Focus on the Family Community : All Content - Pastoral Families

Dealing with husband's depression, who can I reach out to (safely) for support?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 06:01:08 GMT

My husband is struggling with depression. He doesn't see how a counselor would help them, as he views the issues as all related to the challenges he faces with the church, ie; if x,y,z would improve, then he wouldn't have the sadness and frustrations that go with them. I believe that God is working on him through these struggles and that he is teaching him something- the question is what? I struggle, because, I feel that God is leading me to reach out to others to pray for him. My question is: how do I (and should I?) ask some trustworthy women at church to pray with me without jeopardizing their view of him and/or disrespecting him? We're pretty open and honest about our lives with everyone at church, but this seems to be different somehow. I should probably tell him that I want to do it, right? Ugh.

Should Pastors have a Degree?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Nov 2006 14:55:34 GMT

The reason I was asking is that I have just been licenced by my church and by the mercy of God will possibly be ordained next year. The church that I belong to is independent however they belonged to a movement which did not require a pastor to have a degree. They did offer classes tought by Elders of the diferent churches for the newly licenced preachers. However I have noticed that not having a degree narrows the positions that are available. Myself not recieving the call until I was 43 I'm finding it a hard road to travel. Messages come easly enough through prayer, fasting, and meditation on the word. Doors just don't open easily partly because of people at my age who are preaching have degrees. I'm sorry that I don't but to work in construction one just doesn't need it. I heard it over and over that whom God calls He qualifies, that just doesn't wash in the real church world. Help and advice will most greatfully be appreciated.

P.K.'s and the lasting disastrous effects on those involved.

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 06:30:33 GMT

I went through my first church split when I was about 17yrs old. It came out of the blue. Someone moved to our church, where my Dad pastored for 10 years, and it wasn't long till he started causing problems, which eventually resulted in my parents losing their home and living on welfare. I'm 44 now, and still dealing with it. I suffer with deep depression with severe anxiety issues and I can't help but think this issue is a mjor player in my condition.

Am I the only PK that has to deal with these issues? Trust does not come easy to me and I always suspicious of everybody's motives. And, of course, my self-esteam is rock bottom. Suicide has been a reccuring thought proccess, as well. I've been married for over 19yrs with 2 great kids. Sometimes even that doesn't seem to be enough to keep going.

Am I the only PK out here hurting??

A Little Help Here

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 02:05:47 GMT

I need some sage advice. My husband has pastored our church for 16 years. During this time I have worn various hats, but I have been the volunteer worship leader for all of those 16 years. I am homeschooling my two boys and teaching literature at our homeschool co-op. I am also leading a small group for the youth - plus planning various teen outtings and lock-ins etc. On top of all that I often help my husband counsel, plus help him with his sermons. I am planning on getting a part time job to help supplement our income. OK so you see this coming. I have reached critical mass. I am holding many responsibilities. I have no one in our small church to take over worship. I desire to continue with youth - because my son is a teen and there was no youth group because no one wanted to head that ministry. Every mom carries a class load for the co-op, and my husband needs my help. But I'm ready to ditch the plane. How can I just say STOP? And yet if I don't...?

help. I'm a pastor's wife and I'm tempted and feel trapped

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Mon, 14 Jun 2010 16:41:44 GMT

We've only been in this charge 2 years, just starting our 3rd. The choir director is a colleague at school (I am a teacher) and church and we see each other almost every day. We started texting a lot about a year and a half a go. I'm starting to have feelings for this man, who is single and divorced.

I love my husband so much. I know there is no excuse for me to be attrracted to another man, but I'm starting to have strong feelings for him So far nothing physical has happened. I can't handle the guilt of being attacted to him. I'm sure I would have a total melt down if anything happened. I want to escape.....but feel trapped because of my job and church....everywhere I go, he is there. My husband doesn't say anything about the texting...he knows about it. This man comes over to our house a lot, (at my invitation). And my husband seems to like him. In the past, my husband has not been able to confront issues. It leaves me holding the whole thing, and I don't feel that he can even defend me as his wife or fight for me. And, I feel so alone. This man is one of only a few other friends that I have....mostly we are all teachers or music teachers.

I want to quit my job or ask my husband if we can move. That feels so extreme. I know I can quit texting and reciprocating any friendship overtures. He is my friend, too, and I feel loss at all the options. One thing I do know, I will choose my marriage over this relationship. Thanks for listening.

What do we do next?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 23:33:30 GMT

My husband is a pastor of a small church, he approached the gentleman who directs the congregrational songs, first with commendending him on the things he has done well, he said I just have one things I wish you wouldn't do, and the gentleman said what is that, and my husband gently said I wish you wouldn't give little sermon in between songs, I'd like to keep the flow of the service going....at that the gentleman left went to his wife, then to a few members crying saying my husband pointed his finger in his face and said "I don't want your minnie sermons in between songs....the gentleman said he quits, and so does his father-in-law and his brother-in-law, and this gentleman is married to my husbands niece...my husband and the gentlelman have talked on the phone and my husband said...I prayed for 3 weeks about doing this, so I was consiciously aware of how I spoke, not wanting to offend you, He said I did not point my finger in your face, I put my hand on your shoulder, indicating love...but this was how it was precieved....he said he's not going to cause discord, he's leaving quitely, where do we go from here?

Will this grief ever leave me or destroy me?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 08:00:04 GMT

I am so depressed. Actually I'm up and down. I'm a pastor and chaplain so I am forced to "perform" my husband and I just had a miscarriage in June. This comes after 4 ectopic pregnancies and a failed adoption. Why?! The church my husband pastors what has been referred to as a toxic church. These church members have been verbally and even physical abusive with no provocation. I try and tell people we are under attack at this church and people don't really believe we did nothing. My husband had only been there 1 year when they just went bananas. I am really so tired. I have been having horrible thoughts. This is just too much pressure accompanied with our loss of our baby. I am heavy with sadness. I wish someone could help.

Daughter dating a pastor

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 03:55:03 GMT

Thank you for your help and prayers. I needed to pull this off of here.

Message was edited by: troubledmom

Need Prayer

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 04 Jun 2010 22:30:44 GMT

Ok I have a failing in my life (I do not need to say what) and I would like prayer. To help me through this I would like to make a promise to the Focus on the Family online community:

I John, promise to do all in my power to resist sin and tempation in the area in which I stuggle. With the support of the Focus on the Family online community and in Jesus Holy Name. Amen.

Thank you for your support, I will try and keep you updated.

Pastor's Day off

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Fri, 28 May 2010 02:01:44 GMT

I noticed the question for this week had to do with the pastor's day off. I often do not take one particular day off each week but I often take a few hours here and there. I hears Dr. Warren Wiersbe say he did busy work, filing, correspondance, sermon planning on Monday and he took Friday off..his reason was that he was tired from Sunday but why waste a day off being tired? We found it particularly difficult to take a particular day off because we raised 6 children and when they got into sports, etc. our schedule was too hectic. But the hours off, half days off, that kind of thing got us through. I have 4 weeks vacation and I usually use it all, and I spread it out over the year. We went to Guam last year to see our youngest USAF son so I was away 2 weeks then. I'm careful to not take more than that. 4 weeks is not 28 Sundays!

JDH