Focus on the Family Community : All Content - Parenting

how to respond?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 18:51:05 GMT

My boys are 12 and 9 and they have some friends that are not Christian and attend a Unitarian Church.

They met them at school several years ago, but they live like an hour away so we don't see them very often.

The boys hadn't seen them in almost a year so my son called and invited them over. I talked to their mom and

before we hung up she said that she thought she should mention that my younger son told her son of the same age

that he needed to believe in Jesus or he would go to hell. She said that her son got scared and she wanted me

to talk to my son so he wouldn't say that anymore. I wasn't really sure how to respond. I just told her that I would

talk to him. I don't want to make my son think it's bad to share about Jesus, but just not sure how to handle this?

wwyd?

Thanks!!!

My 18 year old son, struggling with lust for men....

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Tue, 31 Aug 2010 17:58:25 GMT

Please help me. My world fell apart today, I think.

My son left for college and forgot his calculator. I went through his room to look for it, and I didn't find it, but I did find his journal. (To set the stage here, my 18 year old son is a strong, committed Christian and a virgin. At his Baptist high school dating was not encouraged; the kids were taught to date later in life, when they were closer to marriagable age. My son hasn't started dating yet. Unfortunately, my son was sexually molested in 7th grade 3 times by a peer). In my son's journal he admitted to feeling attracted "with lust" for men and is praying to God for help. In a men's prayer group they had a session on sexual sin, and he apparently confessed this problem to the group.

My husband and I called my son today to tell him that we loved him and that we found the journal. We told him that the teenage years are a confusing time, tried to be supportive, and gently reminded him of God's plan for men and women. My son said he WAS also attracted to women, thank God, and that he never followed up on these urges. He said it's been a problem for much of this year, 2010, but he felt he was dealing with it ok.

We plan to pray like mad and stay in close contact with my son and keep lines of communication open. He said he didn't tell us because he doesn't think it is that big of a deal, that he was handling it.

What can we do??????????????????? How can we "make straight his paths?" Are there any resources we can give to him? He reads the Bible daily and was working on Bible studies.....

Learning to Live With Grief Webcast: Thank you to Mary Beth

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 19:56:55 GMT

I just was listening to the Chapman's story and it really touched my heart. Today would be my son Isaiah's 6th birthday he went to be with Jesus when he was 6 mo. old. He was born with problems with his intestines and stayed in the hospital his whole life. My son has brought my husband and I together we were just 19 yrs old when we went through this rough time. We are who we are today with the Lord because of Isaiah. He led us right where we needed to be. We have not yet had any other children but have finally decided that it is time. The pain has definitely got better over time but the loss I think will always be there. I just think that Jesus is there to carry us during the hard times. Today was definitely a Hard time day. I normally am at work during the focus on the family broadcast but today i left work early because i broke down. I know without a doubt where my baby is and that he isn't sick anymore but I just miss him. I know that we will be together again but in order to see him again this life would have to be over. Thats pretty hard to take in but I live everyday knowing he is in the best of hands. I listened to your story and it really touched me. I know that God purposely allowed me to hear your story to let me know that there is others who have lost and it's okay to have sad days. I thank you so much for your testimony.

Learning to Live With Grief Webcast: Thank you!

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 18:32:35 GMT

I just want to thank Mary Beth for speaking so candidly about their grief process. We lost our 7-year-old daughter 10 years ago and people shyed away from us and it's been hard to relate to our family and friends, but because of the Chapmans being so open and vulnerable has opened up new discussions that they were not able to have before, so thank you! The song Steven wrote for the family you spoke about "With Hope" was so helpful in our grief process.

Learning to Live With Grief Webcast: Help for those dealing with ongoing, life-threatening diseases

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 17:45:25 GMT

My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Hodgkin's lymphoma about 3 years ago. He was 32, and I was 26, and expecting our third baby girl, Hope. He had a rare case of a Hodgkin's tumor being under his brain. He has had a craniotomy, many biopsies, chemo regimens, radiation, and two stem cell transplants since then. When we first were married, we had anticipations of going into foreign missions work or some type of full-time ministry. When his cancer was diagnosed and things looked so grim, our dreams seemed so shattered. I became afraid to really LOVE him the way I ought to. I was afraid he would die, and you know the more you love someone, the more intense the pain, so I sort-of got numb. Now, it has been nearly a year since that last transplant, and there is hope that he is in remission. Yet, I still fear that cancer will raise its ugly head again. It is frightening to dream big! Now, in the past couple of weeks, my dad has been diagnosed with cancer, and I have met soooo many people, young and old, with cancer. I feel paranoid. So afraid I or my children will be next. How do you move past this? It seems like constant grief because my husband is still "not out of the woods." Our 3 children are ages 6 and under. I am a stay-at-home, home-schooling mama, who already has a predisposition to depression and anxiety. God has been very good to us, and has taken good care of us. We have a good church that we are very active in, and we have lots of people who love us... but, I still struggle with the grief and uncertainties. Do you have tips for those dealing with ongoing grief, such as life-threating diseases?

Sarah from Ohio

14 Year Old Daughter and Crush......

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 03:38:23 GMT

Hi, I have been confused for a while. My daughter goes to a Christian Private School that is from our church. She goes to school with most of the same kids that she goes to church with. For about a year now, her and this other teenager have had a crush on each other (he is a year and a half younger than her). When I first found out I was upset and made her stop talking to him on Facebook and didn't like her hanging around him, even with other people around, at church. The kid is a very good kid and his parents are leaders in the church. After a while I started realizing maybe I was being too harsh and my daughter has never done anything to make me not trust her, so my husband and I agreed to let her talk to him on Facebook and told her it was o.k. if she hung out with him at church as long as they weren't alone. I made it clear if she was ever found crossing any boundaries she would lose those privileges. Well, now she is back in school and he is too. The other day at lunch one of the teachers came up to their lunch table where my daughter and her friends were. The boy happened to be sitting in the seat next to her too. The teacher said he had to move and he was never allowed to sit by her again because she knows exactly what was going on. Well, when I heard this, I asked the teacher why she did all of that. She said it was obvious that they liked each other and they should abstain from even the appearance of evil. From there the boys mom and I (we have touched bases through all of this) met with the principal and he brought up fleeing from sexual immorality and he also said he had never seen them in school or out of school having innapropriate behavior. So, my question is, telling my daughter they could hang out with other people around and even sit next to each other, am I being too easy on her or is the school being too harsh? I don't want to be legalistic and make my daughter feel like having a crush is bad or liking a Christian boy is wrong. I want to guide her through the crush in a Godly way and help her to make wise decisions based on God's word. I also don't want her to feel the church is doing nothing but judging her and make her want to pull away from the church when she is older. What do I do? I know she and him are not doing anything bad, well they wouldn't have a chance because they are never alone. They also know that they are not boyfriend and girlfriend because their parents will not approve of that. Advice and prayers would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Teenage responsibility when there is illness in the family

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 01:27:41 GMT

Hi,

I'm the mom of eight children, five grown, three at home. I have been sick over the last 7 months with GI issues and have finally been diagnosed with a bad gallbladder and am scheduled for surgery next week. I have two 16 year olds and a five year old at home. This illness and not knowing what it was has taken it's toll on our family, I've had to expect more out of the older children but have still tried very hard to let them have time away from the house. My husband has had to work over 80 hours a week to purchase good health insurance so I can get this taken care of. We have always been moderately strict about chores and such. I'm hoping my recuperation isn't going to take that long and that it is the answer I'm praying for. I'm just wondering if I expect to much from my kids to try and be there for me before and after surgery. My husband will be off for two days, but we need their help also, especially when he goes back to work. Even though their good kids, they still have a tendency to make me feel like helping me during this time is the last thing they want to do. It seems like their peers can do anything they want, I have a really hard time being the disciplinarian, especially when I'm sick. Thankfully my husband does back me up when he is home. How much am I supposed to expect out of my teenagers? I really have a hard time with this, because so much was expected out of me and I was an only child. Would love to hear others take on this because I feel very alone in my standards, and am wondering if I'm to stringent.

Marsha

Learning to Live With Grief Webcast: Grieving the loss of a dream

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 18:05:04 GMT

My husband owes money for a business that failed. He wanted to quit his job, file bankruptcy, and go to nursing school...a career nothing like what he does for a job now. We would be taking a major pay cut. I got clear confirmation from scripture that God wouldn't want us to file bankruptcy and now he is greiving not being able to follow his dream. Is there any suggestion to help him through this and for him not to resent his family?

Learning to Live With Grief Webcast: friend is grieving the loss of a child

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 18:23:55 GMT

What is the best way to support a friend who is going through a loss of a child?

Step Parenting Woes - What do I do?

community@focusonlinecommunities.com — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 15:33:10 GMT

I am new in the community but have heard Focus on the Family on the radio for years. I have been married for 3 years and have 2 step sons 8 and 5. They live with my husband and I full time with little interaction with their real mom. They see her every other weekend with no phone calls during the week.

I dont have children of my own and I love these two like my own boys. I always said God had it planned for me not to have kids so that I could take care of these two. The oldest and I are having troubles right now and sometimes its hard to love him.... I feel guilty and not worthy of my husbands love because of the feelings I have toward my oldest. My husband and I have had several arguments in the past about my oldest. My husand never saw his acts of disrespect (for lack of other wording) he did see him one day disrespect me and now understands my frustration.

Its not that he is a bad child. He is WONDERFUL and a good kid, but SOMETIMES its like he totally changes. He ignores me, argues with me, always back talks, and never did what I asked him to do. When he isnt doing those things, he is laying all over me, drawing pictures for me or picking flowers for me. I am clueless and have no clue what to do. I was raised that if you love someone you honor them by doing as they ask and not back talking etc. Flowers, pictures and "saying" I love you mean nothing if you dont treat them with respect.

I need help. I need to know how to deal with him. Counseling would be wonderful, but my husband will not do that.. its out of the question.. and honestly money is very tight right now..

The mother and I have an open relationship and talk regularly if we need too. We have told the oldest that we both love him and that we talk to each other and there is ntohing to feel threatened about.

Is there anyone out there that could give me advice or help me?

Thanks