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Texting Lingo Every Parent Needs to Know

Posted by Jim_Daly on Sep 7, 2011 1:13:09 PM

Assuming your son or daughter has a cell phone, do they text?textlogo1.jpg

 

The Pew Research group recently concluded that most teens prefer texting to talking - with a third of them sending over 100 messages a day.

 

Tolerance for this type of behavior varies by family, of course, but almost no parent would knowingly permit their son or daughter to text crude, lewd or obscene messages.

 

But what about more vague or coded communications?

 

It takes a deft and alert parent to stay up to date on texting lingo, especially since the lexicon is constantly expanding and often doesn't make any logical sense. For example, if your child happens to text "420" to a friend, you better be prepared for a serious talk.  That's because texting "420" is the equivalent of asking if the other person has pot - or wants to get high. Apparently "420" is a universal symbol for the use and appreciation of marijuana.textingteens1.jpg

 

Online tech dictionaries can help get you up to speed (click here), but the proliferation of coded sexual texting is enough to make your head spin. The following is a bit graphic, but if you’re a parent, this is something you need to be aware of.  For example, did you know that “1174” is a declaration that you’re part of the so-called “Nude Club” – or that texting the number “8” is a request for oral sex? “GYPO” means “Get your pants off” and “LMIRL” is the abbreviated way of saying, “Let’s meet in real life,” which can be innocent, but not if your 12-year-old daughter receives such a message from a 17-year-old young man. 

 

And don’t forget that many of today’s kids are savvy when it comes to evading parental monitoring efforts. Case in point: “P911” translates to a “Parent Alert” and “POS” is a way for a child to alert his texting friend that there’s a “parent over [their] shoulder.”

 

Fortunately, help is available. Focus on the Family is pleased to offer your family some assistance through our partner, Bsecure. Bsecure is the exclusive whole home filtering option for any device that enters your home. For more information, please click here.

 

In the meantime, I’d like to know: How are you handling the burgeoning phenomenon of texting with your kids?

 

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Comments (157)
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Sep 7, 2011 3:10 PM Guest Max B  says:
Great info, Jim. We allow our teens to have phones for talking (mainly emergencies), but not texting. Why open a can of worms? It seems like parents who let their kids text do so more out of fatigue, as in "I'm not in the mood to fight with you." How is it that millions of kids survived without phones but now others argue it's necessary? It's not.
Sep 7, 2011 3:11 PM Guest Sallie  says:
Good grief. No way on texting - as in NWOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sep 7, 2011 5:47 PM Guest John F  says:
We allow our two oldest 17 &14 to have phones and I monitor our phone bill monthly to see how many calls and text messages.  My wife and I randomly p/u their phones to review messages and keep them honest.  Also they know I can call the cell phone co and access their text messages anytime. We homeschool so we know all of our kids freinds and parents so we all help watch each others kids.
Sep 7, 2011 6:08 PM Guest Lori B  says:
We let our responsible 16 year-old pay for his own phone service and texting.  By the time he was 17, he was up to 5,000 texts per month.  Would we do it again?  Absolutely not!  Cell phone, yes.  Texting, no.
Sep 7, 2011 6:24 PM Guest Laurie  says:
I have 3 sons, one of which texts frequently, including to me.  I also monitor his phone randomly, and yes, we have had discussions about what I approve of and what is offensive to me.  In response to Max B, I doubt your dad was commenting on a parenting blog either.  Our kids are electronic, and let's face it, so are we.  Not saying we're better for it, but it seems askew to remove technology from their lives and think we've solved a bigger problem, which seems to be a line between allowing them to swim - or maybe wade - in a cultural pool without being absorbed by it.
Sep 7, 2011 6:27 PM Guest Susanna  says:
We don't mind texting - I think it's a great way to keep in touch with my kids when they're out with friends - it's easier for them to text me about what they're doing than to talk sometimes - however, we hadn't thought of the fact that they can get texted by friends in the middle of the night - so make sure the phones stay in the kitchen overnight, not their bedrooms!
Sep 7, 2011 6:28 PM Guest CHT  says:

Keeping cellphones downstairs at night, so they're not up till all hours "communicating" instead of getting to sleep. And helping them to learn how to maintain boundries in their lives and even appreciate the space of not having to always be in touch with friends round the clock.

And what are you modeling with your own cell phone habits? Don't text your kids while they are in classes. The culture of being instantly in touch has created more "emergency" situtations because parents aren't planning ahead as much as they used to. Schools are getting inundated because parents didn't make arrangements for after school,etc. Don't make your inability to plan someone else's crisis to deal with.
Sep 7, 2011 6:35 PM Guest Wendy  says:
We've decided as a family to avoid the entire texting craze...while we have cell phones, none of us text (including mom and dad).  Our kids are proud to tell people, "We don't text...we prefer real conversation."  They've seen how it has affected teen relationships and how much they hate it when friends are so busy texting people who aren't there, that they miss out on face-to-face conversation with the people who ARE there.  We aren't anti-technology, just anti-texting.  It seems to be a fad that has been detrimental to grammar and spelling, and detrimental to relationships, so we've chosen to be counter-cultural and say "no".
Sep 7, 2011 6:40 PM Guest J  says:
What if it's your spouse and not your child?
Sep 7, 2011 7:23 PM Guest Andy  says:
Such a difficult subject, especially with teens. It's crucial to convey a message of trust while also monitoring situations on a cas-by-case basis. The problem is, kids with mobile phones/texting are now the norm. It is the rare trustworthy teen who can accept a parent's restriction without resentment when they are not allowed the same as what "everyone else is allowed". No parent should give in to this pressure out of fear of their teen resenting them. On the other hand, when a teen believes they can and should be trusted and trust is denied, the negative consequences from withheld trust can far exceed the possible consequences of what we protect our children from.
Sep 7, 2011 6:52 PM Guest Kathleen  says in response to John F:

You may already be aware, but many children are savvy enough to know to delete certain text messages and keep the innocuous ones so as to keep parents' awareness level at bay.
Sep 7, 2011 6:58 PM Guest Tammy  says:

Here's another humdinger . . . free texting applications for ipods (and I'm guessing other devices too).  17-year old Child #1 has the 4th generation ipod and has free unlimited texting and facetime on there.  14-year old Child #2 has a 1st generation ipod with free unlimited texting.  No face time because cameras were not on those.  And while I'm thinking of those - there's also facebook's chat as well as, I'm sure, numerous other opportunities on other websites to visit.  Makes it easier to stray away a bit more from mom and dad's watchful eyes.

 

So . . . how am I supposed to monitor THAT?  At times I ask to see their "devices" (what I call them) and I check through some of the conversations.  I haven't yet seen anything questionable and I'm just having to approach this all with faith.  God loves my children, my children love God.  They seek to follow Him each day as best they can.  Because He loves them more than I ever could, I have to trust that he will convict them if they are going off-course and help them as they seek to get back onto the path of righteousness.

 

Though many thoughts constantly roll around in my head, I keep coming back to this . . . my children need technology in the culture they have been born into.  They have to develop discernment and discipline in order to live with these tools and be able to still have righteous and pure lives.  They won't be under my roof for forever and will need to be able to stand firm wherever they may be.  So . . . that is where my efforts need to be concentrated.  Standing firm on one's convictions has never been easy - I'd love to ask Noah about that!  But way too many times, young people get a free pass from their parents and other adults in their lives excusing their immaturity and poor choices as "Kids will be kids", "That's teenagers for you."  Yep - when the bar is placed that low - it sure will be.

 

I simply cannot devote half of my day everyday to look over their shoulders and follow-up after them on every forum, website, or texting conversation they have encountered.  I do try to do some of it each day though - at least they know that I do care and will be watching them somehow, somewhere!  But they also know that God sees them 24/7 - no hiding anything there!
Sep 7, 2011 7:55 PM Guest Tracy W.  says:

Our children have phones, originally it started as an emergency only item. Now they have earned privileges to have the phones for other reasons. They are not allowed to use texting lingo because it will effect how they spell later in life. Jobs will not allow texting lingo for work, so they are not allowed to get in the habit of it. Mom and Dad reserve the right at any moment to put their hand out; the phone is immediately placed in our hand. They also know that we check/read messages. Phones are turned in at before getting ready for bed and anytime they are suppose to be doing work but are finding it hard to concentrate because of the phone. We can and will text friends on their phones so they have encouraged their friends to write out all words. In our house, texting words = spelling words (must write each word 50 times). We had them sign a contract that they agree to the rules in order to have the phone.
Sep 7, 2011 7:57 PM Guest Deborah  says in response to Laurie:

I agree Laurie,

Of course, we've had the discussions, made random checks, and took away priviliages for poor choies- just like any good parent would in any other teen vs culture situation.

When our oldest started on Facebook, I started too. Then we ichatted together [AIM] mostly in the same room! It was a great way for her to talk to mom w/o all the little siblings 'hearing it.' When our second daughter did a missions trip to Japan for 6 months, it was GREAT to be able to video skype with her. She played peek-a-boo with her youngest sibling. My 8 and 10 yo can skype w/ me while I'm out doing errands and they're at home. I'd hate to not be connected w/ my kids [they are on laptops, I'm on my phone]   No way would I go 'back.'  I too prefer to text than call people for routine things. I'm busy. I'd rather txt "buy milk" than interupt homeschooling, or even a rare talk w/ a friend just to impart a quick messge."meet at 8:30, got your homework done?"  I text with my oldest kids a lot. We have contests to see who can txt faster without using chatspeak. I'm pretty fast.   I actually begged my dh [that's chat speak for dear husband] to give our son/4th child a cell phone w/ txting at the age of 13 so I could call or txt him from anywhere in the house, rather than yelling. Especially since he mostly has his earbuds in, he wouldn't hear me anyway.  I also txt my dh and several of my friends.  I txt my nieces and nephews too. My father [their grandfather] loves to keep up with all of his teenaged grandchildring by txting with them. Txting is simply a tool- its the culture your children are in that determine their use of it.  .  .

blessings,

deborah
Sep 7, 2011 8:09 PM Guest elle b.  says:

Go to your AT&T account, under "Smart limits" , under your wireless account..... and limit the # of texts the children can send per month, limit the times of day and days  one can text , and then you can also block those people you do not want your child to send or receive texts from.

 

Monitor their usage and who they are texting.  My daughter has lost two very good friends by texting too much and seeming overbearing.

 

I learned about these features from AT&T too late to save her friendships.  But at least I know now.

 

They shoudl really limit the # of text per day vs per month.
Sep 7, 2011 7:12 PM Guest Biblequest  says in response to Max B:
I do not agree with your philosophy about allowing kids to text out of fatigue or avoiding confrontation.  However, I am very close to all my kids.  Texting is a much more efficient method of communicating and doesn't interupt them from what they are doing and allows them to view it when they are able.
Sep 7, 2011 8:12 PM Guest Ellen G.  says:

I gave my youngest daughter a cell phone at age 14. She was under a limited use and only allowed to call those on her phone list and I put in her phone list. When she was able to show me she was responsible enough then the restrictions were removed. She only had phone use and this year when she moved out she finally got texting. She has learned to relish her privacy and does not publish every thought and movement she has on any internet form or texting.

 

I believe that children still need to earn the privilege to use a cell phone and internet.
Sep 7, 2011 7:17 PM Guest Mom to 5  says:

Our daughters have cellphones but like other parents, we let them know that they are a privilege to managed responsibly. We have set clear boundaries around how, when, and where, etc. For example, phones are not allowed at the dinner table. They must be left on the counter or in the other room. (Parents lead by example.) Phones are left on the kitchen counter at 9:00 pm on school nights, 10:00 pm otherwise. As parents, we must be given the passwords to their phones and they are aware that we may conduct random checks on them at any given time. One thing we do not allow is any picture-mail or pictures by texting. They understand that this is for their protection – we may trust them but not everyone who may send them a text message may be as responsible. All it takes is one wayward foolish teen to text/sext an unwanted picture and the one receiving is still held accountable and you can’t erase a picture in your  head. Therefore, no picture-mail. If there are any concerns with how they communicate with us or others (ie: bad attitudes with us, family, teachers, or inappropriate texts w/friends), phone service is easily managed at the account level – where we can turn texting on/off, data on/off, manage allowable numbers or suspend service all together. We do not get into “tug of wars” with “hand me your phone”, etc. We just go to the internet and manage the account. Because they value their communication privileges, it is a rare occasion that we have to enforce the consequences and when we do, they respond with very sincere and quick repentance.
Sep 7, 2011 7:23 PM Guest LMZ  says:
Kids text. We know the lingo - making an effort to stay abreast of the current trends. Our daughters are not allowed to delete their texts - we do that for them on a nightly basis. As with anything else - diligence as a parent is what is required.
Sep 7, 2011 7:23 PM Guest Helen  says:
If I could turn back the clock I would not allow texting....(*sigh*)
Sep 7, 2011 7:25 PM Guest Elizabeth  says:
My three teenage daughters have cell phones with the ability to text. I must thank God that I have girls that most of the time follow the rules I have set for them. The phones are for emergencies or for when we are not together. When friends ask for their cell numbers, the girls tell them I said not to share and they are free to call the house phone. The cell phones are all prepaid with limited minutes and texts. I track their minutes online, never set up voice mail (eats up minutes) and am NOT afraid to take them away or check the call logs. They know that there are places they will not be allowed to go if they do not have a phone...keeps them honest. In my home a cell phone is a priviledge not a right!!
Sep 7, 2011 7:30 PM Guest Randy  says:
Our 14 year-old homeschooled son simply isn't allowed to own his own cell phone yet. Occasionally my wife and I will let him use one of ours for times when he needs to be in communication with us, but for the most part, he doesn't need one.
Sep 7, 2011 8:23 PM Guest Roxanne A.  says:
I have three kids aged 10, 12, 14, and we haven't given any of them cell phones yet.  They are allowed to use mom's and dad's to call their friends, or text the other parent.  Texting is a way for them to keep in touch with us and each other between the two phones, but because they are owned by the parents, we have total access.  I have carefully watched other families and kids ahead of me on the parenting journey, and seen lots of battles and pitfalls of media, internet, and personal cell phones.   My observation is that most parents are really out of touch with what their kids are into and know about, and who they call and what they text- even when they think they are keeping tabs on what is going on.  This is especially true when it comes to cell phone and internet use.  Also, sadly, most USA kids feel like a personal cell phone is something they are entitled to- another attitude we are combatting by postponing kids' cell phones as long as possible.  I have told our oldest she can have one when she starts driving for safety purposes, so that's still a couple of years away.  Even then there will be limits as long as they are under our roof, and hopefully when they are on their own they will have gained some responsibilty to handle them - and all they give access to- responsibly.
Sep 7, 2011 7:36 PM Guest Elizabeth  says:

Our kids are not old enough to have phones/texting devices yet.  I know this discussion will be coming down the pike at some point in the not too distant future and I have learned a lot from this post and also these comments.  Thanks! 

Sep 7, 2011 7:43 PM Guest Iris  says:
Thanks for the information. I am aware of my limitations as a human and as a parent. I do what I can within the role and responsibility placed on me as a parent and I pray that God would take care of the children he has so graciously allowed me to raise. Paul said "I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some" 1 Cor 9:22. "Everything is permissible for me" --but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me" --but I will not be mastered by anything. 1 cor 6:12 To me these passages provide a great deal of insight for this texting situation.
Sep 7, 2011 7:46 PM Guest Theresa  says:
Texting and text lingo is just another advance in real-time communication. This type of tech talk will not going away any time soon; it will most certainly develop into something even faster and more efficient over time. We believe it's a perfectly acceptable form of communication when used responsibly. For my husband and I, it saves us a tremdendous amount of time as we converse with others on business issues or send quick notes back and forth. No face time has been lost because of it and we are much more productive as it eliminates the time we have to spend hanging on the phone having empty conversations. As far as children are concerned - it should be monitored like television shows, computer usage, language, or anything else. There must be boundaries, expectations, and accountability.
Sep 7, 2011 7:47 PM Guest Susan  says:
Here's an idea.  Be so bold as to tell your child NO.  Simply do not allow texting.  Don't give them a phone or don't enable texting on the phone.
Sep 7, 2011 8:27 PM Guest Chris  says:
"420" is a date -- April 20th. And, yes, it is universal.
Sep 7, 2011 8:27 PM Guest Marie R.  says in response to Max B:
AMEN!
Sep 7, 2011 8:29 PM Guest kimba  says in response to J:

J--

 

I feel bad for you that no one has responded to your post.  It's heartbreaking to hear that you may be dealing with this with your spouse.
Sep 7, 2011 8:05 PM Guest Ruth  says in response to Wendy:

A person can label anything as bad if it is not used properly.  Our family DOES text but uses it for effieciency in certain circumstances.  If I don't need much information but a time or locatiuon why bother someone with a phone call?  My oldest daughter (26) will look up the spelling of words before sending a text to someone.  So it is not all bad.  It's all how you use it.

Sep 7, 2011 8:12 PM Guest Ruthy  says:

Our phone co. has parental controls on texting, so we can turn it off during school, and after a certain time at night.  It is an extra fee, but so worth it.  They can still text certain #'s for emergency sake.  This is also a good feature if discipline is in order, we can stop the texting ability for a certain time period ie. a week of no texting friends.

We were definately naive on phones with our first child and have learned from experience that it is a tool that takes some maturity and trust on the childs part to have this luxury.
Sep 7, 2011 8:14 PM Guest hosea  says in response to J:

This is something that I had to face. When my wife was in the hospital, I 'had custody of her phone,' and dealt with incoming calls and txts in her absence.  It was during that time that it was revealed that there were inappropriate relations with her co-workers...  To answer your question, "What if it's your spouse?"  Well, God shows us mercy, grace, and forgiveness even before we ask for it.  Christ died long before I was ready to repent.  So, in all things respond in love, and live the testimony of Jesus.  I know first hand that this is not easy to do.  I also know that it is worth doing.  There is a Biblical framework for divorce, but God likes it best when we can work stuff out... no matter how long it takes.

 

I hope that helps.

 

-"Hosea"
Sep 7, 2011 8:25 PM Guest Jennifer S.  says in response to Tracy W.:

I love the idea of requiring full words be written in a text rather than short hand.  My husband is a teacher and often finds students turning final papers with texting abriviations in them and steudents completly oblivious to their mistake.  Ugghh!  I personally already require request from my son to be in a full sentence to get an answer. 

 

Do keep in mind that codes are still possible even when writen out like a cue word or name that indicates parents are there.  I know I had verbal/phone cue words in highschool (b4 texting) with some of my closer friends for when my brother was being nosey.

Sep 7, 2011 8:31 PM Guest Ked  says in response to Kathleen:
Why is it that I would need a subpoena (sp) to access actual text messages from Verizon, even though I am the parent and pay the bill.  I don't have a need to do this yet.  However, I sure wish that our carrier (Verizon) would give the account holder the right to access the data, rather than just a list of numbers.
Sep 7, 2011 8:32 PM Guest watchfulmom  says in response to John F:
A warning to John F, I always thought that I too could contact my cell phone provider for text message content.  Recently I contacted AT&T for just that purpose.  They informed me that they do not retain text message content for any length of time. I was stunned.  You may want to check with your carrier in advance.
Sep 7, 2011 8:32 PM Guest Stephanie  says:

I use to teach in a public high school.  I learned that "420" for pot is from April 20, 4/20 which is suppose to be the birthday of Bob Marley, an advocate of marijuana.
Sep 7, 2011 8:57 PM Guest Leslie F.  says:

Our kids don't get cell phones until they are 16 (and driving an old car which might break down at any moment, thus necessitating a cell phone to call mom and dad or a tow truck!).  They pay for unlimited texting if they would like.  We learned about that the hard way, as one of our four kids had 3000 messages his first month of texting.  We read their texts and we also require all cell phones and lap tops be downstairs after 10 PM.  I work with youth at our church and this is the way they communicate...via texting, Facebook and Twitter.  So I'm there for all three of those...even though I'm 52 years old!

 

And this brings up another question...if they have data usage on their phones, how do you handle the porn issue?  It's there...
Sep 12, 2011 11:17 AM Guest Autumn S  says:

So I know how some of these parents feel about texting, but coming from an 18 year old female; I didn't even know what those acronyms meant. I love technology, I am very techno-savvy, but it is pretty sad to see preteens (because lets face it; most kids my age...I guess young adults my age, really don't care about phone sex; lets just get out and do it). That is just the brutal honesty. If parents allow their children to have Facebook and myspace at an über Young age, then what is the difference in a cell phone? I got my first myspace when I was 9 my parents didn't know and I communicated with people a lot older than me, granted I used discretion(and had my oldest sister monitoring me); but that is because that is what I was raised with. There comes a time when parents just have to start trusting their kids, or when you release that tight leash you have on them; they are going to rebel hardcore. And a lot of you parents may say "Autumn, you're only 18 and have never had kids; what do you know?" I don't have kids, but I have a 25 year old alcoholic sister who was restrained so much when she was a teen that she rebelled with with with with with tattoo then second and third, then drinking, then drugs...I know parents don't think us teens know anything, but the times have changed sooo drastically that you all as parents don't realize that at a point, before 17( I started BEING suppressed by my parents at 17 rather than earlier; I was always an independent child), then they are going to rebel. Now, I can understand if you have a child that is addicted to porn or something; restricting their data usage is probably the best idea, but homeschool parents (I was home schooled until 7th grade, so I know the homeschool scene) need to allow their kids to have culture because the minute that they step onto a secular campus or even a Christian campus; meet some non-Christians and have their faith challenged, are offered drugs, alcohol, maybe even just hookah; they aren't going to say no. If all they have experienced of culture is under the ideals of their parents, then they are going to want to try new things. Yeah, monitor your teens, monitor your kids; but please, for the sake of God's kingdom, do not block them from culture because the minute that they hit the real world, they will crumble. Although they are teens, they have a lot more sense then you think.

 

In Christ,

Autumn-Renee
Sep 8, 2011 5:51 AM Guest Jennifer D.  says:

This is very helpful! Thank you. I am a youth pastor's wife, and a mom of teens. My kids don't have cell phones yet but this is good info. Thanks.
Sep 7, 2011 9:33 PM Guest TCM  says in response to Chris:
The "420" is actually the police code for marijuana posession.  The date came from this code and is now "celebrated" as a kind of national smoke pot day.
Sep 7, 2011 9:55 PM Guest Julie  says in response to Susanna:
I agree.  Most phone companies will have a service that you can choose when your child's phone goes off  at night and back on in the morning.  You can customize it for weekends and summers.  To Max B.  "most parents..."  Really?  How do you know what I'm thinking?  i agree with laurie, our kids are electronic and it's part of the generation and culture.  Did you have an 8 track player?  We need to build trust with our kids as well as having a careful watch over them.
Sep 7, 2011 9:56 PM Guest Jeanine  says in response to Susanna:
Better yet, instead of leaving phones in the kitchen, keep them in your (the parent's) room overnight.
Sep 7, 2011 10:06 PM Guest A Daughter  says:

From the perspective of a 20 year old young woman, I really appreciate this blog. From my perspective, I believe my parents did a really great job of monitoring my cell phone use when I was a teenager, and even now. Until I was 16, I was expected to make all of my arrangements for rides, etc, before leaving my parents, or borrow my mother's cell phone. I was involved in sports and many other extracurricular activities, and although sometimes I got teased for not having a phone, it was never a problem to borrow a friend's if I needed to get ahold of my parents. When I was sixteen, I received my first cell phone for my birthday-no texting, no data. I had similar rules as those mentioned before; my parents could check my phone any time, it had to be on the kitchen counter to charge at bedtime, etc. One of the things that I'm proud to say is that after the first six months of use, my birthday gift, I've paid for my additional line on my parents' plan ever since. It has kept me very conscious of the fact that my phone is not a right, but a utility, much like electricity, water, or a "landline" phone bill. When I was 17, I received text messaging. After some bumps in the road, my parents set a monthly limit of messages, which was increased after proving that I wouldn't let it interfere with the rest of my life.

If I had to pick a few main things I've learned as a teenager grow up in this age of technology, I would first of all encourage parents to maintain communication with their children about anything. As teenagers/children, no matter what form of social media we use (Facebook, texting, phone calls), we can always hide things. Slang words and text speak aren't necessary; in fact, they vary so much between demographics that it's impossible to make a comprehensive list of possible inappropriate slang words (if you want a scare, check out urbandictionary.com). I don't feel like I need to hide anything from my parents; but I do appreciate my privacy at times. I'm sure when my parents were young, they enjoyed being able to talk to their friends without a parent listening in. Instead of being afraid of your kids hiding things from you, be the parent that they feel like they can tell everything to. It's totally worth it!

Second of all; don't even get into picture messaging/face time/skype unless there is no other option or your teenager has proven themselves to be mature and responsible in other areas of their phone. You can't control what other people send you, and being able to say "I don't have picture messaging" can be a lifesaver in pressured situations.

Third of all, the technology isn't bad! It's not going to go away, and being able to use it for good is a skill that needs to be learned. When I was unable to call, I've been able to text my parents that I need an "out" to get away from a bad situation. There are positive uses for texting!

Thanks for being caring parents that are looking out for their kids--we do appreciate it (eventually!!)
Sep 8, 2011 6:06 AM Guest Kraig E.  says in response to Sallie:
Great post. I completely agree.
Sep 7, 2011 10:15 PM Guest Kraig E.  says:
It is real simple...Don't have cell phones. We have 2 trac phones (prepaid cell phones) that we take with us for emergencies in the car. We homeschool so anywhere our kids are going, we are going with them or taking them. So they don't have cell phones. We can't afford them and they are not necessary. We certainly don't have issues with texting, sexting, etc. Makes life alot more simple.
Sep 8, 2011 6:32 AM Guest I S.  says in response to Leslie F.:
My sons have been fine with cell phones and texting with reasonable limits and parents monitoring access and random text audits.  Rules are if they ever delete a message without our permission and we find out about it - the phone is ours.  This has happened twice and yes - he was repentant and to our knowledge it has not happened again however, the itouch is a different animal.  It is wireless and you can't put a filter on it.  Our trustworthy son has had one for a year which he paid for himself (against my wishes thanks to well-meaning hubby) and I recently attended a youth conference where a youth pastor to hundreds of kids says every boy he knows w/ an itouch has seen pornography.  I immediately went home and questioned my son (who coincidentally had exhibited some extreme changes in behavior which should have been my first clue) and yep - he's seen some stuff via the itouch.  Itouch is permanently out of his life.  I strongly recommend against kids having the itouch w/ web access until they are adults and have developed some major self-discipline.
Sep 7, 2011 10:48 PM Guest Ben  says:

I say we stop worrying about monitoring our kids and start having CONVERSATIONS with our kids.  TALK to them about texting.  Bring another adult into their lives that they can talk to.  And trust them.  You shouldn't be policing your kids.  You should be talking to them.

 

The same with the porn issue, Leslie.  Have your husband talk with your kids.  Or make sure your youth pastor is doing so.  It needs to be discussed.

 

The problem with going after the action is it only prevents the person from that specific action... until they find another way around it.  When you're having conversations, you're able to deal with heart issues.  With inappropriate texting, taking away a phone isn't going to help with their attitude or teach them responsibility.  With porn, preventing them from looking isn't going to teach them how to deal with the temptation of lust.  SEE THE ISSUE OF THE HEART AND ADDRESS THAT.
Sep 8, 2011 6:36 AM Guest Randy H.  says:
THANK YOU for the txt info
Sep 7, 2011 11:00 PM Guest Tina R.  says:
I wish texting would just go away. Kids will text things they would never say in person. If you have something to say CALL! My kids are to young to have cell phones yet, but when and if they do get them NO TEXTING!!
Sep 7, 2011 11:21 PM Guest Dan  says:

"Apparently "420" is a universal symbol for the use and appreciation of marijuana."

 

Well from my teenage years 420 was actually the time or date to get high. So it gave me a petty excuse to toke up. Also April 20th at 4:20am/pm would also somehow be an extra special excuse. Sad i know.  Notice the bumper stickers / shirts that read " Is it 420 yet?".  Not really proud that I know this but those days are behind me.
Sep 7, 2011 11:22 PM Guest Robert Z  says:

If you dont allow your children to have cell phones and espicially to text you are seriously crippling their chances of succeeding in a extremely rapidly changing society. The world is changing faster than parents understand and not allowing youths to take part in that change inhibits their ability to deal with the further and faster change that is coming. We are rapidly approaching a time where the vast majority of commerce, news, entertainment, and ,although acedemia is always the slowest to learn, college will hevily if not entirely depend on the use of mobile devices and their associated systems. If you dont allow your children to keep up with the technology curve of mobile devices you are significantly hindering their chance of being competative in their future carreer espicially in buiness.

 

I'm absolutely not advocating laissez faire parenting on this issue. If you do not regulate or at least understand your childs usage of and involvment in all their social interaction: friends, school, sports, internet, phones then you are not parenting the way God intended.

But Please do not think you are proctecting them by not giving them the oppurtunity to participate in our ever growing and changing society.

 

As Christians we are like boats, and the world is like the water. A boat is useless if it is not in the water, but the boat has some serious problems when the water starts to get in it. Let your children be in the world but teach them to be not of this world!
Sep 7, 2011 11:30 PM Guest Z  says:

While saying "We don't text. We prefer real conversations." may sound like championing the cause of personal interaction, at this point in our world it is paramount to saying, "I don't use that new fangeled computer thing, I prefer writing for REAL on my typewriter."

Sep 7, 2011 11:34 PM Guest Dan  says:

Maybe a bit off topic but I am seeing many of you discussing the different methods of interaction kids are using. Please keep in mind that most phones, games systems INCLUDING kid friendly Wii have internet browsers that have no filtration in them. No way to add free filters like Online Family from Norton (which works REALLY good and free but only covers PC's & MAC's.).

 

If you have kids and a home computer or computers PLEASE spend the 15mins-30mins and install the Online Family software. It is made by the makers of Norton Anti Virus but you don't have to have their AV software installed. Plus unlike the past Norton products are NOT the resource hogs people still say they are. It is actually good software now starting about 2008. So even if you don't have Norton AV as your protection you can still load their free family software that actually works 99% of the time in blocking porn and other junk. Make sure you either link the software to EVERY account or you password protect yours and then create a 2nd account for the kids that the software gets linked too. But the way I look at it in most cases if they shouldn't be looking at it then most likely I shouldn't be too so I have all accounts linked up with the software. Don't be scared all you parents , sure maybe your kids are better then you at computers but that is NOT an excuse to leave a wide open door to the net.

 

Spend the 15-30mins to not only install the software but give yourself time to look it over and get a understanding about it. No more worries about what the kids or spouse is really doing on the PC, the software reminds them it is running when you log in so it isn't supposed to spying on them.

 

Sick and twisted world we live in and really gets to me to think I will have to deal with this when my 2yr old grows up.
Sep 7, 2011 11:52 PM Guest sisterdeie  says:

Another source of texting lingo is to look at urbandictionary.com. Kids are constantly updating it with language, slang terms and you can look up most things there. Also, it's important to fact check before we share info with other parents, we don't want to mislead each other, 420 is not Bob Marley's birthday. He was born on Feb 6th. 

 

My sons are age 6 and 1, my 6 year old and I talk about texting and he asks me to text his aunts and uncles for him. We are not going to text friends at his age. Although, my husband informed me that a girl at my 6 year old's school, who he claimed was his girlfriend, gave him her number. Thankfully, her number was only 5 digits. I asked my husband to have a talk with him about girlfriends (no girlfriends at age 6) and phone numbers (no thank you). I want him to understand the rules early. I guess we'll start now.

 

I'm a Youth Minister so I get to have these conversations with other people's children too.

Sep 7, 2011 11:53 PM Guest Anne  says:
It certainly is something to become saavy about.  We have 3 kids, 2 in high school and 1 in college.  We all have unlimited texting.  I have to admit, I text my kids more than I talk to them on the phone.  It's especially handy for little check ins with our son in college.  We cannot monitor every communication that they have although we have capability.  What we focus on is open discussion and dialogue, knowing where they are in their spiritual walks, knowing how they feel about teen-age issues, knowing who their friends are, etc.  They have older kids as friends and mentors who share their spiritual values so they get positive peer influence. Still, there could always be surprises.   But it's sort of the same issue whether it's the music they listen to, TV/movies they watch, how they dress.  All of these are issues to discuss with your kids and focus on WHY these things are important to be careful about.  (The key is to discuss, not lecture.)  They also know we pay attention to their lives and if there are red flags we will respond and if they lose our trust, it will take work to regain it.
Sep 8, 2011 12:46 AM Guest Katherine  says:

We recently took away the cell phone altogether for what was to be a month. The fall out was unbelievable with our teen taking off.

Techy toys are a touchy subject, but absolutely need to be monitored. Your advice above is spot on.

BTW, 420 is a reminder to smoke pot at 4:20 pm---the universal "time" to do so.

Sep 8, 2011 1:00 AM Guest GKMOM  says:
I wonder if texting is really any different than the notes we used to write in school, or at home to hand out the next day in school. My parents would not have read my notes, so why should texts be read? Kids can erase the texts they do not want read anyway. The problem is not the texting, it is the phones! Very few children or teens NEED a cell phone! Amazingly enough, generations of children, adolescents, and even young adults have made it just fine with NO cell phone!! And certainly kids do not need data usage on their phones! Most adults do not need data usage on their phones! There are a LOT of things kids do not NEED these days!! Parents are handing their children everything and kids are not learning the value of work ethic and struggling to gain everything you have! There is no way to replace the character building that hard work and sheer determination to make yourself better provides!! What it really comes down to is the fact that parents just have to hope they have taught their children to have the discernment to always conduct themselves as if God was right there with them looking over their shoulder(GOS!!)because He is!! And PRAY WITHOUT CEASING!!!
Sep 8, 2011 2:09 AM Guest Laura  says in response to Leslie F.:

Leslie, and actually to everyone else on here too, you should check out NetNanny. It can monitor your computer (including Facebook chat) and they are soon coming out with mobile filtering. I don't say this to sound like you need to be a militant parent on top of everything your kids do. Not at all. Just simply that in this day and age where sin is so prevalent in so many forms widely accepted by youth today, our Christian teens & kids are going to face temptations everywhere, even if they are strong Christians. Giving them boundaries  and teaching them how boundaries are a positive thing can go a long ways as well as teaching them how to combat the temptations that are out there are what kids need. Give them tools to know how to deal with incoming things. They may not be the ones who initiate an inappropriate conversation, but they need to know what to do if someone else sends them something along those lines.Say that even with your best attempts to help filter their world, you discover their initiation of/active involvement in whatever it might be (inappropriate conversations, texts, media watched/viewed)- Don't react. Converse,love and using it as a teachable moment "Honey, I noticed that there was a questionable web page(text,etc)on your phone(Facebook page, etc). Could you tell me what happened?"(or.. some other great response line I can't think of)That goes a lot farther than the easier reaction to, well, do that exactly-react.

Good parents are involved, know how to set smart boundaries, think through scenarios (everyone wants to believe the best about their kid, but it is a good idea to
Sep 8, 2011 2:34 AM Guest BID  says in response to LMZ:
LMZ - sorry, but they know how to delete texts when you're not around so I think you're a bit niave in thinking that you see every text they receive or send.  this is a great thread though.  i'm just contemplating getting my son who's just started secondary school a mobile so we can keep in touch if i'm going to be a bit late or if he want's to go to a friend's house after school.  still struggling though as to whether he "needs" it or not.
Sep 8, 2011 2:59 AM Guest PhiloProf  says:
The codes are clear, but how do you know your texting teen is receiving them right there in the living room, school, or in church?  The same frequency that malls have been using to scatter the youth is the same frequency many are loading into their phones so only they can hear.
Sep 8, 2011 5:20 AM Guest Penniah  says in response to Max B:
I agree with you, Max B.  The rule in our home for cell phones is that you will get one when you start to drive.  First in line is our oldest daughter, soon to be 14.  In the meantime, my husband and I let them know our views on the place of technology in the Christian's life- it can be a great tool for the Lord when certain boundaries are in place.  Technology in and of itself is not evil, however, just as with the internet, we need to be savvy users of it and remember to do all things to the glory of God.  Why are parents afraid to set boundaries in the lives of their children?  We end up throwing our children into this world without a safety net when we are not vigilent in this area.
Sep 8, 2011 5:32 AM Guest Julie  says:

This is in response to Tammy. You can put restrictions on the 4th generation ipod.  Go into settings, General, Restrictions.  You enter a 4 digit code and then set it up.My kids have ipods and I block the safari and app store etc. You can also block the facetime.  They have to have the code to put it back on. Also there are parental controls you can download for the iPod touch just like you can do on the computer. Hope that helps.
Sep 8, 2011 5:58 AM Guest Angela  says:
My kids will get prepaid cell phones when they start to drive. I don't see any reason that my kids need to be reached or reach others 24 hours a day. If she wants to talk to a friend, she can use our phone. Does someone have to talk to her while we are in walmart??? I just think our society has become so unpersonal! We would rather send emails and text messages than call someone or sit down and chat. I text with my husband while he is working, but almost never with others. The art of conversation is dying and it is so sad, I want my kids to talk to people, and that ability won't come from them texting relentlessly. I agree, it's convenient, but when our kids grow up do we want them to be more into technology than people?
Sep 8, 2011 6:53 AM Guest Lisa M.  says:
We activated an old flip phone and call it the "family spare phone" . My 15 yr old can take it to school or work so that she can let us know when she needs a ride home from sport's practices etc. Her younger sisters rarely need it, but it is available to whoever needs it most.  If you get the voicemail when you call it, the recording says " The M. Family Spare Phone" . This has helped to avoid callers or intruders at all hours of the night. The phone doesn't ring, unless it is one of us calling. We also allowed her to have a Facebook page which I check regularly. She is only allowed to  "Friend"  family, cousins, and people she met at camp this summer, not kids from school. This keeps her out of the gossip column that runs rampid on facebook in her school. I am not a fan of all this tech stuff, but it is the world our kids are growing up in. So we have to teach them how to live responsibly in their world, in the world but not of the world. Personally, I prefer a good old fashioned phone call instead of a text !
Sep 8, 2011 6:01 AM Guest Angela  says in response to Stephanie :
When we were in high school everyone said 420 was hitlers bday. And it was universal pot time.
Sep 8, 2011 6:45 AM Guest Burton  says:
I find it interesting that parents of children 14 and under are full of advice and parents of older teens have very little to say... As a parent of older teens, let me assure you parents of  pre-teens and younger teens, you are not really in control. You may think you have all the right answers and controls but teens are experts at undermining your every move.  Parents of older teens have figured this out...
Sep 8, 2011 6:47 AM Guest Cathy  says in response to Tammy:
Well said, Tammy!
Sep 8, 2011 6:54 AM Guest Bev. W.  says:

My kids text because it's also cheaper on their phones than calling.  I think the real issue here is that we need to be concerned most about the hearts of our children.  Have we not trained them and built into their lives to the point that they have their own relationship with God now that would mandate not offending Him?!  If my kids are texting around me, I ask, "Who are you texting?" and I've read some of their texts.  I also have all (5) my kids' passwords on facebook and their emails....They voluntarily gave them to me because they have nothing to hide.  I rarely check them, but they know that I could if there was a reason for caution.  I want them to have privacy, along w/ accountability. Someone pointed out that God  is watching them 24/7, so if kids know that and are striving to please him, then that's the issue and the solution here.  Kids are smart....they're perfectly capable of hiding/deleting anything they don't want a "snoopy parent" to see, if that's how they view their parents and are not accountable to God first. 

I also think there has been a failure in our culture to teach common courtesy with cell phones....No one should be texting in class or in the middle of a conversation or a church service!  However, I see adults doing it too and I've had many adults stop in the middle of our conversation, even in the middle of a restaurant, to raise their voices as they talk on their cell phone to whoever interrupted our conversation...It's just plain rude, unless it is indeed an emergency!

Those are my thoughts...I would add that praying faithfully for our kids and staying open and supportive of them in person is probably also key to not alienating them in the first place, so they're closed off from us both in their spirits and with their electronic media modes.
Sep 8, 2011 6:55 AM Guest steve  says:
i have a 15 year old and a 16 year old boys. neither one has a phone. they dont need them and wont get one until they do. when they do get one . it  will not allow texting. my boys know this and know its for their safty.
Sep 8, 2011 6:58 AM Guest steve  says in response to Wendy:
amen
Sep 8, 2011 7:00 AM Guest Linda  says:
Our kids' ages are 23, 20, 17, and 6.  We thought it would be yet ANOTHER distraction.  We/they don't do it and never will.  We have absolutely no regrets nor do our kids.  Keep it simple.
Sep 8, 2011 7:01 AM Guest Selena  says:
I thank Focus on the Family for posting this.  I have learned a lot of great ideas from other parents.  Our 13 year old daughter does have a cell phone and does text.  Learning how to live a healthy and God-pleasing lifestyle in a world driven by technology is our goal. We have a contract that we review together and resign every 3-4 months.  Among other limitations, we cover how much she pays towards the phone, social rules (don't say anything over a text you wouldn't say in person), no cell phones on Sunday, cell phone charges in mom and dad's room through the night.  Just having her phone put away by 9 pm each night and no cell phone on Sunday helps all of us unplug, connect with family and maintain a boundary.
Sep 8, 2011 7:03 AM Guest MAJ USA Ret  says in response to Tammy:

Thank you for thoughtful, candid, relevant, empathic, provocative, poignant and perspicacious comments, They are undeniable evidence that your children are your heart.  Hang in there.  I know God loves your children; all our children; all His children, more than we can know.  Your children rest between your demonstrated love and His omnipotent and omnipresent love.  With your love demonstrating His love, and with His love empowering your love, your children smell the sweet aroma and feel the warm peace of love excelling. The power is undeniable, immeasurable, eternal and compelling.  You are planting a heart in your children that will never be able to stray far without immediately feeling the loss and returning immediately. God bless.
Sep 8, 2011 7:08 AM Guest Linda  says in response to Wendy:
Bullseye!
Sep 8, 2011 7:19 AM Guest BLB  says:
I am the mom of a 12 (soon to be 13) year old.  She is the last of three children, the others being 28 and 26.  She does not have a cell phone (or Facebook) yet.  My older two children did not have cell phones until they were out of school, but I do understand that was 10 years ago and things have changed a lot in 10 years.  We are "older" parents this time and are trying to be very careful with what we allow with the 'baby".  She is a good girl, and wants to do what's right (so far!).  I appreciate all of the comments that I have read.  I have learned some things, and when we do decide to allow her to have a cell phone we will be very careful and cautious.
Sep 8, 2011 7:25 AM Guest Stacey  says in response to Tammy:

Our child has the Textfree app through their iTouch, and the entire message comes to us through email-- that's how we have it set up.  Sitting down with him with a printed sheet of messages was a great opportunity to talk about being in the world but not of it.  He does have a cell phone now, and we do text; however, I do review his texts and we talk about how as Christians we can use technology to Christ's glory rather than shame. As Paul says, "all things are allowable, but not all things are profitable".  Cell phones and texting features aren't the heart of the issue-- sin is.  I agree that our responsibility is to emulate Christ in our households so they see it as a relationship rather than 'their parents' religion', and we have a responsibility to lead and to pray fervently for them.

 

Our stand is that we do take precautions, such as blocking internet access and download capabilities on the cell phone, and we have the parental controls on their iTouches; however, I don't want their first time wrestling with these issues to be when they leave home and don't have us to talk to.  We discuss 'sexting', inappropriate messages, time and money management pertaining to the devices (such as, chores and schoolwork always come first!)-- even etiquette, such as putting the phone away when you're face to face with friends and focusing on them.  It has opened up communication and helped our relationship, as my children see they can come to me with any question, and we can discuss it and reveal Biblical principles rather than my reacting in shock (which I have had to conceal a few times!).  

Sep 8, 2011 7:27 AM Guest Connie  says:
Wow! I cannot believe how many different texting abbreviations there are - how anyone can keep track of, and know, all of those is beyond me.  My 12 year old son does have a cell phone, as well as unlimited texting, but we set a stipulation before allowing him to have a phone.  That stipulation was that he is not to delete any of his text messages, without his dad or I looking at them first.  So far we haven't seemed to have any problems with this, as far as I know, but we do have to put a little trust in our kids.  There have even been times when he's come to us & said "could you please go through my messages & delete them, my storage is getting too full."  That right there gives me a good feeling to know that he's actually asking me to look at his messages & clean them up.  We don't have a set time that we do this, and I think doing it randomly helps.
Sep 8, 2011 7:58 AM Guest Michelle  says:

I have 2 sons 18 and 15.  I am the parent that never missed a basketball game, baseball game, soccer game nor never missed an opportunity to walk 18 holes of golf just because they wanted me to.  When they want to talk, I listen....and I talk if that is what they want me to do.....even when things are on their mind at 2am.  They know they can wake me in the middle of the night, call me at work or while I cook supper.  My 18year old is a freshmen and living on campus at a university.  He called me one night this week, at 12:30 in the middle of the night.  He said "Mom are you awake?" just like he used to do when he would come to my bedside and wake me up.  I said (just like I did before) "I was but I would rather talk to you."  And so we did talk for the next hour.  It was 1:30 in the morning and my heart was smiling because my son called from college just because he wanted to talk to me and get my advice.  This is the "good stuff" in life for me.  God entrusted me to raise these babies into Christian men who love God, who will love their wives and children as they have been loved.  The only way I have known to do that was to parent them and revere them as belonging to God.  May sound like our home was perfect and not discipline was needed or used, but to the contrary.  There was alot of discipline in our home, administered with grace, love and firmness.  Just as God disciplines us when we need it, I too disciplined these young men when they needed it.  Just as God sometimes lets His children get themselves into trouble and out of trouble, I too allowed my sons to get into and out of trouble.  Ah, the lessons we learn when someone else doesn't rush in and rescue us!  That's how I learned and that's how I allowed my sons to learn, even though it was extremely difficult at times.   Allowing my kids to experiences natural and logical consequences (as long as there was no physical safety risk) was always a much better teacher than I was and the lesson they would learn was always longer lasting too.  A recent example was with my 15 year old.  He was having trouble getting up in the morning and we would have to "fly" to school so he wouldnt be late which meant that I probably would be late for work because they both start at 8am.  He was having trouble getting up because he was staying up too late - most likely texting with his friends.  So instead of having him give me his phone each night, or telling him over and over to go to bed earlier, or telling him how to fix his morning problems, I told him this instead, with a firm but not a harsh or judgemental tone at all.  "I will be leaving each morning at 7:15.  I hope you will be up and ready for me to take you to school but if you aren't then I will have to leave you at home and you will be unable to get to school that day.  And if you are unable to get to school, which means missing class, missing homework assignments, missing tests possibly....and remember if you miss school then everything at home is off limits too.  no TV, no ipod, no video games, no anything until after you return to school."  I hope you will figure out how to get up and out on time each morning."  and then I always tell them I love him, give a hug and then its over and won't be discussed again.  Since I told him that, he has done what he needed to do to be in my car at 7:15 each morning.  and if he misses it a month from now, I will have to be true to my word and I will have to leave him....even though I will not want to.  Life is hard and hard lessons have to be learned.

 

I am only sharing this to give another perspective on parenting and fighting battles.  Each parent has to parent in ways that feel right to them.  This is simply the way I have chosen to parent my sons and felt that I could share it.  My sons respect me out of love and not fear or because they have to.  They don't hide things from me because there is no reason to.  They have Christ's conviction in their hearts just like we, their parents, do.  They are God's children just like we are.    Even when they do wrong, and they know consequences will have to be experienced, they still talk to me about it and when they want or need me to, I help them figure out ways to avoid the same struggle in the future.  Remembering that I am not perfect and yet God still loves me and that Jesus died for me, always helps me deal with my children and their issues in a much better light.
Sep 8, 2011 7:40 AM Guest Laura  says:
We disabled both texting and internet from our  13 yr old son phone. His time texting was out of control. He would erase his search google history on the phone. I saw some incoming text that were very inappropriate from one of his friends (talking about a girl classmate). I texted a response from my sons phone letting the friend know it was me and threatened if I saw it again I would fwd it to his parents. Phone is kept after 9:00p at the family phone charge station turned off. Fighting electronics a constant battle.
Sep 8, 2011 7:42 AM Guest ANGIE  says in response to John F:
LETTING YOUR CHILD "THINK" YOU CAN VIEW THEIR TEXT MESSAGES BY CALLING THE CELL COMPANY IS GREAT, IN THEORY. JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU DO KNOW THAT IS NOT TRUE. THE COMPANY CAN LET YOU KNOW THE PHONE NUMBER FOR TEXT, BUT NOT THE ACTUAL MESSAGE.
Sep 8, 2011 8:25 AM Guest Vicki  says:
Please, please tell you kids to not drive and text.  My grandson was doing that and ran into the back of a tractor/trailer truck stopped to make a turn.  His two young children will have to grow up without him.
Sep 8, 2011 8:26 AM Guest Sonya  says:
Our kids (16 and 14) have cells, with no text plan.  They can text, for .20/message, so texting is available in the event of an emergency and that's it.  Any and all texts must be accounted for to Mom and Dad.  They get annoyed at friends who cannot carry on an eye -to -eye conversation because they are too busy texting while trying to talk at the same time.
Sep 8, 2011 8:29 AM Guest FB  says:

And your kids need a cell phone at a young age, why??  Our three were never given a cell phone until they graduated from high school and needed it to keep in touch with us as they left for college.  What do you think we did as kids growing up without cell phones - we used pay phones or called from a friend's house to notify family we were running a little late getting home for curfew.  just because others have phones, does not mean you have to follow.  Afraid of them having car problems?  Teach them the sounds a car makes, good and bad.  We have ALL girls, and they can change tires, check their oil, and know good and troublesome engine noises.  They have driven  8-12 hours away from home to college.  (One had an engine fire and we guided them through it) Their phones are a PRIVILEGE, not an expected right and they have been very responsible.  Making them wait teaches patience, appreciation, and gives them time to mature.  They are now ages 25, 24, and 20 and will say to us "wow, I can't believe parents just give kids all this STUFF nowadays".  From the mouths of babes.....
Sep 8, 2011 8:37 AM Guest Kelly  says:
I have twin girls and I have done everything by God's grace to lead them to Christ and a relationship with their Heavenly Father.  They recently had their 15th birthday and now have their own cell phones.  They are not allowed to date and not allowed to text.  We live in a depraved culture.  Text messaging is like letting children play moral russian rulette with their lives.  You never know who will get their cell number and what they will say!!!!  Of course, we are not an average American family.  We have not had any cable or satellite tv since July, 2005.  We watch and rent movies together and eat meals together.  That is the way I was brought up and my mother and father were married till death did them part.  We must return to family, Christ-centered lifesyles.
Sep 8, 2011 8:39 AM Guest Smiley  says in response to Wendy:
Wendy....our family agrees with your statement 100%.   We have worked with teens in church for  many years & parents forget that texts can be deleted & the parents get too busy to check the info from the cell company & they simply "trust" that their teen won't fall into the temptations like other's will.  They treat their teens as if they are adults, fully trusting them to handle temptation at their fingertips.  They are still children/teens & temptations to fit in or belong is so intense that when it seems things can be "secretive & no one will know" they still fall: the desire to fit in is Powerful & Overwhelming.  Therefore, as parents we can give them  a tool for communictaion, yet not a type of communication that can be dangerous.   I've seen it ALL from homeschool to public school to private school.  Offer the tool of verbal communication & restart a lost art.
Sep 8, 2011 8:46 AM Guest Mrs R. W.  says:
While under 18 we do not let our sons have a cell phone. So that stops some of it. Our 20 year old home from college this summer has gotten one and was texting quite a bit. But since he is now and adult I did not think there was much I could do about it. Our 24 year old got one about the same age. I think our 18 year old will as well. I just pray we can keep our 15 year old from getting one while living here. Our 12 year old should be about like the older three. Now if I get them to repecrt house rule about the computer and keep them from IMing. As is out house rule.
Sep 8, 2011 8:48 AM Guest Kim  says:
I am grateful for texting, as I have found out some shocking things about my son's friend.  My son had a potential girlfriend offer to do "anything" he wanted, claimed to have been date-raped and therefore not a virgin, and described how her "medication" made her hallucinate.  She is not a Christian.  I approached the subject from a faith point of view rather than letting him know I had read his text messages, and suggested that he surround himself with people of similar faith.  I explained that there were inherent differences in values that would pull him away from his faith and what he knew to be right.  That night he went to Youth Group at a larger church with some Christian friends from school.  I know he understood what was wrong with this girl's behavior, without me having to villify her.  I'm praying that she find Christ.
Sep 12, 2011 11:30 AM Guest DC  says:
theres so many more "CODES" that some of you parents dont know..  i think text in code is no differ then saying the word/talk the talk/text the talk... no differ! I think more parents need to be updated on ALL the CODES!
Sep 8, 2011 8:45 AM Guest Geoff  says:

Perhaps I'm old-fashioned, but I always ask 'why?' Why does my non-driving child "need" a cell phone? Is this a "need" or a "want"? If it's a "need", why? What circumstances exist that would entrench such a need to be in constant contact upon so young a person, and such a financial burden upon the family?

 

If good reasons exist for "need", fine. For example, I have a divorced relative who shares custody of their child in another state with their ex, requiring air travel for visits, etc. OK, that creates a limited-use "need". But my family has no such issue, and there is no "need".

 

For us "need" by a young child is met by the borrowing of a cell phone from Dad or Mom. Texting is disabled on these devices. That stands true until they drive. Once they start driving, a cell phone becomes a practical "need" for emergency services, but again texting is disabled. Working on a play? Borrow Dad's phone on rehearsal nights and texting is enabled for that period of time only, usually about 1- to 2-months, then off. Off to college still meant texting was unnecessary. However, MUN meant massive collaboration between the students during the project... so texting was enabled for that period of time.

 

It's amazing how, when our kids are allowed to use devices NOT from "want" but from "need" they grow comfortably into them. They see and read about others mistakes, like "sexting", and learn to avoid them; and over time learn to use the tools and technology safely.

 

I don't see why one would let a child loose with a cell phone / smart phone / texting appliance unsupervised anymore than they would turn a 5-yr old loose with an automobile. For "fun"? Really? More likely out of personal convenience (parenting is by its nature extremely inconvenient to self-centered man), cowardice (being "bugged" into it), or immaturity (kids need their parents to be parents, not "BFFs", a lifelong commitment that evolves into mentoring).

 

God made us to be raised, watched over, looked after, trained up and prepared for adult life. That includes using technology just as much now as it did 2,000 years ago -- regardless of the technology involved.
Sep 8, 2011 9:01 AM Guest JV  says:
Here is a surprise. NO one in our family has a cell phone.  We chose not to have that technology for now and manage fine. I really like having quite time in a car and it bugs me to see people talking on them instead of concentrating on driving. We had a friend killed by another driver who was trying to text and drive.  I agree that technology is good when used properly. Neither of my teenage sons has even asked for a phone, maybe because we homeschooled. But now that my oldest has decided to go his last 2 years to high school he thinks it is all kind of funny how obsessed kids can be.  One girl commented to him "It just ain't right" that we do not have cell phones. I also find it odd that if I do not put down a cell phone number on paper work sometimes I get a reaction as if I am lying and they really want it. People can not stand the fact they can't get a hold of you whenever they want. But I have built trust in my kids when it comes to computer use and if they every wanted a phone they would be allowed to get it if they wanted to pay for it.
Sep 8, 2011 9:05 AM Guest Becky  says:
I have a handicapped daughter and have smart limits from AT&T on her phone. Her (handicapped) friends were able to call her even though they were on her blocked call list. I now have mymobilewatchdog and all of her text messages come to a website where I can view them. It also allows me to turn off the camera on her phone. When you turn on the phone it says "this phone is being monitored, if you do not agree to this monitoring, do not use this device." I pay for the phone, I monitor it.
Sep 8, 2011 9:12 AM Guest Colleen  says:
This is a great conversation and I am picking up pointers for my still young children, but who will be using their own phones in a few  years.  Lots of great ideas on monitoring and setting guidelines for phone use.  It is good to know there are parents out there who are like us and truly care about what is going on with their children.  Thank you FOF for a purposeful conversation.  \
Sep 8, 2011 9:13 AM Guest Carol  says in response to Michelle :

Michelle, I think it is wonderful that you have such a closeness with your sons and I hope it lasts. Not all christain families have been blessed in that way. Cherish this time.

I have always been close to my sons and we did many things together and talked about anything. But there is a big world out there and many people who are not true to their faith. I do know the Lord has used our experiences to teach other parents.

Cell phones are technology that will not go away, but will be ever changing, as well as internet,Facebook, cable, etc. It can be scary & daunting, so we need to be smart & use it wisely. I have seen my sons facebook and the many girls that throw themselves at these guys. Be aware. you may not now what your kids are innocently seeing.

 

We did not allow phones until the boys were driving and needed the safety net feature. We didn't use texting back then. We do now, to stay in touch as they are both far away from home and for short messages. Phone calls are made weekly to stay in touch.

Just remember, your children DO NOT tell their parents everything so make sure they have a good mentor whom they can talk to.

We also use texting for business instead of walkie talkies. Much better for us
Sep 8, 2011 9:22 AM Guest JA  says:
Just texted my daughter at college (far away) a Bible verse for the day.  Love the option of texting.  Send about 2 per day.  It's like anything else in the world.  If people want to use it for good, that will work.  If people want to use it for evil, unfortunately, that will happen.
Sep 8, 2011 9:37 AM Guest Rosemary  says:
My family uses texting to communicate often...its much cheaper than a phone call. We even used it to communicate with our children at home in Canada while we were overseas. It's not the method that is wrong ...we could say the same things about the internet, email, social media ...the telephone and even paper and pen, for that matter. Kids ...and adults will find ways to do what they want, whether they have high tech or not. Texting is not evil... our sinful nature is. My children are maturing young christians and I trust them. Yes, there is a lot of garbage out their to invade their minds and souls... but I can't do anything about that. I can pray for them, watch over and love them, set an example for them...but in the end they will have to make their own choices and be accountable to God.
Sep 8, 2011 9:56 AM Guest Pegasus  says:
For my family my 14yo Daughter was not able to control the number of Texts that she was receiving or sending so I had bite the bullet a bit and clamp down with a cutoff (which I now have to pay for through AT&T).  She is limited to 200 Texts a month. Although I believe my daughter to be both chaste and as one who is a child of God I am not naive enought to try and state something as foolish as "My daughter wouldn't do that."  It amazes actually that parents actually believe that and practice it by not monitoring or inquiring about their children's online activities, be it chat rooms, phones or even through online gaming.  The name of the game here is actually quite simple:  Know who your kids friends are, where they will be, expect them home when you set a time and if anything is suspect, inspect your child's room, PC whatever it takes.  Remember, this is NOT a privacy issue.  Many states in this country have laws on that books that your home, cars and other possessions can legally be siezed in cases of felony possession or with intent to distribute illicit drugs ~ even if you are not the one who brought the stuff in.  You can never fully protect children from the seedy underbelly of sexual exploitation or from people they meet, but you can proactively be involved with what your child is doing and should be.
Sep 8, 2011 10:16 AM Guest cabmom  says:

For all the people who say "we didn't have cell phones as kids and we survived" - our kids, unfortunately, aren't growing up in the same world as we did. Do you read the news? Can we go a single month without a report of someone gone missing? It gives me great comfort to know my three teenagers have a phone on them when they walk out the door. Not only does it allow me to keep track of where they are (through GPS) but is a lifeline of communication. For those who are against texting, I used to be you. I've found texting (and yes - like any form of modern technology- can be used for the wrong purpose and/or be a distraction) has been an easy way for my kids to let me know they need something or want out of a situation where making a phone call would be too awkward or even rude. Plus, I learned on a deserted highway once, texts can transmit in some cellular dead zones. There have been multiple accounts in recent disasters where someone was trapped but was able to be located through their phone. One young man texted his friends where he was under the rubble what was once a two story house. There are some negatives to having cell phones and texting but, at least for us, the positives are far more valuable. Besides, everyone needs to learn self-discipline at some point.
Sep 8, 2011 10:42 AM Guest Linda H  says:

One of the rules our son agreed to in order to have texting was that he had to use proper grammar, spelling, and complete sentences.  He is very quick at it!  If needed, we easily know what he is saying.  Thank you for all your help and information for families.
Sep 8, 2011 10:31 AM Guest sherie  says:
We simply have not given our kids there own cell. We have a "house" cell and if they are going somewhere and need a cell or want to talk to there friends at home they have use of it but no texting. They accept it because they don't have a choice. And they survive just fine.
Sep 8, 2011 10:53 AM Guest Phil O  says:

Funny anecdote:

My wife and I often text each other "143",which to us means, I Love You....as in the number of letters in each word. '143' has evolved into '8', as in 1+4+3.  I don't think that's what we really mean

Sep 8, 2011 10:38 AM Guest Val  says in response to Leslie F.:
The porn issue is why we don't allow our son access to data usage.  He's already had problems with it, due to a friend introducing him to it when he was 12!!!  We monitor texts as well and question him periodically about who he's texting and what they're discussing.  I feel to completely disallow texting or cellphones while they're under our roof doesn't prepare them to self-monitor when they're out of the house and out of parental control.  It's important to teach them now so they make the right choice then - especially with the internet issue since that can be a life-long struggle for young men.  Whoever said being a parent is easy never had kids!!!
Sep 8, 2011 10:40 AM Guest Sabrina  says in response to A Daughter:
Check out Phonesheriff.  A parental smart phone system for monitoring and blocking content on smart phones.  My daughter is too young at this point for a phone but when she gets one we will probably be using this.  It seems quite helpful.
Sep 8, 2011 11:00 AM Guest Lisa  says in response to Stephanie :

Bob Marley was born on February 6, 1945

 

420 is a time - 4:20 am - not sure how/when it started

4:20 am was/is apparently known as a "time" to smoke pot

I'm not certain why
Sep 8, 2011 11:04 AM Guest Beachmom  says:
We held off on texting for anyone in our family, adults included, until my oldest daughter went off to college.  We then got texting plans for us with limited plans for my younger daughters.  Sometimes this is the only way to be able to communicate with a busy college student.  It also helped the younger girls not feel so isolated from their sister.  Now with 2 girls off to college, we use texting often to keep in touch.  I do monitor my youngest's texting often, though.  Thank you for alerting us to the codes and things to look for.
Sep 8, 2011 11:06 AM Guest Grace  says:

My question is at what point do you teach them how to hold themselves accountable? It seems to me that a 15 year old is ready to take responsibility for their own behaviour.  Don't they need to know how to monitor their own hearts? Isn't the true issue a heart issue? It isn't the phone causing the problem - they will find a way to sin if that is what their heart wants.
Sep 8, 2011 11:35 AM Guest Lisa T  says:
A terrific resource for this technological age and our teenage kids is a book called "Teenology - the art of raising great teenagers" by Jim Burns, PhD.  It covers all sorts of technology and gives ideas on how to use it wisely.  My daughter and her friend have even read parts and we've had some great discussions.  Check it out!
Sep 8, 2011 11:27 AM Guest ah  says in response to Laurie:
I agree.  We need to train our kids to be responsible with these new tools, and forbidding them will not accomplish that.  We allow our middle schooler to have a phone, but with limited (250) texts per month, and no data plan (mostly b/c of cost).  When he runs out of texts, he must make do.  He gets the privilege and fun to participate with his friends, but he also learns not to go overboard.  Also most plans enable parents to block cell phone use during inapproprate times -- we block our son's use from 9:00 at night to 7:00 in the morning and during school hours, and he can still call us anytime even when his line is blocked.  Cell phones/texting definitely cause us parents to be more vigilant, but who said parenting was ever supposed to be easy?
Sep 8, 2011 12:22 PM Guest Laura B  says in response to Robert Z:

I am not sure that my definition of success would be the same as Robert Z's. I have read most of the posts and find 2 camps: 1) those that just don't allow texting or even have a cell phones and 2) those those that feel they are able to track and monitor sufficiently so they allow phones/texting. Technology can be a good and valuable tool.  I am not suggesting that we return to the days of the pony express but one should look at the trends of "modern" electronics.  Our grandparents warned us that TV was bad for us but the same arguments used for the cell phone and texting was used against them and now we have hours wasted, porn, homosexuality, celebrated drunken behavior, casual sex on 64 inches and in every room.  Is all of TV bad, no, but was it worth it?  I don't know.  Internet (which obviously I have) is a wonderful and educational tool. "We need it, instantly keeping in touch, how did we ever manage with out it" is the argument.  We also have invited predators, hardcore porn etc. not only into our homes but we carry it in our purses and pockets as well and hand it over to our kids and say "now be responsible".  Is it worth it? People tell me "I have to have a cell phone, my kids NEED a cell phone" how else are we going to stay in touch".  I understand that my family is considered weird by the general Christian population.  We homeschool, have only one TV used for movies (no channels) and one computer with limited internet access and heavily monitored, and only 1 prepaid cell phone that is never turned on unless we are traveling a long distance or if I am out and the kids are at home and need to reach me.  Technology is a useful tool but we delude ourselves if we think that we can control it. We must teach our children how to live a Christ centered life; how to be responsible and how to be safe. Technology is not going away and I do teach my children the good and the bad of it but why would I make living the Christ centered life harder for them by adding more and unnecessary temptation.
Sep 8, 2011 11:46 AM Guest Brett  says in response to Grace:
A 15 year old may desire to have a pure heart but some technology makes it very difficult. I got my first cell phone at 16 and while looking at all it's features stumbled upon a chat. It started off inocently enough-just talking to girls my age about random stuff-but eventually found myself in sexual conversations with guys. I was very close with my parent's, had never dated, was obedient, a good student and the fact that I see a lot of comments suggesting that because your kid is "a good christian kid" that they won't fall into the temptation is pretty frightening. By the time I was 18-ish I was sexting (on the chat-I never gave out my phone number) with multiple guys from ages 15-63. I think the best thing you can do is take away a cell phone at night time. Unfortunately, it's very easy to delete messages and you can NOT get them from your phone company so don't fool yourself into thinking you're seeing everything.
Sep 8, 2011 1:07 PM Guest Mrs F.  says:
I think at the very foundation of texting is an issue of submission. Are our children submitted to us in a Godly way? And have they submitted to God and His Word. Then within reason, however we as godly parents approach the issue (limitations, periodic checks, or no texting allowed) it will simply be a reflection if a relationship in proper balance. A wise child will understand the rules or at least except  them as a part of submitting to the authority over them. And we as wise parents should understand our children and be ready to extend freedom at the appropriate time when responsibility is well established. Then again we've only had to apply this to the simple lives of a 7, 5, 3, and 1 yr old. But the principle stands..I would hope that it would survive even the Rocky teens.
Sep 8, 2011 12:34 PM Guest Michelle  says in response to Brett:
Alot of good commentary here! I have an 11 and almost 13 year old that have never needed a phone because either my husband or I are with them. However, now that my oldest will be going to youth group, I want her to have a phone for an emergency.  I am not naive to think that I can control the situation - but I sure can be on top of it.  I don't believe that not having TV, or a phone, etc. will make my children better Christians or spiritually more mature. I know families that live more like the Amish and there children have fallen away from God more than those that helped their children understand what was out there and WHY they believe it is wrong. Be in the world but not of the world...a tough road to walk but if we arm them spiritually and guide them along the road, and bathe them in prayer....they will not depart from it.  I am not looking forward to all the things that we will face as my girls approach their teen years...but I am taking alot of the comments here seriously and will be diligent - as I always have been. Thanks to all that have replied!
Sep 8, 2011 12:35 PM Guest Sean  says:

I agree that this is an issue, however upon reading some of the comments, I have to comment. I am not a Parent, rather I am a Male 19 year old College student. Just like anything, Cell phones and texting are a gift that God has provided us with and It all depends on what we do with that gift. Just like the Internet, There is plenty to be wary of, but there is also good. I personally text in the range of 1000-4000 texts a month, the majority of them going to and from my girlfriend. My Girlfriend and I are both Christians, and both sets of parents monitor the texts.

 

The one thing, as a teenager that I have found that makes up 99% of the problem, is the friends. 3/4 of My friends are active Christians, however I do have those that are not. I have received some rounchy texts in my days, but after responding with a text saying that i did not appriciate it, I rarely get that sort of text.

 

As for responsibility, I think it Is a great way to teach it. My parents pay for my general phone usage, but I pay for My own texts, Its been that way since I was 16. If anything, It has caused a greater sense of responsibility.

 

I personally think that if your child is abusing the privilege of texting, in the way of (as an example) sexting, then the issue that needs to be dealt with is not the texting, it should be the issue in itself. The only thing that can be sent via text or internet, or verbally is not an issue of the medium, it is an issue with the heart that needs to be dealt with.

 

I think that If anything, If an issue arises, then you should monitor the texts, not take them away. I know not everyones phone will have this, but my phone has the option to require a password to delete texts.

 

I believe that God did not place parents to be a Police to their kids, I believe that he does want them to keep them accountable though. Just Remember, Its the sin that God hates, not the people. Nip the sin, and you deal with the problem.
Sep 8, 2011 1:11 PM Guest marisa  says:
I have an almost 14 year old and she has a phone - for emergencies - texting capability has been removed. The kids also "text" via yahoo and gmail etc - officially called "chat". I monitor that as well. She is also not allowed to have her computer in her bedroom but only use it in the living areas of our home. We as parents need to be INVOLVED.
Sep 8, 2011 1:13 PM Guest Kim  says in response to Linda:
Saying "never" for yourself is one thing- Maybe "never" means while they're living at home?  The article and posts are very interesting and informative.  Some good ideas, suggestions, etc. Sadly, a lot of the posts strike me as obliviously naive.
Sep 8, 2011 12:46 PM Guest Elizabeth  says in response to Susan:
I never realized how controversial and difficult this whole cell phone and texting issue was. We held off as long as possible on our 14 yr old but got her a cell phone on that birthday. She was babysitting for small kids in homes with no land lines/home phones and the parent(s) would take both the cell phone with them.  Babysitting is her main form of income (as it was mine at that same age) and she LOVES little kids and is responsible with them, but Im not leaving her in a home with small children with no phone or access to the outside world in case of emergency. I'd give her mine on some occasions, but since i use it for work and customers call it, need it in my custody not hers. So far no huge pitfalls. She gets it renewed on a month to month basis, so it's gone if she abuses it. Bottom line: whether it's FaceBook, cell phones, texting, dating, make-up, or clothing, nothing beats a good, close relationship between parents and kids and open lines of trust and communication! (They can arrange getting into mischief without a cell phone, i sure did as a teen!)
Sep 8, 2011 12:56 PM Guest Elizabeth  says:
My daughter got a cell- with texting- for her 14th birthday. She went to her middle school dance for all of one hour and texted me to come get her b/c it wasn't her thing. I was proud of her. She also babysits OFTEN and the parents don't have a land line and understanbly, take their cell phones with them. On a few occasions, Ive had to leave MY cell with her as she had no means of outside contact in someone else's home while caring for SMALL children without it. (A big problem for me as its a biz line and customers call it.) We keep open lines of communication with our girls and they are home schooled this year. They're not perfect but they are GOOD kids. We plan to keep it that way by maintaining a clsoe relationship with them.
Sep 8, 2011 1:25 PM Guest Leesa  says:

I've got three kids, all in their early twenties now.  They've had parent provided cell phones since their early/mid teens.  We've never had a problem. If you discuss these topics and trust your children, problems are non-existent or minimal. Really, there are other, more pressing problems to worry about.
Sep 8, 2011 2:07 PM Guest Kim  says in response to Stacey:

Very well said, Stacey.  Parental controls are very important, not just on cell phones but on the computer and tv as well.  I didn't know about the Textfree app...I'll have to look it up.

 

My 16 year old daughter is allowed to text on my cell phone.  The rule is that she is not allowed to delete the messages for any reason.  If I find out she has deleted any messages (and there are ways to check that on my particular phone), then she loses the privilege of using it.  She's been using it for a year now.  Once in awhile I have to remind her of what is appropriate and what isn't.  I have even texted friends of hers that were being inappropriate to her and let them know that it's not acceptable.  That has always stopped it dead in its tracks. 

Sep 8, 2011 2:20 PM Guest Virginia  says:

Until our kids were in college, when we went to bed, the kids' phones went to bed with us.  This cut down on the number of texts and calls - and allowed our kids to get a full night's rests. We also never allow phone activity at dinner time, during family nights (games, movies, outings), at church or at school.
Sep 8, 2011 2:20 PM Guest Lesley  says in response to Susanna:
Yes...check those phones w/ the parents at night to avoid all night chats. When our children had friends over for the night, we asked all to check their phones with us. Soon discovered that we needed to turn them off so we weren't awakened in the night!
Sep 8, 2011 3:04 PM Guest Gene  says:
It has always been my feeling that based on how things were when I was growing up in the 70s (gasp) that denying kids the same priviledges that their friends have will usually lead to them doing those things when out of the house behind your back.  My children were raised Christian and have been taught to use their best judgement.  Denying them the use of technology that makes their lives safer and communication easier doesn't seem to me to be a good idea.  It is always a fine line we walk as parents.  Communication is key.  Talking about scams and misuse of their phones and other devices that have led to tragedy for other kids is critical. Two of my girls are in their 20s now and let me tell you, the parenting never stops (thank God).
Sep 8, 2011 3:52 PM Guest L  says in response to Kathleen:
A match of text messages in the phone to those on the bill will put a stop to any deleting of messages before a parent can review them.  I think it is easier to monitor texting and fb messaging because you can actually see what was being said and how the other person responded.  It does take diligence for parents to monitor their children while they are growing to be more trustworthy.
Sep 8, 2011 6:35 PM Guest Lisa  says:
None of our children - ages 12, 15 and 17 have cell phones, which means no texting.  They are doing just fine.
Sep 8, 2011 6:46 PM Guest liz  says:

i agree that texting lingo etc. should be monitored and such, but i dont see why its a big deal, as some other commenters seem to be making it into, for teens to text frequently provided they stay moral...

im not angry with or judging anyone i just dont see why its something to be concerned about.
Sep 8, 2011 7:15 PM Guest crummel  says in response to Mom to 5:
This information is wonderful!  Thanks so much.
Sep 8, 2011 10:48 PM Guest SRO  says in response to Tracy W.:
Really like these ideas, Tracy W. My 15 year old does not have a cell phone yet...basically because I don't see the need for one. He goes to a small private school and when he's not at school, he's either home (where there is a landline) or out somewhere with me or his stepfather. He doesn't hang out with his friends unsupervised and doesn't wander aimlessly. He complains about not having a cell phone ALL THE TIME, but when I ask him to give me three reasons why he NEEDS a cell phone, all he can up with is reasons why he WANTS a cell phone. So that the ends of the discusion every time. When he needs a cell phone, he will get a cell phone. And we will have a contract that will include all of your wonderful ideas...Thanks
Sep 9, 2011 6:02 AM Guest PAULA  says in response to Susan:
SUSAN I AM WITH YOU, MY DAUGHTER IS 11 YEARS OLD AND SHE DOES NOT NEED A CELL PHONE. PARENTS NEED TO LEARN TO SAY "NO". YOU  CAN'T MONITOR 24/7 WHAT YOUR CHILD IS DOING SO DONT FOOL YOURSELF INTO THINKING YOUR CHILD WILL NEVER DO THINGS YOU DONT WANT THEM TO. MY OLDEST IS 21 YEARS OLD AND I SEE HER GENERATION UNABLE TO COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER, THEY NEVER TALK THEY TEXT AND I SEE THAT AS VERY SAD.
Sep 9, 2011 6:07 AM Guest Laura  says:
Some say kids should not text,  but what are we doing here?.....Spending our time writing/reading messages from people we may never even meet...no different I believe ....  we need to prepare them to be discerning and live in the culture God has placed them in.
Sep 9, 2011 6:45 AM Guest Stephanie  says:

We put off allowing texting for years, but when we did add texting to our 4 teenage childrens phones it was with the following stipulations:

1) Mom or Dad can check messages at ANY time.

2) There is no deleting messages or you loose your phone if we find out you have done so.  (even if your inbox is "full").

3) No texting after 10 p.m.

4) Phones remain in the kitchen overnight (no phones in their bedrooms).

5) Phone ettiquite is expected (i.e. no texting during meals, during a conversation, etc.

6) If we find you cannot communicate with the rest of the family because the cell phone is velcroed to your hand, the cell phone needs a break.

7) No texting during school.

 

For the most part, all of them have been compliant to the rules since they were layed out prior to adding texting.  On occasion we have had reminders (such as "Do NOT delete messages;" "It's 10 p.m., put the phone down.")

 

Texting has also been a wonderful discipline tool.  We have the option to take away the phone or block texting as a form of discipline.  The kids are usually chomping at the bit to get it back and correct whatever behavior they have committed quickly so that they can get their phones back;0)

 

Just a few suggestions from a Mom of 4 wonderful teenagers.
Sep 9, 2011 7:53 AM Guest usmamom  says:
I am encouraged by the deep love and concern the parents commenting on the atricle have for their children.  However, I am concerned at the automatic lack of trust in said children.  Trust is something that should be extended automatically, UNTIL they violate that trust.  We, even as Christian parents, are encouraging the societal norm of prolonged adolescence.  If feel that we can't trust a child with a cell phone, is that same child allowed to babysit?  Drive a car?  Have a job?  (clearly I'm speaking of older teens)  How can we "trust" a child with other people's lives, and not trust them to text responsibly?  Already, teens as a whole in the current culture consistently live down to lowered expectations.  Here's a thought!  How about we raise the bar and expect maturity and responsible behavior from our kids ALL OF THE TIME!  Having raised 2 to adulthood, and one in his late teens, I can tell you--nine times out of ten they WILL live up to raised expectation!  Kids raised in this way are also very prepared for life outside the family home, because they've been required to perform/behave responsibly since they were old enough to grasp the concept.  As Christians, we have the added advantage of having a loving God in our parenting corner-all the more reason to trust our children with the big and small things!  Will they screw it up sometimes?  Definitely!  But we are there to help guide, discuss, Biblically analyze the mistakes!  Take a chance on actually trusting your child-you'll be amazed at what you see!  One last note--it is true that you can't control what others send, etc., but that's where discussions (before hand) on what is and is not appropriate come in to play.  We can empower our children to stand up and tell others that they will not accept further communications from someone acting inappropriately, or even tell those people that they will block their number if the behavior continues.  WE are the biggest influence in our kids lives--do we trust our own parenting instincts?  Do we trust God to guide us, and them, on this journey to adulthood?
Sep 9, 2011 9:05 AM Guest Amy  says in response to John F:

Can you get content of text messages from the cell phone company?
Sep 9, 2011 9:23 AM Guest Melissa  says:

we just purchased a phone for our 11 year old..yes he text.  I read EVERYTHING......nothing is off limits as far as electronics (ie email, facebook etc) with any of our children.
Sep 9, 2011 9:35 AM Guest Melissa  says:

I read everything......at anytime i pick up his phone, open is FB and read everything!!  we created a contract with regards to his phone...some of the items included:

  • I will not send or receive inapropriate images on my cell phone.
  • if i received somethign i am not comfortable with, I will tell my parents or another adult
  • i will not talk or text people i do not know
  • i will not use bad language
  • I will never send inappropriate texts..I will not use my phone to spread rumors, test anythign sexual, or harrass/bully anyone.  I will always be respectful.  Remember
  • my parents can review my phone at anytime
  • I understand that sending someone an inappropriate image is against the law and charges coudl be filed against me by the police.
  • I will not talk, text while doing homework
Sep 9, 2011 9:59 AM Guest Elisa C  says:
I have a 14 year old daughter who is a good girl and loves Jesus. But, even she cannot handle the peer pressure that goes along with texting. She only had texting for a short time and it quickly led to disaster. I don't undertand parents that don't at least check their kids messages. ALOT of teenage texting ends up with big problems. Our kids would be so much better off if we took a stand as parents and stopped allowing them to text!
Sep 9, 2011 10:50 AM Guest Samantha S  says:

I have 2 teenage boys, and I have made up my own text code that I text them sometimes when they are out, etc.  That code is MWC ~ Make Wise Choices.

Whether they admit it or not, I know that it keeps that message in the fore-front of their minds.

Sep 9, 2011 12:04 PM Guest Lynn  says:
Thanks for your continuous efforts in informing parents to keep kids safe. I appreciate it!!
Sep 9, 2011 3:35 PM Guest Steve  says in response to John F:
I like how all the parents say they monitor thier kids text usage... Most kids don't use regular cell phone company texting anymore, they use third party free texting sites and apps. This allows them keep thier main text use limited and keep parents happy. This is working because I just found this out from my brother  (15 years old).
Sep 9, 2011 3:42 PM Guest Kerri B,  says:
The only reason our 18 year old daughter even has a phone is because she couldn't get one until she got a job. We have 16 year old twin daughters that cannot get a phone unless and until they get a job as well. As parents, my husband and I are not paying for it- period! I've heard too many horror stories from other parents that are paying cell phone bills well into the hundreds of dollars - that's ridiculous as far as I'm concerned.  I tell our girls that if I grew up without a cell phone, why can't they?   My husband has one, I have one and we still have a land line so, if one of the twins goes somewhere and needs to take a phone, they just use one of ours. In the meantime, I monitor the 18 year olds messages periodically - I just tell her to hand over her phone and I check it. She never knows when I am going to ask for it. Also, she turns her phone over to me at 9 o'clock at night and doesn't get it until the next morning. I told her when she got the phone, one mistake (one inappropriate message or using it during school hours) and it's gone. No warnings at all - it's gone. And she knows I mean it. AND I DO! It is good to know about the texting codes - I like to be aware of what's going on out there.
Sep 9, 2011 4:48 PM Guest Kimberly  says:
I think it is important for us to know about text-speak and about our children's texting habits.  However, if a child is old enough to have a phone, and to text, then shouldn't we, as parents, be preparing them to make good decisions about how to do so responsibly?  Growing up is about learning to self-manage and to take personal responsilbity.  I know I do not want to take my teenagers phones and keep them downstairs where I am responsbile for overseeing that they are charged, and/or communicating to my child that I don't trust them or sending them a message that I will continue to put boundaries around them which they should be learning to put up for themselves.  If there is a concern about a teen being "up all night communicating" there are parental controls on cell phones that allow you to set nighttime hours as non-texting/non-talking hours.  This is also something that can be discussed with the child and removal of these protections can be a reward for responsible cell phone use and self-managment over time.  I think the key is still as basic as knowing who our childrens' friends are, where our children are (a cell phone is very helpful for this), setting a solid positive example for our children in how we ourselves use our cell phones/texting, and having open communication with our children.  Setting clear comminication around all privileges and regular prayer are also essential.  Thank you.
Sep 11, 2011 9:37 AM Guest truthgirl  says:

None of my kids have cell phones and will not be allowed to have one until they get their driver's license, regardless of whether that comes at 16 or later. I am not sure what we will do with the texting issue yet, since we still have 3 years at the earliest before we get there. I am sure it will be an issue that we cover with much prayer. I am hopeful that we will have given our children a strong enough foundation that we can trust them with the responsibility, but we will not do so unless they have earned our trust. We also will most probably get them a phone with parental controls so we can monitor who they are in contact with. For now, they are allowed to use my phone to call or text friends or friend's parents when the occasion requires it, but only with me sitting next to them supervising the interaction.
Sep 12, 2011 7:46 AM Guest Tanya  says:
This is great info. But at this time I am the only texter in the house. My son does not even have a cell phone and none of his friends have them either. Thank God for homeschooling.
Sep 12, 2011 10:20 AM Guest Kathy  says:
I have to admit I enjoy texting myself.  My 18 yr. old daughter and I are very close and she has awesome values. She keeps in touch with me throughout the day via texts and tells me about what she's doing and how she feels.  I also have a "pocket friend" that does the same. I have found that texting has been a positive thing in our situation but it has to be monitored and handled responsibily.  My daughter did have some bullying for a while from a classmate at school but we had tangible "evidence" when the parent and school had to be notified.  I guess it is like anything else, it has to be monitored closely.  I have learned from raising four children over the years that they don't always do what you "expect" but what you "inspect".  I suppose that is why they need parents.
Sep 12, 2011 11:32 AM Guest Ashley  says:
My children are to young for cell phones but my son does have a video game system (playstationpocket) that goes online and I am able to limit the time and hours he is able to get  on to play with others online. He is only 6 and still needs help to do this and I am thankful for this, but it also opens my eyes to the technology age we live in. I am worried about what it will be like when my children are teenagers and  are responsible enough to get cell phones what it will be like? I am very thankful for this blog and the many more that will come in the up coming years. My son also does play educational games on the computer but he is not allowed to be online without me. I also am very informed and make sure that he is aware God is always watching and he is accoutable to me, his father and God.
Sep 12, 2011 1:48 PM Guest Charity  says in response to Tammy:
Just a tip on how you can be sure you are the one influencing your kids, from a youth pastor's wife that dealls with kids(and issues) of all ages regularly, read the book RECREATE by Ron Luce. I promise it will change your view of parenting, and what you CAN do to protect your kids from this "culture they have been born into." Be blessed and continue to be involved!
Sep 13, 2011 12:00 PM Guest Denise  says in response to Kathleen:
I was thinking the same exact thing Kathleen!
Sep 14, 2011 4:22 AM Guest Sarah  says in response to Tammy:
Where's the like button? :)
Sep 14, 2011 1:19 PM Guest Cathy C.  says in response to Tammy:
I think I'm where you are.   My kids love the Lord, like you said, and so far have made wise choices.  We try to keep open communication and learn from ours and other's mistakes. Not every family has this, though.  Some kids from Christian homes want to be in the world or are very drawn to it.  So parents must deal with protecting them and training them in a different ways. 
Sep 14, 2011 1:29 PM Guest cathy c.  says in response to Ben:
amen!
Sep 14, 2011 5:00 PM Guest Susan  says:

I know that I am mean - and, I don't plan on changing....

 

I say NO to any phone until they have a job and can pay for the phone themselves........(really, where would the kid by that they would not have access to a phone?)

I say NO to TV - too much nonsense one - the commercials are not even acceptable.

I also say NO to Computers for the kids to use - they get enough of this at school....

 

NOT IN MY HOME
Sep 15, 2011 3:03 PM Guest BID  says in response to Melissa:
i'm not sure if this will get read because it's so far past the time of the original post, but what about the issue of age on facebook?  your son is 11, but facebook requires you to be 13 to use it (when you fill in the dob field on the registration it won't let you proceed unless the numbers match ie your dob must make you 13). If you're not 13 you have to lie and appear to be 13, then you have to lie again when you agree to the terms and conditions when you say that you've answered all questions honestly.  personally i don't agree with the 13 year old age limit.  my son will be 12 in less than a month and i wouldn't have a problem with him being on facebook (with parental monitoring) but as they've put the age restriction on it then i feel honour bound to follow their restrictions.  i know this isn't a thread about facebook, but this is something very important i believe.  we can't follow the rules that we agree with and forget the rest...
Sep 16, 2011 11:07 AM Guest Abigail  says:

Addiction researchers are starting to do research on texting's effect on the brain.  Preliminary studies show that receiving a text message could be triggering dopamine in the brain, providing a quick "high".  Anyone know anyone that has had cell phone withdrawal or facebook withdrawal when doing a "technology fast"?  Hmmm . . . interesting possibility . . .
Sep 17, 2011 7:49 AM Guest S P.  says:

I don't get it seems bulky and cumbersome to me. I put a block to texting on my daughters' phones one ran up a huge bill even after I warned them not to abuse it. So now it is gone.

I prefere to use the lod fashioned method of talking. face to face or on the phone.
Sep 18, 2011 7:27 AM Guest Rachael  says:
I allow my all three of my children (20, 13, and 11) to have cell phones and yes texting.  Instead of keeping them away from technology, I am teaching them how to use it responsibly.  The more we "protect" our children the more we making the dishonesty of "sneaking" to enter their lives.  My parents did not allow me to do a lot and when I left home at age 18 for college, I went "wild" because I had never been able to try things and make mistakes under my parents roof.  Needless to say, I turned out okay but only by the grace of God.  For those parents who think that being strict and not allowing their children to do things or have phones, etc, they are losing valuable lessons they could be teaching their children.  The more you keep away, the more appealing these things become for our kids.  Teach them responsiblity.  Monitor them but trust them and let them make mistakes while you can help them.  Just my opinion.
Sep 18, 2011 8:47 PM Guest Jenny  says in response to Susanna:
We also keep cell phones and ipods in their chargers in our room at night.  The kids know they we are free to check their phone at any time.  They pay for their phones, as a part of our family plan, but we said ahead of time that we would be checking all their content.  It has been interesting, just when I feel it's time for me to check the texts, my daughter ends up confessing something that is in them (thank you God for giving me the nudge).  It is a great way to have conversations with her about life.  I love to text my kids.  It eliminates the tone we have around here with each other.  We have been able to share love and caring with each other in a new way via text.  I would have NEVER guessed that was possible via cell texting!  Everything in moderation is key!  We still communicate face to face more, but I love sending her messages of love while she is away!
Oct 8, 2011 6:45 AM Guest kathy  says:
Texting is not all bad. It can definately be over done. With my daughter it became a source of communication because she is deaf and even with hearing aids struggles on the phone. Sometimes sending a text is just easier with others to. like sending hubby list of things to pick up on the way home from work. when he gets to the store he doesnt have to call back because he forgot, he just has to check text message. Also we use it for quick notes that need no immediate answer, kind of like short emails. But in no way is it a substitiute for face to face conversation and quality time with family and friends.
Nov 3, 2011 3:21 PM biblebeltMOM biblebeltMOM    says:
I am a supporter of texting and cell phones, but a bigger supporter of parenting. As a background, my kids have attended a private Christian school their entire lives. This week my socks were blown off when I read the texts a friend's 16 yr old daughter sent to my 15 year old son. I see these girls at the school every day and they are all so sweet and smart and come from really good Christian families.  Let me tell you, it doesn't matter anymore.  Studies show that, like divorce statistics, Christian kids are equal in sexual activity and sexting etc as kids from non-Christian households. They are flashing eachother on skype and sending nude pics - and these are even the "good kids". The bottom line, parents need to keep a close eye. One way to do that is to forget the notion that cell phones and texts are a child's private property.ALL PARENTS SHOULD READ THEIR KID'S TEXTS– and the kids should KNOW IT…their friends should know it too! Kids/parents today want to talk about “trust” and not checking texts?  HA! Do you remember being a teenager?  We had no “privacy”. Got caught passing a note, read it to the class. Phone cord won’t extend all the way down the hall, have your “private” conversation in the living room with the family. If you want to leave them to their journals and diaries – info they keep to themselves and don’t text, blog or post, THAT is private.  If they put it out in the world – where the receiver can fwd, print or post it to social networks – there should be no expectation of privacy. Their future and safety are at stake, time to step up and parent.Mothers of Boys: In our day, the girls were the sexual gate keepers and everyone knew it was the girl’s job to say “no”. That is not true today.  Girls are offering free services – no emotional tie or “relationship” required – and this is true in our private Christian school, just like in public schools! And for those of you who say “they are just going to the movies and not car dating”. Check the texts! A lot is happening in those 2 hours alone in the dark movie theater. (More than you can wrap your mind around.) It is time for our boys to “man up” in the relationship/friendship and show they have it under control. They need restraint and good Christian judgment because the girls are no longer the gate keepers. Let them text, with a little reminder that their texts are truly public...and someday, they may be asked to read them aloud to "the class".

 

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