15 May 2005 15:05:37 GMT

Our thirteen year old son assures us he is completing classwork and doesn't, when the report card comes he has every grade on the spectrum and each semester he does well in a different subject and bad in a different subject than the previous semester. As a rule I have stayed involved with their schooling, talking with the teachers and trying to get the whole picture. We just can't seem to find any discipline that makes a difference. He will be entering 9th grade next year, but we fear he has missed too much info by being lazy in school. It is too late to hold him back a grade. He gets extremely emotional and angry at the mention of repeating 8th grade. I want to help him, but not at the cost of scarring him for life... Thanks for you input!

14-yr-old very smart, but no passion or motivation

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 17 Oct 2004 21:35:31 GMT

My wife and I adopted him when he was 10. We've been able to provide him with a wonderful opportunity at life that he never would have been afforded had he stayed with his abusive biologicals.

In the four years we've parented him, we've introduced him to innumerable sports and activities to see if any strike a chord with him. None. He's not particularly good at any sports or activities, nor does he have a passion for any.

I know that he would do quite well at any sport or activity that he truly put his full effort into. We now have growing concerns that his academic efforts are falling short due to lack of passion.

"I'm just too stupid to do well in English," he'll say.

He hates challenges. I said, "If a kid challenged you to climb that hill, would you do it?"

"Yeah!" he replies. Then, why don't you view your English, Football, swimming, etc as a challenge and really go for it?

Help! How do I motivate a kid who has no motivation? No passion? I've tried taking away luxury items for bad behavior and tried rewarding for good.

Bad sleep habit biting us back!!! Help!!!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 23 Jan 2005 15:10:17 GMT

Hello,

I have a almost two year old, whom got into a very bad habit of falling asleep at night while we held him. I have two older children (7 and 8) who we had on a the christian parenting scheldule and it was wonderful. But I didn't breast feed them and I did my third. Well I would feed him, fall asleep and wake up in the morning still holding him. I tried staying awake, but this became habit till I weaned him at a year. Well, he was a very very bad climber so he went from a crib to a bed quickly due to climbing and falling from the crib (this was the same as my first). He sleeps great, but we have to hold him on the couch till he falls asleep and then put him too bed. He will not just go to bed and sleep as my other two did. And he seems to stay up later than my other two. 9pm -10pm. They always went to bed at 8pm. I'm tired and weary of this and wanted to know if anyone had any advice on this issue. My husband worries this will cause him obedience problems. He is alot more high tempered and strong willed than my other two also. My thought was to mangage till he got old enough to understand, BEDTIME and STAY in the bed. Or should I start this now. He is 2 in April. Any help is so greatly appreciated. Thank you and God Bless.

18 year old Son wants to spend the weekend with the girlfriend

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 07:29:22 GMT

My wife and I are conservative Christian parents at a crossroads with our 18 year old son and his newly found liberties.

We were both raised in Christian households, but my wife became rebelious towards her parents at age 15 because she thought her parents rules were too strict.

I obeyed my parents rules and did not challenge them whether I agreed with them or not.

I had a midnight curfew at the age of 20 while I lived at home and "no" I didnt like it but I respected it.

My wife and I have very different opinions of our oldest son's privleges especially now that he has turned 18.

My son got his first girlfriend at the age of 15 and she came from a troubled home without a good "Father figure" in her life. this concerned me a great deal knowing the temptations to a 15 year old boy with a girl that did not have "religous" parents to be concerned for her purity. My wife and I argued over curfews and how often he should "go out"... Our fears came true at 4:30 in the morning when we received a call from the police who had just arrested him for "driving without a license" on his way back from 3am rendezvous at his girlfriend's Grandparents house. Apparently he had snuck out of his window to have go have sex and illegally drove the project car that he and I had bought to work on... but his lack of experience in driving drew the attention of a passing police officer and he got caught. Two days later on the way to church I noticed an unfamiliar address in the GPS and he admitted that he had done the same thing again. His mother and I had very serious conversations about both instances and he was grounded for the next few months.

The next girlfriend came along when he was 16 but she was older than him and in college at the age of 19. This brought concerns because of the maturity and the difference in age difference. I was not a fan of this relationship and again my wife and I argued over him being able to do "what other kids his age do" with their friends. The girl had a reputation for being "pure" and she came from a home with a good relationship between her and her mother, father and step father. This was during the summer and they often wanted to go swimming. My son and my wife saw nothing wrong with that but again I was opposed if there was no "parental supervision" because I was raised to believe that it was "inappropriate". One day I found a text on my sons phone indicating from the girlfriend that one day after a swim that she enjoyed their "shower together". I was livid to find out that not only were they "unsupervised" at the Uncle's house but my son is showering with his girlfriend... no telling what else went on. Several weeks later, my son was invited to the "family reunion" and he wanted to go. I was the only one who opposed this and my wife and I agreed to have me talk to the girlfriend's father about the "sleeping arrangements" before they left and I had the father's word that he would keep an eye on the situation. Nothing inappropriate happened but I was still not a fan of these events. There were problems in this relationship, some of them because my son would consistantly tell the girlfriend a "different" version of the truth because he was too embarrased to inform her that he had a nightly & telephone curfew. His opinion was that he shouldnt have a curfew and he wanted to have the same freedoms that his 19 year old girlfriend had.

Moving on to the third and current girlfriend... he was 17 and she was a 19 year old mother of one year old. This was a problem not only for the obvoius reason, but this girl was a "best friend" of my wife who works with her. When this relationship began, I had a discussion with my son explaining that this relationship must be handled very delicately because there is a child envolved and she was at a much different place in her life working full time, being a single mom and he is a teenager in high school. The first problem arose when he asked to go "camping" with some of the guys and I later found out that there were 3 teenage boys there and she also came along with her own tent to the campout. I asked who was attending this campout the night before specificly to find out that there were no "girls" that were going to be there. I had a long discussion with my son telling him that that was "inappropriate" and that I did not want that sort of thing to go on because I believe that it is an unnecessary temptation, but it reflects poorly on a single mother to go camping with three teenage boys. A few months later it is my son's 18th birthday and he has been invited to go with the girlfriend and her family to go 4 wheeling for 3 days and 2 nights. I was completely against this from the beginning but my son and wife opposed me and my wife wanted me to tell him my concerns and he could decide since he is now 18 years old. I told him that I felt that it was "inappropriate" to do this sort of excursion regardless of the sleeping arangements, and that "weekend" sleepovers with his girlfriend are in poor judgement and he would have plenty of time to do that sort of thing after he is married. After hearing my advice he decided to go anyway. My wife and I argued over this the whole weekend and I was very upset that I "allowed" this to happen in my family. It has been 4 weeks and I have found out that my son is planning on attending another "weekend" sleepover / four-wheeler trip for this coming week. Regardless of the sleeping arrangements, I dont believe that boyfriends and girlfriends should do any type of sleepover.

He has been 18 for a few weeks now and I feel that my wife is afraid that he will just "move out" because he wants to be able to do what he wants now that he is 18.

My wife has read many "parenting books" and "studying" on the subject, she wants him to make all of his own decisions including, where he goes, when he comes home, if he spends the night, who he can hang out with and when but our only role is to "offer" advice.

I was not raised to think that I could go against one of my parents wishes in their house and have them sit by and watch it happen.

I believe that we should let him make most of his decisions but have a say if it is harmful or considered immoral....

I am the "head of the household" and I will be accountable to God for what I allow to go on.

My wife and son feel that he should be free to do this if wants to because of his age, and I believe that Christian parents should not allow their teenager to be in a compromising situation and that it sends the wrong message especially considering his past concerning appropriateness with girls and the fact that she is an unmarried mother.

Modern psychology and many "parenting" books consider me to be one of the most hated words in the english language... "Controlling"

I simply believe that trust should be earned and not just given and that "my other friends get to do it" or "you dont trust me" isn't a good reason to do things parents don't agree with.

I feel as if we "give him an inch" that he will "take a foot" on these types of outtings.

If I let him do something one time as an exception then he thinks he doesn't have to get permission for the second, then by the third it is just a normal thing that he is allowed to do.

I have explained to him that if he wanted to do this type of weekend event with his guy friends that it would be perfectly fine, or if it is with the girlfriend he could spend the day riding four-wheelers from morning 'til midnight then just drive home afterwards.

Am I wrong here???

2 year old waking up every night!!!!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 23 Oct 2003 07:05:19 GMT

I have 3 girls and my 2 year old is the only one who has ever had an issue with waking up at night. We dealt with this almost a year ago and she stopped but has recently started up again. There is nothing that I can think of that would have triggered it.I go into her room to check on her and then she wants me to stay. Sometimes I lay with her until she falls back to sleep. I can't really ignore her because my house is small and I worry that she will wake everyone else up. On top of this we are about to make a major move to Indiana. Help!!!!!

income for a stay at home mom?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 02 May 2009 19:06:30 GMT

I desire to be a stay at home mom especally when my kids are young. I need to have some kind of suplemental income as we can't do it alone on one income... have any of you tried to work from home? and what have you found that works? I would love any ideas!

Toy guns

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 18 Mar 2004 07:05:53 GMT

My in-laws were just visiting from out of state and brought my 2-year-old boy a toy cap gun. I instantly said I don't agree and didn't like it. They said, "Our boys had guns and they turned out fine. He needs to learn to be a boy, etc." I wasn't ready for this argument yet I just said I didn't like the violence. I'm looking on the website for any information on the topic that may help. I guess I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. Is it OK to let boys have toy guns? Any opinions of this topic?

Helping Your Child Thrive in School Webcast: Dreading school.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 18:26:28 GMT

We have two grade school age children who couldn't be more different about their enthusiasm about school restarting. Our daughter loves school and can't wait to go back. Meanwhile, our son is dreading it more and more as the first day of school draws nearer -- and is bemoaning what he sees as lost "free time". Do you have any advice about how to encourage him while not minimzing his anxiety?

Daughter wants to live with father...thoughts???

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 10:27:57 GMT

Hi all
I have a situation I would like to throw out to you all. I have a daughter (8) and I have been married for 4 years (not to her bio father). she visits her bio father every other weekend and recently she has been asking to go live with him. He is a good father but can be irrespopsible and selfish but pays his child support and does fun things with her when she is there (I call him daddy disney-no homeowrk-no chores-fun times.etc) Also, she has a new step brother and sister she argues with constanty...as kids do and there are no kids at bio fathers house.
I have been praying about this for a while and have come to the conclusion that she has never been away from me long enough to really miss me. Maybe a week here and there. I am considering letting her go this summer for 4-6 weeks so she can see that its NOT all fun and games with certain aggreements (church on sunday-she gets to go to church camp-I get to call her when I want...etc)
Of course Im afraid that this will all backfire and she will love it and then want to go live with him but I think I need tolet her do this.
I am wondering if anyone has been through this .......please let me know what your thoughts are or the outcome.
Thanks

Is it OK to read your childs internet msgs?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 12 Jun 2006 07:36:31 GMT

After reading our son's instant messages, we found some bad choices he is making in his language and the girls he is "Iming" with. We told him that we were going to randomly check his msgs since he just started attending this school and we don't really know his new friends. What would you do? We have taken away his "Iming" priviledges. Any help would be greating appreciated.

What to do?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 20:10:42 GMT

Brand new to this site and this is the first time really reaching out to a community. I've been a single parent for 16 years I'm faced with a pending doom. My son is a very intelligent 16 year old that I've tried my best to raise as a Christian. I've have been living with Mom (widowed) all this time and she has gotten very dependent on me. I love her dearly and I don't want to leave her without the help she needs (she has helped me soooo much). But I have put my life on hold for so long, I have always hoped and prayed for a husband but, with my son's future heading toward collage I'm left with a felling that I will be spending the next portion of my life taking care of Mom. I haven't been dating but would would really like too (another fear) any idea's would be really helpful. We live in a small town with no real suport groups and we are thinging of moving soon.

Masturbation and Young Children

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 10:51:36 GMT

NOTE: Due to age overlap in our categories, this has been posted in both Early Stages (ages 0-3) and Discovery Years (ages 4-7).

Parents-

Many of you have posted messages of concern regarding children under the age of five and masturbation. Because of the inquiries we've received over the years, we thought it would be helpful to direct you to Dr. Dobson's opinion on this topic for boys and for girls.

Also, our Correspondence department has an information sheet titled, Masturbation in Children which you can request by calling 719-531-3427 or by e-mailing them through the online form.

I hope this is helpful to you!

Jacquie
FOTF Forum Moderator

Ready for school?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 18:11:21 GMT

My son is five and has a late June birthday. Last year he attended a small 4K program at a nearby public school, and appeared to do well both academically and socially. We just moved to a new state over the summer, and the school he would start kindergarten in is much larger. While I think we would do well the first couple of years, our concern is down the road that he will be one of the younger and smaller kids in his class. We are debating whether to send him to pre-school half days this year, or start him in kindergarten right away. So far, no one that we have talked has ever regretted having their child wait the extra year to start, although our new pediatrician and the assistant principal both felt strongly that we should go ahead with having his start kindergarten this year.

Get Plugged In Webcast: TV trends

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 18:20:38 GMT

I've heard your own comments on this before. But as a 19-year-old college student, I've watched sitcoms become more and more raunchy and less family friendly over time. Even watching "ABC Family" which promises television shows for "a whole new kind of family" features shows like Greek and Secret Life of the American Teenager that seem to REVOLVE around the main characters' sexual endeavors. For someone who grew up watching Full House and Home Improvement, I really can't say I enjoy these shows.

My question, however, is as media specialists, do you foresee this trend continuing in the direction it's going? With tv shows getting even more sex-centered and NOT family friendly? Or do you see any evidence that television might just be trending back the other way? I'd love for any kids I have in a few years to see great television like that which I grew up on. Do you think there's any hope?

parenting the "gifted" child

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 02:24:28 GMT

My 6 year old daughter is a highly energetic, talkative, kind-hearted, beautiful girl. She is also extremely bright and considered "gifted". I never use the term in front of her, but she knows she's great at nearly everything she tries. She did great in Kindergarten last year and even received Student of the Quarter. (She is always comparing herself to other kids and has to be better than them. It's amazing, yet frustrating, that, when she sets her mind to anything, from piano, to academics, to sports, she always excels.) There are problems that come with a gifted child, including being a perfectionist and being sensitive. Lately, she just seems to be miserable. I hate to make a huge generalization, but it's as if nothing is ever good enough. If things aren't exactly perfect, it kills her. Lately, it seems as if she's looking for things to complain and get upset about. I had a similar personality type as a child and know that anxiety and depression can quickly sneak in, even as a child. I try to remind her to be thankful for what she has. I've even asked her to try to think of something she's thankful for when she starts to complain, but it hasn't worked. She has started bossing other kids and has even hit another child when they don't do what she tells them to do. Then she gets very frustrated with herself and says she's a bad kid and hates herself.

When it comes to the constant complaints, my husband and I decided to take a toy away each time she makes a completely ridiculous claim. I'm not sure that's what we should do, but I know we're quickly becoming very frustrated and it's leading to yelling at our daughter. She can also be VERY strong headed and has been picking many battles lately. She has always been a kid who is somewhat hyper, so it's difficult for me to have the energy to deal with it all. She even seems annoyed when I hug her, as if I'm hugging her incorrectly. I've always been a parent who sticks to my guns on things, but I'm wondering if I need to pick fewer battles? She can be very manipulative (we've called her our little attorney) so I'm afraid she'll take the reigns and run if I give an inch. I don't know if my daughter is battling anxiety/depression, or if she's trying to manipulate us...although I can't think of anything she's gained from this behavior. I just don't know how to parent her at all at this point.

Get Plugged In Webcast: clean versions of songs

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 18:09:59 GMT

Hi,

My daughter is fascinated with Lady Gaga and likes the tune, doesn't really care about the lyrics, and wants to download some of her songs. I personally don't like Lady Gaga, but if the lyrics are acceptable, I am ok with her downloading. Checking on the lyrics, I was appalled at some of the words and connotations, so I have told her that she cannot download those songs. Now, my question is, can I find those songs that have a 'clean version'?

Thanks

4 1/2 year old son and anger issues?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 18:03:39 GMT

My oldest son (Eric) is 4 1/2 years old and is a strong willed child. Even on a good day it is evident he is strong willed. He is very smart and I have to remind myself he is only 4 1/2 years old. He can also be extremely sweet and loving when he is in the mood. Today at church he had a rough morning which started out by talking mean/angrily to a friend. The friend just walked up to him and hadn't done anything to him. I watched the whole situation play out myself. I reminded him about how he is supposed to talk to his friends and had him apologize. I even told him before I left to go serve in the nursery that I wanted him to obey his teachers and play nice with his friends. Then later while I was serving in the nursery I see one of the volunteers in my son's room bring him out because he is yelling and extremely angry. He apparently didn't want to share and when the teacher told him too he just went off. This is not uncharacteristic for him either. At home he yells at his brother or the dog. He gets angry easily and doesn't seem to know how to handle it. I walked out after them and got him calmed down but still wasn't able to find out the real issue. His discipline for this was to take beans out of his bean jar. This is a big deal to him. His bean jar is used as a reward system. He gets beans when he does good things and beans are taken out for misbehavior. When it is filled up he gets to choose a prize from our treasure chest. I sent him back to his class where he did fine the rest of the time. Later when I picked him up the teacher told me it seemed like he may have anger issues because he has done things like this in the past. He just seems to make up his mind that he is going to be mad and he is. The odd thing is he does not do this at his preschool...only at home or at church.

This just breaks my heart because I know I'm not free of guilt in all of this. After my mom died a couple of years ago I struggled with anger problems and then later we found out that I had thyroid cancer which also led to issues involving my hormones and moods. Now that I am cancer free and on medications to help replace my thyroid function my hormones and moods are completely stablized thankfully. In the past though I am guilty of getting in his face and yelling at him when I was at my wits end. Thankfully I do not do that any more but it appears the damage is done. Like I said he is a typical strong willed child but that is no excuse for me to yell. My younger son is 2 1/2 years old and very laid back and doesn't seem to have any of the same issues. Today when I was outside with Eric our pastor's wife happened to walk up and could tell I was struggling with my son. Her and I are good friends and she is such a wonderful mom. She was very encouraging and told me to remember that although they do watch us and model us that I need to remember that somethings can be magnified by their personalities. With Eric that is so true because since he was a baby he had a "his way or the highway" type attitude and very focused (nice way of saying stubborn) on what he thinks is right or wrong in his mind.

Anyway...I'm not real sure what my question may be other than is this normal? And also does anyone have any tips on how to help him handle his anger? We've tried getting him to calm down by taking deep breathes but that is hard for him to remember to do in the midst of his anger. The good thing is that he doesn't tend to get physical when his is angry. We used to send him to his room when he would have a tamptrum and he would knock all of his books off the shelf. He has stopped that after we continually made him put them back up on the shelf himself. He hasn't done that in over a year I believe.

Thanks from one very concerned mommy!

17 year old discipline question

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 14:08:48 GMT

We are <31 days away from giving birth to our 7th child. The past 8 months of homeschooling has been a real challenge. They are 17, 14, 12, 8, 6, and 2. Our oldest is the problem. We got a third cell phone (2 years ago) on our plan so when the kids went somewhere, they could have a means of contacting us. Over the weekend, we bought 2 new phones (mom's and dad's) and switched mine (the only real good one left of the original 3!) to the third number. We told our son NOT to add or remove any of the contact information until mom had a chance to go back to the store and have all the information switched to her new phone. He proceeded to start texting 3 friends the rest of the day, wearing "HIS" phone on his hip out to dinner. The next day, we went to get family pictures done and there the phone was again- on his hip, continuously receiving texts. That night, he came to our room where my husband and I were just chilling out, and asked how to change the ringer for one particular person. I looked at the phone and saw he entered one of his friends into the list of contacts and was trying to give it a unique ringtone. When I asked him how his friend's name got in there he replied "wasn't it already in there"? (he'll make a great politician one day!). I don't chat with his parents on the phone, plus the last name was spelled wrong, so I KNOW I didn't put it in there. Then he confessed that he just entered it. I reminded him that less than 24 hours prior he was told to not alter the contact information and that since he did, he lost the phone for an undetermined amount of time. His dad profusely disagreed. He thinks the punishment should have been merely making him remove the contact info he added. We have disagreed ALOT in the recent past about what proper disciplines to instill for different misbehaviors, but this one has left us not speaking. In my opinion, my 17 yr old son was told on Monday DO NOT DO XYZ and on Tuesday he did XYZ... black and white, he disobeyed, he loses the privilege. Hubby thinks there are shades of grey in the event and "undoing XYZ" will fix the problem. I need Christian feedback!!!!!! What would you do??????????? Thanks,Rebecca

Can Christian parents allow unsaved adult children to shak up in their home?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 04:52:18 GMT

adult son, multiple failed marriages, 3 children, turned away from Christ in college, now "engaged" to girl who is pregnant. Thinks we are wrong not to alllow he and his "finance" stay in our home. She resents us because we will not stay in his house with them because they are shacking up and we will not allow them to sleep together in our home. Wants us to pretend they are married. At play are teh grandchildren. If we could just "pretend" that they were married, then the tensions would somewhat dimish. But, we are having a very tough time even thinking about it.

3yo strong willed boy won't go #2

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 09 Mar 2006 21:49:34 GMT

My extremely strong willed 3 year old is absolutely refusing to go #2 on the toilet and diaper as well. I've ruled out constipation and am finding he's holding it in on purpose. I think it's a control issue. He'll hold it for days at a time and he's even doing "the potty dance" to try and hold it in. Even a bribe of chocolate isn't helping. Any suggestions?

Any kindred spirits out there?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 26 Jan 2005 18:43:23 GMT

All you Anne of Green Gables fans speak up! They don't make wholesome heartwarming family movies like that anymore. I'm longing to throw an Anne party but I can't find enough girlfriends among my mommy friends who like Anne as much as I do. I have the movies and books and I even bought the Focus Radio Theater CD.

What does a 2yr old day look like?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 22 Feb 2006 09:50:37 GMT

Hi, New here and seeking help. I get depressed some times and now is one of them, when I realize - I don't really know how to be a mom! I'm currently pregnant with #2 (6months) and my son will turn 2 next month. He is a very energetic boy. The main thing I struggle with is what to do with him all day long. Ever notice how long 12 hours is? I'm a stay at home mom, it's 30 min. to the nearest park, 45 min to the nearest mall with a play area, no fenced in yard to use, too cold to use a pool yet and besides I can't do too much since I'm big and getting bigger. So, all day in my house is a long time. There are videos, there is a house full of toys and there is mom. I know sometimes he's just wandering around bored. I honestly just don't have a clue what to do with a child. Shouldn't there be some kind of structure? What's it look like? Most of his time lately consists of "no", whining, screaming, crying. Some of this is age related, some discipline and some I feel is just plain stir crazy. Rest assured, I'm a disciplinarian mommy so things don't go unpunished but I need to know what to do with the poor kid all day long before we both go crazy. Please give me some examples of what your day looks like. Thanks!

Timeouts with toddlers?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 27 Oct 2004 20:50:53 GMT

My 17 month old is already going through the terrible twos. He's defiant, disobedient and throws toys and hits us when he doesn't get his way. Time-outs don't work and we can't spank because at this point he is a foster child, we're waiting for adoption finalization. I've heard that at this age they don't realize that the punishment is the consequence for misbehaviour, but what do you do?

Quick question

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 00:17:11 GMT

It seems like forever since I've been on these boards. Things have just been so hectic lately. Anyway, I've got a quick question. I'm compiling a list, for my home school group, of pre-k & K resources. I'm wondering if anyone can give me some suggestions to add to the list, books as well as websites. I've already got Star Fall, along with many others. I just don't want to leave out anything really good. So, what are your favorite pre-k & K resources? TIA.

what should my daughter do

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 23:40:13 GMT

Hello. I'm new to this but have been seeking God's wisdom on all of this. My daughter was engaged young (almost 18) to her boyfriend of two years. They prayed, went to church together, did ministries together, and felt that God was leading them to be together. Her boyfriend left his relationship with God dwindle and he became verbally abusive and an overall angry person. She finally ended their relationship. During that time (two months) she became bitter toward him. She didn't leave her faith, but she quit trusting what God was beginning to show her. Her boyfriend hit rock bottom and finally came to the Christian counselor at our school and just gave it all to God. He put all his "walls" down as he put it and said he was in a dark place with Satan and he knew he was headed down a very dark path. He did a lot of stupid things with his life before he gave in and gave it all to God. The transformation in him has been amazing. I saw it, I talked to the counselor he saw as this man is also my friend and he agreed, God did an awesome thing with him. My daughter said that was great and she hoped it was real, but she didn't care. She was in a downhill spiral of complete bitterness when it came to him and the hurt she had experienced. I continued to pray for her and for him and felt I should leave it at that, in God's hands. Last week I suddenly felt this overwhelming desire to pray for the two of them, the two of them together again and for my daughter to heal. This was NOT what I wanted as I did not want to see my daughter possibly hurt again and thus began my argument with God over it. I went so far as to say, OK, if I'm supposed to believe totally in his change and that he does belong with my daughter, then let him (the ex-boyfriend) contact me and I'll see from there. Well, that night on my email was a message from him, apologizing for all he had done to hurt our daughter and our family and that he loved us all. I continued to argue with God over it, but I got to know the boyfriend in his new relationship with God. The change is absolutely amazing; I don't know how else to describe it. There was a rift between him and one of my sons as well and my son decided to start talking to him (all on his own, not with my help) and they healed as well. My son met him for lunch yesterday and told me and my daughter, that even if he and the ex-boyfriend had not have talked about everything that afternoon, he would have believed there was a change because he could just feel the difference emitting from him. He invited him over to play video games as they used to do. My daughter was furious over the lunch. When it came to the ex-boyfriend, she would not even discuss him in any way; I know her hurt ran deep as years ago I experienced a very deep hurt in much the same way. So, I finally gave it all go God and said, fine, I didn't know what could possibly come of it, but I prayed for them and for her. She went to her room, angry, and got onto facebook to grumble to her friends. She said she just turned on her music and didn't look to see what CD was on. Well, it was an awesome Christian CD and she said in the middle of the grumbling, it all just left her. The anger and the bitterness was gone and she knew she had forgiven the ex-boyfriend. So, he came over last night, played with her brother and she said hi to him then hid in her room. When I talked to her she said it was hard, that she forgave him but she was scared because just seeing him made her realize even more how much she missed him but she is afraid to trust him. He was getting ready to leave and started talking to me. He cried and cried and kept telling me how sorry he was and that he wanted so bad to go talk to her, to tell her he was sorry and that he still loved her but he was afraid and was trying to trust God and didn't understand why he felt God was leading him back to her when she didn't want to ever trust him again. I told him to ask her if he could talk to her. She allowed him to talk to her and that was a very big first step for her. She told him she did still love him but that she was afraid and didn't know if shes should trust him. She told him she was giving it to God and she had asked her friends and no one wanted her to go back to him. I told her to use God as her decision maker and only go to a Christian friend. I know of one of her friends that actually kept up a friendship with my daugher, while she got the ex-boyfriend to go out with her instead (while they were apart, he never cheated on her). She is afraid, so afraid of making the wrong decision and getting hurt again. She wants to wait to see if he's sincere in this walk with God that he has been doing but also won't go anywhere with him, even on a date as friends, because she is afraid that if she is alone with him, she will make her decision based on how much she just wants to be with him everytime she sees him instead of on God telling her it's OK to trust him.

How do I help her? I have prayed and will continue to pray and recognize that just her talking to him is a very big step for her. I don't know what else to do for her and I don't know why God led me to pray so hard for the two of them together when I can promise you, it was NOT what I felt should happen. Now, well, now I think God was right. What can I do?

Specific Discipline Tools for young kids (2&5)

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 20:34:36 GMT

I listened to the compelling radio broadcast today with John Rosemond. I was really identifying with so much of what he said. I've been feeling lately that my husband and I need to primarily reinforce to our children that we (not they) are in charge. This really seems to be the parenting season we are in. I was disappointed, however, when Mr. Rosemond was asked to give specific tools for discipline with younger children. When asked about 2/3 year olds, he mentioned something about starting with "routines" and did not have much else to say. He did mention in the broadcast how ineffective the over-used "time-out" can be, and also mentioned that spanking, in his opinion, was an alright tool, but should be used quite sparingly...so that leaves me, again, asking the question...what are some discipline methods that are effective and good to use. I need practical help, not more "not to do's." Any suggestions?

BTW: we do use the approach of taking things away (if they are not being used appropriately) or not giving something (a drink, for instance) if whining, or throwing fits etc....anything other suggestions?

18 month old sleep issues

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 12:50:02 GMT

hello there. i have a beautiful 18 month old son who has been a sweet, sweet baby and a fairly good baby all of his life. he has always been a fairly good sleeper, but my main complaint has always been that he just doesn't need sleep. he has always needed less sleep than the average baby...that's why there are averages b/c of kids like mine who just don't sleep a lot. at night, he goes to sleep at 9pm and wakes at around 6:15 - 6:30. so he only does about 9 or 9.5 hours at night and then only takes about an 1.5 long nap a day. now from what i read, most kids are sleeping about 11 hours at night and taking about 2 or 2.5 hour naps during the day. so you can see my problem...my guy just sleeps so much less than the average kid...and to be completely honest, it's wearing on me. most people i know put there babies to bed between 7-8 and then have time to themselves and with their husbands in the evening. i have to put mine to bed at 9, so that he'll at least make it till 6 the next morning. and i was trying to get up before my son so that i could spend time in the Word, pray, drink some coffee and have some time to myself, but he's getting up earlier and sleeping less and less at night, that if i want to get 8 hours of sleep myself, i have to either go to bed when he does or get up at 5:00am. and like i said, a short 1.5 hour nap in the afternoons is hardly enough time to get housework done, let alone sit and have time to myself. as i prayed this morning, i know the root of my problem is a selfish heart, that longs for more time for me, me, me. and i'm praying against that, but what do you do if you and your husband have no time together at night b/c that hour before i go to bed is spent doing housework...laundry, dishes, straightening up, etc. plus, i need a lot of sleep, so 8 hours doesn't usually cut it for me and i'm usually asleep on the couch by 9:30 at night after my son goes to bed. please help...i feel like i'm falling apart. and am constantly frustrated about the fact that my baby just doesn't need much sleep. am i alone out there? any suggestions on getting a kiddo to sleep more?

Lying 3 year old

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 27 Jul 2010 18:54:11 GMT

In the recent months our 3 year old daughter has begun lying. If we catch her doing something that she knows is wrong and tell her to stop, she gets mad and says she wasn't doing that. When we tell her not to lie to us, she says she wasn't lying. She is a very tempermental personality, easily set off in anger or sadness by anyone. So when we are trying to explain to her what lying means and how she needs to tell us what really happened she gets worked up and starts crying, still refusing to fess up to the lie. It is really tough on me (stay-at-home mom) when all I seem to hear all day are exclamations of "I WASN'T!" and crying fits. This needs to stop before it's embedded in her personality.

Strong_willed 7 month old son arching back since he was 4 mos. and grunting in carrier and acting defiant

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 24 May 2010 00:01:13 GMT

Has anyone had a 4 month old infant that showed a defiant attitude and arched his back in his carrier and semi squelled because he appently didn't like or want to do something? Would the book A stong willed child be a good read even at this age?

Help with our 17 yr. old daughter

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 30 Jun 2010 14:29:04 GMT

Last night for some reason, probably prompting from the Lord, my wife and I went through our daughters room and here is what we found.

1. Empty 12 ounce bottle of "Mike's Hard Lemonade" (Alcoholic malt beverage)

2. 2 pregnancy tests, not used and still in wrappers.

3. I quaint little cloth case that contained a Marijuana pipe and one small bud.

So I need some help here on how me might respond, instead of react, to these articles and obvious lies we have been fed.

Any advice from any parent that's faced these issues would be greatly helpful and appreciated. Like I said, we want to respond in a correct, firm, biblically based manner.

God Bless and Thank you!!

Effective discipline techniques for strong-willed 6 year old.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 01:44:09 GMT

I am the mother to a fantastic 6 year old daughter. She is incredibly smart, loving, and full of life. She is also very strong-willed and independent. I realize that these are not necessarily negative attributes, but the smart mouth that goes along with them is defenitely a negative. I would love to hear what other moms/dads with strong-willed children have found to be effective discipline techniques. We've tried spaking, but that isn't effective with her. Thanks in advance.

Tough Love-HELP I think I'm about to learn all about it.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 16 Aug 2010 21:06:49 GMT

I have a 21 year old daughter who is about to begin her 4th year of college. She has lived outside the home, with roommates, since August of her freshman year. We agreed to pay her rent and utilities of $250 because it wasn't much more than the gas bill to commute. We told her she would have to buy her own gas and groceries (babysitting provided plenty of money for that). That has been working for almost 3 years. Last week she decided she wanted her own place (even though her rent for August was paid and she has a lease til June 2011) and moved into an apartment that she CAN NOT afford. I made it clear that I didn't agree with her choice because she had it pretty good where she was for allot of reason. However, my husband said "Let her do it. If she thinks she can make it work, let her try". Now she is going to HAVE to go get a job and work to make up the difference in rent (another $250 aside from what we will pay, plus electric, gas, gasoline and groceries-utilities were covered at the 2 previous places for $250). My husband and I have sacrificed so much just so she wouldn't have to work and could focus on school. Now, 18 months before she graduates she is going to have to work and who knows what that will do to her grades. She changed her major twice and a large majority of the classes she has taken didn't transfer for her current major. My husband said that if working affects her grades, if she fails (F) any more classes or drops (W) any (in 6 semesters so far we have 4 F's and 8 W's) he's not paying another dime. She lost her academic achievement scholarship her freshman year for not maintaining a 3.0 and her TOPS scholarship for failing Algebra II her senior year of highschool. So, we have been paying 100% of her tuition in cash so that she won't have any debt, nor will we, with student loans, etc. We pay her car insurance, cell phone, tuition/books, $250 for rent/utilities, health insurance, etc....everything except her gasoline and groceries. And on more than one occasion she has told me "we are the parents, we are suppose to pay". That just makes me angry. I know I should have put my foot down and told her to stay where she was since she had a lease and it was across the street from the college, or move back home, but I didn't. I have a feeling I'm about to learn all about tough love. I'm not giving in. We pay $250, it's all we ever agreed to and all we will do, no matter what kind of bind she finds herself in.

She is a strong Christian and one of the most level-headed people I know, with spotless character. I've never been disappointed in her and she's never been in any kind of trouble. I just can't believe she is not using good sense. It's not like her.

I would like to know what you think and if you have any advice or have dealt with a similar situation. Any comments are sincerely appreciated.

Strong willed 4yr old son

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 00:29:56 GMT

I have a very loving and easy going 4 yr old boy. However there are times when out of the blue he will do things that don't make since. For instence the other night during dinner he stood up and walked over to the kitchen drawers opened them up and then slammed them closed and then sat back down to eat. His favorite answere to the question why did you do that is "because I want too". My husband and I have tried everything we can think of for punishment. Time out for him is more like a time out for us because we can't trust that he will sit still. I asked his pediatrician about it and she suggested I hold him with his arms crossed in front of him he kicks and screams. We've tried spanking and talking it out but again it doesn't work. I've tried seperating him, but he enjoys being by him self and will always find something to get into or play withthat he shouldn't. If anyone has any suggetions that would be great.

11 year old wants to go to public school

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 04:21:51 GMT

My son is 11 years old and wants to go to public school this year for 6th grade. He has been in a Christian private school since kindergarten. He has a core group of friends that will all be going to the public school, and there are some things about his current private school that cause him a lot of angst. The private school is really pre-IB school so the academic focus and work load is pretty high. He would have about 90 - 120 minutes of homework each night, and has little to no real play time during the school day. We have been talking a lot about our goals for his life and what we expect. Invest in a relationship with God, be responsible, be honest, and be respectful. This summer, we have set some pretty strong and appropriate boundaries and he seems to be responding to them. I have told him that if we allowed him to go to public school, he must continue to attend the local church youth group, and be in advanced classes. Also, I would expect complete honesty, and if I noticed any level of deception, we would immediately pull him out. It is hard to list here all the discussions we have recently had through small discussion and studying the word together. I am just really torn. I asked him to pray about it and really listen to God. This is something we have been teaching him [listening to God's voice] since he was very young. There is a part of me that thinks we need to let him have some ownership in this decision. On the other hand, I have concerns about the public middle school environment, and the general spirit of deception that even good kids seem to have with their parents. I see parents trusting too much without really checking up on things - too much freedom etc. They are indeed only 11.

Any advice or thoughts?

14 year old Daugter has failing grades!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 23 Mar 2010 15:40:24 GMT

I have a daughter who is in middle school, and has recently been having trouble with her grades. In the past she has had good grades. Once before when she was slipping on her grades her coach spoke to her and she was once again on the A-B Honor roll. She is an excellent kid and her passion is running. She is one of the best runners on her team and doesn't want to let her team down; however, her grades are slipping and she has been lying to us that she is doing better when she isn't. When confronted about her grades in two particular classes she told me she has been overwhelmed with everything and has just been putting it off and not turning in everything. She had several missing assignments and the teacher was so kind to help her by letting her make it up. She had a lot of papers to do over the weekend and did all the papers and has since turned them all in, her grade in one of the classes is a D now. In return for lying to us we have grounded her from several things laptop (facebook, etc...), her ipod, and a week of not participating in her sports activities. I did explain to her coach why she would not be participating this week. I am hoping by doing this she will try harder to keep her grades up. We have explained to her that sports come 2nd to her accademics. Any suggestions and advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you Ginny

Help my son is miserable

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 14:17:10 GMT

My son is 3 almost 4 and it seems like he is miserable all the time, he can be really sweet when he wants to be. He will wake up in the morning with an attitude and seems to battle me on every little thing from getting dressed to picking up toys anything, he is also rude to people and looks at them with hate in his eyes,I think hes strong willed but seems every attempt to curve his behavior just leaves me frustrated and unloving toward him. What can I try that might change his consistant mood?

How do I get my child interested in praying... or even learning about God?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 15:23:46 GMT

Hi there-

I have a 4 1/2 year old son who I cannot get to pray. Even when I bring out his children's bible, he starts to cry becuase he doesn't want to hear it.

I can admit, I have not been consistant so I am sure alot weighs on me.. but I also struggle with begining the routene (sad speller).

Any suggestions on how I can get my child interested in learning about God? How to get him to pray (he refuses).... and even what people do to get a system going in their household??

(a little backround) I am a single mom who lives at home with my father, step mom, and younger 12 year old brother. I am 25. My son gets to see his father 2 times throughout the week and ever other weekend. He has many people influencing him. he does have an anger issue.... help

-rach

11 year old boy just does not use his head! HELP!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 08 May 2005 18:39:12 GMT

I have an 11-yr son who has ADD. He drives me absolutely CRAZY. He is gifted and talented. An extremely bright child. I cannot name all of the teachers that have told me how intelligent he is, but he would make them crazy as well. He will not write papers in school, cannot keep a note book/journal, very unorganized. He is very immature for his age. He cannot handle any responsibility whatsoever. Just tonight, he put a metal cup in the microwave!!! He knows not to put metal in the microwave. He just does not think of the consequences before he does something. I can look at him in the eyes and tell him to do something and I will say repeat to me what I just said and he will have it turned around. They are easy tasks. For example: Turn the water off and roll the water hose up. He never hears me right. Today he found my diamond earing in a candle that he put in there months ago. I am just going crazy. I keep telling myself to be patient. He says he wants to grow up, but I am afraid to leave him alone in the house. The other day he asked me what would happen if he put the vaccume hose over his eyeball. He also was playing with some electricity thing in school, which I dont think would hurt him, but just knowing that he is doing stuff like that. What would he do at home???? I have tried to take stuff, ground him, spank him (rarely anymore), you name it I have probably tried it. I have the strong willed child book and I am reading it (just got it actually). It is like he is a 5 year old in a 11 year olds body.

I need some help here. If anyone can...

Tina

what should I do about the fact that my daughter is not in the loop with other friends who have been exposed to the latest music groups, tv shows and movies while she has not?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 22 May 2010 04:31:26 GMT

what should I do to help my 10 yr. old daughter who isn't exposed to the music groups, tv shows, books, and movies that many of her friends (even christians) are? We don't want to compromise the christian principals we are teaching, but yet she struggles with feeling out of the loop in conversations.

3 year old's personality does not get along well with peers, help!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 04:07:45 GMT

I was wondering if anyone has experience with this, I've browsed the discussion and other topics on the site and have not found anything so far.

My daughter has always been extreamly independent. Even as a baby, she preferred sitting by herself in her bouncy chair. When she could crawl, she would go and play by herself in her room for sometimes an hour! Even now, when we are with a group of kids she will often choose to be off by herself in another room of the house (and even leave that room for another when the party comes to where she is!). This doesn't bother me too much. But it's her behavior towards others when she IS around others that is of concern to me.

While she has her moments of playing well, being kind and generally enjoying other kids, I am seeing a lot of negative behaviours towards others. The best way I can describe what she is like is that she is a 'calm, cool and collected needler'. There's no biting, throwing, kicking or anything like that. She finds out what pushes her friends' buttons and will do whatever it is, calmly, without expression while the other poor kid has a meltdown (i.e. she'll put a deathgrip on her friends blankie, stand there expressionless and whatch her friend cry and yell: 'No thank you, no thank you, no thank you!!!!' until a parent interveens). She will also do things like: slowly, but firmly push people away from something interesting, or prevent them from coming up to a table to see something by moving her body in such a way that they can't get there. There's many more examples ... Do I dare say it is slightly psychopathic behavior?? Please don't tell me that this is a stage that all kids go through. I hang out with a lot of moms with kids the same age, and yes, they exibit the same behaviors at times, but it is not to the extent or as deeply entrenched as it seems to be with my daughter. I feel like I am the only mother constantly on my child to be kind when she's around others. It is SO frustrating to see her act like that.

Any suggestions or experience with this type of behavior? I have not tried spanking her every time for these behaviors as I'm almost certain there would be 10+ spanking a day if I punished each 'infraction' in this way. Time outs are not that great as she loves being alone in her room once she's there. ...

Also, I'm worried that if she keeps at her brother like this, they will never have a healthy, friendly relationship. I don't want these unhealthy patterns to become habit between them. I can tell my son loves to be with her and play with her (he's much more social), but I don't want him to get tired of the way he gets treated and write her off. Do I keep them seperated as much as possible until my daughter can treat him better??

Thanks for the help,

Brittany

How do we ask Mom if child can come live with us (Dad and Step-Mom)?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 18:56:56 GMT

This is a long story, but it's leading up to my main question: How do my husband and I ask my step-daugther's mom if she can come live with us? And if we do, what kind of challenges can we expect? We don't want to alienate or in any way hurt my step-daughter's biological mom, but at this point, we really feel it may be best for my step-daughter...

I'm young (22) and have been married for two years to my wonderful hubby (25). When Hubby was a senior in high school (18), he and his then-girlfriend, "Linda" (26 at the time) had a daughter, "Abby". Hubby and Linda both prayerfully considered marriage at the time, but didn't believe it was the best solution. However, after they decided not to marry and sort of independently get on with their lives, they never went to court about child support, custody, etc. They just had a pretty friendly and mutual agreement that they didn't hate each other and that Linda, being older and having a stable job could "take care of herself" so she would take care of Abby, and Hubby would offer some kind of financial support. Linda hasn't dated or married anyone since Abby has been born that I know of...

I knew all about this and God's grace has just been amazing in how He used the situation to mature my husband in Christ. I am so grateful also that Linda is a Christian as well, and that Linda and I get along well, but my husband and I have come to a pretty difficult crossroads which I'm sure comes as no surprise since overall, we find ourselves in a difficult situation. However, I have hope in the fact that although it is difficult, it isn't unique, and I'm hoping some of you blended family vets may be able to offer some advice. : )

Around the time I met my husband as a friend in college, he hadn't had any contact with Abby, who was about three years old at this point, since she was an infant. The reasons for this disconnect are numerous, but the primary reason is this: hubby was on the east coast going to college while Linda had moved to the west coast to be with her family (her dad and her sister’s family) and got a great job there. At first, after the move, when Abby was still an infant, Hubby would call and try to keep in contact, flew out to visit a few times, and Linda would periodically send pictures. In the mean time, Linda had to hire a few nannies to help care for Abby while she was at work. One nanny suffered from depression and became suicidal and had to quit. The next nanny's brother died and she had to leave while she went through the grieving process. Mixed in with all of this, Linda has an illness that has threatened her life numerous times, and as a very young child, you can only imagine that Abby, somewhere in her little heart, caught on that her life's circumstances were precarious and apt to change quickly. She started asking her mom frequently if Linda was going to die, and would Linda ever leave her, etc. On his last visit out to them, when Abby was still a toddler, Linda told Hubby that she thought it was best that Hubby stayed out for awhile--stopped the phone calls, etc, since Abby didn't know who that voice on the other end was anyway (you can imagine how difficult it would be to explain to a one-year-old that Hubby was her dad--Linda had pictures of Hubby around, but Abby didn't know that was "daddy") that he lived "far away" and for "grown-up" reasons couldn't be with them. So, with a broken heart, Hubby agreed to stop the phone calls, contact with them faded, and he just sent $100 a month to help with costs, which he practically had to force Linda to accept (she's VERY independent).

When Abby was four, after years of having almost no contact with Linda and Abby besides about two phone calls a year and sending money every month, Hubby had to call them to tell them that he was in a relationship and was getting engaged (to me). During this phone call, Linda mentioned that Abby had started noticing that her cousins and friends from church had dads, and asking her what a dad was and where hers was. Linda told Abby that her dad lived far away and that he loved her, etc, and so this dialogue began about re-initiating contact with Linda and Abby, and by the time Hubby and I were married and Abby was five, Hubby and I started Skyping with Abby every weekend. Then Hubby and I moved to the west coast for Hubby's job, but in a different state, and we have been able to visit Linda and Abby once for a week, and then Linda and Abby came here for a few days in the fall.

However, recently through our conversations with Linda, we've found out that they are not living in a very good neighborhood (Abby feels scared sometimes), and that Linda has had continuing health problems. While Abby was in the room, Linda said something about how the doctors had told her she would be living with pain for the rest of her life, but that they had said before that she would die and she was still here! Abby has gotten progressively less talkative when she talks to us on Skype now, and when we ask her how school was that week, or what she did that day, she just says "I forgot". We know that Linda is BUSY and their pace of life is quite hectic. They have moved to this new neighborhood so that Abby can go to a great Christian school, but now Linda has an hour commute back and fourth to the school every day, and an hour back and fourth to work, so two hours total in the morning and evening. This means that Abby stays with a family from school after school until her mom comes to get her, and they don't usually get home until 8pm or so each night. In the past, Abby was seeing a counselor because she was exhibiting self-harm behaviors (if she got sent to time-out, she would start choking herself or banging her head against the wall) and in addition to Linda's physical health problems, she has a family history of mental health issues. Everyone in her family is a believer, but her sister is bi-polar and her father has some anger issues...

Things are complicated, and everything in Linda and Abby's life just seems so crazy! I’m sure if they would have been able to forsee the aftermath of the consequences of their sexual sin, Linda and Hubby would have never gotten in the situation… Boy, does Satan seek to kill, steal, and destroy! But I know that the God we serve says nothing is impossible for Him, that He works all things for the good of those who love Him, and that He saves, redeems, and restores!

My heart is so broken for Abby! I know what it's like not to have a dad around, and it is gut-wrenching to see her withdraw from us, and see that she's scared sometimes, and especially just imagine how all of the chaos in her life so far has deeply impacted her as child when she needs stability and structure and familiarity and safety... My heart breaks for Linda too... I know from my mom's experience how hard it is to be a single mom, how hard it must be to think about sharing Abby with us because Abby is her world. And my heart breaks for my Hubby, who longs to be with Abby but feels his hands are tied with his career--he can't move us there to their town, and Linda refuses to move away from her family and job too...

With all of the craziness in her life, we have considered that it may be best for Abby to come live with us for a little while, at least. Whether or not she wants to admit it, it sounds to us like Linda desperately needs a break--she can't do all of that crazy commuting and work full time, and still have quality time to parent, on top of battling physical illness. Right now, she pretty much just spends time with Abby in the car for a few hours every day, an hour every night before bedtime, and on weekends. If Abby came to stay with us, she would get two parents who could actually be there--I don't work, so I'm available all the time, and Hubby gets off work at 5 every day. We live in a great, safe family neighborhood, we have room, we have routine and stability. We have great schools just minutes away. And we love Abby so much and want to spend more time with her... Frankly, we just think it might be best for Abby... However, we aren't sure if it really would be best… Abby has already had to deal with so much change already, and we're still all getting to know each other. It could totally freak Abby out if she had to come live with us when we've only gotten to spend time with her in real life twice, and over Skype. Some of you may be thinking why doesn't Abby just go live with her aunt's family or grandpa. Basically the answer is because they've tried both before, and neither worked well at all...

We're going to visit Abby and Linda again at the beginning of April, and we're praying about bringing up Abby coming to live with us over the summer to Linda, just for over the summer. However, if she's extremely reluctant, we have no legal power since they never went to court. It’s possible that this conversation could end up in court to get legal clarification about parental rights, financial responsibility, etc…

So, do es anyone have any advice about how to bring this up to Linda, and if she is reluctant, if we should pursue a legal process of getting custody of Abby and what challenges that would entail?

Thanks so much for your time in reading, and for any advice you may be able to offer!

teen drinking

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 22:18:14 GMT

My teen son came home drunk last week. He has never been in trouble before, is involved in the youth group, and is an A student. I was devastated. We took away all of his privileges and he is grounded indefinitely. He was just starting a new job, and my husband and I disagreed as to if he should be allowed to keep the job. Should he be allowed to keep his job and what advice do you have for ensuring this does not happen again?

six year old says "he's in love with..."

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 18 Jul 2010 07:40:25 GMT

Hello,

I was wondering if someone could help me. My six year old recently said he is "in love with princess leia" from Star Wars. While we have only let him see one of the star wars movies as the other one was too sexually graphic, I am still extremely concerned. I do not even know how to address this with him. Any suggestions?

The Big Bang Theory

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 21 Oct 2004 07:08:17 GMT

My daughter is 10 & in the 5th grade. I help in her classroom every Teusday & was horrified to read along in the chapter about the Big Bang Theory. If they teach this lie to children, don't they also have to give equal time to Creation? Other than talking to my daughted, which I already have, what can I do about this??

Help - our 9 year old has high anxiety at bed time

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 16:40:00 GMT

For the last 6 months or so our nine yr. old son will often have a 'panic attack' if he does not go to sleep quickly. If he feels like he is the only one in the house awake he will sob, want mom, etc.

Question: is this common? What steps can we take to help?

THANKS

Words of wisdom?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 14:48:26 GMT

I am an older mom of a 17 year old son who has ADD. Recently the school has asked me to get a total evaluation as they possibly think that there is more to it that just the ADD. I have since found out that they think there might be some type of mental illness that shows up in late teens. Is there anyone else struggling with this type of issue? We will start the evaluation very soon but I have been upset with the whole thing. I know that nothing has yet been diagnosed but it is beginning to feel very overwhelming to me. I am a widow and in the last 5 years have lost both parents and grandmother; I really miss having my mom to talk over things with. I am also feeling the pressure of trying to get a job in this terrible economy. Balancing everything is so difficult. Any words of wisdom, especially from anyone who has gone through similar circumstance would be very appreciated.

Angry Mom

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 04 Dec 2003 20:02:13 GMT

Hello. I stumbled upon this website while trying to find an answer to my problems tonight. My name is Molly and I'm a 24 yr old stay-at-home-mother of two young children. I have always had a bad temper, but lately it has gotten worse. My husband works long days and I am alone with my kids a lot. I find myself taking things out on them and having little patience anymore.

I know it's normal to be frustrated as a parent sometimes, but this is more than that. I am tired of feeling this way and I need to do something about it. After reading some of the signs and types of abuse from "She's Gonna Blow" on this site, I had a major wake up call. I am doing a lot of the things Julie listed and I need to find away to stop. I grew up with an angry parent and I swore to myself I would never be this way. I don't want my kids to go through what I went through. I pray that by using this site and reading Julie's book I can find a better way to manage my anger. I would like to not have to resort to anti-depressants, but I will do whatever it takes to make things better for my family. Thank you for listening.

Molly

12-mo-old not sleeping through the night –– again!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 25 May 2004 08:17:16 GMT

My son started sleeping through the night about 2 months ago after 4 nights of "tough love" and letting him "cry it out." Now, after only 2 months, he's back to waking at 11:00 p.m.! Last night, we tried to let him "cry it out," but after almost an hour I couldn't let him cry. I tried to keep him in his crib, calm him with my voice and pat him on the back, but he was still screaming! Finally I got him out and we went into the living room while he played for almost 3 hours! He goes to bed between 7-7:30 p.m., takes an a.m. nap for about 1-2 hours and an afternoon nap for about the same time. I'm exhausted!!! Both my husband and I work full time so we really need to get some sleep. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

step parents boundary

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 13:06:03 GMT

I need help with what are good step parent grounds. Should step parents have the right to spank and punish the children that are not theirs? Also my x-wife is making my boys call her new shack up honey dad. This is really hurting and killing me. The boys know that I am dad. I have not been the best dad. I have had some drug problems but have gone to rehab and I am now getting my life back together. I have turned my life back over to the Lord and it is such a struggle to drop off and pu the boys and to listen to her say "daddy is inside go tell him you love him" the boys did not even go in they just hung outside. It is like they know what mom is doing and these boys are only 3 and 4. I am just lost and do not feel like I have to much ground. We are still going to court and fighting out visitation rights so I have to be very careful of what I say. Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I can do? Is there any material out there that will show the damage that is causing in the kids? Thanks for all you help.

Addy

Help guiding 14 year old girl literature choices

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 17:37:51 GMT

Does anyone know anything about book series for girls titled the A-list by Zoe Dean? My 14 year old daughter ordered them from the library and I am suspicous they are not appropriate.

working moms

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 03 Nov 2004 04:42:33 GMT

Are there any working mom's out there who just want to talk. Whether it be about child care issues, getting into a rountine, finding time for everything, etc.

Has anyone adopted a special needs child from foster care?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 19:38:36 GMT

Hello, I am new to this forum. My husband and I just attended our county's orientation for adoption and foster care. We are considering adopting a younger (0-5) child, probably with special needs, out of the foster care system. Has anyone else done this who would like to share their experience?

Thanks!

My heart is breaking-We just kicked my 18 yo son out of the house

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 12:12:17 GMT

My son. My Beautiful boy. I am so heart broken right now I can hardly breath. Last night, we had to kick out my son.

After years of troubling behavior, in the spring, I discovered my 17 yo son was far more involved in drugs and other addictions that I ever imagined. The discovery led me to sending him away to upstate NY for a six week rehab program. Three weeks in, I received a call at 10:30pm on a Sunday night. I was told to come pick him up as he was being kicked out. They meant NOW. So I drove the 4+ hours to get him immediately. Knowing that he needed greater help than I could give him, I discovered a highly recommended and reputable wilderness program in Utah and promptly enrolled him in the 12 week program. It was so heart wrenching for me, I had his stepmom (my wife) fly him out to do the drop off.

As he progressed through program, we received weekly updates from the staff and therapist along with bi-weekly telephone conversations with our son. In the beginning, he appeared to moving progressing like all the other kids, however toward the end of the program, it was becoming apparent that he was learning, but really just did what he had to do to pass his weeks and move on. At the end of the program, a home contract was drawn up buy him. I would say it was more of a life plan. Along with that come some very hard and fast rules of the house he was returning to.Some of which are offenses which will get him removed from the house. Such as No stealing; No Drugs or Alcohol; No Porn; No cigarette smoking, etc. In his last week of the program, he turned 18 yo. In our last weekly call with him, (BTW he did not know at this point that he was days away from going home) he says he did not pass his week because he stole a rock from a person that he wanted to use for trapping animals. Now on the surface it seems silly, however, after all that he was taught about integrity etc over the past 12 weeks, THIS WAS A MAJOR SET BACK and threw me for a loop fearful of his return home.

When I picked him up in Utah, I was amazed at how strong he had gotten and how bright and cheery his beautiful face looked after cleaning out his system of drugs and living a healthy lifestyle for 12 weeks. After a very tearful ceremony which included students graduation from the program and parents looking to bring the kids back into their families, we headed home to NH. His mother and I have been divorced to nearly 8 years and I have share custody of him and my 15 yo daughter. My ex is remarried as am I. I married a women with 4 girls and my ex married a man with one boy. So needless to say, these families have a lot of moving pieces and are very difficult to navigate.Our plan as outlined with him and his program therapist was that all privileges needed to be earned back including care use, cell phone and frankly any personal freedom since he was going to be living under our roof. However he was to still be treated with dignity and respect.

So to cut the chase, we discovered he returned to smoking cigarettes. In order to no longer enable him, we needed to stick by the rules we agreed to and he was asked to leave the house. I friends mother allowed him to stay at her house last night. I am now worried sick about where he will go from there.Will he be safe? Will he resort to drugs again? My wife says I need to have faith that he CAN do it and pick himself up but all I can think of are the fatalistic thoughts of him returning to his old ways and relying on the loser freinds he so admired prior to getting clean.

We just cannot allow him to have the same old "I can do whatever I want" attitude and we need to provide a safe environment for all of the other children in the house. But what makes this even more difficult for me is that my son is not a punk. If you were to see him, he comes off very respectful to people and deep down, he is a good kid. We truly believe that he doesn't even know what he does the things he does. Dear God my heart aches.

I could go on for days but the thought of him being out there with no place to go is killing me. What have I done? Please pray for him.

almost 5 year old son - still gets hysterical and tantrums in time outs. any suggestions?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 16 Jul 2010 00:30:06 GMT

hi everyone! i'll try to keep this short. my oldest is going to be 5 next month (i have a 2 year old son, and another son due in about a month). my oldest son has been my strong-willed child and has always been very emotional, dramatic, and very stubborn. i have read ginger plowman's "don't make me count to 3," "shepherding a child's heart" and "the strong-willed child" and am still struggling with how to get his time-out behavior under control. he is a great, sensitive, and very sweet kid, but he has been having issues with talking back to me lately and so that's what i've been having to discipline him for lately. i spank him when called for but we do time-outs for "lesser" offenses. the only problem is, he ends up getting spanked due to how he acts and speaks to me when i put him in time-out! even his 2 year old brother will sit quietly in a time out and then very sincerely say "sorry mama" when he's out. not the 5 year old!

he first of all will refuse to go to time out and start talking to me disrespectfully. to which, i calmly and unemotionally will just be firm and tell him he has to otherwise i will have to spank him instead. i tell him he has to sit quietly and then he can get down and we can "start over." after another threat and some warnings over his disrespect, he finally will sit down, but he will start crying and saying "i'm NOT going to sit in timeout! i'm going to get out!" and works himself up until he is hysterically screaming/crying, hitting the chair he's sitting on, or kicking the wall, etc. i try to sit calmly next to him and firmly speak to him and tell him that he needs to calm down and sit quietly. after so many years of this, my patience has increased, but after 5-10 minutes of this fit-throwing, despite my best efforts, i have begun to yell over his screaming to get him to hear me, all the while knowing he's getting what he wants: attention and conflict. in the fit throwing he tells me "don't leave me mama! don't leave!" - he wants me to be right by him (which our time out is in the dining room area, so i am usually in the next room over in the kitchen, so i never have in the past sat by him through a time-out). he just doesn't seem to compute that he needs to calm down, put his time in, and then get out. he's a bright, very observant child, so i can't believe it!

does anyone know what i should do? do i ignore him and his hysterics and simply make sure he sits there (even though loud and obnoxious) for the time-out? do i continue to not let him get out til he is quiet and self-controlled? (a tactic i believe in, but rarely get to unless a spanking is administered and he eventually calms down a while after that.) i know he is old enough to stop these tantrums and control himself, especially if i can speak to him logically and i know that he HAS to understand what i'm asking him to do. i'm so frustrated because i've dealt with 2 horrible time-outs (over relatively minor issues) that have blown into huge conflicts that upset both myself and him. his personality is very difficult, and perhaps not even one that is helped by time-outs, but rather a quick, deal-with-it-now-spanking and then talk and hug. i do wish i could teach him to be self-controlled and sit in a chair quietly when he has been disrespectful or disobedient.

i'd greatly appreciate any advice! thank you!

sarah

Recently separated--help!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 05:27:15 GMT

So, my husband of two years left me yesterday. We have a 7-month-old daughter who is the biggest daddy's girl you've ever seen. However, she is staying with me because even he knows he's not responsible enough to raise a child by himself, and that he's not ready to take on that responsibility, either. Basically, I'm wondering what I can do to help her. She cries a very large part of the day for her "dada" (it was her second word--after "hi", and she says it almost constantly). She's also become very clingy, and I literally can't even put her down for a second or she will start screaming. Which, of course, means that I'm getting absolutely nothing done, and it makes it very difficult to apply for jobs (because she loves to bang on the keyboard). And, to top it all off, she's not sleeping well, either. I don't want to give in and let her sleep with me because I don't want her getting spoiled to that and end up having a pre-schooler still sleeping with me. Am I being too strict in that matter? Should I allow it just to help her feel better? Or would I end up regretting it? Is there anything I can do to help her feel better when she's missing her daddy? I really don't know what to do at all. Help!

Parent of children in foster care

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 07 Sep 2005 11:00:48 GMT

I am searching for a parent advocate group who might be able to give me insight into the rights of parents of children who are placed into foster care. My lawyer is really no help. I understand that my rights will be very limited. They were placed in foster care under the insistence of their father over trivial matters. This was due to no abuse by either one of us. The court system dealt with the kids with impatience and foster care was a convenience for the judge at the time. Our social worker said it was very unusual for them to be placed into foster care in the situation.

My soon to be 14 year old is gradually isolating herself.....

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 06 May 2010 00:15:14 GMT

She is very firm in her Christian beliefs and how she believes a young lady should act and is having issues with how to deal with it all in a public school system. Her closest friends are all regular church goers, but enjoy the things most teenage girls do; infatuations with celebrities, going to school dances, etc. She also doesn't understand how these girls can be friendly with others who use foul language and treat others with the mean girl mentality.

I am very proud of her having such conviction at such a young age and completely understand why she has issue with some of these behaviors, but she's slowly pulling away from all of them. She rarely does anything with any of them outside of school anymore and feels they don't really have much in common. She's very excited that a different friend from church will be attending her school next year and has high hopes for further development of that friendship, but that girl is more outgoing than DD so I am thinking that the friend will eventually drift away in the same way the others have.

What do I say to DD to hopefully bring her to some happy medium? I don't want her to do things she rightfully doesn't believe in, but I think she does tend to go a bit overboard and is in turn making herself too distant from all the other kids. I don't want her to end up a loner. The other kids like her and want her to do things with them, but unless it's a movie or a party at one of their houses, DD refuses the invitations and the friends are slowly giving up on her. Her friends don't drink, smoke, etc., they just like to goof off together at dances, football games (DD prefers to watch and not walk around with them) and the like. Am I just a worry wart and need to let go a little?

Thank you

Tami

Your Thoughts On Book...

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 05 Aug 2005 12:18:33 GMT

I am currently reading "Shepherding Your Child's Heart" and am skeptical on some of the points made by the author. Some I totally agree with but I was wondering if any of you mothers out there had read this particular book? If you have, what are your thoughts on it? I would look to discuss it with you.
Thanx

Transitioning Behavior Problems w/ Toddler and New Baby??

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 09:46:38 GMT

I knew to expect some "transitional" problems with Katie's behavior after Austin was born...especially since I would be unable to physically do a lot of what she is used to me doing (since I can't pick her up, etc.) She actually did great until we got home from the hospital. Knowing to expect them, I tried to do everything I could to make them NOT happen. Since day 1, I've spent a LOT of extra time with Katie...even doing a lot of special activities she normally doesn't get to do. My mom and sister have been here, so they have helped with Austin most of the time (minus feeding, etc.). I've also tried to overlook a lot of Katie's irritability, etc., because I know it's a lot of change. I have tried to "choose my battles" carefully, because otherwise, I'd be disciplining her all day long. But, where is the line??? At this point, Katie has a breakdown about anything and everything! I can't even change her diaper or put her clothes on without her throwing a huge tantrum (which she has NEVER done before...about ANYTHING!). She kicks, screams, etc. about the smallest things. I've given her timeout, we've spanked her, we've made her stay in her room while she's throwing her fits, etc., but it isn't getting any better. I hate seeing her like this...it's totally out of character!

Did any of you have this or similar situations? If so, PLEASE tell me it will end soon??? Hopefully I'm not the only one with this problem... She is making me an emotional basket-case! I just don't know what to do...I can't let her get away with everything...especially kicking everyone, etc., but I can't keep her in time-out all day long, either. Where is that line between me needing to overlook it due to the transitions going on and needing to discipline?

Is it better to stay married for the children if you are unhappy

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 11:37:04 GMT

Hello, I would like some Christian advice on staying married when your husband is verbally and emotional abusive. He was physically abusive but he stopped after we became Christians. We have 7 children age ranging from 6 to 16. My husband is extremely jealous and possessive and always accuses me in front of my children. I try not to argue in front of them but he gets them involved, asking them questions and etc. The last fight was very bad. I was molested by my father when I was young and I told my husband when we first met when I was 16. He said the other night that just because I was young doesn't mean I was innocent, I knew what I was doing. I was so hurt that he would say something like that. God has been getting me through my past and I now feel so alone again. Is it a sin for me to not want to be with my husband anymore? I feel that I am too hurt right now and he always says sorry but he keeps doing it over and over. I am in this marriage right now because of the children, I don't want them to suffer. What should I do????

Naps for a baby

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 15 Nov 2004 09:01:16 GMT

I can not get my five month old on any kind of nap schedule. It is so frustrating. He sleeps well at night, but not during the day. He takes little cat naps, but that is it. Advice from anyone would be great!

Looking for potty training advice

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 13 Apr 2010 19:42:00 GMT

I'll start potty training our 26 month old son Friday, as he seems to be ready and interested (per the articles I've read on Focus' Web site). We'll be using the methods described in Potty Training in Less Than a Day, which I've read over and over since last summer. But I also want to have an arsenal of ideas and advice from others who have been there, especially parents of boys. What was your experience like? Any words of advice before we head into this at the end of the week?

What is happening to our teens?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 10:05:20 GMT

I am new to this forum and need some help. My husband and I have 2 sons, 16 and 13. Both boys have always been good students, involved in sports and church. We slowly saw changes begin in highschool with our oldest. He is now a junior and going out with his first girlfriend, who is a senior. (Not who I would have chosen for him, but I am dealing with it silently) A year ago he became a vegan (no problem), and his personal hygiene has declined considerably. I know that he is not into drugs but I am very concerned with what he is learning either from school or his friends. He just informed us last night that he doesn't believe in God and believes more in Evolution. My husband and I were stunned! We always have taught them NEVER to turn your back on God. He is strong in his opinions which I am proud of. I just don't understand where these ideas came from. Any suggestions from moms or dads that have gone through this?

19 year old daughter breaking my heart

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 22:13:56 GMT

Throuout the years, I was very close to my daughter. I homeschooled her for 10 years. We had deep descussions about God, life, men, her future. She is a talented artist, and is attending a university studying art. When she was in the 8th grade, she and her sister started a role playing website. One of the people who found the site was a young man from California. He started chatting in the chat box, and then started to talk to her online. When I found out about this, I told her that she was not allowed to talk or email to this young man, since she didn't know who he was. She went behind my back, and all this time has been talking online, then later even on webcam. He came out to visit her at her college, so she has seen him only two days in her life. Now he has convienced her to come out to California to visit him, and stay in his house for a week. I have expressed how against this I am, but she is determined to do this. I have told her that she is risking everything for this relationship. That he fits the profile of guys that do not have the best intentions. I feel like I spent years of my life pouring into her values and Biblical standards, only to have them thrown out like a dirty paper towel. She thinks she knows this guy, but I feel that this is very risky behavior. He is not a Christian, and she does not see this as important. She does still go to church, but this young man has pulled her away from a faith that at one time was strong. During her junior and senior year I knew something was different, but had no idea what was going on. I never dreamed that she was deceiving me. I am so deeply hurt on so many levels. She decieved me because she told me that she was no longer in touch with this young man, she is having a relationship with a non-Christian, and talks of marrying him, and she is still going to see him, even though she knows that I and everyone I talk to thinks it is wrong and foolish. I really don't know what to do. Maybe there is nothing to do except wait and see if she comes to her senses. I am worried that this may turn out to be even worse. Thank you for your prayers. I surely need them.

Frustrated homeschooler

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 23:43:03 GMT

Hi everyone, I have 3 children ages 1,4 & 8. We have been homeschooling our oldest for 2 years now. I need some input on how to handle my 8 year old. She has been reluctant to do her chores and has to be told things 200 times. Any input? God bless you.

Aggressive 2-year old

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 10:52:04 GMT

I'm the mother of two, a 1.5 year old boy and a 2.5 year old girl. In the past few months my husband and I have been struggling with my 2.5 year daughter and her behavior. She seems to be extremely aggressive toward her brother - taking his toys, pushing him down, hitting, biting (which hasn't been an issue in recent months), and even when showing love she seems to show it in a very aggressive manner. Overall she is a very loving little girl and very caring but she seems to get into moods where she is constantly being hurtful towards others, mostly her brother but at times peers as well.

She is very big for her age, the size of a 4 or 5 year old, this is probably because her father is 6'9". Her strength often worries me because I think she could unintentionally hurt someone very bad. When she throws tantrums she often becomes aggressive toward my husband and I, hitting, kicking and throwing things. We do spank but I have recently become very concerned as to whether this is having a negative impact. I question whether that is the right method for this situation because I have to spank so frequently.

There will be times during the day where she is aggressive for 2-3 hours straight and nothing I do seems to control the situation. I often separate her from others or change up what we are doing at that time. However, I feel that she needs to learn how to interact with others without hurting people, I can't always remove her from the situation. She is a very ambitious, energetic and strong willed little girl, I feel as though her energy can be used in a more positive way. Also, one of my worst fears has come true my youngest has started to catch on to her aggression and has randomly started hitting. I feel like the situation is slowly getting out of my control and I'm almost afraid of going out in public.

Please help...

Motherhood Webcast:

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 18:13:27 GMT

I am mommy to 4 wonderful children. My oldest daughter will be 19 shortly, then a 12 year old son, then a 9 year old daughter, and my youngest just turned 5 years. I am on the fence if I should send him to school this coming school year. My oldest 3 were all held back in 1st grade. He was just potty trained. But I keep getting this you should get him into public school as soon as possible. I don't feel he is ready. Being I already had my first 3 behind.

And my 9 year old is still behind and I am sooo frustrated with her school. I believe she has dislexia. We had a meeting and nothing changed. They say they can't test her. But they have been pushing the PSSA "training" 2 days a week after school. What should I do? I am tempted to homeschool my youngest two. What do you think?

6 yr old & spanking

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 03 May 2006 12:53:46 GMT

my six yr old son is quite a handful, and often time rebells and goes against me and my husband. I have tried different forms of punishment, time outs, toy restrictions ect. and spanking seems to be the only one he response to. my sister and friends strongly object to this form of punishment, but i can't seem to find another way to deal. Am i wrong, and if so is there something else i should be trying? MODERATOR'S NOTE: You might find the following articles helpful: <a href="<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.focusonyourchild.com/hottopics/a0001043.cfm">http://www.focusonyourchild.com/hottopics/a0001043.cfm</a>">Spanking</a> <a href="<a target=_blank class=ftalternatingbarlinklarge href="http://www.focusonyourchild.com/develop/art1/A0000507.html">http://www.focusonyourchild.co...lop/art1/A0000507.html</a>">Does Spanking Work for All Kids?</a>

"No" is not a game

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 15:27:41 GMT

My 10 mo. old son is very active and loves to play -- so much so that he makes games for himself on almost a daily basis and loves it when we play games with him. Unfortunately, he seems to think that "no" is a game, as well. We have been consistent with the things that are off limits for him, and we have committed ourselves to telling him no and trying to direct him otherwise each and every time he does those things, but he seems to think it is a very fun and interactive game, seeming even to suddenly think of doing those things as a way to entice us to "play" with him. We've tried being very stern. We've tried distracting him (which doesn't work, btw). We've removed him from the situation. We've spanked his little hands. We've done everything we can think to do, and still he does the same things, knowing the no's will come and, apparently, anticipating them greatly -- as if the scenario hasn't eventually brought him to tears every other time he's tried it. He's such a happy child and loves playing games and interacting with other people: things we don't want to change. So how can we make him understand that this is not a game, it is not playtime, and no is a serious thing? How can we encourage and enforce the enthusiastic personality that God gave him while still disciplining him and leading him in the right direction. Please help!

A Pirate at Red Lobster

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 01 May 2007 15:29:15 GMT

We had been waiting for quite a loooooong time one night at Red Lobster for a table to open up for dinner, and I was rather surprised & proud of how well the kids were doing behavior-wise. We'd looked at the lobsters in the tank, walked around outside, sang some songs, et cetera, et cetera... when all of a sudden my 2 1/2 year old son says, "Look, Mommy... a PIRATE!!"

I look around, expecting to see a picture of a pirate, or maybe a staff person dressed up like one, given the nature of the restaurant. But, no. My son is pointing right at an elderly gentleman with an eye patch waiting for a table also.

NICE! Fortuntately, I think the dear old man was also somewhat deaf because he didn't even seem to have heard the comment.

Strong willed 7 year old with anger issues

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 23:07:21 GMT

I have a 7 year old who is very strong willed. We bought the strong willed child book and implemented some of the suggestions a few years ago. Things were a little better, but lately we've been having issues a lot. He's also starting to get very angry and just gets out of control. If we try to discipline him at all or if he doesn't get his way in something he hits, kicks, yells...just completely out of control. He can be the sweatest boy one minute and then totally loose it the next. We are just unsure of what to do. It seems like everything we've tried is just not making a difference. I said we implemented some things and those worked for awhile, but it seems even those things are not being as effective. I'm afraid of what he'll be like in a few years if we can't help him get this under control now. Any suggestion?

16 YO SON BECOMING DISRESPECTFUL

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 10:31:41 GMT

WE HAVE ALWAYS RAISED OUR CHILDREN TO BE VERY RESPECTFUL OF EVERONE, ESPECIALLY THEIR PARENTS. BUT, RECENTLY OUR 16 YEAR OLD SON HAS BECOME RUDE, DISPRECTFUL AND DOWNRIGHT BELIGERANT AT TIMES WITH US, OVER GROUNDING ISSUES, EVERYDAY RULES, ETC. HIS ATTITUDE TOWARD US IS UNACCEPTABLE, BUT WHEN WE TRY TO ENFORCE OR INCREASE HIS PUNISHMENT, HE JUST LAUGHS, MAKES SNIDE REMARKS, GETS SNOTTY AND SOMETIMES BECOMES AGGRESSIVE. WHAT DO WE DO, AND IS THERE AN "ANSWER BOOK" OUT THERE FOR THIS BEHAVIOR?

I've done it all.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 31 May 2010 00:25:05 GMT

There is a lot of discusssion these days on what type of education is best for our children. The main reason, of course, is that there are so many options. While no one can honestly say one type is better than another, I'd like to share my experience. I started out homeschooling my children and enjoyed it very much. I was a very active educator and my children were very advanced in their academics. After about 5 years of homeschooling, I began to realize that while our family was very happy, my children very solid in their faith in Jesus, that we were impacting no other lives than our own. I felt the Lord begin to deal with me about putting our children into school where they could impact the lives of other children, and we could impact the lives of their parents. Because I enjoyed teaching so much and already had a bachelor's degree, I took the few remaining classes to become a certified teacher . I sent my children and myself into the school system. We began by entering a charter school which was sponsored by a very strong solid church in our area. Most of the teachers were Christians, but not the students. After 4 years at the charter school, we placed our children into the local public school. This was not a small school system, the graduating classes tend to be close to 400 each year. When we placed our children in the public school, it was culture shock for them because of the sexual influence that was so prevalent. However, it was the best decision we made. Our children dug in deeper to the word of God, stood up taller than ever for Jesus, and brought friends to church constantly. They have been used by the Holy Spirit to influence the greatest mission field in our country, the public schools. They have preached sermons through their speeches, their research papaers, and in their science classes. They have been leaders in the Bible studies that meet on Friday mornings, and have brought boatloads of friends to church camp with them every summer. Our children have been involved in every activity that they wanted to, including band, cheerleading, drill team, choir, show choir, softball, theatre, one act competitions, to name a few. Not only have our children influenced others, but they have opened doors for their dad and I to share Jesus with parents who are in desperate situations. We have never had such effective ministry as we have had since putting our children in public school. The harvest in great, the need is great, and I would so encourage Christian parents to consider public school for that very reason. My conclusion is that having Godly children does not depend on what method of schooling you choose, but on having solid Christian parents at home who have a strong relationship with Jesus, each other, and their kids.

I need help with teaching Sex Ed at a Christian School?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 03:16:22 GMT

I have been asked to teach Sex Ed at a Baptist Christian School to highschool girls.. I have been told that many of these girls are already sexually active and that teaching abstinence at this point is not their worry. They are more concerned at this point with equipping the girls with knowledge as far as biblically why oral/anal/vaginal sex is wrong and exactly what each one is anatomically and also contraceptive choices to protect themselves from diseases/pregnancy from each type of sex. And then the 2nd part of my speech will be to Biblically present the wife's role in a marriage.. I will have several days to cover these topics with the girls but at this point I am pretty shaken up over teaching teens about the actual acts of sex and the ways to protect them from diseases.

By trade I am a nurse, a mother of 2, married for 8 yrs and remained abstinent til I married , as did my husband. I believe I was asked to do this as I was a student of this school for over 10 yrs, i have family still teaching there, I am a nurse so i can teach the anatomical part of the section well, including the diseases, and because i remained abstinent as I would make a good role model. I have a feeling that I will not be the most experienced woman in the room though by the background history of what they know of the girls.

My question to you is mainly on the first part of my subject matter. How do I present sex and the other actions of sex to these girls in detail while helping them to make the right choices by being abstinent or reclaiming their virginity by asking God's forgiveness? The school is trying to protect these kids who are already messing around from getting diseases or pregnant because no one is telling them the dangers or how to protect themselves..In the past all was said was to remain abstinent but sadly they have found that is not working. i am sure many of their parents probably haven't even had the talk with them about sex yet or know what's going on. The parents are being informed of my discussion prior- in fact I believe they've already been notified of this impending discussion.

Any help or biblical references would be greatly appreciated!! And if you happen to know of any great references for a wife's role that would be great too! I just found out today that I was asked to do this so I haven't quite researched on my own yet exactly what I would like to say.

Thanks!

AnonyMOMous

my child vommits when upset

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 00:25:09 GMT

Hello,

Big surprise.. I'm looking for more helpful advice! This mommy thing is tough. My 2 year old daughter has just developed a nasty habit of vommiting when she gets upset. This has happened twice now within about the last couple of weeks. It occurs whenever I put her in time out, which has never been a problem before. She doesnt respond as well to spanking as she does with time-out. So now what do I do? This evening I only had her in time-out for about a minute and a half when it happened. I usually put her in her baby bed but she was fighting me so hard I just left her in her bedroom and shut the door. When I returned, there it was all over her face and the floor! Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thank you,

mommyofone

Christian School or Charter School?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 18:11:00 GMT

My husband and I have been at odds for some time now as to what we should do. We have two options for schooling for our children. They are in the Kinder and 2nd grade age groups. We switched them to a Christian School but we have realized that the academics in the school are not the best. However, they were going to a Christian Based school whose academics are excellent. The only issue at this Christian Based school is that they do not incorporate the word of God in their teaching. They teach the children about God but they do not emphasize Jesus Christ. In addition, there are children in the school who come from families that are not necessarily "Christian". What should we do? Leave them in the Christian School while their academics will suffer? Or Keep them at the other school and ensure that we are picking up the slack and teaching about the Lord at home, which we already do, but really keep them involved with the church to ensure that they are also developing their spiritual walk?

The Critical Firstborn

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 13:06:36 GMT

In his latest book, The Firstborn Advantage, Dr. Leman says one of the biggest things firstborns struggle with is being critical. As a firstborn, do you recognize this in yourself? As a parent of a firstborn, how do you help your child to avoid being critical of others?

13 month old temper tantrums

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 05 Oct 2004 11:55:10 GMT

I find myself giving my 13 month old a swat on the bottom when he decides to fall out for not getting what he wants. I've read this is too early - but the tantrums are getting worse - until I started giving him a firm swat.

10 year old girls...attitude...

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 31 May 2010 10:02:38 GMT

hi, I have a 10 year old daughter, earlier this year we caught her experimenting with wine, then we caught her chatting on mxit, now, she is lying to me soo often, i cant trust her, her attitude stinks, at home and towards her school work. I am a singe mum ,her dad has not been around ever, and i think part of the problem is that i have spoilt her and/or not disciplined her enough. I am now currently in a loving relationship, and will be getting married soon, my fiance and my daughter get on very well.how do i help my daughter change her attitude? are all or most 10 year old girls like this? is this some sort of phase? please help, i dont know what to do anymore, talking is just not helping...

Disrespectful 5 year old.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 00:14:30 GMT

Wondering if anybody could help me with my parenting. I have two boys 5 and 3. I'm having a lot of difficulty with my 5 year old. Very disrespectful and almost angry with me. We have been busy with renovating, starting kindergarten, etc. When I told him he couldn't ride his bike on the newly seeded yard, his reaction was "You're so mean" and spit at me. Then it's like he turns on me and is disprespectful to anything I say. I discipline him for it but he seems to get worse. How do I handle this? I have a fear that if I ignore his rude and disrespectful behavior it will just get worse. He's starting to talk like that to friends "na, na, you have a baby seat" etc. I don't think he'll hold on to friendships if he keeps that up. I know kids don't like getting disciplined, but I'm worried that I'm not getting to the "repentance" and am making it worse. I'm babbling and so I'd appreciate any kind of advise. Thanks!

Home school - Im lost too!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 20:50:35 GMT

I am a mom of 2 boys 4 & 2. My four year old goes to a Christian preschool right now but I am considering home schooling my four year old next year. Well, I shouldnt say considering. We live in Central California and private schools around here are $500/month which is too expensive for us right now. And my husband and I decided public school is NOT an option for our kids. Does any body have any advice on how to get started? It seems like no matter how much I read I still dont know where to start. Do I just jump in and hope for the best? I will start with looking up my states requirements. Does anybody else live in California? Or know of any groups or websites I can find other home schoolers in California? I would greatly appreciate anybodys advice or information. Thanks!

HELP!! Tired of arguing, tired of feeling guilty!!!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 21:01:27 GMT

Hello everyone! I am a new member and am really hoping that others here will have some advice, pointers or tips. I have prayed and prayed about this issue with our family and I was led here! Please forgive me if this gets long, there is a lot to our situation right now.

I am a married Mom of 2 boys ages 14 and 10, I am in my midish 30's as is my husband. This is my 2nd marriage, so my husband is my sons' stepfather. My boys are wonderful, loving, caring children, most of the time! My husband is a very good man, my best friend and I love him very deeply. My first marriage was very tough and I stayed as long as I could, when it started to affect my boys, I knew it was time to leave. My ex was not the best father, but he does love his boys. I did pretty much everything in that marriage, the house, the bills, the kids, the decisions about the boys and the house and most everything. He worked shift work, but not until my younger son was 1. The boys did not have a lot of interaction with their Dad, he was not and still really is not an involved Dad. Never took them anywhere, very rarely did he help with the boys at all. If he did it was because I was sick or had something important going on and even then it was a fight or an argument. The boys and I moved on and not long after the divorce I met my husband, their stepfather.

We have had many, many changes over the past 5 years including the divorce, my remarriage, moving to another state and then back home, I had severe depression and my husband has been suffering with a chronic illness for over a year. We have been able to handle all that God has given us and made it through stronger, smarter, better and more faithful. The one issue that ALWAYS is a problem is when it comes to disciplining the boys, especially my 10 year old. My oldest was a preemie with a lot of health issues that we dealt with and most of which are all okay now. Despite all that we went through, I have been so blessed because he is doing so well and "normal" and really has been an easy teenager so far. My 10 yo is very different, he is strong willed, independent, stubborn and definitely has a mind of his own and wants to do what he wants to do!! Honestly, he is a lot like me, but I am 36, not 10!!

My husband was raised in a fairly strict family and children definitely had their place! My family is very different and we love children and all the chaos and fun that comes with it! We were a pretty free family and there were not a lot of rules and consequences, but we did not get in trouble a lot. If we did something like make an F, skip school or come home late there were consequences and I had my fair share of restrictions and grounding. I was just raised different and after being the Mom and Dad for so long, I was looking forward to all the help from my husband. However, our ideas on discipline and punishment are causing conflict because we do not agree. My husband is a full on, throw the whole book at them, where as I feel punishment should fit the crime and I do believe that kids are kids and will mess up. God has given us our children to raise and be good Christian adults with values, ethics and morals some day. I think he is too hard on them and he thinks I am too soft. An example of this is last night...my 10 yo was on the next street over in our neighborhood after being told not to leave our street until I got home. When my husband was leaving to get me from work, my son was no where to be seen. My hubby found him on the other street, where he was not supposed to be. My hubby decided he should be grounded from everything for a month, no outside, no tv, no games, no cell phone, no iPod, nothing! His reasoning was that they were both just grounded for 2 weeks 2 weeks ago for lying and 2 bad grades on their report card so he should get the max punishment because he keeps messing up. I thought he should be grounded from outside for a week and have extra chores to take care of.The boys get in trouble for things that I don't always agree with, but I try to work with my husband and with the boys, so I am constantly in the middle trying to make them all happy.

I am trying to figure out a discipline system that will work. Set rules, set expectations, consequences for breaking rules or doing badly in school and also a reward system for good behavior and grades. I have been thinking of a point system that will make them and me more accountable for all of our actions. I would have it where they earn points for doing their daily activities, points you can get for extra chores, points for good grades, etc. But I am at a loss as to how to get this all completed!

If you have any suggestions on developing a discipline/reward system I would greatly appreciate any insight. Also, if you have any books, websites or anything that you can suggest to help our family get on the right path please post the info if you can. I appreciate you reading this and anything that anyone can suggest to help us be a happy, healthy family.

Message was edited by: Moderator

YIKES! Could use opinions of others on this one...

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 22:53:46 GMT

New here and thankful for finding this community. I just accidentally discovered that my daughter and her boyfriend (they've been dating for a year and a half) are discussing and praying about whether to marry now or wait. She is in her first year of college this fall and he is in his second. I knew they had the intention of marrying at some point, but the last time he discussed it with me (yes, he already has been honest about his intentions!) he said he planned on proposing after her second year and that they'd be engaged until after they finished college. I honestly don't know if the marriage timeline has changed or if they are just wanting a long engagement to begin soon. I found a text message and details were not clear. I appreciate that they're praying about it and referring to scriptures and I've known since the beginning that this relationship was "of God" but I really am on the fence about this all happening at such a young age. Any input is greatly appreciated. I've decided to play dumb for the time-being and let them pray and talk about what they think is right. I just need to hash this out with some other parents. Thanks in advance!

Ask Randy and Lisa

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 10:47:33 GMT

Want some advice for situations you are currently going through with your daughter(s)? Want to know what you can do to help your daughter stay pure until marriage? Please share your questions here.

Where do I begin....

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 05:03:08 GMT

I am a single mother of 3 beautiful children. It wasn't my choice to become a single parent; someone made that choice for me. My husband, of almost 15 yrs, was killed in a car accident 15 minutes after he left our house. My whole entire world came crashing down on me that morning. That day God received a very awesome man in Heaven! He was a wonderful husband, father, son, grandson, uncle, nephew, and friend to many. He was very dedicated to God, family, and church. We were both very involved at church, as I am still.

My life goes on each day w/o him, and I'm left here to raise my children on my own. At what point does the dating life begin? I don't like living alone. I've had a really hard time getting used to living alone, but I've done it for over 3 yrs now. Where do I begin the dating scene? My husband was the only man I've ever dated. It scares me to death to put myself out there as single so men will know that I'm here & available - but what else do I do? I don't wanna be alone anymore. I want to get out & date, but where do I begin? I was 15 when we met, started dating when I was 16, and married when I was 17. I've never been alone. I've always had another adult around to spend time with, to talk to, and to share my day with. Now it's just me and my 3 kids (11,8,& 5).

I pray that God brings me a husband soon, but I feel like God can't hear me. Everyone tells me that He's working on a "perfect" husband for me - well He's taking too long - LOL - at least that's the way I feel b/c I don't like being alone. This alone thing drives me crazy!! Will there ever be a time that I can finally feel like someone loves me again and really truely cares how I feel?

12 year old son and anger

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 22 Apr 2005 01:00:23 GMT

My son is starting to be defiant like you would expect from a 2 year old. My husband has let these confrontations become physical. Holding my son in a way so that he can't just leave and my son fights him back. My husband never hits him though when he was younger we did spank. I think that this is excessive but he says that it is the only way to handle the situation when our son becomes angry and violent.What should we do? We say "Do such and such" and he says "no" or " I don't care".How do you make a kid do something at this age without it becoming physical?

5 years old negative, loves to cry when any little thing goes wrong in her day.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 17:02:58 GMT

We have a hard time dealing with our 5 year old, who bawls and acts so theatrical whenever she is tired and feels something didn't go her way. She becomes so unbearable that she will ruin our favorite tv show we all watch as a family by her behavior. I send her to her room, where she leaves again. How can I best handle this as I feel so angry. My technique is to remove her from the room and place her in her bedroom, ignoring her and not speak to her. She gets ignored in the morning cause she comes out of her room and has a terrible scowl on her face. She is told to go back into her room. I do not give her eye contact, just a stern voice that tells her this.

Anyway, if this makes sense at all, please give me any thoughts you have about a child who loves to get negative attention. I love to cuddle with her and read books and I give her a lot of attention, but it is never good enough, so I withdraw "love" from her and then it gets better. It's like she has to always earn the love in order for her to be happier.

Jennifer

Naptime drama

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 17 May 2010 01:41:21 GMT

Hello,

I have a 2 yr old daughter who is usually cooperative when it comes to taking a nap during the daytime. I usually lie down with her in my bed until she goes to sleep which is usually after about 20 minutes or so. However, lately it can take up to 2 hours for her to go to sleep. It is really frustrating and I dont really have time to wait for who knows how long. When she was a few months old we broke her from having to be rocked to sleep by just putting her in her crib and letting her cry it out, which eventually worked after a few nights. Should I try the same thing with naps? Just put her in her crib and let her cry it out until she figures out the routine?

Regarding safety in the home

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 22 Oct 2004 11:52:35 GMT

The National Safety Council has a good, quick source of facts http://www.nsc.org/library/report_injury_usa.htm

The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) has many online publications available, here is one - http://www.cdc.gov/od/spotlight/nwhw/girls/abc.htm and here is another http://www.cdc.gov/ncipc/fact_book/Index.htm

Airlines, the Space Shuttle, etc. maintain safety by focussing on the facts, not media-hype. Regarding home safety, the truth will set you free to deal with the real issues.

summer ideas??

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 01 Jun 2007 14:23:36 GMT

I can tell my 2 and 5 yr old boys need some direction this summer or they will be creating their own "fun"! Believe me, when they started throwing marbles around the house, I knew I had to get serious!

I've been a school teacher, but I find I'm struggling with this...I have engaged my kids in helping with chores - and that helps, but I'm having trouble being creative. Anyone want to share a sample schedule, ideas of things to do (without gobs of planning time and materials) both for fun and learning and spiritual growth?

Thanks!!

ADHD/ADD (Mis)diagnosis

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 12 Oct 2004 04:37:02 GMT

My son was diagnosed by the school psychologist as having symptoms of ADD and recommended medication. And it doesn't make any sense to me at all. I've researched and read about ADD and have gone through the check lists of symptoms and he doesn't have very many of them. I found a list of 20 on the Focus on the Family site and he has maybe 4 of the listed symptoms and of those four I think its pretty normal for a pre-teen (he was 11 or 12 at the time of the evaluation) to be disorganized and to daydream some. Based on that evaluation and some not-so-honest input from my ex-wife the family physician has put him on medication. I discussed this with the family physician and he told me that, first, he can not 'diagnose' ADD and, second, if he had known the truth he wouldn't have prescribed the medication (yet). I can't understand how the system works and am trying to get some peace within that I have done all I can. WHO can actually diagnose ADD and prescribe the best course of action??? I am convinced beyond a doubt that my son is primarily suffering from a total lack of attention and support with his school work at his mother's home and from being a young teenage boy. Neither of which needs medicating. Can someone tell me where I can find out the truth?

a son who is lost

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 04:21:59 GMT

My son is 21 years old and things arent going great for him..He came back to our area 2 years ago, stayed with us for a few months, then moved into a palce with some friends...he found a job, quit after 3 days..got another one, lasted 1 couple weeks..then another one that he quit after 1 month..I have been helping him financially throughout it all..thinking he will find THE job where he will stay a while..didnt happen..hasnt really looked for another job too hard either...is now getting tatoos.. 2 in the last week..although he has no job..and the money I had given to him to fix his car he used for other things

He came to our house the other night, he had quite an attitude..smells like sweat, pushes his little half brother off the computer chair..acts like he is king of the house..

now, he has no money, and he is going to Europe 8 days to see his dad..i am divorced from his dad and my son lived with me when I seperated...anyhow, I am not sure what to do anymore..am running out of money, and should I keep helping him, as he shows no ambition or motivation to work?? he is really edgy on top of things..

anyhow I advised him of maybe staying in Europe , as I am not sure hell make it if he comes back..and my husband and I wont take him in...we have 2 young sons, no room anyhow..and I wont have him here with the attitude he has...he doesnt listen to our advice and says I am always telling him what to do...so not much I can do anyhow..

as a mom, this is disheartening....my husband and I are christians, my husband is his stepdad and has been fair and generous to my son..

waht advice do you have?? what attitude can I have?? he is counting on me always..says he didnt ask for anything but takes it anyhow...

thanks alot

Blended Families and Christmas

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 12:36:07 GMT

Help! I am in need of some advise. My husband and I have been married 1 1/2 years. We came in to the marriage with 3 children, 2 are mine (18 and 25) and he has a daughter (14). This is the problem....Christmas. A time when families are supposed to be close and happy, right? Well, we have been trying to figure out when we would go to visit his family...which he usually always goes every other year when he has his daughter with him. Well, this is his year and also my son will be visiting us (coming in tomorrow). My son is 25, yet he has a mental disability, which is a difficult situation. He is 25, but many times acts alot younger and thinks alot younger. My husband approached me the other morning and told me that he had decided that we would have Christmas here (at our home) and then he and his daughter would be traveling to his parents (7 hours away) to spend the next 3 days after Christmas. Needless to say, this has me pretty disheartened. He says that he is worried that his family will somehow make comments about my son and that it would hurt his or my feelings. His family, in his words, are very critical. I am just not sure what to do. My heart says to just let him go, but I know that I am deeply hurt by this. I don't know...just needing some advise. Thanks.

Advice regarding a homosexual relative?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 15:44:56 GMT

A little background on the issue is necessary...I was raised by my single father. He raised me to be a Christian. I moved away at 17 and maintained a somewhat distant relationship with my father. I am married, with a 7 y/o boy and a 3 y/o girl. 2 years ago during a conversation with my father, he told me that he is homosexual and living with another man. They have come to visit on a few occasions, under stipulations that they behave as "friends" rather than "partners." I feel that I am called to show my father unconditional love during this time, while making it clear that I do not approve his behavior. He has given up his faith in the Lord as well, and my hope is to help him to realize that both I and Jesus still love him and want him back.

Meanwhile my children are getting older, and I fear the day that my son asks about his Papaw's relationship with this other man. At this point my son does not even know what homosexuality is. My question is how do I explain this to him without actually condoning it. I don't want him to get the impression that it's okay, but I also don't want to teach him to judge others. I guess I need to teach him to love the sinner and not the sin.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Not sure about Christmas

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 22:25:55 GMT

I have been offline for so long, please accept my apologizes. I have no good reason except I have been depressed and have not made time. Between my daughter, lack of money, marriage issues. I thought I was ok. I continue to stay in prayer and Gods word. But well, here it is.

Thought things were better, was I wrong! As most of you know about my daughter I want to say things are worse. She has changed her facebook status to in a relationship. Great another lesbian in her life. My concern is this must in her eyes be serious as this is the only time she has every had a status. She has joined a facebook link that is nothing but kids talking about not knowing how much they drank the night before and not remembering the night. I am once again crushed and heart broken. How can a heart that is in so many pieces break anymore?She swore she was no longer drinking; another lie.I think she has a drinking problem as she is not even 21. She drinks excessive when she drinks and often can not walk or talk or remember. She says she wants no one to know what is going on with her, yet she is a open book on facebook. I am so afraid of her being home for Christmas, she won't talk and if I try she feels I am only asking to judge. I truly just want to know what is going on in her life. Not her lifestyle. It always ends up in her pretending to tell her father and I the truth about whatever we ask. I say pretending because while she says it is the truth the facts are it is not. I am sick to my stomache as the day she arrives gets closer. You all must think I am a horrible mother. Let me just say that I am afraid of her, she attacks me verbally and gets right in my face screaming and intimidating. Everyone says you need to love her, I am so confused. How do I love this person that is destroying her life and hates you? We have tried to have conversations with her it is like speaking to a 15 year old. Not a young adult.

Does anyone think it would be a terrible thing to unfriend her on Facebook? Do I question what she has allowed me to see? She yells and says I should not be on there spying. I truly am not spying on her, I have friends and family on that I communicate with. What comes up about her is throught her live feed and what she has allowed. I do not know how to approach any of this. Her coming home and causing caos, and tension or the facebook. Any advice and prayer is greatly appreciated. I do thank God for this forum and all of you.

Prayerful

homeschooling or christian school?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 19:00:25 GMT

I need advice. Right now I am homeschooling my oldest child who is in the 2nd grade. I am a mother of 5 children. I LOVE HOMESCHOOLING and just spending time with my babies. BUT my husband and I are talking about putting the children in a christian based school in a few years, when all of them would be old enough to go to school. HERE IS MY QUESTION: what would you do as a parent? the private school will cost me over $800 a month plus registration fees $150 per child (paid only once a yr), plus fees for the books (210 a child per yr) PLUS a $500 annual cost one payment per yr (not per child) !!! Im not used to paying this kind of money for an education. My husband and I both went to a public school. the reason we are talking about putting them into a private school is because I would like to open my own business ~ even though this could wait till my kids graduate. It is a photography studio so I could always work around my homeschooling. BUT then at the same time i would work 3 jobs to make sure my kids got the best education AND learning about GOD at the same time. this is why i do homeschool, so i can teach my children about GOD.

Would you suggest that my 5 year old repeat kindergarten?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 11 May 2009 16:33:40 GMT

My son started kindergarten at 5 yrs. 3 mos. Here it is at the end of the year and he is having a hard time learning to sound his letters out/read. Would you suggest that he repeat kindergarten since he is young?

Help!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 10:40:30 GMT

Hi Dr. Leman, My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years and we have 2 kids, ages 2 and 4. Next year I want to surprise my husband with a trip to Hawaii for our 10th anniversary and would love to leave the kids with their grandparents. (We have never left them before overnight anywhere). My question is, are they to young to be without their parents for 5 days? I am just wanting to do something special for my husband but don't want to hurt our kids by leaving (they are very close to their grandparents). Any advice? Also, my husband and I read your book Sheet Music and thoroughly enjoyed it! Thanks! Any other books coming out???

Dealing with Parental Fear

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 13:26:05 GMT

Hello Everyone,

I decided to write today because I’m continuing to struggle with a certain fear. Upon having kids it’s gotten worse; I believe it affects the way I parent; and it’s almost always at least in the back of my mind. I desperately want freedom from it so I can relax and be a better mother. I’ve cried and prayed about it for years.

I’m sure we all have fears in various degrees about various things. My #1 fear is vomiting. It makes me ill to hear, see, etc it. With kids it’s a possibility sometimes and my eldest has been sick the last few days. Fortunately my wonderful, caring husband has been home to help care for him. I find myself distancing myself from my son and looking for any little sign that he’s not feeling well. At night I’m afraid I’ll hear something so I sometimes have great difficulty sleeping. I don’t want my kids to grow up with this fear...it’s so paralyzing for me.

I want to be free...I’m crying just writing all this cause I’m so desperate for relief. I want to stop dreading it and be able to handle it without myself feeling ill.

Any ideas, help, encouragement, etc would be appreciated.

Thank you!
Michelle

Trying to Cope

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 27 May 2010 00:08:50 GMT

Hi, I'm a mom to a 3 year old who was diagnosed with cancer in January. We also have a 2 year old. For some reason lately I've been having a hard time coping and no one really knows this except of course my hubby, I appear happy but I haven't been sleeping and I've just been really sad. I keep a blog but I'm too afraid to write these new emotions there so I thought I'd start here. I do trust God and I love Him but the thought of losing our son terrifies me.

Message was edited by: Moderator

Pushing young daughter too hard?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 03:49:43 GMT

I started my daughter in Suzuki piano lessons almost two years ago, after her 4th birthday. She has done very well, but we practice a lot. I suppose I started her so young because I never got the chance to take lessons and I have always wanted to, and I know that young kids can learn so much easier than older people. I was also expecting our 3rd child at the time, and looked at it as a way to carve out some Mom-daughter one on one time, as the parent is very involved in the Suzuki method.

Over the two years, I have grown progressively frustrated and and at times angry. My daughter is almost 6 years old now, and is supposed to do a "Book One" Recital at our home on Sunday, as she has learned all the songs in the first Suzuki book. Her teacher is quite demanding. I don't know if it is just age, if my daughter is just being strong-willed against my suggestions for improvement, or if my daughter just doesn't care, or what, but she continues to make a lot of mistakes. She is very inconsistent with her playing, even though I have heard her play each song very well at times. My husband is against me, and feels that I push her too hard, that we should quit or find another teacher where I don't have to be as involved. But I look at the progress she has made in the last 2 years, and everyone is generally impressed. My daughter still says she likes to play the piano, but we both agree that we need to relax this summer. That is one reason I want this recital out of the way! But I'm not sure if she is ready and whether we should cancel it or not.

I know I can be hard on her...I'm very Type A, and she does not seem to be. Her father is generally very laid back, but also does not share my love or knowledge of music, so he could take or leave the piano lessons. So, I don't know what to do...about this weekend's recital or piano lessons in general. Am I pushing her too hard, or teaching her the value of hard work, reaping good rewards? Any advice?

HELP - my 7 year old has an attitude

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 14:04:15 GMT

I am so angry right now. My daughter does not listen to me. I used to be such a good parent until she started to speak back to me. I don't want to whip her (spank), but I have found myself doing so over the past year or so. I tell her to go in the corner and she refuses. I am not happy with my life right now.

6 year old stealing food

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 24 Jul 2005 22:07:34 GMT

I have been struggling with this issue for four years now. My husband and I adopted our now six year old when he was 19 months from Russia- he was 7 pounds at a year, so we knew he was starving before we got him. At first his eating habits were cute- he was gaining a pound a week to catch up to what his weight should have been. Then he started gorging himself to the point he would throw up. Now it has turned into stealing food. He steals from other children, sneaks stuff, and yesterday got into a box of chocolate laxatives we had well hidden, and ate half the box. He became very ill yesterday- throwing up, listless, just wanted to sleep- his dad and I thought he had the flu or something, and tonight I thought to check the laxatives (how or when he got them is still a mystery) but that was definitely the culprit in yesterday's illness. I feel he doesn't trust me to provide for him. He is still in survival mode after four years! I can't trust him. Our relationship takes ten steps forward, then I am thrown back to square one again. I am so tired of the struggles with him! Any help out there? I could really use some encouragement and advice.

is it toddler masturbation really normal?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 22 Mar 2005 07:29:32 GMT

I have read that it's natural but being a christian I am not sure what to think about it. I do not want to offend anyone I just really don't know what to do.my daughter is almost 16 months old and for the last 6 months she was been doing this thing where she puts her hands underneath her diaper and it really looks like she is well.. humping. they say not to make a big deal out of it becuase then she will look at it as a shameful thing and be embarassed but I don't want her taking this into her childhood. it's also embarassing when she does it around other ppl I am afraid ppl will think I am some sicko. I am desperate for answers on this topic. normally I try my best to distract her but she just fights with me. please help. I don't know what's normal and what's not and I don't want to make the wrong decision. thanks
rebecca

looking for a devotional

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 22 Aug 2010 02:10:09 GMT

I am looking for suggestions on devotional books to read with my children who are 5, 3, and 2? Any good suggestions. Also a devotional for moms would be great too?

thank u

When to let go?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 17:05:33 GMT

My son currently has a girlfriend whose father is very protective. They are both 16 - juniors in high school. The father is restricting the amount of time my son can spend with his daughter. My son is a very responsible young adult. He wants to be a youth pastor. At anyrate, the father I mentioned will only allow them to see each other once or twice a week and only at the times he will allow. The daughter has asked me to contact her father when there is an event that we would like her to attend because she knows if she asks her dad, it will be an immediate "no". I'm really not sure how to deal with this. The father has given my son permission to date his daughter, yet he is really not allowing them the opportunity.

toddlers and deployment

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 08 Mar 2009 20:20:37 GMT

Hi, I could use some advise. While, I am an experienced military Wife and Mom (about to start 3rd deployment, 2nd as Mom) I am not sure how to explain what is about to happen to my 2 1/2 year old. My husband leaves for a 12 mo deployment in the next few months. My oldest son will turn 3 this summer. I know he does not really understand time or distances/locations all that well yet. Beyond the Sesame Street DVD and saying Daddy is going on a deployment. I am struggling with how to prepare him. He was an infant when my husband last left and was about 18mo when he came home. My son doesn't really seem to remember though he gets teary when we do some things that we only did when my husband was gone. He doesn't seem to know why he is upset though. Or atleast he can't tell me why he is sad. I wondered what other mothers have used in the past to help their preschoolers understand (as best they can). Advice?

Seeking suggestions on books for single moms

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 02:35:21 GMT

I am 29 years old and have a 10 month old son. His birth parent has choosen to not be involved and this has been an answer to prayer. I am an avid reader and have been seeking books that focus on single parenting topics that include; raising boys, dating, creating a family devotional, answering tough questions... Any suggestions would be very appreciated. Thank you.

Are curfews outdated?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 15:39:54 GMT

My 18 yr. old daughter finished her first year of college and is home for the summer. She is pretty much a saint and her friends are very nice too, but at school they would stay up till all hours of the morning visiting and chatting. Now that she's home she still stays out sometimes until 3 a.m. with them, or wants them over late too. (These are boys and girls - no romances, just friends.) We just told her she now has a 1 a.m. curfew, and she thinks we're crazy. My husband thinks it is immoral to stay out so late. I think it's disrespectful to her friends' parents for her to think she can hang at their houses until the wee hours. Her friends don't understand her new curfew, and our other kids are giving us grief about it too (they don't go out with friends - they're younger). Curfews were a given when I was young. Have things changed? Have curfews gone the way of the dinosaurs?

help at the store

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 16:26:24 GMT

Help, I'm that mom you often see at the stores saying get back here, put that down,etc... It seems anytime I go anywhere whether its to the bank,store or anywhere else my 3 boys have a sensor in their heads that sound an alarm,"FREE TIME"! I came home after being at the bank with my husband and boys in which the whole time they yelled ,screamed and ran back and forth.Before we got there I said please behave no running and yelling or you will get a time out when we get home.Needless to say it looked like a playland when we got there.I tried to sign ,run to get them,sign ,run... When we got into the car I told them they were to go upstairs for a time out for not listening my husband said they weren't that bad and left them stay downstairs.What am I supposed to do to get them to listen to me.I feel like a little nail hole in the wall nobody hears or sees.

momwantspeace

Trust God with how many little ones He gives you?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 06:33:27 GMT

What do you ladies think about that? Do you trust that GOD will give you only the number of children He believes you should have? Or do you accept however many you want, then because of finances, or whatever, start using birth control? This is an issue that my husband and I are struggling with because of what others tell us. We have five wonderful babies, twins that are 5yrs, a 3yr old, a 2 yr old and a 4 month old. We are struggling financially since due to the economy my husband lost his job. We feel that we should trust the Lord, but others say we should not have any more. Any thoughts?

Help, strong willed 8 month old!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 12:53:37 GMT

I have a 8 month old, who is already a pro at throwing a temper tantrum when he does not get what he wants. Everytime my husband get's him ready for bed he is having a melt down and refuses the bottle for him too. Which is awefull considering that he does for the whole time I'm gone for work. I heard that you can spoil a child under a year, in regards to the trust vs mistrust issue. But clearly he has it all figured out! Can somebody please give me some advice, or refer me to some literature in regard to this matter. Thank you so much, Sandra

2 yr old wont stay by my side

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 23:14:17 GMT

My 2 yr old daughter likes to run away from me in public and at church. For example, tonight at bible school I was figting to hold on to her and keep her in place for our program to start. She was pulling away and crying and even threw her head back on the floor. I eventually gave up the fight and dragged her out of the sactuary. She just takes off the first chance she gets. I know 2 years are not wired to stay still but this is a real problem for me. I don't know if maybe taking her to the bathroom and spanking her is a good idea?

Son doesn't want to go to school...

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 10:09:59 GMT

My 12 year old hates school and I we fight about him going almost every day with him usually winning because he says he doesn't feel good. He does have 2 major health issues and probably doesn't always feel his best, but it's not enough to justify him staying home. He cries, yells, becomes almost panicky when I attempt to get him to go and in the end I often let him stay home. He denies any problems at school...feel desparate.

Difficult Neighbors

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 02 May 2009 04:56:26 GMT

I've asked several people about this and so far no one has any advice for me. I have some difficult neighbors that pose a real problem for me and my kids.

It's "common knowledge" that these neighbors are selling drugs. Apparently there's not enough proof because the police haven't put a stop to it, yet. But there are a lot of warning signs. Domestic disturbances and late night parties are common for these neighbors.

The real problem is that they have young kids that are around the same age as our kids, and they're always playing outside. I have two boys who are very social, and I couldn't forbid them to play outside, so I soothed my worries in the past by forbidding my children to go into their house, but allowing them to play together outside. We still had some trouble with bullying and sassy mouths, but we managed through it.

The problem recently got worse. The neighbors got a trampoline which is very enticing to my kids. They want to spend a lot of time on the trampoline. The problem is worse because the neighbors' oldest son entered high school this year and has a lot of friends that hang around the house. These teenagers (whom I don't know at all) have been "supervising" the kids on the trampoline. When my oldest son came home telling me that they called him a crybaby, I knew some action needed to be taken. I don't know these kids at all and they are taking charge of my children. I can't have my kids being watched by unscreened babysitters.

The neighbors are not really approachable people. (The most contact I've had with them was when their boxer-mix dog bit me last year.) So, I don't see how a direct conversation could be productive (and I fear it could be dangerous). I don't think it's fair to my kids to keep them inside all the time, but I don't know how to ensure their safety while they're outside.

I welcome suggestions. So far, the people I've asked have been stumped. Thank you!

Dating guidelines for daughter's boyfriend

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 11:30:14 GMT

I am a Christian father, my daughter (18 years old) is starting a friendship with a young man, whom I know. I would like to meet with him and present my rules of engagement.Any thoughts?

How do I get my 12yr and 14 yr old boys to stop fighting?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 23:32:07 GMT

My boys seemed to have reached an age when they are so physical with each other, that things quickly turn to serious fighting. When they are in the midst of a fight, they refuse to listen to me and won't obey. What do I do. I am worn to a frazzle with their constant competing and fighting. What can I do?

8 year old messing pants

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 03 Jul 2005 15:18:50 GMT

My 8 year old son, who is gifted (IQ of over 140 - reading at 8th grade level) has been messing his pants on purpose when he does not get his way. We have tried eliminating privilages, time out, etc....he is using this as a control issue. I mentioned this to the counselor at the school, but he never does it there. There is also no possibility of sexual abuse (the school's first thought, by the way). I have prayed and pleaded with him, and am at my wit's end. HELP!!!! (Thanks)

help! my daughter is being attacked by demons and getting expelled from school...

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:28:39 GMT

My 15-yr-old girl woke up from a nightmare where a demon attacked her. Then that morning the same demon entered her teacher and assaulted my daughter again (my daughter writes stories; the teacher took my daughter's paper and crumpled it up in my daughter's face then got up close in my daughter's face). The police were called and sided with the teacher and arrested my daughter for assault (my daughter pushed the teacher away from her). I don't know what is going to happen to my daughter. This is not the first time people have walked up out of the blue and attacked my daughter. I've seen it happen before. For no reason. She doesn't do anything or say anything and she gets attacked. My daughter in not into witchcraft of anything bizarre that would "bring it on herself." Her father is a part time pastor, part time painter, and part time evangelist overseas. He is planning on taking my daughter with him on his next missions trip.

My daughter is loosing her faith in God. She doesn't understand why he will not protect her. She says, and I quote, "The more I pray the worse it gets."

Obviously she needs prayer. Her name is Lita.

Now I need help. I do not know what is going to happen next. My husband was able to get her out of juvy jail but does she have to see a judge now? Does anyone know? She has not been officially expelled but she keeps getting warnings because these things keep happening to her. Also, she is not a model student. The bullying and abuse made her grades descend until she finally just gave up and no longer worked. She just keeps saying, "I want to drop out of school. I'm never doing the work again." She has been to counselors and therapists and even doctors to get her on antidepressants. But nothing has helped. The bullying never stops and my daughter gets physically ill every time she is in school.

So what happens to a 15yr-old who gets kicked out of school? Does she get to stay home and be left alone or is the government going to step in and do something to her/us?

Yu-Gi-oh.....harmful??

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 14 Sep 2004 19:09:30 GMT

My 12-yr old son has become very interested in Yu-Gi-oh. I was in the process of checking it out, when he went to stay with his big brother, 23, for a few weeks this summer. He came back Yu-Gi-ized (my word) and with a bunch of trading cards. The other day, I noticed that this cartoon (?) was promoted along with the makers of Pokemon, which I had heard years ago was anti-Christian, in fact the name was supposed to mean "Pocket Demon." I want to be sure that Yu-Gi-Oh is not harmful or a bad influence on my son. Does anyone have any insight into this craze? Thanks for the help. Kim

strong willed child--to the extreme

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 14 Sep 2005 12:47:18 GMT

Any experienced parents with a strong willed genius? My 5 yr old does not respond to any discipline for long. since she was 3, if I took something away, she would reply with, "but I can have it in x number of days, though." Even spanking does not phase her. I have read the book, but there is no chapter on a kid who is too smart for my own good. I am getting too frustrated. Please give me good, Godly advice.
klabounty

3BOYS WITH ADHD HELP AGES 9 1/2 AND 11 YR

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 17 Jun 2004 00:06:47 GMT

I HAVE 3 BOYS ONE WILL BE 12 IN AUGUST AND TWINS THAT WILL BE 10 IN AUGUST. I AM DEALING WITH SIBLING RIVARILY AND TALKING BACK AND LOW SELF ESTEEM. SOMETIME I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FAILURE AS A MOTHER. BECAUSE WHEN THEY WERE GROWING UP I COULDN'T TELL IF THEY WERE BEING JUST PLAIN DEFIANT OR IF THEY COULDN'T HELP WHAT THEY WERE DOING SO OUR PUNISHING THEM WAS NEVER REALLY CONSISTANT. THEIR FATHER AND I ALWASYS LET THEM KNOW HOW SPECIAL THEY WERE AND HOW MUCH WE LOVE THEM. WE NEVER LET THEM USE THEIR ADHD AS AN EXCUSE. HOW CAN YOU TELL WHAT PART OF THEIR BEHAVIOR IS ADHD AND WHAT PART IS JUST BEING BOYS.

Hi Friends

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 18:30:01 GMT

Hello. I'm new to Focus on the Family message board, and just wanted to say hi to everybody here. My name is Barb. I've been married for 10 years and am a mom of two. I also work with Del Monte. I've been a Christian my whole life. Gave my life to Christ in the 5th grade. Looking foward to joining the conversation here.

When should you start spanking a child?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 01:06:25 GMT

Hi again-

Sorry about the last time i posted anything. I an mow getting the hang of this. I was wondering what age should you begin spanking a child? Our little boy will be one in 2 weeks and is walking. We tell him no and redirect him but ho sometimes goes right back to what we told him no about. also are time outs worth it? Thankyou for the hepl.

Homeschooled child easily distracted

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 12:21:09 GMT

I have an almost five year old that is homeschooled three days a week. He does about an hour of school then gets a 20 min breat before doing about 45 minutes more. He has a real problem with distractions during school and often times will just sit and play instead of getting his work done. Anytime there is anyone around him, he is easily distracted and wants to talk. His work ends up taking him twice as long. Does anyone have any suggestions that will help with this problem.

18 year old daught that complains and is easily irritated

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 18:02:34 GMT

We have a wonderful 18 year old daughter but lately she is very negative about things,complains about most everything and lately becomes easily irritated. I know this isn't a Godly trait and I really think at times she doesn't even realize she is doing it. It has become habit. I have talked with her and that only makes us have an argument. It has become a problem with her boyfriend also. I want her to be the fun-loving young lady that everyone loves. I have recently taken her to the doctor and they have diagnosed her with pms but that should only affected her for about 2 weeks. How do I help her with this problem with me sounding like I am complaining as well? We don't have problems with her in any other area but this.

Thanks,

Concerned-mom

Book ratings?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 05 Oct 2004 21:59:35 GMT

Does anyone know if there's any sort of "book ratings" on children's books? I'm thinking of the same sort of standards like movies, cartoons or video games have. I've run across one book my son, 10 yrs. old read...we were right at the end...a few pages to go and the boy in the story proceeded to explain how he was going to kill himself. It described it vividly. I was so shaken by it that I immediately went to the librarian and she took it off the shelf. I've also had a conversation with a 6th grade mom today whose children checked out books in the school library and there were four letter "f" words in the book. What can we do and is there a system in place to monitor these kind of books our children have the potential of getting their hands on and reading? Comments?

Help with the "homosexuality" subject

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 13:42:24 GMT

Hello'

I'm new to focus on the family. I have many questions, but I will start with the most pressing one at the moment. I have a 15 year old daughter from a previous marriage. She is still angry at me over the divorce, she lives with her dad in MN, while I'm in SC. She does come to visit a couple of times a year which of course I know is not nearly enough, however it's all that I can afford. I understand her anger and have been doing my best to "deal" with it for the last 6 years to no avail. I love my daughter very much and would not have left MN had I not had many better oportunities here in SC. My current husband lives here and has all of his life. It would not have been a smart finacial decision for him to leave the job he had here, so I moved here and have been here for 6 years.

My prblem is this, I know my leaving has had an effect on her childhood and her choices that she has made. I am a kind loving mother, but am firm when I need to be. My daughter recently sent me a text message asking me "mom am I a sinner for supporting my gay friends"? Being a very firm beliver in God I choose to do some research on the subject and sent her an e mail that explained of course she was not a sinner for being freinds with them, however she did need to know that being a homosexual is a sin. In return she asked me if I thought they would still be able to get into heaven someday. Of couse I could not lie to her. I told her that if they wanted to go to heaven they would need to accept Christ into their heat , ask for forgivness for their sins, and disengage in their homosexual activity.

My daughter is not a christian, and is not very happy with the fact that I am a new christian. Needless to say she did not like my answer. She sent my back an e mail letting me know that she thinks "my God" is mean, hateful God if he was'nt then he would not keep "good" people from heaven. Then it turns into she thinks she may be bi-sexual, then I must hate her , and how could I be ok with the fact that she won't get into heaven. Ahh!! No matter how many times I explain to her that I love her no matter what, and I'm not "ok" with the fact that she wont get into heaven she does not hear me. I let her know that if she chooses to engage in those practices then she will have to deal with God when her judgment time comes. I don' have control over the decisions that God made when he decided what our rules would be. I really don't think that my daughter is a bi-sexual and I have great doubts that her freinds are all homesexuals like they think they are. They are very confussed about life, and in this society have been told it's ok for them to do whatever they want in this life and long as they are not hurting themselves or other people. Which brings me to her dabbllong in Wica. I told her that I will be here for any questions she has about life, or God. But that she can't get mad at me if she does not like my answer. Because I love her so much that I would not lie to her about what she needs to do for her own salvation. I want her to join me, her stepdad, and brothers and sisters in heaven one day. I am very confussed and need some guidence of my own right now so I can arm my child with the shield and the sword of God. I just want her to know how much God loves her, and how much he have up for her sins, all she has to do is ask for forgivness, and accept the gift he so generously gave to us.

I don't want to be overbearing, but want to tell her the truth and have done so. But she hate is when I talk about "my religion". If any positive can come from this it's that she is asking questions, I know I just need to be truthfull with her. Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I know God will put all of the right people in my path to help me guide her.

Age appropriate discipline

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 20:39:04 GMT

I think my 11yr old boy came from the same factory as the dad's boy below! Many similarities. Feel free to respond or email me, ThreeTimesaFather! I'll cut to the chase. We have issues with our boy listening to his teachers, coaches, and most importantly, to us. Also, with responsibility and honesty. Simply makes excuses, or worse, skirts the issue until confronted with the facts. Gets great grades, with exception of one or two subjects he doesn't like, where the homework grade sinks the whole "ship" (points deducted due to being late, lost paper etc). We have withheld privileges (all things with a screen, game boy, even no cat privileges, etc) and added chore requirements (do dishes EVERY night, take out trash) - and still no change. I'm toying with idea of spanking again - hard - but haven't "had to" do so for probably a couple years now, and hesitate due to his age. Ideas for appropriate discipline? Moderator/focus expert, please feel free to weigh in! God bless you, parents! Keep the faith!

01/12/2006 08:32 AM ThreeTimesaFather Posts: 1 Joined: 01/01/2006 I have a very bright 11 year old son with whom I have very little in common. I have tried many ways to connect with him with very little success. I am very sports oriented and he is not. I am fine with that, but it makes it hard for us to bond. I have asked him many times what he would like to do, just the two of us, and he can't think of anything. He is the type child that could come home and watch cartoons and play video games all afternoon until bedtime and be quite content. He has not had much success in anything other than academics. He also rarely expresses his feelings. His mother and I couldn't even pick out a souvenir for him when we were away because we couldn't think of anything he would like. He also acts three years younger than his age. I am totally frustrated and at my wits end. Please advise or suggest places for answers. Thanks and God Bless.

Adult Daughter with Eating Disorder

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 24 May 2010 19:34:33 GMT

Our adult daughter (now 30+) has had an eating disorder since the age of 13. We were devastated, of course, but she openly came to me (her mother) about it and we sought counseling immediately. However, things went from bad to worst VERY quickly. To make a very long story as short as possible, over the years, she has been hospitalized numerous times. Has been close to death on a number of occasions. We have sent her to the best of the best treatment centers and each time she comes home and immediately takes off the weight and goes back to her former way of living. She has been living with us for over 5 years and although she has had several jobs, she finally got to the point where she was physically unable to work and is now on Medicare with Disability. She was last hospitalized for 60+ days in the fall of 2009. Since that time, we have tried to refeed her at home. She finally got up to a "good" weight - much better than she'd been in years. But now she has become noncompliant and is restricting and purging. I'm not sure what her weight is at this point, but I'm sure she has lost significant weight. She tells us that she does not want to recover and we can't make her recover. She spends her days in bed most of the time. We have medical guardianship and have had to use it to keep her in treatment longer than she would have stayed otherwise.

My question is what do we do next? Do we continue the cycle of hospitalization, treatment and back home? I seriously feel that we are enabling the eating disorder by providing a safe environment for IT to thrive. I also feel that she is controlled and tortured by the eating disorder and is unable to fight it on her own.

I TRULY want to do what the Lord wants me to do. I'm desperately praying and seeking answers and trying to focus on HIM rather than the circumstances. I have not lost hope, but have no sense of which direction to go in at this point.

Thank you for any advice!

7 yr. old bullied into peeping

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 21:57:29 GMT

I was called by the principal today and told about a situation that happened at school. My 7 yr. old and another boy (also 7 and in his class) were caught acting suspiciuosly in the bathroom. Upon questioning it came out that they had revealed their private parts to each other and that this had happened on several occasions. It was the general feeling that the other boy instigated the event. I talked to my son who was very distraught about the whole thing. He didn't even want to tell me about it. He has always been a "follower" and has gotten in trouble before about inane things because someone talked him into it. I just got him to talk about what happened. He obviously knew it was wrong by his response, and I tried to explain why it is wrong. But I didn't want to make too big a thing out if it. I told him I wasn't mad and that we just needed to talk about it. He still flipped out. He cried and cried. He finally told me he tried to leave but the other boy ordered him to come back so he did. After we talked we prayed together. Anyway, right after our talk though he seemed to snap right out of it and run around like normal. I'm just not sure I dealt with the situation properly. Any suggestions or opinions? Should I drop it now? My problem with that though is his daddy works nights and won't see him until this weekend and wants to have a talk with him himself as well. Thanks for helping a worried mom! Sorry for the long post!

Need a Summer Camp or Resource for my 16 YO son

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 01:44:46 GMT

I am having an impossible time finding a Summer program that we can put our 16 year old son in. I would be as happy with a one week or a two month program. We don't want him to spend the Summer with nothing to do but have fun and get into trouble. We've told him to get a Summer job and he is trying but there are few, if any jobs available for kids - especially long haired boys.

Here's the trouble: There are many "Wilderness" type programs (extremely expensive) designed for very rebellious teenagers. That's not my son. He is only a little rebellious but attracted to..."the dark side". I mean he likes heavy metal music, smokes cigerrettes (no, I don't buy them, I quit giving him money), he got caught smoking pot and drinking this year and likes to hang out with the punkers, smokers, partiers, metal heads, etc. He hates any Christian music - even the hard stuff. He attends chuch with us on Sunday but barely tolerates it. He is not a "Bad" kid, never been mean spirited, just not at all interested in church or youth groups. The gospel message has not yet taken serious root in his heart even though he has been raised with it.

Another option is to send him to one of number of Christian youth camps. These are wonderful opportunities but are designed for kids who WANT to be there and want to hang out with other young believers. That's not my son. We can't force him to go to one of these, he won't want to be there, and his attitude will make things difficult for everyone involved.

Are there any "in between" type programs out there? I have spent DAYS researching the web and calling potential venues but nothing has turned up that fits. I will apprreciate any information.

Daughter 12, wants an e-mail address. Are there safe providers - who?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 07 Jun 2010 18:04:54 GMT

Our daughter wants an e-mail address. We are going through a very challenging period (mom has decided dad's pride means a divorce is necessary). Daughter has said e-mail would allow communication with friends and reduction of isolation. I need the thoughts of Godly people. Mom says, heck yow. Don't want to villianize, or be old-fashioned. Perhaps would be helpful to our daughter. However, I know gmail, yahoo, msn, hotmail and others also bring smut junkmail in. Are there safe e-mail providers from either Christian or other sources, which I might use to allow our daughter access to e-mail? Thanks.

Help with my 4 children

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 31 May 2009 20:12:57 GMT

I have been blessed with 4 beautiful children. My two boys are autistic and right now I am having a lot of trouble with my 5 year old.

If we try to give him a time out he screams, kicks me or whatever else is near him and throws his head back. I understand he needs

to learn his limits in our house, but how do you deal with all the drama that comes with it? I live in a community that does not have

much of a support network, so I do not have an outlet. Any advice would be appreciated.

Jean

christmas tree or not? Help!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 06:43:40 GMT

I have a 4 year old boy and a almost 2 year old little girl. My problem is that they (especially the 4 year old) cannot and will not stop touching the ornaments! We have placed the ornaments way up high, but he always seems to manage to get them down. It is frustrating and I am considering taking the tree down. It is not worth spanking him over a tree. Any suggestions?????

Our 18 year old son is stealing from us

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 08 Apr 2010 02:19:45 GMT

Please pray for our family. Our home was recently burglarised and we just found out it was our 18 year-old son. We have asked him to turn himself in to the police but he called us this evening and said he was running. I am afraid that he has become addicted to drugs or gambling or something along those lines. He sounded very aggressive on the phone message he left for us this afternoon and I am afraid he may try to come home and start something. Any suggestions would be appreciated. He was raised in a loving Christian home. We are apalled at what has happened.

I have a Co-Dependent parent, Do you?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:21:23 GMT

I feel guilty writing this; I am 26 yrs old and I have a co-dependent mother.

My early and teenage years were extremely difficult for me because of my mothers co-dependency. She smothered me in almost every situation. Her smothering and control bred great resentment and anger inside of me. I felt like I grew up with out an identity. Despite my anger and resentment, I still felt as dependent on her as she did on me.

I am still struggling with this relationship. I love my mom so much and she is one of my best friends; however I can't be honest with her about my feelings. She claims to have been a woman who was depressed, but raised her kids the best she could. (I don't expect any parent to be perfect) It's hard to talk to her. I don't confront her about how she treated me because she won't take any blame for what she did.

I also struggle with rage, lonliness, and poor self esteem. With the help of my husband and my faith I've been coming out of this dark hole that consumed me for so many years. I am now feeling strong and make my own decisions with confidence (most of the time). I am in college and completing my courses with ease. These are activities that I was never encouraged to do or pursue, so this is exciting and scary for me.

I recently told my mother about my plans to move out of state with my husband and child. When I told her my ideas, she flew off the handle and started to cry. She asked me if I cared more about my family or my new destination. I feel like I need this distance for me and my family. I need to seperate to experience life independently. I know that if I don't I will continually fall back into the trap of guilt and need for approval, while resenting her for never leaving.

Is there anyone else out there who has struggled with a co-dependent parent? Can you understand my deep love for my mother, but also my need for separation?

I am struggling with guilt and I'm so tired of feeling like this. I know Jesus didn't design any of his children to live like this and I don't want to pass this generational bondage onto my children. If you have any advice please share it with me.

Thanks.

Finances and becoming a stay at home mom

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 14:26:24 GMT

This morning as I was listening to the James Dobson broadcast with Dr. Laura I wanted to scream! I would love to be a stay at home mom, but I do not see how we could make ends meet. It is not like we have huge expenses. My husband is a teacher and does not make much. I would like to find someing I could do from home, but don't know where to start. Any suggestions?

Heartbroken Dad

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 09 Nov 2004 13:34:51 GMT

I am a Dad who is heartbroken about my relationship with my daughters. Their Mother sabbatouges and punishes them if she finds out they enjoy their time with me. We have opposing views regarding the values that we want our girls to posess. Their Mother is selfish and manipulative and I am seeing some of the same traights in my girls. They are superficial in their friendships and very materialistic. Please give me some suggestions for interventions.

Tricky little toddler

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 24 May 2008 23:04:50 GMT

My 17 month old is very affectionate. He loves to give hugs and cuddle, and there's no doubt that he loves both my husband and I very much. However, he's also very clever for a little guy, and he likes to test us to see what will work.
A couple days ago he was parroting everything I said. We had fun with it for a while... "ball" "ball", "outside" "ow-side", etc.
I got a surprise, though, when I said "I love you" and he said with a smile, "Love Dada."
I laughed and repeated "I love you" but got the same response.
I finally said "Mama loves you." Still, he maintained "Love Dada."
That night I was sharing this funny exchange with my husband, who proudly told our son "I love you" expecting to hear the same response I got. However, my son grinned at him and said "love Mama"!
We cracked up laughing. Good thing we're onto his tricks!

6 year old fears

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 02:39:27 GMT

My 6 year old son has always been a rock. I was always such a fearful child and both my son and 4 year daughter have never exhibited similar fears. Recently however, my son has become very fearful of strangers. We've always taught him to be careful with strangers, however, we haven't been saying anything more or less than usual. He's particularly fearful of a stranger coming into our house and taking him. I've been reading him verses concerning fear and encouraging him that God has given him power through Jesus. I just feel so helpless. Any suggestions on what to do would be great.

Parenting adult daughters?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 17:29:19 GMT

We have three adult daughters. The older two (26 & 23) have fallen away from their faith and don't see any need in practicing a personal relationship with Jesus. They do still believe in God but won't go to church, etc. They do not live at home, and they have great careers making good salaries.

My husband just came home listening to a Christian radio preacher saying that we should never allow our children to marry non chrisitian believers. As of today, our older daughter is looking to move into an apartment with her boyfriend, we don't approve, but as an adult living out of our home I don't believe we have much control over it. She also said that they were probably going to get married within the next two years. He is a non practicing Catholic and she is a non practicing Christian.

Any ideas how to handle the living together and an impending marriage not of God?

What are best new parenting learning resources available?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 17:31:14 GMT

My 25 yr old son and 27 yr old daugher-in-law have been married for 2yrs and contemplating starting a family in July. What are best new parenting learning resources available that I could send them and also for me and my wife the best grandparent resources available?

Strong Willed and Defiant 6yo

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 03:58:19 GMT

Hello all. I am about at the end of my rope with son. In fact he is getting to his sister and father as well. Everything is an arguement. From socks in the morning to putting on football pants for practice. Homework is nearly impossible and it is showing in the fact that he is really falling behind his class. In fact it has gotten so bad that it takes 1 1/2 hours to get ready for school in the morning and he has still gotten 2 tardies. I know that consistency is part of the problem. I just want him to do what it is he is suppose to and I have started to resort to whatever it takes. Punishment (timeouts, grounding) doesn't seem to have an effect and I can't figure out what his love language is. Working toward a reward is of no interest to him. Any suggestions out there? I am really starting to feel like a horrible mom. I need to know how to work with and not against his personality.

Children taking nude pix of each other

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 14:38:36 GMT

Our 7-yr old daughter was at the neighbors' house (Christian, go to same church) with their two daughters (ages 6 & 9). After playing dress up, they started to change back into their clothes. One kid had a digital camera and started taking pix of their naked bodies. They all participated in either taking the pix or posing for them. The kids then showed the pix to their mom. She brought it to our attention. She and her husband were embarrassed and just as upset as we were. Our daughter shows no signs of abuse. We are very careful about what she sees on TV. The kids said they thought it was okay because they were all girls. We explained (again) the importance of private areas and who can see them.

Desperately Seeking Sound Advice

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 06 May 2010 04:36:32 GMT

Hello! I am new to this forum, but am truly hoping someone out there can shed some light for me. I am happily married and we have a great 8 yr old little boy. He's been doing wonderful in school, loves sports, and is an outgoing happy child. Lately, though...he's been having some problems at school. As his principal put it : Alex has a heightened sense of social injustice", and as a result gets mad when things are done unfairly (his perception). For example, the kids are playing hand hockey....someone claimes they've scored a goal but alex says it's not a goal, that was too high....so he gets mad , shouts "no goal" and throws the ball because he's frustrated and as a result he accidentally hits his classmate in the head with the ball.

His teacher in another class wanted him to sit out of recess to catch up on some work, and he didn't want to miss recess so he got mad, threw his book, and again we were called in.

My sister, who is the only real Auntie he's ever had, is dying of lung cancer. I think he's having a hard time processing this. His pet triops (strange little creature he hatched from an egg, with a life span of up to 90 days) just died Friday.

He cries periodically because my parents passed away before he was born, so he grieves what he's never had.

I am at my wits end. I ask him what is wrong, try to encourage him to tell me about fears and frustrations but he says nothing's wrong.

Please help. I don't want my son to get kicked out of his school as the school is really a good one.

Where did I go wrong?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 04:48:55 GMT

Never did I think that I would be raising a strong-willed child on my own. I love my 8 yr. old daughter but something about her is so differnt than how I can relate. M is detached, distant, and isn't externally motivated by anything. She is intelligent, a deep thinker and extremely independent. Today started off bad and ended bad. I told her twice that I loved her. Normally, this is when your child responds, "I love you too". Not my M. When I asked why she doesn't respond back, she replied, "Well, you should know the answer so why should I need to say the words". I felt a dagger go through my heart; I might as well find a new purpose in life. Why isn' t she anything like me? Where is her need for attachment? I am a good Mom. I am active in her life as her Girl Scout troop Leader, Room Mom, working Mom and anything else she requires. Some days I wonder if I can go the distance. I pray tomorrow will be a better day.

3 year old daughter's tantrums, screaming, defiance

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 02:03:22 GMT

I am utterly at the end of my rope. I just came down to our lower level to head straight for the computer to try to get some answers as to how to handle our daughter. She turned 3 two months ago and is definitely strong willed. We have an 11 yr old son who has always been compliant. We also have a 1 yr old son. Our daughter throws tantrums every day at all times of the day when she doesn't get her way. You should be happy to see your children in the morning but I cringe when I hear that she is awake and up. We are not passive parents nor do we make it a habit of giving her everything she wants. The latest episode was just a little while ago when she had to come inside because we started getting a summer storm of wind, rain and lightning. She simply did not want to come in the house and threw a fit. She screams and carries on with such force I just wonder if it's going to get worse or if she'll grow out of it. We spend a lot of time with our kids. I really don't think she's doing it for attention - she just seems to be genuinely angry. When she wants to be, she can be very sweet and sympathetic. She is selectively friendly and charming to strangers. (Men and older people seem to put her off and she isn't friendly to them.) In her church class and other social settings she is usually well behaved and gets along with everyone. There have been people who've been surprised to hear she can be a terror. When I described her behavior to friends at church, they dialed right into it and remembered back 10 years to one of their daughters. They said their daughter was a tyrant. That's exactly the word the fits our daughter. It is so sad but a lot of the time my husband and I don't even want to be around her. She's so emotional and just gets set off if the mood strikes.

Any advice? People have said this is a "girl thing" but I have a hard time believing that all girls are so difficult. Plus, I hate to stomp on the female sex like that. Thanks for any help or advice.

Is is okay to read my teens diary?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 16:33:47 GMT

My daughter is 15 and has done several "risky" things so I'm always in fear of what she might be up to. Yesterday as I was taking her sheets of her bed to wash them I came across her diary. I read it and found out that she and a friend took her friend's Mom's car out a few weeks ago. Neither of the girls has even a learner's permit. I've confronted my daughter and informed the other girl's Mom. My daughter is so mad at me for reading her diary. She says that I have NO RIGHT to read HER things. I told her that based on prior behaviors I feel obligated to make sure she's not engaged in illegal or unsafe activities. Now one of my friends is telling me that she thinks its wrong of me to have read her diary. HELP

my son has been trying to have lucid dreams...does anyone know about this?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 14:55:36 GMT

My 16 year old son has been looking into lucid dreaming and it seems very scary to me...does anyone have some information about this?

What is the biblical role of grandparents who live with the parents?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 05 May 2010 20:22:17 GMT

My husband and i moved in with his parents to help there situation out. However we have been having problems with them trying to take over the "mom and dad" role of raising our 7yr old daughter. I will tell her no they will tell her yes. I am trying to confront them but i want to know what the biblical role would be! any help would be much appreciated

Too much attention or not enough???

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 14:30:35 GMT

I am a first time, young mom of just three months. This may seem like a silly question but here goes. My little boy will sometimes just start crying for no reason while he is being left alone for a little while in his bouncer or whatever it is at the time while I try to get things done. I know nothing is really wrong and when I go over to him to check up on him he gets the biggest smile on his face and is just the happiest little baby ever and just wants me to be there talking to him and giving him attention. He LOVES being talked to! I don't think he is starved for attention, although I try not to go overboard and spoil him either, but I need to still do housework, etc. and he makes me feel like I'm ignoring him! But I don't want to create a little attention seeking monster either! I have read some replys posts that have been a little disappointing so let me just ask this: although I really would like some advice, I would honestly only like it from a Christian, godly lady who agrees with most of the views held by Focus on the Family, as I do. I just need someone who can give me some godly advice. I want to raise my child in a way that is pleasing to the Lord, I just never realised how hard it would be to know what is the right thing to do! I need to wrap this up...he's crying!

my 12 month and a half son likes to scream

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 19:49:59 GMT

hello my son jsut turned one may 28 i dont know what to do about him when he starts to yell i dont know why he does it the play yelling doesnt bother me but the mad and angery ones do somtiems i want to tap his mouth alittle bit and tell him no yelling but i dont want him or anyone else to think im slapping him that wuld be so wrong i try to ignore him but he keeps doing it me and the hubby are havign a hard tiem having patience with him when he does this also he likes to mess with the tv entertainment center and our computer we tell him no and pop his hand and he still does it we cant exactly move the items from him bc we have a samll house and the living room sis the only plce they will fit at anyone have any ideas on how to handle this situation also i let him watch alot of tv during the day you know the educational tv shows or baby einstein i know it may not be good but hes entertained and calm i jsut dont know what else to really do any idea will be so helpful thank you sincery brandi

Stepmom to a teen needs help

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 06:56:58 GMT

Hi,

I have been stepmom to 2 girls for 4.5 years, the oldest is 16 and resents any authority I impose. She is harsh to me in that role, I just read the stepparenting articles on the website and recognize this is a slow process, I likely made mistakes but how if I assume the role of "babysitter' as the articles clearly show I am with her, do I deal with the harsh and disrespectful tone. I am up now because I awoke due to a headache, went to get advil, passing by her room at 2am I hear the tv on, I open the door (I don't know if she fell asleep and I would turn tv off). She says hello, and harshly says I had tv on because I was watching it and just turned it off and going to bed so shut the door (she is also texting). Her mom pays for the phone and we share custody time 50/50. Ok, I can deal with not being the one in charge on the hours she is keeping but I still believe I need to address the harsh disrespectful tone as no one needs to be spoken to like that and I don't want to appear like I am being walked all over and it is ok. Any thoughts or similar experience

I Get So Furious

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 13 Aug 2010 04:21:53 GMT

I get so angry when this happens and I just don't know what to do. I just need someone to vent to, but really I need to discuss it with the person. I'm sure that I overreact, but I just feel so betrayed and I can't help it.

I have very few people that are close in my life, and the list grows shorter all the time. The problem is that I put these relationships very high in my life's priorities and do what ever I possibly can for the people close to me, but it's not returned. I don't expect the same level of committment, but I do expect that I would be treated fairly.

Here's the current situation. I see my nephew about once or twice a year. I've worked very hard at growing a relationship. Actually worked hard with both the kids. My sister has worked hard with my kids and we were always of a like mind that family comes first. So for the entire summer I've been planning a family vacation, my nephew was going to join us. My kids, my wife, we've all been looking forward to it. Made plans that all include him. I got a call from my Dad a week before we were leaving, saying that he wasn't coming. So I wait a couple of days and call my sister. She says that he doesn't want to come. He remembered some school work and wants to stay and work on that. He's 13 and has had school difficulty. Sounds fair and reasonable, then why am I so hurt? He remembered the school work 2 weeks before we were leaving and has a week when we get back before school starts.

I just do not understand why she allowed a 13 year old to make the decision. He would have a good time, always does with us. There are never any issues. We all get along great. My kids are in a ton of activities and so is he. So the chances of us seeing each other before Christmas, and then just for a day, are slim to none. The was a whole week together. A chance to recharge the family batteries, bring relationships close again. I just don't understand how you can let a kid just back out on his word when so many of us were depending on him. Should I never make plans again, because he might back out and his Mom won't make him keep his word? My whole family is so bummed. It really put a damper on the vacation for us because we were all looking forward to it.

What makes it worse is that no one gets it but my family. My Dad doesn't understand why I'm upset, my sister certainly doesn't. I thought that she was someone that I could count on to consider our feelings and she just completely let us down. We've been growing farther apart, but recently we just made sure that she got time with our kids when she requested it.

I just can't stop thinking about it. It's such a betrayal to me and goes against so many of our conversations about what we hold most dear. It was always family first and we would be close. I tried to get an explanation and all I get is the school thing. That school, which he attends every day for 9 months is more important then spending time with his family which he barely ever gets to see. Our one week.

Now in my head I move her down a level, can't count on her or the kids. Can't count on them and then get hurt by them again. I got big issues with people not keeping their commitments to me. Especially not having the respect to call himself, or even call herself and tell me. I had to call her to find out. How can people be so thoughtless, especially when you thought you were close. I just don't get it, but no one seems to see it but us. Are my values so different than hers?

I wrote her a couple of emails, nothing mean, just trying to explain. She replied to one and her words were not apologetic nor caring. I think that the relationship that I thought I had is not there. I've felt it moving a way for a while, but I was trying to ignore it.

I just don't understand how she could do this to us, I would never consider doing it to her unless it was something that just could not possibly be missed.

"Conversations with God". by Neale D. Walsch

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 18:21:37 GMT

My husband and I take care of our grand children while their parents work. I rec'd an email that said Dr. Dobson said to avoid the books "Conversations with God". by Neale D. Walsch. I need your help because I simply want to do the right things for my grandkids. Thank you!

Mom of 16 yo son needs discernment/wisdom/advice....can you help?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 21:28:03 GMT

My son and I have always been close. He has always been so laid back, easy going, loving... then junior year of high school hit. He procrastinates something awful when he has homework, sometimes until midnight! No amount of nagging, encouraging, or cajoling works. Then he gets to bed late and gets up late. It is a daily routine now and I am frustrated and at a loss at how to get on a better path. Not to mention, I am driving him to school every day because he gets sick on the bus. I get to work frustrated and stressed.

His father and I are not together, haven't been for nearly 10 years. I know my son is hurt and angry but we have tried to work through a lot. His dad cheated and left and continues to this day to be manipulative with the kids and mean to me; and somehow has managed to put himself on a pedestal where my son duly keeps him. Nothing the man does is wrong. My son can think up an excuse for every wrong action and/or cruel thing my ex says or does to me. Many of the excuses are my ex talking, as he is very controlling, but my son doesn't realize it. He thinks he agrees with Dad and Dad's reasons always make sense. Meanwhile, I feel like I am always competing with (and losing to) my ex for my son's affection. I feel like I am being punished for NOT leaving! For example, we each are supposed to have a school vacation week with my son, with visitation built in for the parent who doesn't have him. And now, my son goes with his dad for the week and refuses to let me have my visitation time, but during "My" week he insists on seeing his father. This just doesn't seem fair to me. I don't mind not seeing him for the week if that's what he wants, but I don't think it's right for him to see his dad during my week then. It should be the same. It makes me feel not as important or valued. "I'm with you all the time, Mom" is what he says. Shouldn't that make it mean MORE to him, not less? Shouldn't he have MORE loyalty to me because I've always been here for him, and didn't leave him?

Complicating matters more, I also have daughter (20) who chose to "run away" to her father's house 3 years ago because she was selfish and headstrong and always wanted her own way no matter what, and I had rules to live by at my house. She is definitely not a good role model for her brother. She is every bit as manipulative as her father and holds the same negative attitudes toward me as he does.

I love both my children so much and feel so much hurt at losing my daughter. I do not want the same thing to happen with my son. I could not handle it. But, I can't let him get out of control, making all his own rules, not respecting me, etc. Anyone have any advice? Please help. And thanks!

down syndrome or special needs and church

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 16:32:11 GMT

I was wondering if anyone took their special needs children to church? If you do how does it go. I would like to take my daughter who is 7 but she is very hyper active and swears so I am afraid of what she will do in church and that it may affend other people because they do not understand. She has to have an aid in school to go through out the day. So i don't know how she would do with out an aid. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

Sexual touching?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 20 May 2010 17:13:52 GMT

I am very scared and confused. My 4 year old son has been touching the privates of others in the last month. He has been overly using the word "penis" as much

as he possibly could in one day. My husband and I were shocked to say the least, and were not sure if we were dealing with this issue correctly.

We explained to him it isn't nice to touch other people's private areas. We used the "swim suit" lesson and dicussed private places. He would always agree he wouldn't do it anymore, but eventually... it would happen again.

Last night I had enough. He did it again and I firmly told him not to ever touch my private place again and if he continued I would spank him. He looked me straight in the eyes and told me his older brother ( 7 yr old )

touched his penis really hard. I asked my 7 yr old if he had touched his younger brothers penis and he immediately started crying and admitted he had. We talked as much as possible... my 7 yr old shut down the conversation

and went to bed. I really dont know what in the world to think or even do... I have taught my 7 yr old about private areas. I am so concerned someone has touched him and he isn't telling me. I was sexually abused as a very

young child ( 3 - 4 yr old ) and was extremely sexual with other children for a long time. I still carry shame from all of that and have always been careful in how I came across to my children. My 4 yr old started telling me more

this morning. I listened without asking leading questions. He said my 7 yr old put his finger in his bottom

and banged his bottom

up against his penis. I already know I need to seek professional help for my 7 yr old and I plan to, but I'm

worried about who I choose. I have had a bad experience with a"Christian" therapist and he was recommended by a trusting pastor. So I have very little trust in professionals.

A little background information on my family. We are Christians and have went to church since my 7 yr old was a baby. He is a very loving child and is the first one of my boys to pray, talk about God, etc

He is also the first one to come and tell me about his day... I thought I knew everything about him. I never knew my precious baby was keeping something this dark from me. I'm heart broken and so is my

husband. We are so worried we will find out someone in our family ( no we dont have any suspects ) has done something to him. How else would a 7 yr old know to do these type of things?

If anyone has any advice to give... please give it. I also ask for your prayers for my family. If all you have to say is seek a professional... save it. I already know to do that and plan to. words of concern, comfort, etc will

be appreciated. My husband and I have chosen to keep this to ourselves for now. At this point, we do not have any outlets. Thank you for listening and responding.

My DIL is having issues with her parents and needs advice. Help!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 14 Aug 2010 22:08:31 GMT

My daughter-in-law wrote me and asked me for help. She is an artist, getting ready to take a trip to Ks. City for the Art School. My Son cannot take off work to go with her so her mother offered to. In the meantime, however, Jessica talked to her Dad and asked if he would go with her. She doesn't get to see her dad very often and thought this would be a good opportunity. Her mom had kept Jessica from seeing her dad very much and doesn't like Jess being with him. She feels like Jess is betraying her when she does. Jess is afraid to tell her mom about this because she knows it will hurt her feelings AND she isn't really sure her Dad will come through because he hasn't always been reliable.

What should I tell her? How should she approach this?

Very frustrated mother needs help with 2 year old

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 20:44:12 GMT

Hi!

I am new to this forum so I hope I am putting this question where it should go and where it will receive some help:)

Anyway, I have a son who will be 3 at the end of April. He is a stubborn and strong willed child. For a while I really felt that as my husband and I were consistent in doling out punishment things seemed to be looking up-he was obeying us better and things seemed to go along a bit more smoothly.

I feel as though my son disrepects me and unless I use excessive amounts of discipline he will not obey me. I have to spank, scold and time out him constantly! People like to say that as long as I continue to be consistent and pray about things everything will be ok. Or I hear, it's just a phase this too will pass. Well, that may well be but I can't tolerate blatant disobedience. For example: Aiden come here so mommy can get you dressed (the big thing in our house is to come the 1st time you are told as he tends to want to run off when you call etc.) If he doesn't come he gets a punishment, however his new thing lately is to run away when his name is called-be that down the hall or whatever. He does this multiple times no matter how many times he is punished.

I do try to praise him when he does a good thing and I try to motivate him to do right-we take him to church and we teach him God's ways at home. I try to not just be saying 'no' all the time.

My problem is kind of two fold: what else do you employ when time outs, spankings, scoldings don't work? What am I to do?

The second problem is that I (his mom) honestly feel like I am losing my mind. Today he refused to take a nap or a rest. I spanked him, I scolded I tried time out. I went in his room and put him back on his bed-physically lifted him up and laid him down. Nothing-he talked, he got out of bed and got books and brought them back to bed etc.

Then of course he is now fussy as he hasn't napped. I am so worn out and so mentally and physically used up. I got so angry with him a little bit ago. I spanked him-it was deserved but I also don't think my heart was right when I did it and I yelled at him-I feel horrible but I am so frustrated and so tired. I feel as though I can hardly go on.

Ok, this is long and maybe it doesn't seem that serious to you all out there but it is as I truly don't know how much longer I can go on. Though, I love my son there have been many times lately when I don't like him very well-terrible though that may sound.

Please give some solid advice-something that you have tried and it's worked or whatever.

Thanks a million!

night terrors

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 02 Jul 2010 18:52:54 GMT

My 13-month-old has been experiencing night terrors for about a month now. It's been about every other day at nap and about nearly every night. He starts screaming in his sleep and there's no way to wake him up. I've lost count of how many times I've sat with him and sung "Jesus Loves Me" until he's either woken up or fallen back to sleep. It's the scariest thing to hold him and listen to him scream a terrified scream and not be able to do anything about it. But unlike normal night terrors, he seems to be developing a fear of his bed.

Is there anything I can do to help him sleep better? Thanks!

Need Help Dealing with Adult Children, with Children

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 17:13:17 GMT

My daughter, who is almost 40 years old now, has had issues almost all her life: skipping school, running away from home, stealing from us and others, using drugs, drinking, getting involved with abusive men, getting pregnant with by another man when she was married, never able to hold a job for long term, losing her driver's license and still driving...the list goes on and on.

We recently let our daughter move back home with us after her ex-boyfriend (and her son's, and my grandson's, father) called us to say that if we did not come and "get" her, "something bad was going to happen to her". She has told us on several occasions that he has repeatedly hit her and verbally abuses both her and their child (my grandson). She shared that he would make her get up in the middle of the night to go out to get him the illegal drugs he uses each day. So we felt we needed to offer our home if she promised to get her life on track and get a job and get her driver's license back so she could get out on her own. She has not been allowed to come back home since she left when she was 18 because she had broke a contract we had with her that we learned how to do when she had been in substance abuse treatment.

I need to share that we took her twin daughters (my granddaughter's) and have been raising them for most of their life--they are 17 now. Her youngest child (my grandson), had lived with us off and on too--until he would not stop crying uncontrollably, here and at school; our family all believed that he was trying to "save" his mom. That was when he was 6 years old; he is now 14 and has moved back to our home with her now too. My grandson and my daughter the rules of our home and everyday with them here has been a struggle for all of us as they continue to break all the rules of our home. They have never had rules to follow where they were at previously, and won't conform. They are disrespectful with our home, such as I caught my daughter applying dye to her hair over the carpet in a bedroom! My grandson hates it here and tells us all every chance he can. He takes 45 minute showers when his sisters need the bathroom to get ready for school in the morning. They both leave dirty clothes, dishes and have to be told to clean up after themselves--they both leave lights and TV on without any concerns. We have asked and asked and reprimanded them both without any changes coming about. They both only think of themselves only!

They have both been living in her ex-boyfriend's parent's basement and the have had no rules or obligations there at all. His parents are extreme caretakers and don't expect their son to work or take care of any of his own needs. He is their only child and they have told my daughter that they will have to take care of him all of his life as he is not able to do so himself. So that is the lifestyle they have been living for the past 8 years.

My husband had driven my daughter to 2 jobs my daughter has had since she moved in with us at the beginning of September 2009. She has no money saved because she my husband has taken her small checks and so that she can make payments on getting her license back. However she has been late and missed days at work so many times that she is not given any hours at her workplace--can you blame them? And she and my grandson go back out to the "city" (we live in suburbs) whenever they can to get away from us and our house "rules". We know that they both are probably doing things that are not helping their situation, but we are so glad to have a little reprieve that we don't say anything about it.

My daughter is always promising to do better and thanks us for taking them in. However I cannot see an end to the turmoil my house has become and know I need to do something to save myself. I feel no peace in my own home anymore and feel like getting in the car and driving away to never come back again. My husband and I stick together on most issues, but neither of us knows how to get our lives back at this point.

I feel bad for my granddaughter's who are caught in the middle here too. My daughter will not even do what she needs to do as a parent to let them get their driver's permits that we paid for schooling so they could have by now. She is still legally their mother and we have no legal rights for them.

What suggestions can you offer for all of us?

Hannah Banana Montana

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 04:20:09 GMT

Suggestions for Christian, age-appropriate tween music (in the style of Disney personalities)?

I am tired of Hannah Montana and others!

What to do with a 7 year old foster child?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 16:50:17 GMT

I know I'm supposed to know that some kids when they come into care are not toilet trained. I know this. I took in a child without knowing that he was not toilet trained and was blindsided by the fact that case workers did not tell me this before taking him in. We thought with lots of love, consistency and training that a 7 year old would catch on quickly. It's been 3.5 months and we are still having to prompt him to go...he will not go on his own at all. We've been to every doctor there is and all say there is nothing medically wrong with him. He only has an IQ of 69. 70 is considered cognitively impaired. School staff and doctors tell me that he is totally capable of being toilet trained. I'm not sure what to do at this point. He is currently on a laxative to help keep him regular and he's doing well with that. But as soon as we put underwear on him, he has an accident. When the tub is turned on, he has an accident. When he's put in the tub, he has an accident. I believe this boy to be sexually abused, but have no proof. What can I do? Any suggestions for doctors who actually can help him?Frustrated<img src="i/expressions/brokenheart.gif" border="0">

Does anyone do foster care Iam new

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 08 Jun 2005 20:36:25 GMT

Iam just looking for someone who fosters we are new to foster care but not new to parenting we have 3 kids 8yr,6yrs,and 4yr

babies and videos?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 05 Nov 2004 14:03:27 GMT

I'm sure you all have heard of the videos made for babies, and for their brain development. I've also read that children under age 2 shouldn't watch TV. So, are these videos actually good for a young baby, say 1 year old? Are the beneficial, detrimental, or somewhere in between?
It'd be great to hear from someone with a medical or research perspective on this, who isn't trying to sell a product.

about to be seminary wife

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 16 Mar 2005 17:11:32 GMT

My husband has just been accepted to seminary and I am having a very difficult time adjusting to the idea. I know we need to go but it is just hard. I am currently a stay-at-mom of a 14month old girl. I really like the demographics,our church family,and everything else about where we live. I love it here. The seminary is not in a place that I want to live at all! I am also having alot of trouble trusting that God will provide for us. My husband is not going to be able to work very much at all and I do not want to put our daughter in daycare. So no one will be working full time which means no health insurance. I am just really struggling with this. Again, I know we need to do this and even though it doesnt sound like it I am 100% in favor of our family doing this. I guess I just need some reassuring words and maybe a glimpse into what our life might look like if anyone has been in a similiar situation.

2nd grader struggling with reading...what to do?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 16:42:34 GMT

I have a friend who's 2nd grade son is struggling with reading and is falling behind in class (public school). This child had a reading tudor the last 2 summers and is still falling behind his classmates. Is there a solid program/curriculum, I could suggest to the parents, so they can assist their child and help him excel in reading?

How to deal with anger with teenagers???

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 16:22:41 GMT

Hi, I have two teenage stepchildren and we have a son who is 10. I have been with in the family for 11 years. The kids have always lived with us. I have been concerened about my step son since I met him. He was 7. He is 18 now. He has anger issues. The step daughter hasn't had any anger problems until the other day and now she is acting out just like he does. My concern is also for my 10 year old picking up on the anger also.

My stepson gets so angry that he screams and throws things, usually breaking something. The other day he tore his metal door off the hindges. Each time he gets mad I see it getting worse. We took him to counseling and the person we took him to said that he didn't see that he had any "abnormal" anger problems, so my husband doesn't see a need to take him back or take him anywhere.

I feel like this is a major disruption to our family. I know that if the problem doesn't get fixed it will start flowing over into his adulthood and things could get very bad.

My husband does talk to them when they act that way, but the behavior doesn't stop.

Any positive feedback would be great!

Help, my son is gay

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 12 Apr 2010 17:45:06 GMT

Would like to get advice for dealing with my 21 year old son who just told me he is gay; He is invovled with someone and is having sex. I am so confused and hurt and I don't know where to turn. He says he is a christian and he was raised in church and went to a christian school his entire life and even a christian college. Any adivce?

A four year old with Reactive Attachment Disorder

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 05 Jan 2004 16:00:52 GMT

I was hoping to find someone that may know of a therapist in the south of boston area, that has dealt with this disorder before, we are desperate to find him the right treatment. we have had our son from the time he was 19 months and he will be 5 in feb. we have had many struggles with him, does anyone else relate? Thanks for any input.

Help, Please?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 18 May 2009 00:02:01 GMT

I don't even know where to begin. So here is a few facts. I have a 3 year old son. He is my 3rd child. I haven't encountered this problem before with my other children. Let me first start by saying, he is a fun loving, generally happy child. He has a great personality, but a times is just out of control. In the past six months he has constantly done things that just surprise, infuriate, and humility me. First and foremost we(my husband and I)desire to raise our children in good Godly homes, teaching the biblical values and morals. He has always been strong willed, but is now just out of hand and I have tried everything I know to do to correct his behavior. I fear picking him up from day care daily I get reports like, he is hitting and bulling other children, calling names, talking back to his teachers. To top this all off I picked him up one day last week to find he had urinated on another child on the play ground. When I ask him why he would do such a thing. He said, "she wouldn't move out of my way" We've spanked, offered rewards for good behavior, time outs, etc...

This morning at church we were paged to come to the nursery. He got in trouble for spitting on other children. Not the first time this has happened at school or church. To top this off, he says a ugly word, "bast...". I have no idea where this has come from. He is in Christian daycare, we don't use that language in our home, we don't allow them to watch TV with that language(although occassionally something will surprise us and we will turn the channel) His oldest sibling, who is 13 year old sister, would not use that language because she strongly believes talking this way is disgusting and only makes you look bad! I've even had her friends at school tell me she is one of only two who don't use foul language. I am so humiliated, confused, and desperate. I will not take him back to church till he can control his behavior. My husband and I will be taking turns going to church.

I'm worring if things don't change and things like this continue happening he will be put out of daycare. I can't afford not to work. I have prayed, cried, pleaded with him, disciplined in everyway I know how(without abusing ofcourse). I just don't know what else to do. Can anyone help?

Need a Christian response to an angry friend of my son.....

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 17:37:32 GMT

I have a problem with a friend of my son’s. The son’s mom is a friend of mine too. The child displays very angry tendencies. He can be nice but mostly he likes to upset the other kids. The young man who lives beside us has had enough and no longer wants to ply with the angry boy unless the other kids are around. My son is 5 and keeps thinking the angry child will change.

Anytime my child plays with this young man he gets angry. He has even punched me twice and I know this is how the angry child treats his mom. This is an unhealthy relationship and it must stop. Recently I found this young man pretending to smoke. I told him if I ever caught him doing that again he would not be welcome up here. Two days ago he pushed my son to the point he was so upset my son had a tantrum. While my son was having the tantrum, this angry child walked in front of my house laughing at my son. When I spoke to the mom, she said she would talk to her son and the angry child told his mom he was remembering a joke he heard on the bus. The mom believed him. Now, I’m not stupid, I know he was laughing at my child.

My husband and I have decided our son is no longer to play with this child unless a lot of kids are around. I feel it is unfair to not let my child play with everyone in the nieghborhood. In our neighborhood we have older kids who when they play, the angry child is intimidated. They watch out for the younger ones the angry child intimidates. This has been a good example for my son. My husband thinks the angry child will be in jail before he is 16. One of the hard parts is convincing my son why he shouldn’t want to play with this angry child.

The problem I now have is this….the mom is a friend who happened to try and take her own life last year. She almost did it but by a miracle she survived and was home in a month. I do not know how to explain to her why my son can’t play. When I tell her that her child does something she talks to him and he weaasles his way out of it. Everyday when they get off the bus, the angry child and his mom ask if my son can play. My mom says that I shouldn’t have to offer an examination I can just say we are busy. I just don’t know what that will do to her. What if she keeps pushing? What if she sees my son outside and asks why?

My husband and I pray about what could be going on at their home. One of our other neighbors said that this young man needs the demons in him exercised from him. My question is….what do I do??? They go to church, she said she is a Christian and she knows her Bible. We go to the same Community Bible study. What do I do?? Where do I turn?

Thanks for listening! I look forward to some advice.

widowed 1 month with 14 yr old daughter

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 06:53:44 GMT

My husband was 39 and we were married for 15 years and 3 days when he passed away from Pancreatic cancer that was diagnosed in March of this year. My daughter and I are really struggling with anger at God for allowing this to happen. We are both born again Christians. My daughter makes me go to church with her. I don't want to go, I don't want to worship, I'm MAD! I don't hide my emotions, but I feel like a hypocrit for going.
Any suggestions?

6 year old can't be still

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 17 Jul 2009 19:35:13 GMT

Hi,

I'm looking for advice to help out here. My 6 year old daughter is extremely "busy." She can rarely sit still even when watching TV or working in school practice books. I can say something three or four times, she will look at me and say ok, then go right back to what she was doing. I'm frustrated and not sure what the problem may be. I know this is probably just her active personality but she's getting ready to go into 1st grade and will have to be able to manage her behavior.

Any thoughts / ideas?

Troubled boy

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 11:48:38 GMT

we have 3 boys 12, 4, 2

my oldest son is from a previous relationship.

Since I got remarried 5 years ago it was always very difficult wit hhis dad - he was jealous of my new husband and wanted my son to live with him.. he never supported any discipline that we tried to reinforce, bought everything he ever wanted for him.. and never was able to respect our new family.. 6months ago after a fight I had with my son, he ran off to be with his dad.. I did not talk or see him for a long time.. after 3 months he wanted to come back again.. he said his dad is to strict and he wants to be with his brothers.. that much said here the current situation:

today we found out that he finally got kicked out of school, he bullied a child for a few weeks - 5 months ago and was on probation.. his behavior did change to the extend that he was more respectfull to his teachers, but the teasing of the kids continued... yesterday we found out that 3 months ago he with 3 of his friends broke into 2 houses and destroyed things.. / THis all happend while he was living with his dad..

so as you can imagine we are very desperate to know what we should do.. we are trying to get him into a small christian school from our church.. but besides that, I really do not know how to handle the situation..

Please if you have any thoughts or suggestions..

2 Yr old Spirited Child - at the end of my rope

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 21:08:02 GMT

I am so saddened that I'm even writing this but my 2 year old is a Spirited Child and I am at the end of my rope. She is such a beautiful, emergetic and funny little girl that I am blown awy with the forcefulness of her tantrums and failure to obey even the simplest request from me. Though she is a petite little girl, she has the lungs and strength of a sailor and often shows this 'talent' each day. Today's tantrum lasted well into 1 and half hours and left us both sobbing. I don't know what to do and feel like I'm at the end of my rope. Every day I lay in bed at night and pray that the Holy Spirit help tame her Spirit. I feel like a failure ... I can't control my 2 year old daughter and I fear that this will soon get out of control and I will have no hope of her ever become a happy loving child that can control her emotions. Our family members have started to distance themselves from us and this hurts me so much, but I understand as well ... her tantrums are so strong sometimes, it's not fair to them to have to deal with a screaming child even her parents can't even control her. I've read Dr. Dobson's Spirited Child book and have seen his DVD Dare to Discipline and still feel lost.

If anyone can suggest ideas for an *extremely* Spirited 2 year old I would greatly appreciate. I would love for her to learn how to control her emotions and understand and abide by our parental authority. Even if you're unsure, I ask that you pray for her, myself and the rest of our family as we go through this tough time.

11 (almost 12) yr old son , Help!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 23 Aug 2004 07:22:28 GMT

My 11 yr old son who has never given me any trouble other than being sloppy is turning into Dr Jeckyl and Mr Hyde. He smarts back, is scarastic, doesnt obey, do his chores. When confronted, its always about someone else, I didnt hear you tell me that, or the synical"no you didnt tell me to do that mom!" We homeschool and he is milking that too. Im tired of being mad and frustrated Im just broken hearted and torn now. Please Help! He obeys his dad, but gives me grief all day and then cries and manipulates things to his dad when he is told he must respect and obey me. I always come out being the bad guy!

"Shepherding a Child's Heart" approach for ADHD child

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 19:33:50 GMT

Hello! This is my first post not only on this forum, but anywhere on the web, so I hope I'm doing this correctly! My question is: Our church has recommended the book "Shepherding a Child's Heart"by Tedd Tripp. We read it and really tried to implement itsprinciples, as we found it to be very much biblically-based. However,our 5-year-old son clearly does have ADHD (diagnosed and on meds now),but as I'm seeing in some of Dr. Dobson's literature (just finished theoriginal The Strong-Willed Child), it clearly states that spanking forchildren with ADHD may not only be ineffective, but also encourageincreased agitation. Shepherding's main components, as we understand them, promote spanking almost exclusively (aside from a significant emphasis on talking with/teaching/reasoning with/and dialoguing with the child),and trying to do the "right" thing, we really, really tried toimplement Shepherding's teachings (with marginal success). As Strong-Willed Child states (as well as elsewhere on this website), children withADHD don't do particularly well with extensive conversation thatrequires patient thought. Please let me know your thoughts on this! Ireally want to raise our son in the most godly manner, yet we areneeding clarity in order to go forward confidently! I have tried to find some Christian commentary on Shepherding elsewhere on the web, but haven't had much success.

God bless you all big time! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and respond to this!

Should Grandparents discipline grandchildren?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 03 Aug 2005 01:59:28 GMT

I have recently heard my parents speak about smacking my daughter. This has made me feel uneasy, as I am not sure I approve of this. I haven't said anything yet, because I don't know exactly what to say and hate confrontation with them. Does anyone have any advice on this issue? I personally don't think it is their place to do this!

My 8 month old is starting to throw fits if he isn't being held...Help Please!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 14 Apr 2010 15:25:10 GMT

I am a new mommy and this is my first child. I am a very patient person and I love my husband and my child more than anything. My 8 month old has always been such a sweet and loving baby and he still is but since he started teething (at 3 months) he has become very attached to me and fussy at times. If I don't immediately pick him up when he begins to fuss he will scream and throw himself backwards and throw a fit. I'm not the mom that constantly holds my child even though it may sound like it but I'm trying to figure out the best way to handle this. My husband thinks I should let him just cry it out when we know he has a clean diaper, his belly is full and he has been surrounded by us and love all day. I just want to do the best thing that way these fits don't continue into his childhood. I have tried the cry it out method but he went strong for 20 minutes the other day and started pulling at his hair and everything. Our child lives in a very loving home, there is no yelling or screaming or fighting, and my husband and I show him TONS of attention. So this is really throwing me for a loop here. I have prayed about it and I'm just seeking advice from other moms who have maybe been in the same boat as me with a baby his age. I see 1 and 2 year olds throw fits all of the time but I have never been around an 8 month old throwing a fit like this. My mind and ears are open for advice. Thank You!

raisinggodfearing2yroldwhiletryingtogetbackwithgod

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 23 Aug 2003 10:18:15 GMT

I am a single mother raising a 2 yr old boy as a god fearing son and yet trying to get back on the path or righteousness my self.

Meeting the other parents

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 11 Jul 2005 08:10:21 GMT

My girlfriend and I are saved. We don't live together. We do date with GOD honoring ways. I was married and had a son, then divorced 4 yrs ago. I am 33 yrs old and a mature and obedient Christian.
My girlfriend is 34 yrs old and she is a mature and obedient
Christian too. We have been knowing each other for 9 months and dating seriously since April 1, 2005. She had a son out of wedlock.
She wants to continue treating her son's dad the same way she did before she started dating me. She wants me to meet the guy so that he can see who their son is sometimes going to be around. She wants me to introduce her to my son's mom
so she can see who my son will be around sometimes. I think that is fine.
My girlfriend believes that this will help she and I to sow good seeds into our children's parent's hearts. I believe we can sow good seeds without purposely interacting with our ex's. We can pray for them when the Holy Spirit promts us, communicate with them only for the child's concern, and also to deal with the ex's only when we have to.
My girlfriend thinks it's ok for her ex to give her ex a hug and he kisses her on the cheek. This is how they have greeted each other before I dated her. I don't like that.
I don't hug or kiss on the anybody that is not a family member or a loved one. I have expressed to her that being over-friendly with her ex will cause wrong signals to him, from him, to me, and from me as well.
I cannot except her reasoning that she is being friendly to sow good seeds. I think she is sorry for having her son out of wedlock and she is sorry to have had a child with this man and she is trying to make the dad feel excepted in hopes that he will get involved with their son on a regular basis...he sees his son a few times per year and they live about 30 miles away. I don't think she has desires to make a dating relationship with him again. They dated for 6 - 8 months and broke up after she got pregnant, as she explained to me.
I think she will have to continue to change her relationship with her son's dad in order to protect and build our relationship.
If she cannot see what I am saying to her, we don't need to be together. I have discussed this with her 2 times. I told her last night that she will be responsible for her relationship with her ex and how it effects our relationship.
My question is this: if ex's still hug and kiss on the cheek and maintain a friendly relationship like that, my choices are to except it, wait for my girlfriend to change, or I can leave. Any other options or advice?

Thanks.

Motivated by Christ...Driven by Love

14 yr-old son stealing from family.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:40:12 GMT

We have reared both of our sons in a loving, christian, environment. We have been faithful to discipline our kids with appropriate consequences when their choices or behavior have been poor, and we also give praise and encouragement when it's due. We have a strong community of friends, and neighbors, and a very strong community with families and friends within our church. So, when my son began showing signs of deceiptful behavior 4 years ago, we took it very seriously, and discussed the damaging nature of being untrustworthy, as well as consequences to have him take responsibility for what he had done. Everyone knows him to be a good student, great kid, volunteer in the church, involved in sports, hanging out with good kids, and a responsible person. Now, at the age of 14, I just found out that he stole $120 from my purse yesterday. Worse, he smoothly tried to lie his way out of it, even placing his brother and a friend in the line of accusation. I now have reason to believe he has been pilfering money for some time out of the cash we use for our monthly expenses. We pay a generous allowance to both our kids so they can budget expenses, tithing, and any extras they want, so it's not like he has no money. We have always talked with our kids about being good stewards of what God has given us, and living within our means, and we really example that for our family by paying cash and saving for special things. I am at a loss as to how to handle this. I am considering involving the police, but am searching the bible for answers, and praying for God to give us the wisdom how to handle this very concerning behavior. Please help!

3 year old, is this some what normal ?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 15 Jul 2005 02:05:13 GMT

She does not react to any simple reply,unless stated 4-5 times. When she is around more than five people her verbal skills are non exsistent and also puts finger in mouth when she appears to be nervous.She cries over anything, for example bed time. It is as if she forgets each day will end with her in bed. Although i have not tried everything, most "kid things" don't interest her, or i should say hold her attention. Can anyone offer me tips on how to alter these actions?

image and appearance of a six year old

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 08:26:56 GMT

I have a six year old daughter who has entered a phase, (or I hope it's a phase) of being very concerned about her appearance. While I appreciate her independence in her desire to chose her outfits and want to look nice, everything she chooses is made tight, short and inappropriate by her rolling and folding things up. I know that the media's influence is coming through in this new trend, and my husband and I have decided to eliminate the already limited tv time she has due to the standards she is now holding herself to. This affects our morning and daily routines on a consistent basis, and I need suggestions from anyone willing to share their thoughts with us!

Worried About Your Daughter's Purity?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 10:36:27 GMT

Express those concerns and questions here.

Message was edited by: moderator

Kindergarten Focus at School

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 24 Feb 2004 19:32:21 GMT

I've had several calls from my son's teacher since school started back up in January. He is in kindergarten, just turned 6 and is academically far beyond what they could teach him in school this year. He's excited about science, fascinated with books full of facts, is reading chapter books at the 3rd grade level, does math "homework" (at a 1st-grade level) at home for fun. But at school he seems to have difficulty focusing. He claims that the work is boring, too easy. His teacher is very aware of where he is academically but is getting results that are significantly below his potential and is concerned, as am I. He goes to our local public school but we are strongly considering home schooling next year, to try to get back the love of learning that seems to have dwindled over the past few months as well as to help him keep up to his potential rather than standardized goals. I guess my question right now is what I should be doing at home to help him to be more focused, both at home and especially at school. His teacher has described him as the "absent-minded professor" but has also hinted at possible concerns about ADD if he continues to have trouble focusing, which I disagree with wholeheartedly. Any advice would be very much appreciated.

5yr-old daughter going on 25

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 28 Mar 2005 19:51:41 GMT

My 5yr-old acts like shes grown. Everytime I say something to her she backtalks me I feel like pulling my hair out. I'm trying so hard to get her under control before she becomes a teenager. I have eight more years but they feel like they are flying by fast

Daughter and a soldier (Love?)

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 10:56:20 GMT

I guess like lots of parents here we never thought we would be asking some of the things we are. A little background. We have been married for 36 years, have five children: Daughter – 34 and married, Son – 31 and single, Daughter – 26 and getting married in 2 weeks, Daughter – 20 and single, Daughter – 17 and single. We are both born again believers, have home schooled for almost 20 years and are moderately active in our local church as well as an internet ministry.

The situation I am writing about concerns our 20 year old daughter. Our church sponsored a military ministry day this past July where we had soldiers in basic training at a nearby Army post come to the church for an afternoon of lunch, using cell phones to call home, worship and fellowship. Our two youngest daughters attended with us and socialized with the soldiers. Our daughter started writing to one of them without our knowledge. This developed into more and more of a relationship in the past months. I think she was a little embarrassed at first as this is the first time a boy has shown interest in her. He is a native of Mexico so his English is not perfect, which I think had much to do with her reluctance to tell us about writing to him.

He went to his Advanced Individual Training and they started calling and sending text messages. She asked if he could stop to see her on the way to his first assignment and we said okay.

He hitched a ride with some buddies and arrived. Broke! She bought him a plane ticket to the town he was going to where he was to assist the recruiter that had enlisted him for two weeks. When he got there he called her and asked her for money to get insurance on his car and to register it. She sent it him. He then told her that he would come and see her on his way to his first duty station. The day he was supposed to come, he called and said he was in jail for driving on a suspended license. A friend bailed him out and he arrived a couple of days later. He did show me the ticket and he was arrested so that was true, however he was 100’s of miles from the route he should have been on.

When here this time he started telling us about all of the things he did in the Army that I knew were not true (I retired from the Army). I asked him about them and he insisted they were true and she is believing them. Without us knowing it, he had his mail forwarded to our house and last week he received a voucher for paying his travel (no – I did not open it, it had a window and the voucher was plainly visible) although he has told our daughter he has not gotten paid and so cannot repay her yet.

She seems to be blindly in love with him and over the objections of us and her older sisters and brother is maintaining that she loves him and he loves her. They have not spent more than 4 days around each other, and so can hardly know each other. We are now fearing a spring or summer wedding since the unit he is in will be deployed overseas in 2009. We have talked to our local pastor and he is pretty much at a loss. He told us not to give her the choice of him or us as she could take him and then simply be gone. We are not making it easy for them, but at the same time we want to be supportive of her.

Our two daughters that are married (or nearly so) were so easy compared to this. They married local guys who we knew and know their parents and brother/sisters and friends. We know nothing about this young soldier other than what he has told us and much of that is doubtful based on what he claims and his age (20).

Any advice out there for us?

!5 yo in absolute rebellion

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 17 Oct 2005 21:39:01 GMT

I have a 15 yo son in full rebellion. He is smoking pot and drinking. He has been searched at school because someone called in and said he was distributing Zanax. His friend are all responding the same way--rebellion. We have involved all the parents, required him to see a counselor for drugs and alcohol, have curtailed his social life. He says to our face that he will not obey our rules and we should just go ahead and give him the severe consequenses now and get it over with. My mother's heart hopes this is bravado and not the truth. He says he is afraid of nothing, nothing. We have three younger children and are concerned for their well-being. My ultimate fear is that he will end up in jail. We are preparing ourselves for the worst. We are even considering sending him away to a military school or the like.

I would love some counsel from anyone who has experienced this. We are not lost, alone or at our wits end. God is here daily, every minute. He has met me at my greatest need.

The 411 on BFF's Webcast: Hypocrisy?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 19 May 2010 17:36:22 GMT

My question is about trying to be friends with "Christians" who are hypicritical.

You know the type, "act one way at church, and another way out in the real world"

OR how about FRIENDS on facebook that clearly represent themselves one-way and you actually know them in person, and that is NOT who they really are.

I can't stand Christian hypocrisy!!!

Motherhood Webcast: Help for at-home dads

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 18:46:03 GMT

Hi,

I am a dad of 5 and have found myself an at-home dad. What is out there for at-home dads? I don't want to go to a moms group.

Mark

Grief

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 12:40:57 GMT

My son died this past February from the flu. I am a Christian and devoted fully to the Lord but this has really thrown me. I have tried the groups and even an online group but there are so many unbiblical ideas out there. Is there any help.

suggestions for the talk to my daughter's date/boyfriend

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 04:17:21 GMT

I feel that my husband and I need to have a talk to my daughter's boyfriend. Mainly, to address that we acknowledge they are dating and we want them to keep their friendship pure and memorable. Could you give me more ideas as to what else to be included? My daughter is 21 years old. But, both my husband and I are new in this area of parenting.

Thanks. isf

Being a young grandmom

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 18:40:26 GMT

Im a young grandma, and I feel so guilty when I take time away for myself,but I want to be able to encourage my daughters to do the same but the economy doesnt allow them to do much, do you have any ideas? Babysitting swaps? Freezer Cooking to allow more time for themselves?

9 Month old is whining!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 15 Mar 2010 23:35:01 GMT

I am a stay-at-home mom of a 9-month old daughter who is a great sleeper and generally happy, but lately (in the last 2 or 3 weeks) she has taken to whining. She's starting to have some separation anxiety when left in the church nursery or with a relative, and when she's at home with me, she wants to be with me constantly. When I set her down, she starts to whine and crawls around at my ankles. She's definitely a mommy's girl at this point, too and prefers me over my husband. I don't know if it's just a stage of development or if it's something I should work on stopping. Do I pick her up and hold her, or is that just promoting the whining? I'm not really sure how to handle this. I'd appreciate any advice. Thanks.

keeping small kids happy while teaching older 1

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Jun 2006 12:17:49 GMT

I have three kids, one turning 5, one turning 3 in Sept, and one 6 mo. I am homeschooling my children and have a set cirruculum for my almost 5 year old. We school three times a week from 9:30 to 11:30. My second son, who will be three in August, has leukemia and struggles with emotional problems due to the medicine he takes daily. I have managed to teach him colors, and shapes and can sometimes include him in our daily school activities without a problem. However, there are many days when he is emotionally not able to participate. Does anyone have any suggestions on activities that he can do independently that will help him to learn something while entertaining him during my school time with my oldest son? I am also looking for fun and entertaining ways to teach him how to recognize letters and numbers. He knows the alphabet and can count to 13 but cannot seem to start recognizing them. I would take any suggestions you have.

Confused and Tired

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 17:15:34 GMT

My husband and I feel at our wits end! I am seeking advice on creative disciplining techniques for our 5 year old son. We are the very proud parents of a wonderful, happy, gifted & beautiful son with one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen in a small child. We adopted him when he was 3 days old and have been having the time of our lives.

When he turned 4 1/2 to present age 5 1/2 he has become so determined and angry at times. It is amazing to watch as he has never been this way before now. On any given day we will be having a wonderful time and then he will want control of the situation and we will express our authority as his parents and everything will be fine, Then there are those times such as last night where it just all falls apart and becomes awful.

We put him to bed and he woke up with a bad dream. I went in and comforted him. I then went back to our room and he started yelling that he wanted me "now". I spoke to him from our room and assured him I was here and that he needed to go back to sleep. He continued screaming and yelling for one of us to get in here "now"'. My husband got up and said for him to stop or else he was going to get in trouble. I went back to his room and had him get up and check the room and see nothing was there ( I thought maybe he was still afraid). He then grabbed me and said he wasn't going to let go. I started for our room and he blocked me. My husband said for him to stop or he was going to get a spanking. He continued so he got a swat on the bottom. That was it! he started demanding that I stay and kept running out of his room. I would put him back on the bed. He would then say "oh no I'm not" and try to run past me pushing me. All of this continued from 1:30 to 4:00 am.

It gets so excelerated so fast and stays that way for so long. We have learned that swats do nothing but get him more upset, as in last night. We did tell him what his consequences were going to be. 1. that he will need to stay at school through nap time since he chose not to sleep last night. 2. He also will not be allowed to watch TV for 5 days. The interesting thing is that after one of the flare ups happens he will go right back to being great and sorry but there is no stopping him as it happening.

Are we right? Is anyone having similar problems with their children? Have you come up with disciplining techniques that work for you? I asked the pediatrician if these things were normal and she laughed and said something like they never stop just change the situations. We didn't find that helpful at all!!!

Meanwhile while we remain in prayer!

Aspergers Syndrome

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 08:22:09 GMT

Was just hoping the discussion would include how to deal with Asperger's children. Think these children are tough because they seem "normal" to most people and much is expected of them. When they hit an "abnormal" situation, others think they are just acting childish or immature.

Alone and desperate

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 05 Jan 2005 20:43:45 GMT

I have an 18 month old daughter who seems to be out of control. My husband is currently serving in the army so I consider myself to be a single parent because he is never home. My daughter does not listen to a word I say. She beats up other kids, mocks everything that I say, has major temper tantrums at naptime and bedtime, and laughs when I tell her no. I need some help! I feel so stressed out with my husband away and having to deal with an 18 month old all on my own. If someone could please give me a little advice it would be greatly appreciated.

How do I Help My Daughter Fit In?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 19 May 2009 01:11:12 GMT

I work at a Christian School. It is smaller. There are about 13 people in my daughter's 3rd grade class. This year has been a tough year for us. Her teacher and another teacher are best friends. Well, the daughter of the one teacher (not my daughter's teacher) has a little girl in the same class with my daughter. That girl is so popular and has chosen my daughter to ridicule because my daughter is not as athletic. This popular girl is turning all the other girls against my daughter. All year, my daughter has bent over backwards to fit in. She is even trying to change her personality. My daughter's teacher has been made aware of the issue many times and has not done anything about it due to the fact that it is her best friend's daughter doing the bullying. I had to go to my Headmaster when my little girl got kicked and knocked down on the playground while parent teacher conferences were going on. The Headmaster interviewed all the students involved and then did nothing. I love this school. I actually get along well with all of the teachers. I just can't bear to see my daughter crying and her grades slipping. Normally, she is a straight A student. Now she is bringing home some Cs, Ds, and even an F once. There are alot of other issues that come into play too. I am one of the youngest teachers at the school and ALL the kids think I am the coolest teacher and want to hang out in my class all the time, but they treat my daugher mean. I guess I am hip and young and so all the kids think I am cool. My daughter is beginning to go through puberty at the young age of 9. She is developing and no one else in her class is. She is going through an awkward stage. And the last issue is that I am having a baby, and previously she has been an only child. She seems to be excited. We have made sure to include her. She has been to all sonograms and is helping with the baby's room and gets to redo her own room. So, I don't think that the baby is causing the issue. She is constantly touching and kissing and hugging my belly. This girl is living her life like Christ. She is sweet, cheerful, honest, forgiving, and loves one another no matter what! I am so unsure what to do. I feel like pulling her out of the school, but I don't think that will do anything but delay future problems if it is not dealt with and she doesn't learn to deal with these situations when they come up. Any suggestions??

5-year-old potty issues

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 27 Feb 2004 08:10:35 GMT

Hi everyone!

I'm becoming very frustrated over our son's apparent lack of desire to use the toilet for bm’s. To make a long story short, we took him to a child psychologist when he was 4 because he is highly gifted. We wanted to get some idea of what to expect as he gets older and how we can best parent and educate him (we're home schooling). When I mentioned this problem to her she said not to make an issue out of it so that it wouldn't become a war zone. He's so bright we've tried reasoning with him, we've tried setting up a reward system, just about everything we can think of, but nothing's working. He knows when he has to go because he'll tell us so we can get a pull-up for him to go in. I guess at this point I just feel like a complete failure as a mom. I know I shouldn't base my motherhood on whether or not he's going in the toilet, but right now it's hard not to! Has anyone else dealt with this sort of thing before? Thanks and God bless!

sleep problems

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 02 May 2007 10:59:40 GMT

My 3 yr old has been waking up 3-4 times at night. She wakes up at 7:30 am takes 1 hour nap at noon..We do the normal night time rotine brush teeth take bath, read a book..and always sleeps with her pink doggy. My husband put her to bed around 9 pm..while I put our one year old to bed in his room.
She didnt use to get up at night she would sleep the whole night till two months ago. Its very frustrating when my husband has to get up to go to work at 5:45 am..and I have to get up with my one year old sometimes.

She wakes up comes to our room and just stands there next to my husbands side till he spots her and takes her back to her room..he lays with her for a little while then he comes back to bed. Then she is up again every half hour doing the same thing.
So my husband started taking her back to bed now and tells her to stay in her bed and not to wake him up. So now she comes over to my side of the bed and stands there till I see her and I take her back to bed.
We dont know what to anymore..I hardly get enough sleep as it is with my one year old getting up sometimes. But she is 3 years old she should be sleeping the whole night.
Even if she skips a nap she still does the same thing..it seems no matter how tired she might be..she still manages to wake up and wake us up as well.

One night after she kept getting up every 15 minutes after being put to bed over and over..my husband finally warned her that if she didnt stay in bed she would get spanked.
She got up anyway got spanked, only to do it over again.

Is spanking the answer in this type of situation?
My husband recomended sleeping medication for children..I disagree.
but we dont know what else to do..

Any advise?

Need input re: unusual situation

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 23 Apr 2010 17:40:48 GMT

Don't have any idea about the right or best approach to take - or even if this site is a good place to begin.

A 18yr old girl whom I've never known of - or previously suspected existed - sought out, found, and has visited with her birthmother (who I have not heard from in 20yrs) 6 weeks ago. She was told by her birthmother that I may be her birthfather. Best I can tell from what little information the birthmother (not heard from in 20yrs and gave the girl up for adoption at birth) found me on facebook (yippee) and since has told (with emailed pics) a little about the girl; in college, only recently informed that she is adopted, has been 'thrown' out by the adoptive mother but does have a close relationship with the Dad (who is in another relationship) and has a younger brother (maybe more) born of her adoptive parents. Of course, she bears no resemblance to her adoptive family. She has since awkwardly contacted me via email. My response - awkwardly - including statements that "I don't know you and I never know you existed...until a paternity test is taken, and if I am the confirmed birthfather; only then would I be open to any dialogue". She forwarded the birthmother my reply (that also included a copy of the 1992 letter from the agency saying I had been named as 'one of' the possible fathers) called me and (also citing the girl's Dad) 'flamed out'; angered that I would want a paternity test and that I was pushing; "...don't contact her again". The Dad supposedly does not want the girl to have any contact with me either. The Dad and girl are 1500 miles away.

I am married and have two your children. I have fully informed my wife of what is occurring (short relationship with the other girl was before my wife and I became seriously involved, engaged and married). My main interest is in protecting my children from rumors and unresolved questions that I have but that no other parties seem willing to answer. By accepted social measures we are 'successful'. We have and continue to build, a stable, Christian marriage. A new family member - daugher - is not a threat if wisdom, love and compassion reign.

If I am the birthfather then so be it. Dialogue and involvement would or would not occur as the 'daughter' should decide (yet hopefully wanting to be 'informed'). My children would be psychologically prepared (me and wife too) and other immediate family would be properly notified as appropriate. But if I am not the birthfather, then they all go away with my best wishes and a little sadness that her search is not ended. Were I in the girl's situation, I would act to rapidly know one way or the other. But that is me.

How long do I keep being receptive with an open door policy? How do I re-contact/talk to the girl or make 'demands' as a 'willing' participant in a paternity test - do I talk with her as an adult or a 'child'. How do I not estrange her (further?) from a welcome choice of a paternity test? Should I contact her Dad (surprised that he has not contacted me)?

I'm not waiting forever but will have a diffficult time of just letting it go and 'see what happens later (what is later?). I am not the type, by nature or training, to just wait and get tossed like a rudderless ship on waves of indecision, possible deceit, other's fears and political corrrectness. How do I be 'nice' - or not - while being direct, decisive, firm yet polite?

I realize i have no control over others; especially those who don't know me nor I them (with perhaps no interest in them anyway). I can't elimminate the perhaps negative influences her birthmother (who has 3 other children with 2 other 'fathers') and Dad. So maybe another recommendation for how I can decompress and not be too aggressive in expecting/demanding a paternity test?

As this is not in any way a 'legal issue', recommentations to other sites/agencies are welcome. Beuhler...Beuhler...anyone...anyone...

Thanks in advance.

Emotional sensitive 8yo boy

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 19:36:00 GMT

I have an 8 yo son who is highly creative and imaginative and highly emotional. He cries very easily. When he is angry it is huge. He seems fearful of many things. And he is perfectly fine playing by himself or with others. It really doesn''t matter to him (although he is nervous about his first year at summer camp afraid he won't make friends and the others will tease him). I try to encourage him to control his emotions and not let them control him. Any suggestions?

Feeling spent!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 20 Dec 2005 17:57:33 GMT

Hi I'm a stay at home Mom of a 15yr. old, and a 8yr. old and then there's our two year old daughter who seems latley to take the life right out of me. I feel very guilty for just being fed up some days my husband works long hours so it's me pulling the house load usually there's the laundry that seems to never end toilets to be scrubed constant dishes I feel as though it's a never ending cycle our two year old is way more difficult than our other two she is a constant battle all day long some days she is so strong willed I'm just looking for another stay at home Mommy that I can talk to it seems that everyone I know works and well I WORK but just in my home is anyone there that could just use someone else in the same boat?

Boarding school for stability

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 17 Jan 2005 16:11:37 GMT

I am in a situation. I have had to move constantly with my son and now I have the opportunity to send him to boarding school all totally free. I want him to have what I have not provided consistently and pray constantly that Gods' will be done in his life.

14 year old daughter's boyfriend

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 03 Jan 2005 10:25:12 GMT

I need advice. I have a 14 year old daughter who is very intelligent, beautiful, popular, and very caring. However, she currently has a "boyfriend" that is taking all of her concentration away from her schoolwork, extra-curricular activities and family life. Slowly her grades have dropped to the point that she's inelgible to participate in school sports, she's become unruly when we approach her with questions about this boy. He comes from a broken home and although she says he's a very smart individual, we just don't think this is going anywhere good. She recently spent the majority of her money on a Christmas present for him ($80) and never even mentioned it to us. She has gotten her little sister to lie for her that he visited when my wife and I weren't home. I just can't trust her. She says that we're just being racist because the boy is black. I say because she's too young and it's effecting her grades and her family life. I've asked her to stop that relationship until she gets a little older and more mature. She clams up and will not speak for days. It's creating a lot of hard feelings between her and us. I don't know what to do.

5yo, defiant and knows it all. HELP?!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 05:00:44 GMT

I'm a single mom - my son is with me 8-10 days a month and more frequently in the summer. My 5 year old is extremely articulate and has an amazing memory, great for school, challenging for me. I don't know what to do for a number of behaviors:

1. he thinks he knows EVERYTHING and doesn't hesitate to tell me so

2. he blames others/me for anything that goes wrong - even when it's clearly a result of his poor choice

3. he is rude and disrespectful to me and his friends (don't know how long they'll be his friends, he's quite a tyrant)

4. he whines and complains when requested to do simple things (clean up, get dressed, brush teeth, etc)

I have recently read John Rosemond's 'Parenting by the Book' and i love it! I need some discipline suggestions, natural consequences . . . things that will make an impact.

thanks parents!

Liv

Divorced parents disagree on medical issues

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 29 Jul 2006 00:56:42 GMT

Hello,
I'm a single mom of a 6 yr old. We have joint custody but he lives with me and spends one day a week w/his dad (he is supposed to stay the night but the two times we tried he had to be brought home because he was so hyterical he was throwing up).

Anyway, he had his tonsils and adenoids removed on 6/27, a Tuesday and was on antibiotics and codeine for pain. He was in excruciating pain so I followed the drs orders of every four to six hours and to stay on top of the pain. When he was at his dad's three days later, his dad refused to give him his pain medication saying he didn't need it. Of course by the time he got home, he was quite upset from the pain after not having pain meds for 8 hrs. The next week the same thing. I checked w/the dr many times to make sure I was doing everything okay also. My ex still refused to give him the Tylenol the dr now recommended, weining him off the codeine.

So now I'm being accused by my ex for 'drugging' our son and keeping him so doped up he couldn't sit up straight. He keeps e-mailing me about it, arguing and it's just getting old.

It's really upsetting to me that he's acting like this. He didn't even bother to call to see how everything went let alone come to the hospital during the surgery. I know it's a relatively minor surgery, but...

It's also upsetting becuase when our son was an infant I caught my ex a couple times giving him collodial silver drops. He also doesn't want him to have any immunizations.

Has anyone else had problems like this? I would appreciate any insite! Even if it's to tell me I'm overprotective or whatever.

Can anyone advise on inappropriate behaviour from 11 and 12 year olds?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 12:20:16 GMT

My 11 year old son has many of his school friends come to our house to play. Sometimes upwards to 12 children at a time. A couple of these children are talking about sexual things that are making it uncomfortable for the other children. The other issue is that a girl who is 12 that comes is always wanting to kiss her "boyfriend" who is 11 and in grade 5.(not just a kiss on the check) She also does not dress appropriately. She shows her bra to some of the children and things like that. Anyone have any advice on how to treat this situation? When I catch them I always say not to do that but it continues. Thanks

Respect

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 10:40:58 GMT

Hi - we need help. Our 8 year old son has been homeschooled until this year. He is very bright and also very independent. His grandfather has always joked that he will either be a salesman or a lawer when he grows up because he can talk or argue his way into or out of anything. We have read many many books as we have known from the time he was very small that he was an independent minded-strong-willed personality.

Our difficulty is that he started school this year at a wonderful Christian school and 8 days into the year we have gotten phone calls about disrespect. We are not suprised, but neither do we know how to stop it. Our son is not malicous or mean, be he always has something to say. How can we make him understand that he needs to be quiet in order to respect people in authority.

We are to meet with the school next week to figure out a solution. Here are examples of his disrespect. 1) he got a B+ on a paper for a 93% grade. He argued with her about it (we had used a different grading scale at home and 93% would have been an A-) The teacher said it wasn't a problem that he questioned it, but a problem that he argued about it after she explained and that he hardly let her explain because he plain told her she was wrong. 2) He was asked to stop making noise (he constantly makes noise) in line. He stopped and started making another noise. The teacher reminded him that she told him to stop and he said, "I did stop making that other noise, this is a different noise."

We are afraid that we have allowed him too much freedom at home and this is making the adjustment difficult for him. He has a younger brother who is also starting at the school this year who is having no problems so we know it is personality. How can we help our "unique" child adjust and learn what it means to show respect to his teachers and other adults at the school.

HELP! We don't want him to get kicked out - what a failure that would be! He loves it there.

RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder)

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 08 Jan 2004 20:49:23 GMT

I think our 7 year old may have RAD but we can by no means afford help with it. Any ideas if this can be fixed at home by my husband and I? I think I know what the issues stem from. If you have any info regarding this please let us know. Thank you.

44Him

Change in behavior

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 01:01:58 GMT

Our son, almost seven years old, has been acting strangely. I know it is probably one of those "normal" phases but it a challenge to deal with.

He is getting into things that have always been off limits. We can deal with things as they come but the biggest problem is he does not see any problem.

Things with our seven year old son have gotten more difficult lately. The biggest challenge is his "I don't remember that." or "I didn't do that today." or he doesn't see what he is doing as wrong. My wife is a tad strict and I've always tried to present a unified front. I expect our kids, three boys, to try and divide us. We have done time outs, taken away toys, privileges, had talks, etc. Does anyone have insight on what we can do to get him and us through this? I'm not looking for perfect behavior, the Lord knows we are in for the marathon versus a sprint.

Background:

I recently had to take a job about three hours from our home. The economy being what it is, jobs in my home area are few and far between. I had to fall back on my military job to provide for my family. It was almost to the point where I would have been three thousand miles from home...I ended up turning that down and took a job as a contractor. I am away from home during the week but home for the weekends. It isn't perfect and I have to wonder if the amount of time I've been away from home is what is causing this behavior issue. Like a lot of people in our society right now, I have to provide.

Bill

Aspergers and Disapline.... HOW?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 04:10:13 GMT

Have read all the books on Aspergers, but rarly does it explain how to effectivily disapline. I have a 10 year old who has Aspagers. While he succeeds in School, at home it is like walking on egg shells. They are many smart remarks, aggressiveness towards his younger brother, and little things that set him off. I guess you can say he has an anger problem. I know that in his mind things do not always click, However he can be sweet, loving and outgoing when things in his world do.

My husband and I are trying to find effective ways to disapline. We have tried taking away the things he enjoys, but this only escalades into temper tantrums that we can not control.

I would just like to see if anyone else might have an effective way to deal with this... Yes I have read the strong willed child, and have tried 1 2 3 magic..... we just need to have someone to help us help him....

thanks

Trying to help 4yr old son deal with daddy leaving 4days a week for new job

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 13:46:04 GMT

I really could use some advice. My husband just started a new job and he is out of state from Mon thru Thur. Our 4 yr old son is starting to clam up, and I can see that he is building a wall around himself to protect him self from the saddnes, anger, bitterness that he is feel. he doesn't know how to express himself fully. He has started yelling a lot at his younger brother, and now today his friends. He can say things like he's angry, but he's taking it out on others. This weekend when my husband was home, I noticed that my son was extra loving, and huggy to me. At one point I asked him if he was happy that daddy was home and he said no, and that he wanted my husband to go away again. My husband didn't hear our conversation, and I haven't shared it with him either. I know that my son didn't mean it the way it came out. It was his way of dealing with the change.I'm not sure what to do. I've told him that it's okay that he's sad, and that I'm sad too. I'm not sure of alternatives to teach him to handle his feelings. We do pray about it. I know it will take time, but he doesn't seem to be getting any comfort from prayer.we also talk on the phone every night. We even got camera's for the computer and talk as often as we can using those, so at least we can see each other.My husband being gone a lot isn't new. Up until this past Sept, he had been working two jobs. We would see him everymorning for breakfast, but he would only be home 2 to 3 evenings a week. My son was always saying that he missed daddy. But with daddy being gone for four whole days and nights, he's handling it much different.I know that this will pass. But I'm just wanting to handle this the best way that I can. I totally breaks my heart to see this fun loving child turn so hard. He's so eager to love and like people. I guess we all have built up walls when we get hurt. I just want my son to know that he is still loved, and it is okay to love, and be sad.hope I'm making sense...rambling now.thanks

masturbation

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 10:43:05 GMT

Have read two different schools of thought about masturbation, one being it is a natural part of life. The other teaches that it is sin. I find myself not knowing what to believe, and now have a 14 yr old son who is masturbating regularly. Is this something that needs to be addressed?

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 05:39:58 GMT

I have an 11 year old son that is interested in seeing the soon to be released movie about the book Diary of a Wimpy Kid. Having briefly scanned the first book two years ago, I deemed it to be ridiculous and a waste of time. The main character is mean, bullied, bullys others and doesn't seem to respect his parents. We didn't let him read the books. Now two years and several volumes later, my son has heard about the books from friends, probably read them at school when his friends bring them, and claims that his teacher is reading from one of the books in his class. What can any of you who have experience with these books tell me about the content? I am not sure that the movie will be much better. I'd love to hear from you.

told that we cannot control our kids

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 07:34:22 GMT

My husband and I were told by fellow christians that we minister with that we need to learn to control our kids because my son who just turned two would not sit in a chair perfectly still and quiet for two hours at a function we had. My two year old son was walking around in the back of the room behind everyone, whispering and trying very hard to be quiet. He spoke out loud a few times in which those close to him laughed. I told this person that I read a quote by James Dobson that said a two year old should not be disciplined for not sitting quietly in church, because that was not in a two year olds nature, rather they should be taken to the nursery. 3 other co-workers had their children there also, and all of them made noise as well, all of them had to leave and come back in at least once. I told the co-worker that said this, that I would be glad to get a babysitter the next time if my children were a distraction to them, but that they were out of line in saying that I cannot control my children. Am I the only one out there that feels this way?

I need some advice

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 20:40:02 GMT

I have been divorced for 6 years. I have two kids 9 and 10 with my ex. When we divorced my son was enrolled in school out of my district area.Which was 20 minutes away from me. I had moved so i could be closer to work. I figured it would be wise to keep him where he was at. My ex does not drive becuase his lisense is suspended. I have had to do all the driving around for example taking the kids to appointments, activities plus more. My daughter had a special program in school just for her becuase she is a little slower in learning.My ex moved to my district area and both kids were enrolled in school. Again I had to bring the kids back and forth to school and his days because he does not drive. I also had to attend school meetings which my ex refused to attend to get my dughter situated in her program. Now he wants to move back to the old school district and enroll the kids in school. I feel that i have done enough catering for him and now I want to put my foot down. I dont know what to do. He insists he is taking the kids out of school. I told him that he will not. I want to stand my ground this time, I also dont want it to affect the children. My ex has a real control issue and is now brainwashing my son. Any advise

I have talked with my ex. He now wants to split the kids up since my son wants to go to go back to his original school he attended. That would mean that I kept my daughter and he would have my son. Any thoughts on this agrement?

Need advice regarding my 4 year old who refuses to poop on potty

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 24 Apr 2010 00:04:10 GMT

My 4 year old has been going pee on the potty by himself for quite some time now. That part was really effortless. I've been potty training him with the poop-part of it since he was 3. I started right after his 3rd birthday and he just turned 4 in March. During that time, he told time over and over that when he was 4, he would start going poop on the potty. Sure enough, the week of his birthday he began to do it all on his own. I was elated. However, about 3 weeks later, he decided he didn't want to do it anymore and subsequently stopped using the potty. He now holds his poops for 3 to 4 days and either goes in his underwear or waits until I put a pull-up on for night-time and goes in the diaper. Now he tells me he will go poop on the potty when he's 5! Needless to say, I believe this is simply a battle of the wills. He's very strong-willed and is challenging all authority at this time but is an overall really good kid. We are Christians and we're praying about this but I thought I'd just see if anyone has some advice for me or a similiar experience.

No Greater Joy??

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 29 Sep 2005 17:48:27 GMT

I've recently discovered a parenting site called www.nogreaterjoy.org . I am wondering if anyone else out there has read their material, used their methods, etc. What are your opinions? What did you think of their methods? Have you tried them and achieved any success?

Has anyone used the K12 curriculum?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 23 Jun 2010 13:26:00 GMT

I am new to the idea of homeschooling, and have a daughter entering 7th and a son entering 2nd. My husband and I are very motivated to homeschool, but do not have a budget for many expensive books and resources. The Ohio Virtual Academy is free for us as it is a public school option and they use the K12 curriculum. I plan on doing Bible devotions with my children, and I have always had discussions with them about the errors in some of the public (secular) materials they used in school. I just want to know if anyone has used K12, and do you have advice or comments about the program. I truly appreciate any feedback you can give!

Public vs. Private

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 19:43:21 GMT

I went to a public school and I don't see anything wrong with it. My friend went to a private school and he told me a lot of stuff that happens stays within the school so you don't really hear all the bad things happening.

Brian

How are we gonna survive the summer of '04?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 02 Jun 2004 19:55:29 GMT

After finishing physical therapy postknee surgery I have decided to take the summer off to be home with my kids. Last year I worked full-time the entire summer but have since begun to feel my heart "turn toward home." My kids are 9 and 3 yrs old, a boy and a girl. How in the world am I gonna keep my sanity this summer? I have a can't-sit-still nature as does my son. My little girl tends to be the homebody who would sit in her jammies all day. Any suggestions that won't break our bank?

When do you let a baby cry himself to sleep?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 16:56:54 GMT

My husband and I are wondering when we should stop holding our baby until he falls asleep. He is almost six months old and we usually hold him until he is sleeping and then put him in his crib. He is also waking up twice during the night which is wearing us out! Any suggestions?

Move to booster seat, regular utensils, etc.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 12 May 2004 17:45:31 GMT

I am wondering about a few things. First, at about what age have parents moved their toddlers from using a high chair to using a booster seat at the regular table? Second, at what age have parents changed from using special plates and silverware with their toddlers, to using the same as everyone else? Lastly, at what age have parents started their toddler/child using a regular cup, rather than a sippy cup? Thanks!

Graduated kids still at home

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 19 May 2009 18:01:20 GMT

We have twins (boys) who just graduated from high school. One is planning to go on to college in August. The other is not planning on going on to school and is working full-time. We also have another boy who just graduated living with us and working full-time. We are trying to determine what is a fair amount to chage them per month along with rules that they need to abid by while living in our house. Both (the ones working and not going to college) think that they should be able to do as they please without any rules. Suggestions?

Speech question

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 13 May 2008 06:30:31 GMT

We have two children. Our daughter is almost 5 now and was very advanced (my description) in her speech. My 2 years old she was speaking clearly so that everyone could understand her. She has always been very talkative and very little gets by her (even when we try hard to spell things, etc). Our son is 2 years and 3 months old. He is far behind where she was at this point. The last three months he has gotten more verbal but the words just arent forming for him. He has about 10 words in his vocabularly and tries to say things when we talk to him. Most of what he says comes out in "baby type" language. He can identify body parts when we ask him too, both on him and on us. And he understands us when we tell him to do something or ask him something. He likes to sing and talk to himself and when singing he gets the tone or inflection correct. So it seems he is trying hard. But it has gotten frustrating for me (well both of us). I want him to talk to us but I cant seem to hit the right notes to get him to do it. We read to him and practice by pointing at things and ask him what it is. I think partly because he is a boy and likes to run around and play that he gets interested in something else after a few minutes. That is a stark contrast to our daughter who has always enjoyed reading since she was just a few months old. To this day she will sit and read by herself. We have decided to call the pediatrician and get an appointment with a speech specialist. Mostly so we can get some advice on how to get him speaking more. We arent worried about any problems. Is there any guidance or help people can give us on what else we can do to help him learn more?

why does my daughter space out soo often???

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 12:58:54 GMT

my daughter is 10, i have recently been called to meet her teacher as she has been performing badly in class, according to her teacher, my daughter is often caught day dreaming, or mentally wandering off, the teacher wanted to know, if theres something wrong in our home, My daughter is a happy child, and in a happy environment, I cant understand why she is doing this, and this is not the 1st teacher to complain, she has been to several different schools due to us moving alot, although we have settled nicely now. I have bought vitamin supplements for kids for her to take to help her concentrate, but this does not seem to be helping...What can I do???

Teen Rebellion

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 12:28:29 GMT

Hi...I just found my way here. First of all is the Dr. Leman event in a "chat" format or just on these message boards?

I am looking for help with my rebellious 18 year old son's. My boys are twins and in their senior year of high school. I have not had trouble with them before this school year when one of my son's hooked up with the wrong group of friends. My son is being influenced by friends who have gotten him to try alcohol, pot, and told him since he is 18 now he should do his own thing, do what he wants, and "F" authority. This has been going on for months and my other son got sucked up into it for a short period but is no longer doing those things. He doesn't like the consequences. But my son who remains rebellious has not come around. So I sent him to live with his Dad (next town over) who does not want him there and claims he cannot handle this. He is failing high school due to lack of effort not lack of brains. He has joined a metal band and puts his effort into that yet still plays with his youth group band at church. He says he wants to get closer to God but continues to disrespect me and does not want to go by the rules in my home which I believe are totally reasonable: be responsbile, do your school work, clean up after yourself.

What do I do? I am in tears all the time at this point and living in fear for his future. I try to have faith, trust in God for the outcome, etc., but I need practical advice for the now. Please help!

Thank you.

18 mo. old flinging his food..every night!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 12 Oct 2005 20:34:49 GMT

My almost 18 month old son has a habit of "clearing off" his booster seat tray after he is finished eating and before I can reach for his bowl. He doesn't talk yet but I know he understands everthing I say. I tell him firmly not to throw his food on the floor, but to put it on the table when he's done. But EVERY time, he (almost in a hyper fit) dumps his bowl, and runs his hands across his tray speading everything onto the floor. At first I spanked him for this behavior but it continued and I almost feel that it is some sort of habitual reflex or something after he's finished. I don't know. So now I put him in time-out which he doesn't really understand yet. My question is, am I alone on this one, and is there any advice out there for how to stop this...which means getting through to him, which I'm not able to do in this area. (He's a good, usually obedient boy otherwise)

16 month old hits and kicks

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 24 Feb 2004 08:48:57 GMT

My 16-month-old daughter hates laying down to get her diaper changed and kicks her legs at me. Telling her to stop and spanking does not work. She continues the behavior with defiance. She also slaps me when I'm holding her and she gets angry or tired. Once again, I tell her not to hit and she doesn’t seem to care. Obviously, spanking her is not the answer. She is normally a very sweet, intelligent child and is extremely loved. I'm lost for ideas that I can follow consistently to stop the behavior.

18 Year old dates unbeliever

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 16:30:37 GMT

My 18 year old daughter who has been raised in a Christian home, attended a Christian school and professes Christian faith has decided to seriously date an unbeliever who is 22 years old. She has plans to go to a Christian College and major in Nursing. I have financed her education and was planning on continuing paying for a full 4 year college degree, along with a car and other typical expenses associated with living. She does have a part time job at a local grocery store. She has expressed that Christians are hypocrites and has had two bad relationships with so called Christian boys. She has also experienced what she calls hypocrisy in her Christian home. She can be very sweet, but when it comes to the subject of relationships with boys and some of her work friends, she prefers non-believers, and has stated this openly. We have discussed this at length with her and she is firm in her position to date the non-believer. She has a long list of rationalizations to justify her actions. She continues to profess faith, and goes to church.

We are struggling with the decisions we must now make, she is to begin her first year of college in a few months, and is graduating from High School with high honors this week. To what extent do we continue to finance her life, education, etc? How do we behave, what do we say any further than what we have already said. What is our response toward him?

Why does christian school have to cost.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 18:26:44 GMT

why can't we make christian school free of tuition? If we tithe like we should there should be enough to provide for christian schools. Any ideas? It should not be just for the ones that can afford it. It should be for all. Scripture is for all not just for the wealthy.

5 Year-Old Spitting on Bus

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 21:18:53 GMT

Hello,

My Kindergartener rides the bus to school. He's a very social little guy and loves to be the center of attention. Recently, I've noticed that he talks more about the "big kids" on the bus. And I think he almost always sits with an older boy who is in the 5th grade (that alone makes me nervous). Ever since he was 3 or 4, he's gravitated to playing with boys that are 2 or 3 years older. This year, he's gotten in trouble once for throwing pencils at the bus driver (a "big kid" was throwing as well). Well, just this morning, we were notified that yesterday, he and several 5th graders were spitting in another boy's face.

I am embarrassed that my son is making bad choices and have several concerns. 1) He is quick to jump on a bandwagon even when it is a bad idea 2) He spit in a boy's face 3)He doesn't seem to understand the gravity of the situation.

I would appreciate advice from other parents as well as from the FOTF counselors.

Thanks,

Jhud

out of control

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 19:24:40 GMT

I am the single Mom of four. I am recently umemployed, I'm trying to find a way to raise my kids by myself and make enough money for us to live. I am depressed and fustrated with my children, who seem to be running wild. My kids have always been well behaved until recently. I have been divorced for a year and a half now and feel so out of control. How can I disipline them in a healthy way, so I'm not yelling like a crazy person? Threats and yelling are not working and I feel more out of control then ever. I would appreciate any advice.

stressed and frustrated

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 01:07:58 GMT

I have a 16 year old daughter who has had the toughest 2 years. She had a " bully/manipulative " friend who she finally realized wasn't really her friend. She is a sophmore in high school and doesn't have really any friends. She had a boyfriend for about a year, then they broke up. We've talked about choosing good friends but, she seems to do the opposite. She wails from the gut with wild crying. It scares me. When I ask if I can help, she tells me to get out. I do and leave her to her "getting it out " session. I know these years are hard but, is there anything else I can do to help her. I believe she feels bad about how she has led her life and I believe she feels alone. I'm her father.

Sixteen year old daughter engaged in a relationship with a girlfriend

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 20:29:53 GMT

Hi, last night I found a letter written to a girlfriend by my daughter where is expressing her love and affection for you and calls her girlfriend her wife.

Please let me hear from you if you have experienced this: What was the root cause; How did you handle it; Did the teen explain why they acted out this way; How did you resolve this? Any Advice or insight?

Thank you!

Motherhood Webcast:

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 20:31:03 GMT

Hi everyone <3

I am a "Sometimes Single Mom". My husbannd is a long haul trucker & is only home 2 days a week. We have three children, ages 1, 3, and 6 years old. I don't have any family closer than an 8 hour drive and very few friends (2 actually).

I am looking for advice on how to juggle my responsibilites while finding time for myself.

Thanks in advance!

please be quiet!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 20 Oct 2003 14:45:04 GMT

Hello again. I am stepmom from post about 7 yr old mis-behaving in school...
one other thing I would love to hear your ideas about: my stepson will not be quiet. I don't mean he talks all the time (well he does, but..) When we've told him to stop talking, he hums, mumbles, blabbers, CONSTANTLY !! He just can not be quiet! When we've asked him to be quiet, 1 minute later, he's talking again. He always has to give us his opinion on things we are talking about (even if he has no idea what the topic is, he'll make something up). He asks questions that are ... well... odd. For example: his dad is in the shower, I'm in the kitchen, you can hear the shower running, he asks me if his dad is in the shower. It's like he comes up with silly questions just to hear his voice. On top of the school behavior issue, we are just at the end of the rope with him.
please, any suggestions ?

step daughter teen at risk of dropping out of school - need wisdom

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 08:06:49 GMT

I have a 15 year old stepdaughter who is doing very poorly in school, has already been moved to an alternate school, is failing there and we have been told she is planning on quitting school. Her mother has basically told her - go ahead, it's your life. We have also been told there are drugs and alcohol involved. This stepdaughter wants nothing to do with us (her father and I) because her mom pretty much lets her go anywhere, with anyone, at anytime and has absolutely no rules - where we do, therefore why go where she's going to be restricted right? Never the less, we have only seen here once in the last year.
Does anyone have any words of wisdom on what do to in a situation like this? I feel like I care too much to let her throw her life away, but as a stepmother am very limited. My husband feels like there is nothing he can do because her mother will not back him up with anything, and his daughter wants nothing to do with him. If anyone has any wisdom on where we can go for help with this situation please let us know. I know God is on the throne and has everything under control, but also feel we can't just sit back and do nothing while a child throws her life away. Would appreciate your prayers for wisdom in this situation.

Deciding to homeschool 14 year old daughter with slight learning disability.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 19:17:40 GMT

I am a special education teacher in a very small town K12 attendance center. My children were in school with me every day. I chose teaching because I wanted to be with with my kids and still be able to earn an income. I was never far away from them. We attend church regularly and provide a home with Christian values. We are not a parents who drop their kids off anywhere. We either go as a family or they don't go. We are very careful about who they spend time with. I thought we were doing all the right things. My eighteen year old son was easy and has a very strong relationship with Jesus. Our fourteen year old daughter is another story. I am having to rethink a lot of things where she is concerned.

She was born with a birthmark on her nose that spread as she grew. When she was around two we discovered that she had a slight learning delay. When she would not talk, I took her to a specialist and she was diagnosed with a language delay. We worked with her at home until she was three. From there she went to a local headstart program and received speech therapy. I have my doubts as to how many actual sessions she had with the therapist. She entered kindergarten and did not progress very well, but she moved on to first. She repeated first and I worked with her at home every day after school reinforcing everything that she had in school that day. I was exhausted and so was she, but she passed to second grade. We were blessed with two great teachers for the next two years and I worked closely with them to keep her on track. She tested advanced on the state curriculum test in 3rd grade. We were thrilled. Fourth grade quickly brought me back to earth. The fourth grade curriculum was very difficult. She had a teacher who refused to do anything different to help her because it wasn't "fair to the other students". I was in the office with the principal and counselor several times. I was defeated because she had taught there forever and I had not. She volunteered with athletics and was a most valuable asset to them. We struggled through, but my daughters esteem dropped to nothing. She is very shy and thinks that she is "less than" because she has a learning difficulty. We continued to have the same difficulties through middle school , until I requested that she be tested for special education services. I had her IEP worked out so that she received tutoring and would be working toward a general education diploma. Her esteem was still taking a beating, but I knew that there weren't many other options left open to us. I had to continue to work. (My husband has a blue collar job in a local factory and makes about half my salary after I passed National Boards.) In seventh grade she moved over to the high school building, where I teach. I was worried about her being there because she is well developed for a seventh grader. We had surgery the year before to remove the birthmark on her nose and she looks great. Boys began to pay attention to her. I was worried, but I thought I had it under control. We talked often about having respect for self and body. The last week of school a teacher friend of mine dropped a bomb on me. She was approached by a young man who was having a case of conscience. (Thank You Lord) He is a seventeen year old who had been secretly sexting (sex talk texting) with my daughter for some time. They had secretly met while we were shopping at Walmart and participated in some kissing and petting in a remote section of the store. When this teacher told me what had happened, I realized that I had to take action before my daughter makes a decision that could devastate her life. Once word gets out that a young girl is easy prey, it is very hard for her to get away from it. My husband and I confronted her that night and she had a melt down. We all cried and prayed and started talking about home schooling. My husband is changing his shift at work to be at home with her during the day and I will plan and leave assignments with them. In the evenings I will check and reinforce. I downloaded the curriculum from the state department of education web site. I will use it as a guide and when she is old enough, she will take the GED test. From there we do ACT and junior college. She is great a photography. I hope that she can find a way to incorporate it into a career. I want her to job shadow with a local photographer if I can work it out. She is actually excited about home schooling. She said that she absolutely hates public school and was sick of the battles that she faced every day. All of this being said, I am looking for more info/support on home schooling teens. I know I will need an excellent video source for Algebra and the other higher maths. I found a reading web site by Don Potter and was intrigued with his teaching methods. It's donpotter.net if anyone is interested in it. We need all the prayers that we can get as this new journey begins.

HS a Pre-Schooler?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 10 Aug 2005 17:04:57 GMT

I want to start a more "formal" teaching time with my 2 1/2 year old daughter as I believe this fits both our personality & learning styles. I was thinking about 30 minutes or so each morning while the baby is napping. But, I'm really not sure where to start.

My sister, who teaches at a Christian preschool, said to focus on numbers 1-20, shapes, colors, and recognizing her name in print. But, how do I do this exactly? I am not very creative and do not have the energy to create daily lesson plans for my daughter.

Is anyone aware of existing resources for something like this?

want advice on how to be a stay at home mom

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 06 Apr 2010 16:44:14 GMT

My husband and I are expecting our first child and I would dearly love to be a stay at home mom, however we are not sure if this is even financially possible. I'm currently working fulltime for a christian ministry and my husband is a high school teacher. None of my friends are stay at home moms and everyone I talk to seems to think its impossible to do on my husband's rather low salary. Has anyone else been able to make ends meet on one meager income? If so I would love any advice I can get! How do you do it? Also, do you know of any good resources out there for people in our situation?

My 2 year old is so rough! Please help

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 27 Jan 2006 15:23:29 GMT

I need some advice. My two-year-old son is so rough. Every day his teacher tells me that he is rough with the other children. He tackles, pushes, kicks, etc. When I asked for details she said he wasn't angry or seemingly doing it to be mean, but he is just extremely physical and rough. He also is this way with his 6-year-old sister. But she can handle him and it normally doesn't get too bad. We've told her that she can't let him play rough with her. That if he starts, she is to say, "Don't be mean, Jack, be nice!" And walk away from him. My husband has stopped wrestling with him. We put him time out or in his room when he gets too rough.What do we do? I'm tired of hearing every day that he is being mean. Especially when I know he isn't being mean-spirited about it just rough. He is ALL boy. He also has a really high pain threshold himself and is laid back, so what bothers others, probably doesn't phase him. And there is a part of me that thinks it is okay for him to be physical. I just don't know how to direct it at this age. If he were old enough to be in sports that would be great. We have him in gymnastics one day a week at the day care. I could put him in another day. Do you think that would help? Does anyone have any advice or ideas?
Thanks,

Starting a home-based ministry

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 21 May 2004 13:46:26 GMT

Dear Focus Family, I am a SAHM with 4 children. We live in a small community. Our home has become somewhat of a hangout for kids. (This is a good thing). A lot of these children come from broken homes or have parents that are unable to be around like I can be. I would love to start a home-based ministry that reaches out to the children of our community in an purposeful way. I would like to be a welcome place where children can come and see and participate in Christian and family values. Children who may not be church attendees, etc. I would also like to travel around to other local churches and show other moms how they can also minister with their families and homes to others. Here is where I am stumped. How do I start doing this? In a formal way, I mean. This is not something that I wish to make money at (not baby sitting). But money is necessary to meet some of the practical needs required starting a ministry like this (like for food). Has anyone ever done anything like this before who could give me some advice as far as a starting point? A mother in ministry, Robin

thinking about another child

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 12 Jan 2005 16:52:01 GMT

My husband is in the army and I have an 18 month old daugher and I am thinking about having another kid. I want to have another baby, I think mostly because I feel so lonely without my husband around. The only question I have with having another baby is that since my husband is away all the time in the army, I am scared that he will get sent overseas and die and I will be left all alone with 2 kids. Someone please give me some advice.

Christian Homeschooling Curriculum

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 16:19:57 GMT

The children are 5yr. old(boy) and 11 yr. old (girl). The plan is to start with the youngest for a year then homeschool both. I am looking for curriculum with a christian worldview.
Should we mix the curriculum up? You know have some secular curriculum with some christian curriculum? Are there top notch christian curriculums for children with the above ages.
Are there any with a project base? With each section ending with some sort of project i.e. science fair, model or art design.

my 2 year old and her speech

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 23 May 2008 11:51:29 GMT

Hello, My daughter is 2 y/o, but was 3 months preemie.I went to see her dr yesterday and i was told that she would need to be potty trained asap for her to put her in prek for speech therapy..Now the thing is my daughter only says mom and dad..nothing else..and her gestures arent quite down yet.How would you go about that?Are there any places that would come out for her or me take her too?I do not feel she is ready for potty training.
Thank you for your help.

Heart Broken Grandparent

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 12:35:53 GMT

I am a very troubled Grandparent of a beautiful brown eyed 4 & 1/2 year old grandaughter. She owns papa's heart. My heart was recently broken. Not by what my grandaughter did, but what my daughter did to her. She dyed her beautiful long brown hair that's never been cut. Not a play dye, but a permant dye that will not wash out. It's not so much the color she dyed it, but the fact that she is only 4. My thinking is what's she going to do at 6, get a tatoo, and body piercing at 8. This has bothered me so much that my relationship has changed between my grandaughter and me, and I have not spoken to my daughter since she adulterated my grandaughters hair.

I am interested in a counselor giving me some feed back on this issue.

Need help explaining fathers absense (divorse)

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 12 Oct 2004 19:26:04 GMT

I need some help. Me and my husband divorsed a couple of years ago. We have 2 boys ages 4 and 6. There father has not seen them in over a year(since he remarried). The boys keep asking about him, but I keep changing the subject. I dont know what to tell them. I feel they need to know something, but how and what do I tell them??

My son wont throw anything away!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 20:21:50 GMT

Not sure if this is related but he is diagnosed with ADD, he is 11 years old and he wants to hold on to

everything! He saves his empty soda bottles and hides them under his bed. He saves old soap dispensers

ane even his empty shampoo bottles. He gets very upset with me when he sees them in the garbage can.

Could it be a fase he is going through? Any suggestions on what would bring about this kind of behavior.

Children and Moving

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 08:55:13 GMT

Share those things that your children did when they first learned they were moving and after the move was complete. Was the move difficult or easy for them?

Or If you moved when you were a child, what difficulties did you have to face during the whole process? Please share those experiences here.

How do you ask without nagging?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 23 May 2008 12:32:25 GMT

My kids and DH say that I nag. I know I do at times, but the way I see it I am asking them to do something and if they don't, I will ask again. Do you think it is my tone of voice or do you think it is nagging to repeat your request?

Is My 10 yr. old son having psycholog. problems?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 22:12:29 GMT

I'm desperate to know what is plagueing my son. He's 10 years old and for about a year and a half now has been suffering from extreme emotional ups and downs. I am scared out of my mind that he may be bipolar and am afraid if I take him to his "non Christian" pediatrician that I'll be sent down the road of some new age treatments/diagnosis. My husband totally disagrees with me and thinks he needs more discipline (spanking, taking away privileges). I've taken everything away from him except his clothes, food and bed. He says he is acting this way because he wants his things back. He has started to struggle and deteriorate in his grades at school and forgets to turn in his homework. I believe the problem started about a year and a half ago, but has escalated to this point of my desperation. I sit here typing as he cries himself to sleep (has been for the last hour and 15 minutes) and has for several nights in a row. There is so much more to this, but I feel like I'm rambling on. I just need to get some counsel from a Christian doctor I know, but don't know one in my area. And I don't know what to do about my husband's lack of support (do I go behind his back?).

other 3 or 4 month olds??

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 02 Feb 2006 18:11:31 GMT

Hi. Just wondering if anyone else has a baby around my son's age (3 1/2 mo.) and if so (or if you remember what your baby was like at that age), what is he/she doing? What is he like developmentally? what does he like to do? what are his days like? etc.

Also, I'm trying to transition from 4 naps a day to 3 naps...anyone have any advice on this? The way our day goes now, he's supposed to be staying awake from 4:30/5ish til last feeding & bedtime at 8:00, whereas he's normally only awake for an hour and a half or 2 hours at a time during the day. So far he seems to still be wanting that 4th nap, but from what I've read on various websites, babies his age should take 3 naps and then at 6 mo. they should take 2 naps. His naps are 1 to 2 hours long and he sleeps 10-11 hours at night.

7 year old daughter afraid to be alone

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 16:13:57 GMT

My 7 year old daughter is afraid to be alone in a room. If we leave a room she runs after us and will not even use the bathroom until someone goes with her. She seems to be fine in groups or if we are all in a room together, but if we leave a room, she will drop whatever she is doing and run after us saying that she is afraid. I've asked what she is afraid of, but the answer always seems to be something different or she doesn't answer. Why is she so afraid and how do we help her overcome her fear?

Homeschooling a hard of hearing child

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 23:27:03 GMT

Hi,

I have a 2 year old son who is hard of hearing and wears hearing aids. He has very little spoken language and uses mostly sign to communicate. Actually, my whole family is learning sign language. I am thinking about homeschooling him. Does anyone have experience homeschooling a deaf or hard of hearing child? Especially if the child relies on sign language?

Elementary Age

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 May 2008 10:09:51 GMT

My son is entering 2nd grade in a public school next year. What are some important questions to ask the teacher? as far as agendas they may be pushing and he would be allowed to opt out of. The past school years he did not take sex education, but I was wondering if there are more. Thank you.

When to cut ties with parents

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 18:30:42 GMT

I am at a point where I don’t know if I should cut off all ties with my parents. I need some guidance! Long story short: My husband and I were married 4 ½ years ago. We did everything right – We waited for each other, we did not live together, we obeyed all my parents’ rules even if they were silly, we did not go out on a date alone till after I was 18 (we met when I was 16). Everything was perfect until we got engaged and told them after we were married we were moving 2 hours away (for better jobs and a better life- my husband had a good job lined up already when we told them this). After this, threats were made about not coming to our wedding, not seeing our future kids, etc… They still comment about my husband ‘stealing’ me away from them, because he is a ‘mama’s boy’. My husband’s family lives in the same city we do, but they are non abrasive and very much give us our space, they do not bother us, we all get along great. My youngest sister got married in June 2009, during my dad’s toast to the new couple, he humiliated my husband in front of everyone by something he said, everyone knew it because they all came up to us afterward. Since then things have greatly gotten worse and my parents think we owe them an apology for being upset about this and trying to make ‘something out of nothing’. We had our first child in January 2009, a sweet baby girl, which is my parents’ first grandbaby. My parents have visited ONCE since she was born. My mom was in there with me when I had her. We have visited them 4 or 5 times since. Recently I asked them to come the weekend after Christmas to spend time with their granddaughter, they said they were too busy. That upset me greatly and I said something I should not have “I am thankful my daughter has one grandparent that loves to spend time with her”. (My husbands mom, who adores her granddaughter and does anything she can to see her). Christmas morning I received a nasty voicemail from my dad telling me I am evil and rude and that he has two other daughter’s that respect him, he just went on and on. He also said since they are the parents it is my responsibility to go to them, not the other way around. They have made accusations saying we don’t let them see her, which is a complete lie, we would never say that (Why would I invite them for Christmas then?). A few months ago they came up one weekend, the whole weekend, and did not stop by, or call. The time before that they came up for the day to pick up my brother who was visiting and left early stating they had to get back home, come to find out they spent the rest of the day in our town shopping and went to dinner and didn’t get home till 11. In my dad’s voicemail, he again mentioned how we live 2 hours away because my husband ‘stole me away from them’, he will not drop this. They accept the fact and are fine with one of my sister’s being a stripper, and the other living with her fiancé before they were married, but cannot and will not accept the fact I have moved to a different town than they. I am still the ‘bad daughter’ for this. My parents are very heavy drinkers, they go out every night and leave my 13 year old brother home alone. They do unspeakable things with other couples. They trash talk everyone they know, and if you are not like them, you are ‘going to hell’. They bring us down as a couple. My husband and I are Christians and are trying to be better people and to be more like God. They cause so much stress and anxiety in our lives. I honestly do not know what to do anymore. I cannot take my dad’s mental abusiveness any longer. They say very mean things to me to make me feel bad. Moving away has been the best thing for our marriage, they have already caused problems in my sister’s new marriage. They hold everything over my head, even the fact that my mom was with me when I had my daughter – like I owe her something. They tell lies about us to other people, like how we have a horrible marriage when in fact that is not the case whatsoever, and how we live away from them so my husband can be closer to his family - Again, a lie. At what point do I stop this and stop talking to them? I don’t want to do that, but it is getting so out of hand and they are acting so childish. When do I take care of my family (my husband and new daughter) and stop letting them do this to us?

Christian son dating non-Christian girl

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 03:22:44 GMT

Our almost 18 year old son is dating a non christian girl. I have heard the advice on podcasts that it's good to cut off all contact with the girlfriend if you have a good talking relationship with your child. He doesn't share much with us. He's not rebellious & is pretty respectful but I can see him blowing up if we forbid him to see her. They haven't had sex but he does admit to regretting what he has done with her. She has had sex with another guy so I'm so scared for them. Any advice?

Should I be concerned about this behavior in my 17 yr. old son?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 Jul 2010 19:59:53 GMT

My son is 17 and is a very good kid - a Christian, regular church attender, straight A student, good sportsmanship awards, good friend choices. Doing things with his friends is very important to him. If he is not with them, he's texting or having conversations with them on facebook. We have a filter on our computers and they're in the common living area. He also has an IPOD with access to the internet and we cannot put a filter on that. He claims that he only uses it for facebook. Over the past year or two, we've noticed that he spends long periods of time in the bathroom. He keeps his phone and IPOD with him at all times - even in the bathroom. I know he doesn't want to miss texts, etc., but this seems kind of strange to me. I would like to know if I should be concerned about it. He is very private and doesn't talk to his dad or me about any problem areas/issues and isn't involved in youth group - so has no adult mentors. He does attent a Christian school and is thought of highly by his teachers. My husband went through Passport to Purity with him around age 11-12, but there hasn't been any talk about sex since then. My husband is not comfortable talking about it with him and I think he is the one who should talk with him. If I ever ask my son if everything's OK or if anything is wrong (after noticing a change in his mood), he gets very defensive and asks why I always assume something is wrong. Should I be concerned and if so, what should I do about it?

Video Games - Whats OK and whats not?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 26 May 2010 15:35:14 GMT

I have quite a good idea my self (wont go into detail as its a rather long system) of working out what video games are right and what are wrong. I wanted to know what others view on games such as Crysis and Mass Effect 2(neither of which I have played). Thanks!

17-year-old son left home

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 03:17:23 GMT

Tonight our oldest son, 17, left home in a huff over his entertainment options in our home. In short, our family standard is no ungodly music, movies, video games, etc., in our home, and our son has repeatedly (over the past two years) defied this rule, been deceitful, and flagrantly ignored it. He turns 18 in two months, and we told him tonight that he is welcome in our home as long as he respects our values, but we couldn't allow this dishonoring behavior to continue. His response was to pack a bag and leave. He feels that our restrictions are ridiculous; we've told him that he needn't agree with our standards, but simply respect them while under our roof. He said as he left that that's something he just can't do. According to him, we are just control freaks.

He left his keys, because we own the car, and left on his dirtbike (on icy roads). We heard from a family friend that he's "safe," but I'm thinking he isn't safe at all--he chose to step out from under the covering of his parents. He has threatened to run away before, usually when we've found movies or music that are inappropriate, and my husband and I felt that this was the time to call his bluff and not talk him into staying home.

My question is to those who've had a similar experience. Did your child come home? Were you able to carry on as a family afterward? What about the younger siblings (we have a 14-year-old boy and 12-year-old girl watching all of this)?

Of course, now that the temperature has dipped to 11 degrees, I am sitting up, wondering where he is and what he's doing. I wonder whether he'll try to come back and whether we should let him. Part of me thinks he's just taking a breather, and he'll come waltzing back wanting his bed made and his dinner fixed and his laundry done just like usual. Part of me thinks this is a bumpy beginning to adulthood, and I'm sad that it couldn't go more smoothly.

A few facts about his life: he's an honor student, bright, sensitive, and funny. We have moved 10 times with the military, the most recent being 2 years ago, when he got into an unhealthy crowd. He has experimented with drugs and alcohol several times (3-4) that we know of, and last fall it was discovered that he had been immoral with his girlfriend. My husband and I pulled him out of school and have been homeschooling him this semester. While we questioned that decision, the past three months have been spectacular, with our son exhibiting a complete turnaround in attitude and behavior. That is, except for his choices for music and movies. Just this week we've found filthy movies as well as anti-Christian music, and all goodwill has dissolved. And now he's left.

I just thought maybe somebody on this forum could lend some perspective.

Healthy relationship between Adoptee and Bio-siblings???

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 18 Aug 2010 16:51:08 GMT

Wondering how other adoptive parents have handled this? We are very honest with our daughter about her adoption. We have contact with maternal bio-family. Her bio-parents have stayed together for the last 9 years without getting married. They recently had another child. We have not told our daughter about the sibling. Main concern was trying to explain to her why they kept the baby but not her. The bio-parents were in high school at the time of our daughter's birth. Another factor in the equation is our family has 4 boys and 1 girl. Our daughter has been asking for a sister for a long time. Any thoughts? Or how have other adoptive parents handled the relationship with bio-siblings?

Message was edited by: mom2five

Adult Children

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 22 May 2008 10:07:31 GMT

Our adult child (age 27) has had health problems since birth. He also had a lot of learning difficulties, especially ADD-type issues like trouble staying on task, not completely things, no real interests, distracted with things like Nintendo. He has been healthy since around age 12, but then different problems came up. He became a liar, he stole from us (checks, money, items), he ran away from home, wrecked cars, got speeding tickets, did poorly in school. We had some family counseling but my husband (his dad) wouldn't make him go anymore. He has had troubles keeping a job for years. He would quit a job for no reason and then be bumming around with no job for a while. This would go on in a pattern for years. Also, he couldn't pay his bills and since his dad had cosigned for his truck, we had to pay the payments when he wouldn't. We moved to a different state and he hadn't lived with us for several years. I had decided that he couldn't live with us again. However, soon after that, he quit his seasonal job and was back with us again. Right from the start, I tried to set up limits and rules for his living with us again, but my husband just wouldn't enforce them. He felt very defensive about our son possibly being kicked out of the house. Well, our son has been in our home for 1.5 year now and hasn't had a job the whole time. He goes out every day "looking" for jobs and we can't figure out how he can't get one. He pretended that he was taking a college class for several months until we finally figured out he wasn't doing that. He went to professional trucking school and got his CDL and HAZMAT endorsements but can't find a trucking job. We live in a booming area and there shouldn't be too much difficulty getting a job. We have tried every suggestion imaginable but he either doesn't follow through or doesn't do it properly. It's hard to say, since we can't likely follow him around like he's a toddler, except that we wish we could sometimes. At the same time, while he's been here, he has been invaluable to us in helping us with projects around our new house, and we have a some wonderful family times. My husband says that this is for "such a time as this" and that I am too impatient for him to grow up, but it is really getting to me to have our son around at all odd hours of the day and night, kind of presuming that he can just slide back in like there is nothing odd about a 27-year-old guy who doesn't have a job and who's living with his parents. He goes to church, but it's a megachurch where he can just slink in and slide out without seeing people. He's normally a social guy with a lot of friends, but he hasn't met one friend in the whole time he's been here, acting like this part of this life is "on hold" and doesn't count for anything. He has compacted his life down to such a small space so that nothing will "hurt" him. He doesn't sleep well at all. His dad gets fed up periodically with him not having a job and hanging around, and then says a bunch of hurtful things to us both, which doesn't do much good. I would like us to go to counselling but my husband things only crazy people go to counsellors. He told me that if I want to go, he's not paying for it. I work at home and I do not have any money of my own. Fortunately, I have close friends who pray with me and counsel me. My husband is very kind to me but has such a fear of what might happen to our son that that fear surpasses how he feels for me sometimes. Our son doesn't pick up things around the house, rarely does his laundry, never has any money, doesn't follow through on normal things he should do, and so many things in his life are goofed up - I have never seen a person have more problems with accomplishing something like correcting a bank error, for instance, or getting his plastic drivers license (he has been waiting for it since August 2007), and he's lost his glasses twice in the last 2 months. He gets upset when I don't want him around during the day, if I'm having friends over or a meeting, or just need to accomplish some things without interruption. It seems to me that he expects the same kind of atmosphere he had when he was growing up, kind of like every day is a Saturday with no worries. I don't know how to help him because his dad/my husband won't come together with me and agree on how we can help him. Instead of a man, he is really just a male. I am so concerned for his future, because I just don't see the maturity there that needs to be there to grow up. He loves the Lord but his life has no fruit. We pray together every night but I just feel somewhat emotionless about this. It feels so hopeless. Also, a year ago, in the middle of all this, I had to have a kidney transplant. I have been healing well but it has definitely been a challenge to have our son around, adding extra stress, especially since the disease I had recurred and I had to have months and months of treatments that caused me to feel very sick and were very time consuming. He may have a job in the next few weeks but that isn't the only answer. It's his daily habits and patterns that most concern me because he is so immature, lazy, slovenly, and selfish. He doesn't have a drug problem or drinking problem. He has some addictive behaviours, such as Nintendo and watching sports on TV. He still lies to us a lot, and also steals from us (such as from my wallet). I just feel completely overwhelmed aobut it all and feel shut down by both my husband and my son because it's like they have their own little club where they tell themselves that a job is going to make everything okay. As soon as there is something our son doesn't want to do, he yells and throws a fit and leaves the house, throws things, slams doors, says all kinds of hurtful things to me and his dad. Then later, he comes back and says he sorry but nothing changes and so it all stays the same. He has some seriouos problems that have gone on for years (possibly even stemming from his birth, where he had 30 or more seizures a day from lack of oxygen) and I don't know how to deal with them anymore. If my husband would just let me talk to him, that would help a lot, but he rarely lets me talk about our son without getting defensive and then shuts me down. He told me a few months ago that it seemed like I was trying to make him choose between our son and me (which is not true) and that he would leave if I brought it up again. A few weeks ago, he got frustrated that our son didn't have a job; he ordered us both into the room where he told us that we had to both go out and get jobs at McDonald's or whatever. I run a nonprofit business out of our home and do all the housework, cooking, maintenance, everything. I was shocked that he said that to me. Our son said, "Why does Mom have to get a job? She has one!" My husband said that he thought I was too idle and spent too much time sitting around thinking about how bad everything was (again, not true! I rarely sit and I am an optimistic person). Anyway, after I protested to what he was saying, all of a sudden, Matt didn't need to get a job at McDonald's either. And that has been where it has sat. I think my husband just feels powerless and then has to throw his weight around once in a while to try to get something moving and get rid of some frustration. Thank you for your help. I know this is very convoluted and confusing! All of our families agonize for us and for our son because they love us so much, but they can't really help us. I told my husband, "If we could help him ourselves, we would have done it by now." An important dynamic in this, too, is that because my husband doesn't want to talk about this, I end up keeping a lot inside and don't tell him some of the things I've discovered or know, just by being a mom. It feels terrible to not tell him these things about our son, but we have a wall where he is concerned. He hurts so much for him that he can't bear to know the truth of some of it. It's very painful for all of us because we feel so stuck with not dealing with this situation properly. I am concerned that I could lose my kidney from too much stress, also. Before I close, I just want to say also that our son is not violent toward either of us and we are not afraid of him. He is kind and caring in many ways and has a great sense of humor. He just needs to get over the fear that is freezing him from being the person the Lord wants him to be, and his dad and I don't know how to do it. Thank you for your help.

Bare chested male pix on cell?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 16:15:04 GMT

Mom gave 15 year old daughter cell phone for bd. daughter lives with dad who found half nude pix of males (no genitals) and very disrespectful text. Took phone away..she demands HER phone back. Restricted numbers but one trusted friends sent nude chest of boy's tattoo and disrespectful text again. Do we restrict friend again or take phone away for good?

Dealing with the stress of too much to do

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 18 May 2006 12:40:22 GMT

I need advise if anyone has it on how to get dinner cooked, homework finished, baths done, discuss everyone's day individually, spend family time, all before ded time. Does anyone have a plan that has worked for them?

My 3 yr old plays too rough - in need of advice!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 28 Apr 2010 16:42:48 GMT

I have a soon to be three year old that tends to get too rough with his play and someone gets hurt. He is a very happy little guy and also enjoys quiet time in our arms. But, at times, he can get too excited during play and ends up hurting his brother, me or my husband (usually my husband and I). I can tell that it is clearly unintentional and that he just gets caught up in the moment of play. He is very strong and so when he does get out of hand it can really hurt. The other day I was playing with him and was tickling him. Rather than saying stop when he wanted to be done, he hit me in the cheek with his hand (that had a small metal car in it). He often ends up hitting, kicking or biting during play. He is a very hearty little guy that often shakes it off when he is playing on his own and falls and gets hurt. I wonder if he has a high pain threshhold and that is why he is too rough with others? I'm not sure how to respond to him. I have tried time outs and have discontinued play when I get hurt but that doesn't work. I don't want to stop playing with him because it is a special time for us. Any suggestions?

Bored toddler or uncreative mother?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 20:37:32 GMT

Often times it seems like my 22-month old son is bored. He is at home with me all day, and will often look sad or bored. (He often misbehaves when this happens.) He gets tired of his toys and looks to me for creative activities. The problem is that I am not naturally creative and sometimes I feel to warn out to act silly or be active with him. I have to work really hard to make him laugh or seem joyful. (He is the opposite for my husband. When my husband comes home, my son is nothing but smiles and laughter.) Does anyone else have this problem? How do keep a toddler entertained when you are home with him all day?

18 yo daughter wants engagement...

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 23:39:01 GMT

Our 18 year old daughter wants to be engaged to her boyfriend of 1 year that lives far away. My husband and I have very different views of how this relationship should be handled. One of us feels we should forbid her to see him any more, due to his lack of a job and not going to school, he states he is a christian. The other feels we should let her make her decisions and guide her. She is a christian, good student in college, and a wonderful girl. She has visited him a few times and he has visited us once. We feel they do not know each other well enough to get engaged, and would like for her to date other folks during her college years. What are some unbiased, Christian opinions on how we should handle this with our precious girl?

4 year old afraid to stay in bed at night

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 06 Feb 2004 13:28:32 GMT

Our 4-year-old son has only slept through the night by himself less than 10 times in his life. Last year my husband and I gave in and let him make a bed on the floor in our room. This led eventually to him sleeping in our bed. We are now trying to get him back in his own room. We play "Jesus music" as he calls it all night, leave on night-lights, let him sleep with a flashlight, anything to make him feel secure. Still he comes in our room at lest 2 times every night. I walk him back to his bed and sit on the floor for about ten minutes until he falls asleep again. We have tried rewarding him the few times he has succeeded, but this doesn't seem to encourage him to do it again. We pray with him each night that he will be brave but nothing is working. We also have a month old infant so between my 4 year old and middle of the night bottles we aren't getting much sleep. Should we discipline him??? I don't want him to be scared of his room. He is a very affectionate child and sometimes I really don't think he's scared as much as he just wants someone to hug with all night long. Any suggestions??

Dad not on board with homeschooling

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 14:22:22 GMT

I am a 30 year old mother of 4. My husband was widowed with 2 children (now 18 and 15) and then we had two more children (now 5 and 2). I was homeschooled until grade 6 and really believe it made a great difference in my life. My husband did not have any experience with homeschooling other than his first wife's family who live far away and homeschool their children.

The more I read and the more I watch my teenagers, I am deciding that I would like to homeschool our younger two children. My husband doesn't tell me I can't, but I know that he would rather we just do what all our local friends do and send them to the Christian school in town. My sister who homeschools her 3 children thinks that a supportive father is a key ingredient to a successful homeschool. Anyone in my situation? Can you give me any encouragement or advice.

Gifted Children

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 28 Jan 2005 12:19:58 GMT

I am wondering if there are any parents out there with experience with gifted (high IQ) children. In particular, I am wondering what your child was like around age 2.

Please Help!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 13:38:57 GMT

My three year old daughter has been potty trained for quite a while now. Lately she has been peeing and even recently pooping in her underpants. What can I do to help her stop this? I have taken her to the pediatrician and she has no infections or anything, but this is becoming very nasty. I have to take several extra clothes to daycare everyday. Also, she has started biting again. No one at home, it's mainly the same child at daycare every day, sometimes it's a different child, but mostly the same one who is a very good friend to her. What can I do to stop this behavior?? I am a single mom and she is the youngest of four. She has always been a strong willed, mostly independent child, but it seems that she is going backwards in these behaviors. Please help!!

HOMESCHOOLING

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 15:20:23 GMT

The children are 5yr. old(boy) and 11 yr. old (girl). The plan is to start with the youngest for a year then homeschool both. I am looking for curriculum with a christian worldview. Should we mix the curriculum up? You know have some secular curriculum with some christian curriculum? Are there top notch christian curriculums for children with the above ages. Are there any with a project base? With each section ending with some sort of project i.e. science fair, model or art design.

home schooling

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 13:20:18 GMT

I will have 15 year old next school year. Does anyone have an opinion about using School of Tomorrow (ACE) Cirriculum in High School? What options for high school work for you?

help my daughter has become a stranger

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 13:55:36 GMT

For the past year, my daughter who is now 16 has turned into a stranger. She got into trouble with the law for assault over a boy. I have found drugs and alcohol in her room. She has become sexually active with multiple partners. She won't go to church with us. She used to be a good student, now she cuts school. She was a promising volleyball player with college prospects, now she is ineligible to play with her school because of absences. She is verbally abusive to me and her dad and anyone who tries to make her accountable. We have tried counseling with a christian counselor, an adolescent psychologist, and a full fledged psychiatrist. She has meds for depression which she wont take and meds for ADHD, which I fear she abuses. I take the brunt of the abuse from her and I hate to admit I sometimes fear for my safety. I have given up and just want her to leave! She has been raised by aloving family and extended family in the church. I am to the point that I feel I should let her fall and not pick her up so she can feel the full consequences of her actions. It is hard to help someone who does not want help!

9 year old son wants barbie doll

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 21:20:56 GMT

I have a 9 year old son who started at the age of three expressing that he wanted to be a girl. When these comments first were made, I would just chuckle and say something like "I'm sorry..God made you a wonderful boy!". As time went on and he continued to make such comments, I began to get concerned. I never made an issue out of it or anything other than to maybe inquire about why he wanted to be a girl. I have four (4) boys total and he is a twin. We have never had any "girl" stuff in our house; however, if we were ever in a toy/department store, he was always drawn and wanted to look in the girl toy aisles. His requests for Christmas/birthday gifts were always girly...like the year when he wanted the Dora the Explorer, dollhouse. I think he was 5 or maybe 6 that year. I really struggled with that because that was the only thing basically that he said that he wanted, and I think it did have a father and mother figure too so I thought that it might be okay because it would reinforce the family unit. We ended up not getting it and other similar requests and he ended up with a puppy one year, a rabbit one year, and a train table to share with his brothers that they had enjoyed playing with at a bookstore. We have kind of compromised over the past few years with playmobil and little people characters that he likes to play with by getting the kind of gender neutral ones like hospitals, farm, etc. The ones he really wants are like the beauty parlor and any that have girl figures...not the typical boys ones. His latest thing is the Webkinz which are stuffed animals so I have indulged that want which is basically what he got this past Christmas and Birthday. It is obvious that he is more of a creative, sensitive child. He has always preferred to play and eat lunch with girls at school. When allowed to invite a friend over, he always wants to invite a girl. My husband and I have read Dr. Nicolosi's book on "Preventing Homosexuality..." and we have had a telephone consult with a doctor who was recommended by Dr. Nicolosi's clinic. We have attempted to have his father spend more time with him and have him participate in group sports like basketball and soccer; and more. This weekend we were stopping at yard sales which is something I enjoy doing. He spotted some Barbie dolls and asked me if he could purchase them. He said that he wanted to get them as a joke for his 13 year old brother and wanted to play with them. I just said, "No, I don't think so." and he just kept asking me about them even after we had left begging me to go back. I just told him that I didn't really think that Barbie's were an appropriate toy for boys. He has also been fascinated with these big doll heads with hair that little girls play with to fix hair. He has always been fascinated with long hair and wants to fix mine sometimes. I have caught him recently putting on my high heeled shoes and messing with my makeup in my bathroom. I couldn't tell that he had put anything on other than maybe powder, but I knew he had been messing with it. I just think that he now knows that certain things are not normal toys for boys so he kind of goes off by himself and only plays with the female playmobil people that come with a set. I just am curious if there is anyone else out there who is dealing with this type of behavior and what they are doing? I struggle with it because if it were a little girl who wanted a dump truck toy or GI joe guy, I probably would not hesitate. Should I let him have the big headed hair thing if that is what he wants? He is a smart, amazing boy. I just don't know how to deal with his requests sometimes. I don't want to make a big issue about it but don't know how to respond. I'm sorry for the length of this, but I've been dealing with this for six years.

Autism Conference to be Held at Camp Pendleton

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 14:59:24 GMT

Hey guys - I thought any of you military families in this area might want to know about this....Autism Conference to be Held at Camp Pendleton: The second annual Marine Corps Installation West and Naval Hospital Camp Pendleton Autism Conference will be held on Thursday, 21 February at the Staff NCO Club at MCB Camp Pendleton. The conference is intended for policy makers, senior executives, military and civilian health care providers and support personnel, other Navy and Marine Corps leaders, TRICARE Regional Office West Staff, TriWest Staff, education community representatives and military family members. Information and registration information can be found at http://www.cpen.med.navy.mil/nhcp.cfm?xid=wap&f=x833A678B.

Getting off to school

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 03 Nov 2005 11:43:37 GMT

I have a 14 year old who refuses to get out of bed in the morning no matter what I do. When he does finally emerge he knows that he is just late enough for the bus yet not for school. He knows that I will end up driving him. What do I do?

Has anybody dealt with not wanting their child to view a sex ed video in school?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 19:02:26 GMT

My sister has a son in 6th grade who just turned 12. After recently screening a sex ed video that is going to be shown to the students, she doesn't want her son viewing the video. She also doesn't want her son teased if he is taken out of class. What advice do you have in dealing with this situation?

need some advice

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 01:15:29 GMT

I am asking for prayer and if any one has unfortanly been threw something like what I am about to say, PLEASE reply!

I am a divorced mother of two. My son is a sweet, independent 21 year old in college, and my daughter is a 20 year old with a beautiful almost 2 year old and she too is in college, no she is not married, she has a new boyfriend, the father to my grand-daughter is not in her life.

Well my daughter and I (I'll call her joesy) have always had a difficult relationship. When I found out she was pregenite, she and I where living together, because she father didn't want her with him anyone because he wanted to move in with his new wife to be! Well Joesy and I decided to make the best out of the situation, I told her she could live with me for 1 year after the baby was born. Well she came early, in Dec.07, by late April of 08 she found housing and decided to move. Threw the hole time were together I really thought we had worked threw out "problems". We would shop, talk, go to parks together and even go to church, I had found a church that I started attending weekly, a lone or with my daughter. Well she moved out and we were still seeing each other often, calling each other almost daily. Then around May she became friends with a young mother who was a "great" influence for her. This young girl was almost ready to graduate with her degree, and her son was 1. I was very happy for my daughter.

But to my surprise my daughter changed towards me, she became mean, angry and disrespectful towards me, she began to talk more and more about her father and his new wife and how she would invite them over for stake, how she would go over to there place and have a great time. This felt like stables I the heart, but I kept my mouth shout. I didn't and don't have ea problem worth my Ex or his wife, I work towards all of us getting alone and I feel there do too.

Then the demands started, one time we came to my apartment, and as soon as we got there my daughter found a paper clip on the floor, she yelled at me! "Mom look at this, You NEED to pick stuff up or we aren't coming over here anymore!"I was shocked, the whole place was clean and that was the only thing, I look at her and said "You don't have to yell and me, it was just a paperclip, I'm sorry" While this was the began of the Demanding, the verbal abuse and screaming at me! I ended up taking her home with in 10 minutes after the out break. scents then she has told me off in front of her friends, she has talked about me in a disrespecting manner to her friends, with foul words. She has caused me out in public, in private; as if I was nothing to her, words that you might hear a street fight screaming at another person, very belittling and completely insulting.

When I would think we were doing better, and we would talk things out and cry together and she would apologies for her behavior, it would happen again, even after a great afternoon for sun together, it would be something as little as a joke,or a comment, and I would get the assaults of my personalities.

While the last one was a month ago. It was a beautiful day and I had asked her and these two young girls that she has become friends with to go for a day at a petting zoo, a cook out and homemade apple pie. It was great, while the girls asked if we could go to my place for indoor swimming, I agreed, but only for 30 to 45 minute. When we got there my daughter became angry with me because I had a different opinion then her on an issue, she became so angry, she cussed me out in front of my grand-daughter and the two girls. Screaming at me in the parting lot calling me a f---ing crazy-b(dog) over and over again. She has not spend any holiday with me scents Christmas. not mothers day, nor Easter, now she doesn't want me over for the hollow party at my grand-daughter's preschool.

I am so ful with grief, I feel lost, and completly rejected. I try to pray, I've talked with my pastor, I feel like I need to be strong and give up, because she believes it's my fault, she see's her part but isn't welling to change. She uses my grand-daughter agance me by not allowing me to see her.

Please Pray for me, I know God loves me and my daughter.

God knows what kind of a mother I was, and I tell yea, I was a good mother, I didn't drink or drug, nor did there father! I didn't abuse my children eather, and even threw the divorce I have been there for both of them.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, if any one has any suggestion please respond

Girls devotional??

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 09:14:00 GMT

Does anyone know of a biblically sound devotional for an 8 year old girl who is homeschooled? She doesn't like the traditional ones because they focus on school issues which she doesn't have to deal with. Please help!!!!

Help with step-son and daughter in law....

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 24 Jul 2010 15:44:01 GMT

I have my step-son(who I raised since he was 8 years Old) who got married before he turned 18 all because his girlfriend lied saying that she was pregnant, so we encourage him to do the right thing,...they live with us since November 2009 on the back room of our house. My son is working the night shift and so my daughter in law is up all night, and since they move with us the electricity bill increase twice as much as we used to spend, and so I asked my son to help because I want them to learn to be responsible, but my husband got mad. They don't want to help with the stuff that they use at our house so I have to be the one that confronts them all the time, and that makes me sad because my husband doesn't want to tell them anything(I'm the only one that takes care of the house, and has two kids a 6 1/2 YO and 6 Month old baby)....and I can feel how they especially my daughter in law challenges me. Please advise me, because I'm the only one that confronts them, and everybody else caters to their wants, yet they are soo selfish, the excuse from her parents and my husband's side is that they are still children and I don't think so since they decided to get married knowing they were lying, at this time they both are 18 going to 19....she has been extremelly disrespectfull since she and my step-son push me when I was pregnant with my 6 month old daughter(last year). Thank you for your advices....

Gifted Children

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 28 Jan 2005 12:19:58 GMT

I am looking for someone with experience home schooling a gifted child. My daughter will be 3 in two weeks and she is already doing some reading. We are by no means pushing her, she just has a brain that wants to work and learn! Is there anyone out there with more experience in this area?

Has anyone heard of Dr. Denmark?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 07 Aug 2007 16:54:52 GMT

Has anyone heard of the 100+ year old Dr. Denmark in Georgia? She has published a book about child raising. I'm dealing with a situation right now with a child who has been raised according to Dr. Denmark's teachings. He is 19 months old, is at the 3rd percentile on the growth chart, and has only gained 10 lbs since he was born. Since he has no other health problems, I'm concerned that the "Dr. Denmark diet" might be the problem. Dr. Denmark recommends weaning babies at 6 or 7 months (completely off the breast or bottle) and feeding them a diet of pureed fruits, vegetables, and lean meat. The main problem I see with the diet is that it contains very little fat, calcium, and vitamin D. I would be interested in any info/opinions anyone has. Thanks!

Appropriate Consequences for disobedience 15 year old daughter

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 12 May 2010 20:08:17 GMT

Hi,

My 15-year-old has been having a hard time the last five months or so with increased disrespect, disobedience and lying. We realize that one of her friends, who she doesn't spend as much time with now, has not been a good influence. Her grades have also suffered and she's not consistent with her homework, etc.

Because of her grades we prohibited her from being on facebook but today I saw that she's been on there 2-3 days this week.

Is taking her computer privileges away completely enough of a consequence? We've talked and talked with her about trust and obedience, so to me there is a bigger issue here than just the facebook issue. I'm so frustrated. She's been doing better in other areas and when I found this out today I was so disappointed.

Any ideas? or experience teaching honesty/integrity to a stubborn teen who thinks she knows everything?

Desperate for help.... 11 year old son lying & stealing!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 13:51:10 GMT

This is my first time posting to this site - we have no where else to turn - we are simply desperate for help with our son!

Our 11 year old son (middle child) is habitually lying and stealing from us. The stealing is primarily with food. Our rule in our home is that if you are hungry, you must first ask for something to eat and one of us will direct the child to what kind of food they are allowed to eat. Our other childern do not have a problem with this rule. However, our son refuses to ever ask for something to eat. Instead, he will wait until everyone is cleared from the kitchen and find what he wants, sneak it, eat it and hide the wrapper. He will hide it in his room, under his bed, in his dresser drawers. This has also given us pest issues because of the wrappers we do not find for weeks!!

Once we find out that something is missing - we will approach all three kids. Our son will stare at us, straight faced and cry and throw a fit at us that we don't trust him and that he isn't lying - that it MUST be one of the other kids. This can sometimes go on for hours!! Finally, after time, he will finally break down and tell us he was lying. This behavior has gone on for too long....several years now. No punishing, threats, spanks or taking away of priviledges has made a difference. We just had a baby a year ago(the older 3 are much closer in age) ... the yelling and the fighting with our son is affecting the baby and affecting the way the other kids feel towards their brother. It is affecting how I feel towards my son. I don't trust him... at all! How can we break these terrible habits?? We are afraid that this kind of behavior will only lead to worse off things when he is older. Please help!!

Monitor My Teen's Internet Use?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 11:39:57 GMT

I was concerned about my 14 year old's computer usage. She wanted a MySpace page like her friends but of course once she gets it she is meeting people from God knows where, who may or may not be what they say they are.

Anyhow we wanted to allow her some room to grow but wanted to keep an eye on her as well. We purchased a software program called Spector Pro that allows us to see everything she does on her computer without her knowing she is being monitored.

Sure enough she was chatting to men MUCH older than her about all kinds of things that made my jaw drop. We had a talk with her and explained that we had been monitoring her, for her safety, and would be in the future. We finally came to an agreement that she could keep the computer in her room but would agree to our monitoring her.

Her friends, and even some of MY FRIENDS seem to think this is over the top, invasion of privacy etc. What do you think? I am interested in hearing some other opinions.

Have A New Kid By Friday

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 12:58:07 GMT

Dr. Leman,

I love your new book "Have a New Kid by Friday," and I know it's supposed to take a week to read but I read it in less than 24 hours - I couldn't put it down! I really appreciate just how practical all of your advice is, and how confident I feel now as a parent with all of these important and useful tools. You're right, most parents just fly by the seat of their pants when it comes to parenting, and end up doing what their parents did... and that's exactly what I've been doing. I've even been doing what I hated that my parents did. So, now I'm going to be more intentional in parenting my kids, keeping my end goals in mind.

Thank you for this book!

Old Mom new baby

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 10 Feb 2005 17:43:37 GMT

I am a 32 year old mom in need of help. I have a 10 month old, a 7 year old and a 12 year old. I say I'm old simply because of the years in between my children.I am a stay at home mom and its driving me crazy. I've always worked and loved it for the most part but my husband doesn't want me to go back to work. I'd run out of options and finaly asked him if we could put the baby in child care just for 3 day's aweek for 4hours a day that would give me time to devote to myself (exercising) and to the study of my Bible. Iam also interested & craving the need to volunteer in the schools of my other two children and also desire to do mission work.My husband agreed but to even put the baby in child care or a baby sitter for 4 hours 3 days aweek is to expensive. I have Know friends who are at home moms so I am unable to even swap time with another woman going through my ordeal. What can I do? Does any one know of any organizations (CHRISTIAN) that I can contact? Please Help!
My Baby doesn't believe in sleep at all during the day. She's awake from 5:30am until 8:00pm IM GOING CRAZY PLEASE HEEEEEEEELLLLPPPP!
OLD MOM NEW BABY

Challenging issues raising granddaughter who lost mother

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 24 May 2009 07:46:32 GMT

I lost my 41 yr old daughter 6 mos ago. I'm 68 and have been raising her 10 yr old daughter for the past 5 years. Fortunately, she didn't have to make the adjustment of living with me in addition of dealing with "Mommy's" death. Her mother had been in and out of her life during that period, but we had been blessed with having her with us constantly for the prior 3 months. It was all so wonderful until the morning I found her on the sofa in her apartment (right around the corner from us) after taking my granddaughter to school. It took 3 months to find out the cause--a pulmonary embolism. I'm still struggling with my grief and trying to help her too. She really seems to be doing quite well...straight A's in school (attends private Christian school,) plays the violin extremely well, sings and performs for large groups of people, has lots of friends, is loving, outgoing, considerate, thoughtful of others and extremely sensitive, etc. However, she is very strong willed and has trouble minding at home. This is not new, but is worse than before. I don't have the patience nor the energy I used to and am having trouble coping. I tend to lose control easily and we frequently end up a shouting match. She no longer exhibits the tendency she once did to hit at me or shove or throw things at me....I should say, at least not as often. I've encouraged her when she's feeling that frustrated and upset and needs to do something physical to "get out her anger" as she calls it, to scream into her pillow, hit her pillow and her bed. I've let her know that hitting me will not be tolerated. Later when she calms down, she can write her feelings down in a private journal if she wants to and then we can talk about it as well. I try to see that that happens, when she's calm and ready to do so.

I know one of my problems is the consistency issue. I catch myself at times, going back on what I've said; then I get even more frustrated, ...with myself. I just read about the book, Have a New Kid by Friday, and will get a copy ASAP.

I neglected to mention that the court has allowed 3 phone calls per week from her father for 15 minutes and supervised visitation every other weekend for 2 hours. He does not work, so can't pay the supervisor and is "loaded" a lot of the time. I set up and paid for a visitation at Christmas and allowed his attendance at "open house" at school and one of her performances. She loves him very much and loves to see him, but unfortunately, he is not a suitable person to be with her. She used to blame me for not getting to see him, but more recently has seen and heard him act inappropriately, so is more understanding of why things are the way they are.. I've always made a point of never speaking negatively about him, but I'm sure she get the vibes, nonetheless.

I thought it necessary to give the background due to all the emotional issues involved. I'm sure there are others dealing with somewhat similar situations that I'd look forward to hearing from. I pray for strength and guidance daily.

I'd love to hear from a licensed counselor as well.

Thank you for any help or suggestions you may have.

Linda

6 year old is now really mommy's girl

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 14 May 2010 07:15:27 GMT

Hello, I have 4 children, girl 10, boy 8, girl 6, boy 3. I homeschool them and always have. up untill a couple of months ago, my third child, the 6 year old girl would do dance class, or awanas or what ever herself and be happy. she has been in different dance classes the past 3 years, in the last 1-2 months she says she misses me too much to stay. There was also a girl who was being mean to her and several other girls, calling them names and slapping their hands too hard during a certain part of the dance. She 1st just didn't want to go and cried when I took her there So we would leave. Even when i said I would sit in the room and watch her. she wouldn't do it. I talked to the teacher and they moved her to the other side of the room. And she did go then. Before this girl, she couldn't wait for dance and got her leotard sometimes on even the night before and slept in it. she was so excited. The same time this started, she didn't want to stay in the all girls room for awanas (I was the boys leader) she would come and sit with me. I figured she just needed some TLC because of this girl from dance. This weekend she is suppposed to go to a friends birthday for 3 hours and she doesn't want to go cause she will miss me, and she called from my sisters, who has a daughter the same age, and they are best cousin friends last week from a sleepover, where she has spent the night several times because she missed me. The older 2 have always done fine with everything. They are very outgoing. i don't know if she feels shadowed by the older 2 and feels like not giving up the toddler thing now because of the younger one. Is this normal behavior. She does go to Sunday school just fine but her siblings are basically in the same big room just different corners. Do I force to stay somewhere if I know she is safe and tell her she is safe and okay even if she cries or do I not?!?!? I want her to trust other adults, I don't know of anything that would cause her not to trust adults, except the teacher said she knew this was going on and yet didn't do anything about it till I mentioned it to her. I don't want her whining to get her way either! Help?

Loving a (No Fruits) husband

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 07 Feb 2004 01:33:46 GMT

I don't feel sexually attracted to my husband. Everything he does gets me mad. I'm not a good role model for my girls on how they should treat their husbands because I'm always getting mad at him for the unholy things he says or lets them hear from the TV or radio. He says he's a Christian but doesn’t go to church, he doesn't pray unless our family is over, he never reads the Bible, he sometimes swears, he watches unholy television, and listens to hard rock-n-roll that sings unholy songs. I don't know if that makes him a nonbeliever or what, but anyway, I feel dirty being sexually intimate. I became a Christian 4 years ago. So I've changed a lot. We don't have things in common. He likes to go to bars to drink and shoot pool. We use to do these things together. He doesn't have that much time to do this anymore but when he has the time he does. I pray for him all the time. I'm waiting for him to have that aha moment when he realizes that we’re here for Jesus--not ourselves. Then we can have that praying and Bible reading kind of family time. Instead, my 3 girls and myself read the Bible and pray together. Christ-centered life together. He was raised in a Catholic home and his parents are Christians and my family are Christians, so he has no excuse. I think he doesn’t want to give up his life. But anyway, how do I get over that new gross kind of feeling with him? His unholiness makes me sick. He says I'm numb with him sexually. I do feel that way cause it makes me sick to be with him. I don't know how to get over this feeling. Does anyone have any answers?